Debbie Wasserman Schultz, head of the Democratic National Committee, got into a lot of hot water last week, when a copy of a speech she gave to a Florida branch of the Jewish Federation went public. She had to retract her words in order to calm things down.
What were the offending statements she said to the predominantly Jewish audience? Here’s the most controversial quote:
“We have the problem of assimilation. We have the problem of intermarriage. We have the problem that too many generations of Jews don’t realize the importance of our institutions strengthening our community – particularly with the rise of anti-Semitism and global intolerance, which obviously we saw in horrific Technicolor in just the last week in Paris.”
The politician, not wanting to offend non-Jews or Jews who do not share her views, was forced to backtrack. She issued the following statement:
"At an annual Jewish community event in my congressional district, I spoke about my personal connection to Judaism and in a larger context about the loss of Jewish identity and the importance of connecting younger generations to the institutions and values that make up our community. I do not oppose intermarriage; in fact, members of my family, including my husband, are a product of it."
Her party affiliation is irrelevant here; it's not hard to imagine a Republican figure issuing a similar retraction. Outside of Orthodox circles you cannot come out and say that intermarriage and assimilation is a problem. It has become a taboo subject. In a not so distant past, stopping intermarriage and assimilation was the rallying cry used to garner support for Jewish outreach initiatives. Federations used the term “Jewish continuity,” to imply that the Jewish people have something of unique value worthy of preserving. Today it is likely you'll be attacked for bigotry and racism and that rallying cry will more likely push Jews away.
When the topic of assimilation came up in a discussion I had with a group of Jewish college students on an Aish birthright program, a student from Nashville argued for the merits of assimilating and removing religious labels altogether. Even Aish.com, whose mission is to strengthen Jewish affiliation and commitment by inspiring Jews across the spectrum with the relevance and beauty of Jewish wisdom, has to think twice about posting an article that discusses intermarriage. No matter how sensitively written or reasonable the article is, it is very likely to be attacked by the people we most want to reach. Like a few other volatile, politically incorrect topics, are we doing more harm than good by discussing the issue on our website?
The difficulty of discussing intermarriage is a natural – and terribly unfortunate – outcome of the increasing schism that is occurring within world Jewry. As the Pew report’s portrait of American Jewry clearly showed, intermarriage rates are skyrocketing. If you leave out the Orthodox, 71.5% of American Jews marry outside the faith. Only 17% of children of intermarried couples will marry a Jew, and the largest block of American Jews under 40 are the unaffiliated. As Steven Weil, from the Orthodox Union, pointed out, "With a birthrate of only 1.9 children and an astoundingly high intermarriage rate, American Jewry is on a train speeding headlong into self-destruction."
On the other hand, the Orthodox are thriving. 83% of Orthodox Jews stay Orthodox. The birthrate among Orthodox Jews is significantly higher than most other religious groups (4.1 children per adult). Sarah Bunin Benor, a professor of Jewish studies at the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion, said "Orthodox Jews will eventually likely be the majority of American Jews.” 60% of Jewish children in the New York City area live in Orthodox homes and that number will only increase. Included in the 10 most popular names for girls in New York City are: Esther, Sarah, Leah, Rachel, Chaya and Chana. The name Moshe is the fourth most popular name for boys.
The numbers show a growing rift within the Jewish people. As non-Orthodox Jews increasingly intermarry and assimilate, and dwindle in numbers, the Orthodox are growing significantly and marrying within the faith. Debbie Wasserman Schultz's statement about "the problem" of assimilation and intermarriage and her subsequent retraction stating she does not oppose intermarriage serves as a Rorschach test that reveals which side of the divide you are on.
It is very frustrating and sad that the very real problem of intermarriage is becoming an untouchable topic on our site. As the rift grows it will get increasingly difficult to reach out and engage unaffiliated Jews. The only solution is to show Jews, like the student from Nashville who extolled the virtues of assimilation, that the Jewish people have a unique, empowering mission to perfect the world with Jewish values and wisdom that have changed the moral landscape of human history. Being Jewish is so much more than bagels and lox; it is a great gift and responsibility, something to embrace, nurture, protect and celebrate. It is a meaningful inheritance you want to ensure is passed down to the next generation of Jews.
Reaching the millions of Jews who lack this appreciation of being Jewish is not the sole responsibility of Jewish outreach professionals. There simply are not enough of them to get the job done. It is up to every single Jew who loves being Jewish to share their passion and wisdom about Judaism with their Jewish neighbors, relatives and co-workers. You do not need to be a rabbi. You just have to care and share whatever you do know. Open your home, send an aish.com article of video that touched you, be a good role model – just engage Jews around you. If we all make an effort, together we can bridge the gap and open up lines of communication.
