I have been there Jennifer. This love you feel before marriage may not remain as strong after. It may not be Paul but his relatives who may bring you hurt. Their comments are often painful. They believe they are right and while they look at you as a lovely person they secretly hope you will convert! Paul may not understand why he can't bring his own religion into the home and he will become resentful. While you bring your child up Jewish, he will know that his father isn't and at shul that often make a difference. When you both do not have the same spiritual paths it often leads to disaster. My marriage did not fair well and the main reason was faith. Divorce broke my heart because I felt I had failed. The path afterwards while painful became beautiful. I am far more religious and joyous and happy than I was when I was married.

If I were Jennifer and got a letter like this, I'd never talk to the sender again.

Rather than feeling proud of my heritage, I'd despise whatever "Jewish identity" inspired such a guilt-tripping, nasty, unsolicited letter. The only image of "true Jews" I walked away with was that of a judgmental, clannish, arrogant, obnoxious tribe in desperate need of being dragged kicking and screaming out of the Dark Ages.

Saying intermarried couples have no chance (I'm sorry, "little chance," as if that makes it better) is precisely what drives them to the margins where they can't have an impact. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The real and unpopular answer is: We have a tradition (Halacha) Eisav sonei et Yaakov. (Esau hates Jacob) besides for the tremendous sin (If you believe in the Torah) history has proven itself time and time again that nations of the world may appear to be friendly to us for a short moment that its beneficial to them. But underneath they will always hate us, try to undermine us and ultimately destroy us. Besides for some exceptions thousands of people fall in for the same charm and repeat the same mistake many have made before. Don't be a fool and think you are better and know better than millions before you. Do some research and see the results for yourself. Don't bury your head in the sand and then blame the word that you were a victim. Be smart and act with caution. Don't get me wrong we love all of mankind and we respect them probably more than they respect themselves. But we don't marry them.

But that the marriage has little or no chance is exactly what the author DID NOT say! On the contrary, he says that they have every chance of happiness. What she is loosing is not happiness but the chance to (1) be part of something greater than herself and thus (2) become spiritually great and even (3) make the world better than it is. Which in the final analysis is an even stronger happiness than the self-centered choice.

That's exactly what I was referring to, not that it's any less vile. The assertion that intermarried families cannot contribute to Jewish life or the world is a disservice to the 50 percent of young Jews with one Jewish parent. If you expect them to have the slightest attachment to Judaism, saying that their parentage makes them inherently alienated and useless is not the way to do that. You're the ones running the Jewish people into the ground by refusing to acknowledge or adapt to demographic reality. We can't live in modern society while staying stuck in a ghetto.

This so beautifully addresses the issue of intermarriage. I wish I had received this letter prior to getting married to my first husband. Definitely words of wisdom and insight that should be taken to heart.

The children of a Jewish woman are Jews. Many non-Jews are happy to share in raising their children as Jews. If Jennifer marries Paul, I hope they will find a caring Jewish community in which to raise their Jewish children.

The likelihood of them being raised believing in Judaism is virtually nil. After all, their father doesn't, and isn't he a model? The chance of her children marrying Jewish is even more remote. After all, their mother didn't, and isn't she a model as well?

So ends her line.

There's a lot of ignorance on the practical limitations of intermarriage.
It seems good when everybody is young and beautiful, when the jew gets older and afraid of dying... some start to consider what they did.
Kids will not have the jewish memories the jew had, and therefore, jewish parent and non-jewish child might not communicate so well. The jew does not consider that his "Passover memories", so precious to him, will not be part of his kids/grandkids lives.
After death, it's up to the non-jewish spouse what to do with the jew's body...cremation? Christian cemetery? It's 100% up to the non-jewish spouse.
Children might be raised at the margins of jewish society, as they were supposed to be "hidden" from real jews or without ever knowing what it's like to be part of a jewish community... which is a shame, because although we disagree a lot, we are powerful, as a community.

