Everyone seems very judgmental these days. We're all very conflicted about how to behave during this pandemic and the constant barrage of information and misinformation doesn’t make it any easier. But it seems so unfortunate that during a situation where unity seems so crucial and beneficial, we’ve retreated to our corners and decided that our position, wherever it lies on the spectrum, is the only correct one.
I feel fortunate that I can work from home and because I’m in the over-60 group I feel compelled to take this lockdown very seriously. I don’t go to any stores (I have children and Instacart for that) and my most (and only) exciting trip in the last two months has been to the dermatologist!
But I can understand those who feel differently – who are having a hard time feeding their family or maintaining their sense of self-respect, or even their sanity. I don’t know where the line should be drawn (obviously there’s a question of risking the lives of others) but I think we should all begin with a little more compassion.
I’ve had people make fun of my position. I've been attacked, told in not so many words that I was an uninformed idiot and if I knew better, I would be out and about. I’ve seen people attack others for not opening their homes to them. I see neighborhoods torn apart over whose children are playing outside. And I see those neighborhood busybodies keeping track of who has taken back their cleaning ladies – or not.
And it all makes me so sad. We should be coming together during this time, not splitting apart. Our disagreements can be managed with respect – and understanding. Yes, some behaviors increase the risk for others – but I can stay isolated to avoid that. And those who engage in possibly riskier behaviors may have to reckon with the consequences not only of the potential for getting the disease but also that certain “older” members of their family (i.e. their parents) may distance themselves from them for the duration of this pandemic.
I’m not saying it’s easy. I miss all my east coast kids (and grandkids!) and they are constantly begging me to come visit, especially as the states seem to be easing up the restrictions. But I hope they also appreciate my position. The last thing I want to do right now is spend 6 hours on a crowded airplane, mask or not. And they get it because they’re worried about my husband and me.
And that’s how we need to see each other. As if they really matter to us and it’s not just a matter of lip service. It’s not that we all need to agree but perhaps since I have a backyard to escape to, I can be empathic to those who violate some rules to go to the beach or park and give their children or just themselves some fresh air and space to run around. Perhaps since I still have a job, I can be empathic to those who need to go out to earn some income. Perhaps, since I am surrounded by family (albeit a relatively small portion of it), I can be empathic to those who are alone and desperate (I mean that literally) for some social interaction. Perhaps since I have been able to allocate the household cleaning duties to my husband (he’s a master at bathrooms these days) and older currently in-residence children, I can be empathic to those with younger children running around, schooling on zoom and working, who have rehired their cleaning ladies…
As with everything in life, we don’t know anyone else’s challenges. To my acquaintance who suggested that I was young (enough) and healthy (enough) to be out and about, I wanted to say that you really don’t know what my challenges are or could be. We don’t know everyone’s underlying health conditions and if there are perhaps members of their family they are trying to protect. Why should we assume we do? Why should we presume to know better for others?
It's unfortunate that the opportunity to truly come together to fight an external enemy isn't uniting us sufficiently. But as individuals, we can each make our own small differences. And it begins with not judging, with letting go of that self-righteousness, with seeing others as just as thoughtful and well-meaning as we and with trying, really trying to understand.
(22) Dalia, May 28, 2020 1:41 AM
Thank you for this great article. Very well said. Hard to implement. Our egos are always on the way, telling us that our way of doing things is the best way. Will try to work harder on it! Thanks!!
(21) Bracha Goetz, May 25, 2020 8:20 PM
Great!
(20) Paolo, May 22, 2020 11:44 PM
Solving the problem of the corona virus...
Ultimately, we need to err on the side of preserving life: your discomfort with a mask, might kill me, or someone else. We do know the "right thing to do..."
What are the two major obstacles to solving the problem of the corona virus?
1. the density of the population,
2. the density of the population.
(19) Moshe Horowitz, May 22, 2020 12:08 PM
Lethal tolerance
The gemara says in gittin that the bais hamikdash was destroyed because of tolerance.thats right,tolerance in the face of someone doing the wrong thing sent us into 2000 years of exile!would you tolerate or not be judgmental if someone didn't comply with a blackout order while being bombed???of course not! The bomb would kill us all!!!when a deadly and invisible enemy is killing people there is no space for misplaced (and very misguided-calling it sinas chinam) tolerance.every major catastrophic act of human evil,was allowed by misplaced tolerance.i have no sympathy for those harming others by not taking this pandemic seriously.and I have no sympathy for those who tolerate them.
(18) Simcha, May 22, 2020 2:13 AM
In response!