(91) Anonymous, November 25, 2020 5:36 PM
I found this same phenomenon over my years of teaching.
I taught for many years in a non-Orthodox Hebrew school. I used to stress to the students the importance of marrying someone Jewish. Slowly, over the years, I realized that my comments were being perceived as racist, especially since many of the children had many non-Jewish relatives. They felt lucky that, for instance, they got to celebrate Chanukah and Xmas...
(90) Anonymous, July 13, 2020 5:06 PM
If you are a jew reading this who is dating a gentile, you should break up with the gentile immediately and find your real soul mate who is waiting for you, and they are a jew.
(89) Michelle Weisberg, July 7, 2017 5:32 PM
I was raised in a mixed marriage but my Jewish mother left no doubt in my mind that I was a Jew. I had some hebew school but that's about it.I always FELT Jewish. We had a Xmas tree, but it never affected me in a religious way. If you identify as a Jew a Xmas tree or easter egg hunt will not change you , its so superficial . Sometimes I think" thou protests too much "with these symbols and kids get turned off of Jewdism . its my personal experience to be proud and enjoying the faith that makes kids want to be in it. Not nessaserly being so strick,that can cause REBELLION!. Now I'm a Bubbe and I proudly call myself that .Iwill show my grand children the sweetness of being Jewish. From observing holidays to telling stories about our struggles to speaking some yiddish to make them giggle. I know this isnt the usual perspective or party line, but its worth a thought.
(88) Anonymous, February 22, 2015 2:22 AM
Let's Bring it Out in the Open!
What is wrong with wringing our hands over intermarriage? I come from a once highly respected Orthodox family. My grandfather, of blessed memory, was a world-renowned Orthodox rabbi and his children were all proud Jews, each marrying within the faith. However, the following generation (mine) began intermarrying and my children's cousins have, almost all, married outside our faith. What is wrong with talking about this and being concerned with the ultimate outcome? I've grown weary of being attacked for stating my mind. Congresswoman Schultz should not have retracted her statement. It needs to get out there. I'm not advocating treating intermarried couples like lepers; however, I firmly believe that, if we do not discuss it and put the alarming numbers in front of our people, we will be doomed. I'm quite certain that many folks disagree with my thoughts. That's their option. However, the numbers prove that, via intermarriage and a very low birth rate, the Jewish religion is on a collision course to oblivion. Thank you.
(87) Anonymous, February 18, 2015 8:30 PM
Maybe someone can offer me some feedback
I have a terrific young adult son who has Asperger's Syndrome. Alas, the Hebrew day schools were unable to deal with his childhood behavioral issues so we sent him to public school. However, we made sure he attended an after school Hebrew School and he read BEAUTIFULLY at his Bar Mitzvah. What can I do to ensure that he marries a Jewish woman? Any and all suggestions are appreciated. Thanks!
(86) Anonymous, February 17, 2015 4:39 PM
Another issue to consider
Lori Palatnik presented a very touching video about a man who was not able to have his Bar Mitzvah ceremomy until he reached the chronological age of 42. When he was of school age none of the after school Hebrew programs would educate him because he had dyslexia. We must educate ALL of our Jewish children, regardless of academic/physical and/or other abilities. If we refuse to do this, then we run a HUGE risk of turning them away from Judaism. I wonder how many disabled Jewish children eventually married out because they were snubbed by Jewish educators. This is truly unacceptable. Fortunately things are changing and they must continue to do so.
(85) James, February 17, 2015 12:19 AM
HALF BLOOD
My Grandmother,who was a Dutch Jew, met my Grandfather at the end of WW2 and returned with him to the UK to marry and raise a family. My mother also married a non Jew, I was raised in a non religious household yet I consider myself Jewish as does Orthodox Jewish law. There is no way that the terrible things my grandmothers family went through in WW2 could fail to affect us or be forgotten. And they will not be forgotten by the next generation that follows. ethnicity, culture and religion all intermingle, I have a large family based all over Western Europe almost all of whom are secular and have intermarried. None however, forget.
Anonymous, February 17, 2015 12:50 PM
Greatest thing a Jew can do is keep the Torah
My husband's parents were Holocaust survivors. His father lost his first family HY"D and remarried and started a new family. No one in our family is intermarried. And thank G-d our family is returning to true Torah observance and bringing more Jewish children to the world. The greatest thing for a Jew to do is not to simply "never forget the Holocaust" - anyone can do this. The greatest thing we can do is to keep the beautiful Torah G-d gifted us with, raise the next generation to love and keep the Torah, and fulfill our mission as a light unto the nations.