American Jews act mostly for themselves. The article is a wonderful description of why we should think of our heritage when choosing a mate, but in the end, most of us simply don't care. There are far more available non-Jews out there than Jews, and many of the few Jews out there have become insufferable, arrogant jerks (or so says my daughter who has given up on finding a Jewish man for this reason).

Add to this the far Left bent of most American Jews. Even the author starts to tread into the misuse of Tikun Olam, which Left leaning Jews have perverted from the original call to worship The One G-d into some hippy-dippy tree-hugging Liberal pablum. Sadly, many of us hate being different, hate being special, hate being exceptional, just as the current President hates American exceptionalism. No, we have to be just like the Goyim, and what better way to show that than marrying outside Judaism, creating non-Jewish children (which happens FAR more often than not) and generally dumping our heritage for the immediate gratification.

We need to be more for ourselves AS JEWS, which the author nicely points out. But sadly, some of us are ONLY for themselves. They will not be hearing or understanding the message.

Unfortunatley I am not Jewish.I am Christian ,however I study Jewish tradition and follow ,,Where possible ,,Jewish teaching on daily life .This letter is a wonderfull description the rules for life as handed to us by God ..If only the world would see the value in this way of life ...Thank you ,,So well written ...

Every Jew has a tremendous amount of spiritual potential, however, it is nearly impossible for one to even begin to comprehend the enormity of this potential without having had some exposure to Torah Judaism and taking at least a first few steps realizing one’s own potential. I was very fortunate to have been in touch with a wonderful community at the time I was dating a non-Jew. Had somebody just “told” me that I would missing out, I would not have believed them. It wasn’t until I saw Torah Judaism in action, experienced Shabbos, and learned with people in the community that I began to get a tiny glimpse of my potential living a committed Jewish life. I am very happy that I married Jewish. However, I understand how someone without exposure to Torah Judaism could easily marry a non-Jew and have a seemingly satisfying relationship for many years without ever knowing what he or she is missing.

Without a viable Torah community living and teaching God's laws the societal advances Rabbi Buchwald rightfully attributes to the Jews can easily be reversed .It has happened often in history . It seems to me that the pattern was established even before the giving of Torah at Mt Sinai. In the commentaries on the bible in Genesis we learn Abraham and Sarah spent much of their lives teaching monotheism to the pagan world, but only one family of 70 souls went down to Egypt. The rest of the world they influenced seemingly reverted back to paganism. If Jews today were to cease to exist as a Torah based community it seems to me likely that the same thing would happen. Many isms already have appeared that have threatened mankind's advance from might equals right, to a society dedicated to the principles that all men are created equal in God's image . That answers why the world needs Jews but does not answer why all Jews need only marry Jews. Maybe the author or someone can elaborate on The Jewish idea of kiddushim/holiness in marriage. As I understand it that is only possible in a marriage between a Jewish man and Jewish woman.

I am a Jewish woman, raised in an Orthodox home. I married my non-Jewish husband 27 years ago. He has never converted. Before we married, we came to the agreement that we would have a Jewish home and raise our children with ONLY Judaism. It was important to me that I not only maintained my very strong Jewish identity and practices, but that I pass that on to my children as well. My husband was willing to not only accept that, but work hard with me to make it a reality. Of course, this didn't fly so well with my husband's family, but we stood firm, together, against their criticism and overt attempts to introduce Christianity (and non-kosher food!) to our children. We simply wouldn't allow it. My family, over time, realized that my husband was unwavering in his support of our having a Jewish home and family, and accepted him graciously. While marriage has not always been easy (and the hard parts have had nothing to do with being intermarried), it has always been worth the commitments we made to each other. I firmly believe it's ALL about having deep respect for one another, for what we have built together and constant open and honest communication. We have raised our five amazing children to be caring, responsible adults, all Torah observant Jews. We could not be more proud of them. And yes, we are still crazy about each other, too.