Rebbetzin Braverman, you are absolutely right. I live in Israel and am also very strict in adhering to the rules especially because of my age (60). I haven't left my apartment in over two months except for a few times to help my wife bring in the packages from the car after she returned from shopping. Even then, just for those five minutes, only outside of my building, I wore a mask and washed my hands with soap for about five minutes when coming inside. The shules are reopening this Shabbos in Israel with certain restrictions, but I am still going to stay home. I do not want to take any chances. In this situation, you can't trust too many people. Many people are not so strict and don't care like we do. Don't feel threatened or obligated by anyone. You do what you feel is right for you and your family. People should respect each other. Those who make negative comments about how you are reacting to the situation want to feel that they are intelligent and only want to meddle in your life. I have learned in life that it is better to have a mind of your own and not to listen to others who speak negative and meddle in the lives of others. To reiterate, you are absolutely doing the right thing. Think about yourself and your family. By the way, I enjoy reading your articles very much. Good Shabbos & Gutten Chodesh!
(17) carolyn, May 21, 2020 5:29 PM
Thank you
Thank you for taking the time to write this important article. I really needed to hear that because I find myself being in judgment about the whole thing, and as you stated, we really do not know. It is important to respect another's opinions about this, just as with everything. If we recall, Rabbi Akiva's students died because of baseless hatred. Maybe we are not actually hating others because of this, but it has definitely caused division. So thank you for reminding us of what is truly important--unity.
(16) Anonymous, May 21, 2020 5:16 PM
Amen to this special message. HaShem is trying to give us a wake up call to get our noses out of electronics and back to precious human relationships so we can "tabernacle" with Him and each other.
(15) Jon Joyce, May 21, 2020 4:50 PM
Well put
Thank you for a very well written admonition to respect others and their opinions. There's not much of that left in the world today unfortunately. I have fallen into the trap of disagreeing with the stay-homers, and then the Lord reminds me that I don't have all the answers, and the information they have may have come from a different source, so who''s right? Let's help each other get through life. Each day has enough troubles of its own without beating each other up--politics does that already!
(14) Shani Lefkowitz, May 21, 2020 4:16 PM
Thank you for your article I am very easy going And yes i think there are many that are way overboard So thank you for redirecting me Btw i am over 60 I thank Hashem for my personality
(13) Anonymous, May 21, 2020 4:09 PM
Great article Emuna. I think that people have been polarizing so long due to politics that this is one more way situatinking that theyre the only ones with the answers. Yes judging less in this situaton is a beginning to uniting as a people, as a country, as a world.. .
(12) Anonymous, May 21, 2020 4:07 PM
Agreed, but..
But what about those with small children who need to play outside and are being careful about social distancing but others near them are not. How do we look at those who are putting us at risk when we are trying to be careful. How do we look at them favorably?
(11) Anonymous, May 21, 2020 3:53 PM
You nailed it!
This is the biggest tragedy of it all! The sinas chinam, baseless hatred, (everyone feels justified on both sides of course) is what will kill us! While we think we are fighting a virus, Hashem is testing us on whether we will choose love and unity or fear/misunderstanding/hate and destruction. Do we have emuna in Hashem alone or will we give in to fear which causes rigidity in thinking and lack of an ability to see the other side? I wish the rabbinic leadership would speak more about this.
(10) Esti stahler, May 21, 2020 3:30 PM
I “judge “ this article - Excellent !
Your words resonate With the trials and tribulations we are all going through your message reminds us not to judge others.
(9) Max Pearl, May 21, 2020 3:29 PM
Translation of Covid
Thank you for writing this and saying it so well. I’ve been in lockdown for two months now. The last person I’ve seen was my son on his birthday. I gave him a big hug as he left with his mom. We had a small birthday party for him at my place, just him, his mom and me with my mom joining in on the phone. It’s not been easy to say the least not to see him the last two months except for our daily phone calls and FaceTime sessions. G-d willing we will be able to be together soon b’simcha. But back to your point, I just wanted to say that since this pandemic began, I have been trying to read the signs, looking for G-d’s message. Covid is Hebrew for respect. Maybe that’s one of the main things we are supposed to be learning and improving upon. We just celebrated Lag B’Omer which is a special day on the Jewish calendar which commemorates, among others things, the time when a terrible plague caused tens of thousands of students to perish—-students of the famed Talmudic sage Rabbi Akiva. The reason for the plague was lack of respect, “covid”.