Anonymous, February 17, 2015 5:38 PM
TO James ...HALF BLOOD
Excuse please, but what relevance does this have to our discussion?
james, February 17, 2015 11:19 PM
Read it again and you might understand..........................
(84) Barry, February 16, 2015 11:16 PM
Intermarriage is not acceptable according to the Torah
No matter how a person rationaloizes their behavior the laws of the Torah cannot be altered to fit ones circumstance. Hashem is perfect and the Torah given to the Jewish people is perfect. Hashem did not give Jews permission to intermarry. On the contray, he forbids it. Whether a person understands the reasons or not a Jews must follow Hashem's laws because Hashem is perfect.
(83) Mike, February 16, 2015 7:39 PM
Intermarrage is not the problem
Intermarriage is not the problem. It is a symptom of the underlying problem. Judaism begins in the home. It starts with a mother and father who take yiddishkeit seriously. It starts with a mother who teaches her children the importance of keeping kosher. If the son values kosher he will marry a Jewish girl. If he isn't kosher, it's just one less reason to marry Jewish--think about it ladies! A father who turns off the damn TV on Friday night and makes kiddish and motzi will inspire his children to value their heritage instead of some crappy TV show. It means throwing out the plastic x-mas tree and confusing messages. It means parents insisting that the Hebrew school concentrate on teaching what it means to be a Jew, not just teaching kids to read a language they don't understand. Parents will need to make some difficult choices such as going to Shul on Shabbos instead of the beach. Perhaps your daughter should go to Shul on Rosh Hashannah instead of playing in that soccer match. Children aren't stupid. They know when their parents are being hypocritical. If their parent's behavior does not match what they learn at Hebrew school it totally undermines everything--THAT'S THE PROBLEM. Jewish parents are failing their children. You can't live a goyish life and expect your children to value being Jewish. Parents have got to embrace their own Jewish heritage before they can pass it on to their children. And guess what folks, you don't have to be Orthodox. It doesn't matter what Shul or Temple you go to or what style of kippah you wear. What really matters is whether or not you are serious about being Jewish. However there is one more item that is the most important--belief in G-d. If you go around telling your children that the Torah is a fairytale your kids will reject Judaism and who could blame them. Your teenage son or daughter is not going to hang around the Shul if they perceive it as being phoney. Preventing intermarriage starts at home.
Joseph, February 17, 2015 5:30 PM
TO Mike But in Short
If you practice Judaism like your Ancestors down the line (Jews from all 'denominations' thier parents somewhere down the line were Torah abiding Jews ,like the jews You call Orthodox) then so will your offspring. But if you dot just a little bit here and there what you feel comfortable with , It will not pass on to your offspring .Why they should follow? Also ,regarding intermarriage, there will be no reason offspring should not intermarry.What logical reason should keep them back if the parents live, eat exactly as the gentiles (Please, non Jews..i don't man in derogetory way , I mean regarding keeping the 613 mitzvos only Jews are commanded )Eating matzoh ball Passover and giving to the UJA etc etc is very weak link for jewish continuency
(82) Arnold, February 16, 2015 7:11 PM
intermarriage - Is 1 side of the coin missing?
What is the statistical impact of non-Jews who convert to non-Orthodox Judaism and raise their children as Jews. I don't see any discussion about these numbers and their impact on the future of Judaism,.
Miriam, February 17, 2015 7:29 PM
Torah Law, not statistic
In a world based on data and making sure that everyone feels good about their choices, this is a very difficult fact to swallow: Its is FORBIDDEN to intermarry according to the Torah. Even if you are in love, and youre children will be happy and somehow all turn out to be Jewish, or all decide to convert. Intermarriage is forbidden, and the Jewish parents has a done a sin that effects his spiritual self. The statistical effects of the children do not take away from that.
(81) Jon, February 15, 2015 7:02 PM
What is/is not "intermarriage?"