Hi. I appreciate your children are Jewish becasuse their mother is Jewish , but if your husband is Christian what will stop the children from Saying if Mommy marries a non jew Why Cant we. If Daddy watches TV on Shabbos why cant we? If Daddy was in church why cant we be?

I live in Brooklyn, New York. I am a Jew. I am as observant a Jew as those who attend the Orthodox Synagogue Across the street from me. My issue is the behaviour of my neighbors, and this is not limited to me. I have heard stories from others. The wives and mothers won't talk to people other that those who are dressed like them. They hurry their children away so as not to have them contaminate them with people not from their particular sect. In one situation, this has gone to the point were they have written on the walls of their apartment house that others (Jews) are not welcome. This is based upon attire. I am currently reading Ezekiel, and I have no worries about the coming of the Third Temple, just based upon our treatment of each other

How sad, not only that you see (actually, "heard" second-hand) some Jews treat others badly, but even more sad that you generalize about all Jews from the tiny number you see and hear about, ignoring the tremendous chesed, piety, and caring for other peoople that goes on all over the Jewish world. FYI: the world ends with neither your neighborhood nor even the borough of Brooklyn. A hassidic Rebbe once said that people worry too much about their own gashmius (material comfort) and others' ruchnius (spirituality) and that we should reverse that, and instead worry more about our own spirituality and the comfort of others.

I think the author misses the mark, by emphasizing one's allegiance to the Jewish community. Instead the critical question is how will this affect the person's himself and future children. Some suggest the new family can be both Jewish and Christian believing in Moses and the Torah, but also recognizing Jesus and his miracles. But that is Christianity! As a Jew one cannot accept both. You cannot say the Shma- "Here O' Israel the Lord our G-d the Lord is One," and then I believe in Jesus, the father, the son, and the Holy Spirit. The ramifications of the marriage must be discussed. What happens when Christmas arrives, will there be a tree in the family room, singing carols. Will the child be baptizied. A candid discussion of religion with its ramifications should be discussed, and many Jews will find they will be missing an important component of their lives. It can be largely solved by conversion which provides a new Jewish home. Whatever is decided, one getting married should make these decisions for him or herself, but do look at the complete picture of what is coming.

While I think that the article is excellent and presents a very good argument for marrying fellows Jews, I think that you have highlighted the most practical difficultly with intermarriage: the effect it will have on the children. It will be very confusing to the children if they are exposed to both religions. If the children are raised exclusively Jewish then the couple is disappointing the Chrisitian spouse's family. I would highly recommend reading the book by Doron Kornbluth-"Why Marry Jewish" It presents very practical arguments in an uninsulting way. It is also useful for Jewish parents to give them arguments to use when discussing this issue with their children

I don't think people should intermarry; I think it's a betrayal of the Jewish People and represents a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to be truly Jewish. That being said, being a part of the "first Sierra club" has got to be one of the worst reasons possible to marry Jewish.

As an Orthodox woman myself, I must confess I still don't understand why Judaism cannot square intermarriage and Jewish life, especially when the mother is Jewish. If Jennifer marries Paul and he is willing to let her continue whatever level of observance she has committed to, if her children will be educated as Jews, yet he does not wish to convert --why can't Judaism accept that? I wonder sometimes if we are driving away more Jews than we are drawing in with our absolute disapproval of intermarriage. Obviously, a person committed to Orthodox life will not intermarry. But for the majority of American Jews who see this as prejudice against non-Jews, why can't we find a way to incorporate them and their families into the community without insisting on conversion (particularly where it's the male spouse who is the non-Jew)? I'm sure this is going to provoke outrage, but I'd really like some reasoned answers. And let's not forget that in addition to Rachel & Leah, there are Jews descended from Yakov's concubines, that Ruth's conversion came AFTER her first marriage to Naomi's son ended; and that anti-Semites generally hate anyone of Jewish ancestry, regardless of religious observance.