Sarah, May 24, 2020 6:01 AM
I agree 100% Just a correction for an unintended mistake: one of the reasons we celebrate Lag B'Omer is because the plague stopped on that day.
Yishar coach for seeing the similarity in covid and cavod!
(8) Rivka, May 21, 2020 3:28 PM
Well said Emuna!
What drives me nuts is the people on both sides assuming their opponent has bad intentions. The choice is between saving lives from the virus, and saving lives from suicide, domestic abuse, unscreened cancer, etc. Both arguments have merit and can we stop saying those who disagree with us want people to die? Nobody wants people to die!
Nancy, May 28, 2020 10:57 AM
To commenter #8 Rivka
Your comment hits it right out of the park! From the very beginning of this pandemic I have been concerned about the other issues that you mentioned. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for the technology we have available today. However, it is not a panacea. Not every student benefits from distance learning. Children with learning/developmental disabilities have been regressing over these last 9 weeks. Of course nobody wants people to die, but we need to find a better solution that will allow for in person instruction. Granted, I am not a medical person. However, we are not living in 1918. Perhaps we CAN provide in person services while continuing to flatter the curve.
(7) Anonymous, May 21, 2020 9:25 AM
We have to stand up for what's right and for preventing further deaths. It is sad that people aren't getting along, but you know what's sadder? People dying a slow, painful death from a disease that could have been prevented if more people were to stand up to those who are not doing their part.
Raizel, May 21, 2020 12:35 PM
I am thinking the same
Tomas (Noahide), May 21, 2020 4:16 PM
This is exactly how I feel.
This is exactly how I feel. A responsible and ethical attitude is judging others with caution, but not never making any judgements. What I love about the Jewish religion is its emphasis on fairness and justice, which is to me in a sharp contrast to the rigid Christian imperative to love a person no matter how heinous acts the person may have committed. What makes me sad is when I see people who refuse to put up with simple limitations like wearing a face mask or missing an outdoor concert, and the fact that someone else may die due to a transfer of the virus makes no difference to them.
Nina Kotek, May 26, 2020 9:33 AM
Something to say for both sides
On one hand, there is really no good reason for not wearing a mask around people, that might warrant a reminder. And if some people prefer to stay home, why get into ideological discussions with them ? Mind your own business!
But to accuse people arguing for opening businesses of wanting people to die, or people not wearing masks to show their political persuasion, is wrong.
I just read that Republican-voting areas have 1/3 the covid cases of Democratic-voting ones, because generally they are rural and less dense, with a few exceptions such as meatpacking plants in the middle of nowhere.
There are counties in Michigan where they had 13 cases and no fatalities. Why should they have the same rules as Detroit? So the other side is not crazy, but actually experiencing a different reality. This should be taken into account on both sides before remarking on people's behavior. Also, does your own bear that kind of scrutiny?
Anonymous, May 28, 2020 11:08 AM
To commenter Nina Kotek
You mentioned the counties in Michigan with 13 cases and no fatalities. The latter is BH great news, but the fact remains that this virus makes one feel miserable. If we want to continue to flatten the curve, then these 13 cases are reason enough to wear a mask.
(6) Yael, May 21, 2020 12:58 AM
Well said!
You're the best!
(5) Anonymous, May 20, 2020 10:12 PM
Crying
I did cry as I keep reading your article, it definitely expressed the feelings I had during this trying times, and I only hope that many of us get the meaning and message of this words to heart and be kinder to one another. Thank you
(4) malka, May 20, 2020 2:25 PM
THANK YOU
Wow, spot on!!
Thank you for posting this article. It is so super important. I love this!
(3) Nancy, May 19, 2020 8:38 PM
Yes. Let us PLEASE judge others favorably
People have been criticized for hoarding items at the supermarket. However, if I see someone stocking up on toilet paper I really have no idea of the reason. Perhaps said individual is shopping for his/her neighbor who doesn't drive/is in a high risk group/cannot get a sitter. No more finger wagging please!!
Anonymous, May 20, 2020 5:28 PM
Most positive outlook I've heard in a while!
Thank you for inspiring me. Be well.
(2) Dena, May 19, 2020 5:12 PM
I notice this on facebook.
People post scathing comments about others' decision to take a walk or a jog, as if you are literally killing people by leaving your home. Please. Everyone just mind their own business.
(1) Anonymous, May 19, 2020 10:37 AM
Yes yes to less judging others
Thank you for saying what we all need to hear. At the end of the day, we know very
little about this pandemic. So why not just
do our own personal best and stop looking
at what others are doing? Thanks for a very important article.