I was raised Conservative and married a Reform Jewish woman whose father was Jewish. Our children are being raised strictly Jewish with much greater Torah observance than the way either of us were raised. My wife and children even underwent a Conservative conversion to eliminate any question of Jewishness, and we believe in strongly discouraging our children from intermarriage. That said, I have a cousin I'll call "Jane" whose mother was Jewish and whose father was Catholic. Growing up, Jane was exposed to zero Jewish traditions or religious beliefs, and she never really practiced Judaism in any way, shape, or form. Unfortunately, the Orthodox consider Jane to be Jewish although her DNA is only 50% Jewish. However, my children, whose DNA is 75% Jewish and who celebrate and embrace their Judaism, are not considered Jewish by the Orthodox. To my family, that is not only hurtful, it makes no sense. Am I really guilty of "intermarriage?"
Joseph, February 16, 2015 1:11 AM
Jewish and DNA
As mentioned previously and all over , Being Jewish is decided if the mother is Jewish or not. DNA factor has nothing to do
Anonymous, February 16, 2015 9:58 AM
No denonminations
I think it's important to understand that Judaism does not have denominations. "Orthodox" Judaism is a relatively new term and represents the way Judaism was practices for thousands of years. Reform/Conservative were created by people with there own ideas of how to practice Judaism in the mid-1800s. There is tremendous confusion as a result of people coming up with their own ideas and calling it Judaism. There is also a tremendous amount of completely undeserved slander against the so-called "Orthodox" community and it's Rabbis - which further hides the truth. G-d set the rules for Judaism and we have no right to come and change them with our own ideas. The whole intermarriage issue is so complex because people are deciding that they know better that G-d and can use their own logic instead of following the Torah. G-d established a Jew as someone born of a Jewish mother or someone who converts according to Torah law and observes the Torah completely. "Orthodox" did not make this up G-d Himself did.
Anonymous, February 16, 2015 11:57 PM
Anonymous @ 9:58 am
Thank you. Your's is one of the very few sensible and truthful comments about Torah Judaism and its Laws. Unfortunately, most Jews are so uninformed about Judaism that they do not even know that Torah is Divine and no one can ever change even a letter in it. Judaism is more than a religion, it is G-D;s Guide to the Jewish people - a gift for His children. If we were to live by the Torah Laws, it would set an example for the whole world, thus being a light to the nations. It is the Torah which has brought civilization.to humanity.
Joseph, February 17, 2015 7:43 PM
Reform movements started in 1800's
Corrections Refrom started in 1700's in the times of Chasam Sofer (1764-1840 Approx) But of course there were new movements against the torah by movements with thier own intrepertations all the way back...Zadoikim, Christsians Kroim (karites) etc So were dealing with nothing new. So I wonder all those who don't believe The relavation of G-D on har sini with the 613 mitzvos with its oral explanation , so you have those other movements to join. But how can you ask us who believe in the above and practice them like our parents an grandparents all the way ti sini ,to abandon the aforementioned to accommodate your wishes (You whos ancesters down the line sometime also believed and practiced the above?
JM, February 17, 2015 7:55 AM
Judaism is a legal system
Jon, I'm sorry that you feel hurt. This is not an issue of personal rejection but the fact is, we don't define the law - the law defines us.
Simply put, the Jewish religion is a legal system. You understand and accept that in a secular legal system there are clearly defined laws and, say, if someone is not legally married then laws applying to married partners don't apply. But as opposed to the secular system where people might lobby to change the definition of legal marriage, in Judaism, the laws don't change. Conservative and Reform Jews might be fine and sincere people, but they may not change those Divine laws that don't make sense to them or are inconvenient. If they do, as one poster wrote, it is not Judaism. It is some other religion initiated by Jews, just as Christianity was started by a Jew. In Judaism, there are clear laws that define who is a Jew. The percentage of DNA and the degree of practicing Jewish tradition not a legal definition. If your wife and children were to undergo the Jewish legal requirements of conversion in an Orthodox court of law (Beit Din), they would become Jewish and hopefully, fully practicing Jews.
"Jane" on the other hand, is a non-practicing Jew, but Jewish nonetheless because she meets the legal definition of who is a Jew even though that identify appears not to have affected her practice of Jewish tradition. Her children, is she has any, are Jewish as well. The laws are Divine, just and legally binding, whether they make sense to human beings or not. This actually does make sense to human logic (if you can be objective despite the personal hurt): throughout history, it has been much easier to prove who is someone's mother than who is someone's father. DNA testing does not change the law. If your family wants to be fully practicing Jews, the door of halachic conversion is open to them. And, of course, you already are Jewish.