Jennifer, if Paul does not know G-d, he does not know you. If he truly loves you, he will want to know you fully by knowing and loving G-d. He will do as Ruth did and proclaim HaShem his G-d too, and convert. Otherwise, as sweet as things seem now, yours will prove to be a marriage of strangers and your children will wander aimlessly upon the Earth, not knowing who they are.

whatever you do, jennifer, don't listen to nonsense like that spewed by ann brady above...if it is right for you both, you will find a way to make it work meaningfully for you. those who would urge you to "hold out" for a jewish man are the same people who will dismiss and reject you years from now if you are unable to find a jewish man to marry and find yourself single and childless. do what's right for both of you -- whatever you decide that is...

I'm Jewish and my wife is Catholic - we have been married for more than an decade and have never had an argument or fight over a religious matter. She loves coming to services with me, and I regularly attend Mass with her - we both look at it as a cultural experience that helps us better understand each other - not a wedge that divides us. If the two of you are in love and truly respect each other and each others faith, there is no reason you can not have a successful marriage and a home full of faith. And your connection do the history of Judaism doesn't simply disappear with intermarriage - you will forever be a Jew and can pass that heritage on to your children.

your ideas are NOT in tune with the true nature of our People...your ideas are liberal, Western, romanticism..."Do what's right for both you". it's insane to me, how you supposedly read this whole article and completely missed EVERY SINGLE POINT THE AUTHOR WAS TRYING TO MAKE!

The point being: what does G-d say through the Torah? The amazing thing about following G-d's Word is that it feels wonderful - and way better than doing your own thing or what-feels-good-as-long-as-it-(supposedly) hurts-nobody.

I know many mixed marriages of 60 years or more ,and Jew to Jew who break with before the seven year itch.. The former work on a problem,they avoid the "Oh what did they expect?" Some convert others don't..The Jews by choice practice Judaism, more than diligently than those by birth.

I married someone who isn't Jewish. Why? because i love the guy and really no one told me why i shouldn't. That being said, I have decided to increase my observance. With my husband's support and participation. This article chooses to WRITE OFF those of us who did intermarry which i think is very closed minded of anyone. 50% of intermarried couples (yes research was done) actually raise their kids to be Jewish. So to write off this generation of perhaps misguided Jews is to write off their children who may be interested in living a Jewish life. Perhaps it is Torah law not to intermarry, but the fact is, it happens and to simply say "well you can't lead a Jewish life" is pardon my french, balony. Fortunately, i am surrounded by beautifully observant "frum" Jews who include my husband and me and who haven't written us off.

I was looking for a jewish husband when an extraordinary set of coincidences joined me to a non-jew with whom we've been a happily married couple for many yesrs, through which I became more observant.

Please read the article again more closely and you will see that Mr. Buchwald is not "writing off" intermarried Jews. He just points out the probability of Jewish impact accruing from such a marriage. It is not zero but it is low.

My perpective exactly as I've "been there, done that"

This article expresses how I feel. A close relative is going through the exact same situation and although I have great love for this person, my heart is troubled. Do I understand that they both are in love and want to live a committed live? Yes? Do I also understand that they have also chosen to get married secularly? Yes. So why am I so disturbed about a situation I cannot control? For the exact same reasons expressed in the article. We Jews are such a minority in the world. We fight every day for existence on the world stage. Can one not be discouraged by the 50% intermarriage rate? HaShem indeed, has his plan and like it or not, it is what it is. And if it is written that Jews will voluntarily give up their heritage then so be it, perhaps it is besheret. Even so, it hurts my heart and I am saddened.

Someone very close to me has just gotten involved with a non-Jewish woman. Despite efforts to find a Jewish spouse, this woman just came into his life and now I fear what you describe. We are especially disturbed when SOMEONE WE LOVE is making this wrong decision and we don't know how to save them. That's how I fell, anyway. Are you praying for this person?

This article touched on some very interesting points. I am a convert to Judiasm (modern orthadox) and raised a generation of day school educated children who, although still not fully established, seem to be on the right path as far as marrying other Jews. I hope so, anyway. Time will tell. My husband and I have given everything we have, financially, educationally as well as striving to become as observant of the mitzvot as possible. An observation I have made though is, many young Jewish singles are not looking seriously enough for a good Jewish partner at a young enough age. I met my husband when still in high school! Please, young Jewish singles, your best chance of meeting a good Jewish spouse is very young - when you are in high school or college. Naturally, you should get married when you are mature enough for the responsibility but you should have an argreement with each other at a young age. I know that "having a commitment" sounds corny, something like "going steady" (like your grandparents) but take these people seriously as potential spouses as never again will you be so surrounded with as many eligible quality Jewish people. As far as potential converts go, it is extremely rigorous, you have to be willing to change just about everything about yourself and live in a real counterculture. The cost of Jewish education, a necessity, is extremely high, a real sacrafice. Aliya is the best option, if they would get their act together and accept all orthadox conversions.

You cannot guilt-trip someone into marrying Jewish, whether it's the Holocaust or an "unending legacy," nor should you, or should they. That's nonsense! As long as non-Torah Jews (most American Jews) are taught that the Torah was written by humans and not given at Mt. Sinai and is not the Word of G-d for Jews for all time, they won't get it. And if non-Torah Jews were also not taught the SPECIALNESS of the Jewish neshama, which requires fusion with another Jewish neshama, then marrying Jewish also has no meaning. And if non-Torah Jews don't live a Torah lifestyle with Torah goals, marrying Jewish has no meaning. If you are taught (and role-modeled) living a True Jewish lifestyle as G-d has told Jews to do, then it's a no-brainer that you will automatically desire a (halachically) Jewish spouse, in order to live the way that G-d has ordained Jews to do and, therefore, doing otherwise won't even occur to you!

oh, get off your high horse!! what arrogance you display with your moronic pseudo-distinction between "Torah" and "non-Torah" Jews...what a ridiculous crock!! If this is what you've learned and believe is menschlikh and appropriate behavior toward your fellow Jews -- much less anyone else, then shame on you! a little more actual practice of rachmanas and chesed would be a good thing for you to learn...reading your post just makes my skin crawl and if you think this attitude and behavior bodes well for our Jewish peoples' future, perhaps you should think again and reconsider your own behavior. take a good look in the mirror and work on fixing yourself before you judge everyone else...what appalling ignorance you've displayed here.

I come from the lower-working-class level of a (generally prosperous) Jewish-Canadian community. Quite frankly, those of us in the economically disadvantaged group were treated like DIRT (to use the realatively polite expression) by the more affluent Jews. I did marry a Jewish girl (also poor) & we raised 3 kids, whom we educated in Jewish day schools. In these schools, our kids were frequently ridiculed, insulted & ostracized by their more prosperous classmates. (And never did any of their teachers intervene to stop this). It is quite understandable, therefore, that at some point we had to take each of our children out & transfer them to public schools. Ultimately each of our kids--surprise, surprise!!--intermarried. In each case they have great (Christian) spouses--kind, pleasant, supportive, & very respecting to my my wife & me. Our grandchildren, albeit wonderful, are not technically Jewish. So, OK, we don't have the much-vaunted "Jewish continuity." But at least we have continuity! Would this have occurred if we had allowed our kids to stay in the abusive Jewish environment & end up bitter, disillusioned with life, & probably unmarried & childless as a result? I'd be interested to read some other readers' comments on this.