(80) Anonymous, February 13, 2015 1:03 PM
I am not a Jew to the Jewish community
I married a Jew 30 plus years ago who recently left me. To the Jewish community I am not a Jew but I have raised my 3 children and 4 grandchildren Jewish. I love the G-d of Abraham, he is my G-d there is no other. I attend services, observe Shabbat, eat kosher and attend high holiday services because I want to . It is my life. I have wanted to convert and would only so the Jewish community would accept me and I want there to be no doubt who I am to my children and my children's children. My recent husband is a Jew and is not affiliated anywhere. So I ask is intermarriage such a horrible thing for the Jewish community?
Tziporah, February 15, 2015 10:43 AM
We do not pick and choos which rules to follow
The same G-d who said to observe Shabbat, to keep kosher etc is the very same G-d who said not to intermarry. We don't just do "what we want" but rather strive to live life on G-d's terms and according to all His rules - this is what it means to really love G-d. A Jew is Jew when born to a Jewish mother or as a proper Orthodox conversion in accordance with Jewish law.
Anonymous, February 15, 2015 6:19 PM
You are Living the Lofe of an Observant Jew
Whether or not you have been converted to Judaism, it is my humble opinion, that you are already living the Life of an observant Jew. You are keeping the Mitzvots, and have raised your children in the Jewish faith and I presume, in the Jewish culture, as well. You are obeying the Ten Commandments, as handed down to Moishe by G_d, on Mount Sanai. You observe the dietary laws. You worship one God and acknowledge that He is the only G_d. May all Jews, born iof Jewish Mothers. And I nto the Jewish faith, be as observant as you. Mazeltov!
Anonymous, February 16, 2015 9:46 AM
Completely untrue
I amazed at the total arrogance of thinking that it is our opinion that determines who is and who is not Jewish. G-d created the Jewish people and the non-Jewish people and determined the rules for both. G-d decided that you are Jewish if you have a Jewish mother or if you undergo a conversion according to His rules. A non-Jew who keeps the laws even if they keep them all is not Jewish. Let's stopping making up rules and let's start listening to G-d.
Barry, February 16, 2015 11:32 PM
I totally agree with your statements
Both Torah's ( Oral&written) are directly from Hashem. We need to follow the laws not change them. Human beings are imperfect. Hashem is perfect and his Torah's are perfect.
Aviva, February 15, 2015 7:10 PM
In a word...yes.
TMay, February 16, 2015 12:11 PM
1.convert to the services you attend and or the level of your children
If you are attending services within a community, then convert to the standards of that community. Is the community you belong to the same as your children and grandchildren? I have known someone who converted to reform, then to conservative, and she looks forward to converting to orthodox. She looks forward to moving to Israel. The mikvah is a very pleasant experience. you probably know that rabbis refuse a request to convert 3 times before accepting the person into usually a study type situation.
Anonymous, February 16, 2015 8:13 PM
marrying out
I married my Jewish husband back in 1979. I converted to Judaism in 1996. OK, so it took a while, but - it can be done. So stop making excuses. If you honestly want to be Jewish - be true to yourself and go for it!!
And, BTW, of course marrying out is a terrible thing for the Jewish community. You don't need me to explain why.
Anonymous, February 17, 2015 7:37 PM
Im so sorry, but...
In your comment you said, "my recent husband". I am therefore assuming you are the mother and grandmother. If this is so, and you are not Jewish... neither are your children. Doing the commandments of the Torah does not make you a Jew. Hashem clearly gave commandments for each person to fulfill their role in this life and come closer to Him. For Jew, that is to adhere to the 613 commandments, to a non Jew that is to adhere to the 7 Noahide Laws. Its very nice that you are doing more that your share [btw it is forbidden for a non Jew to keep all of Shabbos. it is actually spiritually damaging for you to keep all those laws unless you are a Jew] but that is your prerogative. You are a person and you deserve kindness and respect. But you are not a Jew, unless you convert.
(79) Neal, February 13, 2015 1:46 AM
Dear Anonymous
Should officially joining the Jewish people be challenging? Well, yes, but it has become excruciating, with the Israeli rabbinic establishment acting as though there were so many tens or hundreds of millions of us that we should work to keep people out.
We should welcome those who want to join us, smoothing their way -- not setting up obstacles such as demanding observance in minute detail, at levels the overwhelming majority of born Jews wouldn't even consider, much less attain. Levels, I might add, not demanded of would-be converts a few decades ago; are those converts less Jewish?
The Torah is not in heaven, so we should be unable to reach it, and much of the stringency demanded these days doesn't even come from the Torah but from rabbinic rulings adding to the commandments (despite being told we are not to add to or subtract from the Torah's commandments).
Your rather overwrought posting would have more credibility if included your name -- at least your first name. If you're so fired up about your beliefs, why hide your identity?
Joseph, February 15, 2015 1:57 AM
stringent rules
No rabbis added their own rules . This is part of the oral law. Now if you don't believe in the fundamental of Judaism that G-D gave oral explanation to each of the 613 mitzvous to Moses on har sini at the same time he gave the written torah ...then its not Judaism. You can join other movements like Reform , Reconstructionist, Chisitianity (the first reform movement that discarded oral explanation to the 613
, but why do you ask us who follow the oral law all the way to har sini to abandon it, if you can join those movements if you feel their way of observance is the right way.
Shira, February 15, 2015 1:08 PM
Anonymous was 100% right on conversion
There was nothing "overwrought" in the anonymous comment on conversion. Everything said there is backed up by the Torah. Conversion is a life altering decision and given that we Jews have 2 worlds and not 1 the decision effects eternity. And no, not everyone should be welcomed to convert. Only those who are serious and understand the commitment they are making should be given an opportunity to convert and should be expected to keep the Torah 100%. I know many Orthodox/ Haredi converts and the demands on them were not extreme and they did all that was asked of them - today they are amazing Jews. Also, the Rabbis don't make up rules - this claim is totally false and slanderous.
And people have the right to comment here with or without a name and the right to do so without being insulted or with others making fallacious arguments on their inner intentions.
(78) Rachel, February 12, 2015 8:11 PM
The disconnect between the Orthodox and everyone else
Raised as a Roman Catholic, I married a Jewish man (the son of Holocaust survivors and grandson of victims) right out of college. I told him that I thought we should raise our children as Jews, and he agreed. It was only a few years later, as I started learning more about Judaism, that I realized that would not be possible in a meaningful way because they would not be accepted as Jews by the entire Jewish community. That led me to start thinking about whether I would want to consider conversion. Ultimately I did (Orthodox) and have been an observant Jew for the past 30 years.
Here's the problem: Christianity is what anthropologists call a "missionary" religion; no one is "born" Catholic, Methodist, Mormon or whatever. One becomes a member of one of those faiths through a ritual. Likewise, non-Orthodox Jews who practice non-Orthodox Judaism see that as a function of belonging to a temple, attending services, etc.
Orthodox Judaism, on the other hand, is anthropologically a "tribal" religion. According to the "tribe", on is a member if one is the natural born child of a Jewish woman, regardless of that woman's level of observance.
Without a commitment to Torah observance, including the things that don't make sense to some people, opposition to intermarriage seems simply racist. I'm probably a rare case; a non-Jewish woman who decided to embrace Judaism (despite the fact it made my parents unhappy, despite all the challenges, including a less than warm reception from some Jews.) It's not really surprising that non-Orthodox Jews and non-Jews think that intermarriage is fine; why wouldn't they?
Anonymous, February 16, 2015 11:39 PM
Not being obsevant you are still a Jew
The Torah is very specific who is a Jew and who is not. Observance has nothing to do with who is Jew. Non- observance is another issue.
(77) Tammy, February 12, 2015 4:59 PM
Proud to be a Jew
We are our brothers' keeper. Each generation is responsible for the next generations. The war on intermarriage will always exist as long as there are Jews and non-Jews. That's life. Somewhere along the line one Jew fails another and the dominos begin to fall. Being the best Jew possible toward Jew and non-Jew alike doesn't mean giving up religious and moral convictions. A person has to stand for something or they stand for nothing. They become part to the problem instead of part of the solution. Wars are never won by numbers, they're won by faith, belief, patience, and understanding. Hearts reflect hearts. When our messages are conveyed with love and in subtle ways, like a drop of water hitting a rock over time making an impression, change occurs within the deepest part of a person, their soul. If we allow ourselves to become afraid to speak up or speak out when we know inherently that something is not right, out of fear of political correctness for the world, then we've failed at being a light unto the nations. It's been my experience time after time that non-Jews want Jews to be Jews regardless if they're religious or not. Being a Jew goes much deeper than the outer wrapping. Being a Jew is the entire package. My Mother's family was from Holland and my Father from Italy and Germany, so I don't look Jewish. I remember saying to myself, "I wish I looked Jewish" each time someone would say to me, "Funny, you don't look Jewish" until one day in the grocery store during Passover, I helped a woman reach something on the top shelf and another woman walked passed me and spit on me. How did she know I was Jewish? I used to be a shaddchan in St. Louis and NY and I did it to fight intermarriage. People from all walks of life were welcome in my home any time day or night. I suppose that when a person has a title infront of or behind their name, that title becomes like a leash and a noose if their words don't match the times.