I'm reminded of the old pimpin bebop ditty "romance without finance just don't make sense." I would agree that the child from a family of modest means who lacks above average learning ability is often fighting an uphill battle in much of the Orthodox community. It's sad and scary as I'm guessing the community will likely be judged accordingly. Even when remaining in the fold I'd think it's an issue for many to stay positive about the privilege of being Jewish and mentally healthy. I'd say a good option for other folks who find themselves in a similar situation with young children or even earlier may be to make aliyah to Israel. There I believe many Orthodox Jews live at all socioeconomic levels and Jewish education is affordable. In the non Orthodox Jewish communities it's worse as those families without financial resources assimilate at astronomical rates, but unlike you they often have too little Jewish education or consciousness to understand much less have regrets over what they are leaving. In my experience Chabad often tries to reach those families.On a positive note I've seen grandchildren from similar circumstances to yours rejoin the Jewish people thru conversion. If that does not happen being a righteous Gentile is a good thing for one not born Jewish. I believe our sages teach that the righteous of all nations have a share in the world to come. Maybe your job is to present Judaism positively and not to allow your painful experiences to poison the views of your children and grandchildren. I'm sure that will require a serious effort from both you and your children and I wish you blessings for success if you choose that task.I think it's taught that if you have terrible experiences with a Rabbi or leadership of the Jewish community don't take it out on God. A challenge for sure.I admire you for reading Aish and seemingly remaining a part of the Jewsih community that has not been there for you.

I had a choice - either to marry a secular Israeli who wouldn't tolerate judaism and its beauty or an agnostic Englishman whom because of his very nature and his country's long history of tolerance and celebration of other people's culture looked upon my judaism with both curiosity and respect. Our children are Jewish and their identity is very strong. My darling husband insisted I taught at our local Hebrew Sunday School because of the values he saw ouyr children receive at home. We celebrate shabbat and he calls himself "the shabbas goy". I have asked him NOT to convert. He is happy to be Jew-ish and when I look back, my life with the secular Israeli would have been worse than with a goy. There you have it - choices.

Hi Raquel, England expelled its entire Jewish community TWICE throughout its history. So much for tolerance.

What a wonderful, concise definition of what it really means to be "the chosen people". The Jewish people do, indeed, have a Divine mandate and what an honor that is. !

or there would not be a discussion. The issue is not Jennifer and Paul but the children they might have. Jennifer is Jewish so will be her kids, now she needs to consider how she wants to bring them up. If the children are being brought up Jewish not a problem but if they grow up in both faiths the children will have a problem. When the children are brought up in Paul’s faith you have lost a future generation of Jews. When you young everything looks rosy but when you come down from the pink clouds reality sets in. The older you get your roots become very important and when you give up a portion of it, it could create a problem in their marriage later on. I think Jennifer should talk with Paul how they want to bring up the children and what they consider is important for them. May HaShem guide Jennifer to make the right decision.

I intermarried 26 years ago and have raised 3 Jewish children. My husband converted to Judaism. They are still treated like second class citizens despite the fact that they have more knowledge and are more devout than most American Jews. Face the fact that Jews are racists, clannish and rude. Focus on reforming Judaism from the inside out rather than from the outside in.

are YOU "racist, clannish and rude"???? since you choose to generalize about all jews in this way, you must also include yourself, yes?? i'm sorry for your experience, but perhaps you need to find yourself a better community...i have many friends who are jews by choice and in my community, there is no way of knowing this unless they choose to provide the information themselves...a jew is a jew -- whether born as such or through the process of conversion. teach your husband and your children to feel this way and live this way and you all may be much happier. you cannot change the behavior of a few ignorant people. you can, however, control your own behavior and your reactions to them...

My experience in the conservative, reformed and orthodox community is that converts to the Jewish faith are welcomed with open arms. I am sorry for your experience but I do not think it is at all the norm.

You have obviouslt not intermarried. Your suggestion to keep it a secret that one's spouse is a convert reflects the accuracy of my assessment. By the way, when my daughter married young man from a Jewish family of "born Jews," she was and still is treated like a second class citizen or worse. How would you feel about your child marrying a child of a convert? If you truly want to increase the number of devout Jews focus on the converts. They crave acceptance and inclusion.

not sure who you (mzvictores@gmail) are referring to...i was not in any way stating that jews by choice should "keep it a secret". what i said was that this decision is completely up to them and, in a properly halachic community, should be of ABSOLUTELY NO CONSEQUENCE. i could care less if someone is born jewish or a jew by choice. a jew is a jew. i've never felt the need to ask anyone how they came upon their judaism. i know plenty of born jews who barely identify as jews and plenty of jews by choice that are completely committed to their judaism and their jewish community. just yesterday i found out -- quite by accident -- that 2 jews i've known for a pretty long time as committed practicing menchlikh jews are jews by choice. it changes nothing and i don't understand why it would anything for anyone else.

Even though I understand your point, I would like to add that for me (I'm Jewish) it does make a difference whether a person is a Jew by birth, or whether he converted. The former didn't have any choice, and his Jewishness was offered to him in a silver platter (his mother was Jewish). The latter, on the other hand, had to work hard to become a Jew. And therefore he is entitled to our admiration and respect. By way of an example, who do you think merits more praise and respect - a person who was born with the attribute of patience, or one who works unendessly to subjugate his propensity to anger?

We all learn and in learning, we make choices, and in making choices there are always two sides to an issue, and perhaps, more, because life is a multi-faceted diamond. I think the angst is what we are supposed to experience in the making of choices in which there are ethical considerations for those parties concerned. There are arguments to be made for containing Jewish identity as in marrying within the "tribe" and sometimes these arguments about a Divine Covenant, and how WE as children of that Covenant are here to fulfill this sound rather arrogant. I think if WE were to read what is written here, and not be Jewish humility would not be part of the equation in what is written and I would be terribly affronted. I think no matter what is Divinely decreed, there is a greater part to this story, and that is, the need to think about the "other" since in this there is this implicit "other", meaning those who are not Jews, but I can also say, the world embraces many religions and the underlying spirituality beneath this has to be the same, since we all do draw from the same well. That very same spring. Be careful. This world was created in diversity, and we are not, absolutely not, the only people who do tikkun. There are endless acts of mercy, compassion, and love, around the world, among those who are not Jewish.

thank you

I agree HaShem has compassion for all His creation, and everybody needs to complete his/her tikun. But keep in mind he gave the Torah to us the Jewish people He is the one who brought us out from Egypt. It is us who are commanded to uphold His Holy Torah; if we would cease to exist (Has Ve Shalom) creation would stop to exist, then what? Being a Jew is not an easy task and I would not recommend it to anybody to convert unless he wants to do it from his soul to become a part of the Jewish nation by upholding the laws of our Holy Torah and not for somebody because he/she want to get married that is not a right convert. It has nothing to do with arrogance to want to have a Jew marry a Jew. Do to assimilation in the US we have lost more Jews then in the Shoa, if this is not very alarming what is? I am a convert for over thirty years and my people were butchered in the Shoa the same way as the Jew’s, I converted not because of my husband but because my soul was yearning for it, my husband was only a catalyst for me as I was for him. A true convert is already a convert in his mother’s womb and welcomed among the Jewish nation. The greatest joy that I receive is seeing my grandchildren in the Beit Knesset on Shabbat, able to say the Shma, reciting Ve A Hafta without looking in the prayer book asking the four questions on Passover etc. This is the reward that you see on earth by preserving the Jewish heritage. If this is not a divine mission what is?

Thank you. We cannot make Tikkun Olam if we choose to stay away and untouched by the rest of Olam itself, which includes US ALL.

Which religions say "Yes!' to the Torah and rejoice over G-d and the day He placed the Torah into our world? Will all these "underlying" spritual beliefs stand that test? What all humans do share is the instinct for G-d, which He put in us when He made each of us, much as a homing pigeon's brain is wired to home. A parallel might be drawn between fulfilling the instinct for G-d with the instinct to eat food. We can choose to eat junk food - or we can go for the most nourishing, the very best. That is G-d's Law.