(76) Anonymous, February 12, 2015 8:08 AM
Highly misleading
The author asserts, "Only 17% of children of intermarried couples will marry a Jew." What, you've got a crystal ball over there? That figure is based on historic findings. As with investing and so much else in life, past results are no guarantee of future performance. In fact, the percentage has likely risen over the past 10 or 20 years ago and might well go substantially higher. The generation now coming of age in Reform and many if not most Conservative homes is really the first to grow up relatively free from the intermarriage taboo. Similarly, Reform's acceptance of patrilineal as well as matrilineal descent to consider a child as born Jewish has only begun to be felt. Nor is marrying a Jew anywhere nearly so contrary to social norms in most of the non-Jewish world as was once the case. My fear is not for our survival against assimilation but against ourselves. Already there are Orthodox who suggest that Reform and Conservative are not Jews at all. Our sages taught that sinas chinom/senseless animosity within the Jewish community was to blame for the destruction of the Second Temple. Will the latter-day version prevent the building of the Third?
James, February 12, 2015 9:55 AM
ignoring facts
the 17% figure is not the author's; it's the result of objective surveys. The article bemoans the rift in the Jewish people, and the author certainly recognizes that reform and conservative jews are indeed Jews - that is why losing them to intermarriage and assimilation is such a tragedy. Look at the reality around you -- the conservative movement is imploding - by their own admission, and reform jews are leaving the fold in droves. those are facts. We have to love every jew, and that must translate into concrete action to reaching out to them. There is nothing misleading in the article - you seem to be ignoring facts
JOSEPH, February 12, 2015 7:06 PM
Sinas Chinom?
Seems to me you have to review the topic and meaning of .Sinas Chinom; But for that you have to dvelve in oral torah she bal peh..where its applicable and when its doesn't apply.
Maybe gives us a sample of what you call 'sinas chinom' regarding our topic?
2) A child not born of a Jewish mother is not Jewish just like pork ,lobster etc etc is not kosher no matter what movement comes along and says otherwise.
Now if you call this hatred, sinas chinom, intolerance, then I cannot undstand why. If someone will come along and say I want baseball with 5 innings 4 players an oblong ball and we will say that's not baseball ,is that hate ? sinas chinom? intolerance? Of course not..we'l say your playing a different game and play it somewhere else not in baseball field. By the way sinas chinom is like eg your friend, neighbor etc etc have material things you cant afford and subconciensly turns into envy, which in turn into hate , that's sinas chinom.But if you hate one who disregards g-ds law which in turn brings midas hadin on earth inhabitants and the torah is full of these warnings)that's not sinas chinom . That most earths inhabitants don't believe in torah minhashomayim doesn t change the facts
Joseph, February 15, 2015 3:52 PM
Sinas Chinom?
My comment belongs to #77..please excuse
Tzipi Jacobs, February 12, 2015 8:42 PM
Not misleading at all but a truly sad reality
Orthodox Jews do not refer any Jew that has a Jewish mother as anything other than 100% Jew. The very same Sages that you sited at the end of your comment also clarified that a Jew is Jew by matrilineal descent only. We do not go by patrilineal because we keep the Torah as it was given by HaShem - these are His rules and human beings have no right to change them. The claim of sinas chinom is totally baseless. The Orthodox community is incredibly warm and welcoming to any Jew. Need a shabbos meal - no problem. Need a Passover seder - no problem. Have some other need - no problem just open up an Orthodox Jewish phone book and find a lengthy list of gemachs - free loan societies that will lend or give you anything including money, food stuffs, suitcases, extra bed, baby pacifiers, books - you name it you can probably find it.
(75) Mimi Briskey, February 11, 2015 11:54 PM
My journey
Was Espicopalian for many years, for short period of time a Catholic, then I converted to the Jewish Fairth...many years ago...some ask me why...now after many years I can answer "I realized this morning the reason I am Jewish "it's where G-d speaks to me"
(74) Anonymous, February 11, 2015 5:57 AM
More issues here than what is mentioned.