Great write up!! Marriage between not only Jew & Non-Jew, 2 different faiths, but also between two races, most often DOES NOT work. And even if couples do not divorce, there is a lot of unhappiness and sadness and much more. Marriage is like a language that 2 people MUST understand clearly (the likeness of mind) that is: - "It is understood a lot better when it is spoken in the same lingo" - otherwise it's gonna be like the old phrase : - "When trouble comes to the door love flies out of the window" Marriage is a life-time commitment, to be more polite - definitely not a change of clothes.

not true...i pity you your delusions....have you read ruth? are you aware that she is the matriarch of king david as well as the future mashiach? why do you think this book was canonized into our tanach? perhaps you would be unable to make such an arrangement work for yourself; that says nothing about others ability to lead a meaningfully fulfilling jewish life under the same circumstances.

Yes, but Ruth was Jewish; she converted.

I wrote a similar letter to a relative who was on the verge of intermarriage. It's a nice try but doesn't work. He is intermarried, and also no longer speaking to me.

in an effort to avoid intermarrying, i did not marry out of my faith -- "faithful" that i would meet a jewish man to marry. i am now well into my middle age, single and childless -- no longer able to have children -- and feel rejected on a daily basis by the jewish community among whom i have little jewish value at this point -- no children to teach, no life events to plan and celebrate...so my dreams of a rich jewish family life are unfulfilled and the judaism that is so much a part of my soul is in a constant struggle to remain relevant. if i had it to do over again, i would have married a man -- jewish or not -- who loved and respected me as i am and we would have had children and managed to find a way to make certain that their judaism was as much a part of them as it is of me...if you think i am an aberration, think again. jennifer: marry a good man who loves and respects you and whom you love and respect. if that is true, the rest will follow. don't spend your life searching and hoping for someone who may not ever appear. don't spend your life alone. i guarantee you that if you do, the same people urging you to hold out for a jewish man will not be there supporting you if you don't.

Sadly,I do agree with your comments,as I am in the same position.As a child from a holocaust family, I have sought a Jewish man, only to find myself single and past child bearing years. I believe the people stating this,would not want to watch their OWN child be alone and single into middle age and beyond.It is easy to talk while your child is young.Think before you write such articlesIi have done exactly as this article states and sit alone, childless and middle aged.

thanks so much for your comments. it means a lot to me and i think it's really important for people like us to stop being invisible jews...i'm always amazed at how many of our haftarah and torah portions deal with the pain of women without children while our culture continues to turn a blind eye...anyway, thank you so much for speaking out

Ditto to Deb's thank you comment above. As I grow older and have remained unmarried in lieu of marrying a non-Jew, I realize how little a place the Jewish community seems to hold for me without having children to teach and milestones to celebrate. While I might have been blissfully happy having married a non-Jew, I instead am single and constantly feel pushed away from the community which I have always been apart.

thanks for your comments shana...i continually look forward to the day when the jewish community recognizes the wealth of ruach and experience and dedication among the single and childless members of our community. i think the only way it will happen is if we make it so by not being content to be pushed into the background.

Your story is exactly what happened to me. Now, years later, about 40% of her Orthodox friends are divorced and about 55% of my Christian friends are divorced, and there are two people walking alone. The pressure to hold out came from both sides. Suddenly these Christians were telling me how sad it would be if I converted even knowing that Jesus and Mary were Jews. Now I study the Hebrew scriptures more than ever.

Everyone knows a few "alteh bokherim"--Jewish men in their 50s, 60s & 70s (or even older) who also held out--for a Jewish wife. I know one guy like that who who for a while had a nice relationship going on with a nice gentile lady, but out of concience (plus fear of horrifying his mother) he dropped her...with great regret. He, & the other alteh bokherim, now live a sad & lonely life, pushed to the periphery of their Jewish community. No wives, no kids, no grandchildren. But one little silver lining to their cloud--they sure make great uncles & great-uncles to their brothers' & sisters' offspring!

I was born christian, left the church at 12. Met my husband in my late 20's, and converted. Our daughter is jewish.