Hi. Im a person in a committed and long term relationship with a jewish man. Im going through an orthodox conversion process. I take a bit of issue with this article and other similar ones because, whilst i was not born jewish, was never aware of jewish things, holidays etc orior to meeting my partner and embarking on the conversion journey, its never ever been my mission or intention to disconnect him, or alienate him from judaism and "assimilate" him. With time ive grown to love and keep the religion and the mitzvot. Our house is absolutely 100% kosher. My kitchen is more kosher than many other kitchens in our area. Furthermore, behaving like intermarriage is a kind of pandemic situation and the fact that Rabbis and their respective organisations ie Beth dins make a conversion not only painfully expensive but also emotionally and psychologically challenging is very unfair. Where in the Torah does it talk about putting a convert through hoops and trials constantly, holding them back for years and charging them big dollars before you accept them as a Jewish person?? I love my partners religion, and in fact our relationship has bought him BACK to his roots and re inspired him to take notice of things and participate. He used to be conservative, now where back at an Orthodox shul and trying to integrate and settle in. Some people have been supportive and others havent, thats life and im not out to please anyone. The purpose of me writing this piece and speaking out is to say that I am no lesser than a naturally born Jewish woman, the struggles and needs of genuine converts are not even a factor in this article and need to be put out there, AND instead of hating and shunning and dismaying tbe interfaith couple, HELP them, reach out to them, welcome us and respect our humanity. You might just be surprised at the result.
Anonymous, February 11, 2015 12:45 PM
Conversion should be a challenging process
I am a Orthodox convert and conversion process was challenging and I fully agree that is should be challenging. A person who converts to Judaism, is completely changing their life for ALL of eternity. Choosing to convert and be Jewish is the most significant decision a human being can make and there is no exit door like with other religions. Jews and non-Jews are different that is how HaShem created us. HaShem told us not intermarry - this is HIS rule. I think we all need to deflate our egos and dispense with the modern myth that we can do whatever we want with our lives and everyone should just roll out the red carpet to us. It seems to me that HaShem is very missing from this discussion and our own ideas and opinions are too much part of the discussion.
Ben, February 11, 2015 3:50 PM
Why Conversion Is Challenging
The precedent for making conversion "chalenging" is from the Book of Ruth, where when Naomi seeks to return to Israel after her sons and husband died and her non-Jewish daughter in law Ruth wants to go with her. Naomi sought to dissuade her by telling her some of the many Jewish laws. After Ruth said where Naomi goes she goes, where she dwells she will, her people are her people and her G-d is her G-d Naomi relented and they left together. The reasoning is because all Jews are responsible for each other and therefor having potentially insincere "Jews" would be a liability. And the conversion process would be a sham.
(73) Emil M Friedman, February 11, 2015 3:59 AM
The demographics suggest that natural selection will solve the problem.
If the demographics presented are correct, orthodoxy will continues to grow and the other segments will continue to decline. Therefore, Torah observant Judaism will continue and other segments will disappear.
(72) Anonymous, February 10, 2015 11:17 PM
intermarrage
I eloped with a non-jew when I was a liberal18, In one year I had a daughter, five years later a son. I wanted my children to be Jewish, I* raised them in Judiasm, I divorced but ex-husband was veryhelpful in instilling Jewish values, both son and daughter married Jews and practice conservative Judiasm
(71) Aaron, February 10, 2015 10:56 PM
Truth is best
I respect Aish's candor that it is considering not posting articles about intermarriage, but I respectfully urge you NOT to succumb to that temptation. As long as your articles are respectful, then the merits of the arguments need to rise or fall on their own accord.
(70) Remi, February 10, 2015 6:32 PM
sympathetic external view
As an orthodox Catholic I receive Aish and love it, as I love Judaism.
The article is correct. If you intermarry, the chances are that the faith will be diluted, and before too many generations the children will forget that they are Jewish, UNLESS
you insist that the new partner converts, that they agree to bring the children up in the faith, meaning that the festivals are kept, that they be frum, that they be the Light to the Nations of the earth as Hashem intended.
1.9 children?!? I once heard a rabbi comment that contraception will succeed in destroying the Jewish people where generations of persecution has failed.
The Orthodox have it right. Cling to your religion. It is the most beautiful in the world.
perry, February 11, 2015 12:40 AM
Thank you!
Words like yours are incredibly meaningful to me, and maybe I speak for others when I say that I appreciate your support. The Jews need more friends like you in this world.
Tzipi Jacobs, February 11, 2015 12:33 PM
Thank you
Wow - well said and very appreciated. Thank you.
(69) Anonymous, February 10, 2015 6:15 PM
With intermarriage, no one will have to murder us- we will do it for them
Intermarriage is, in fact, the ultimate assimilation. At the rate we're going in the non-observant world, There will be no more "unobservant" Jews left in a few more decades... and the observant Jews might not be that far behind! Intermarriage will complete the mission of the Nazis and the Muslims and the other anti-Semites and rid the world of Jews. It seems that intermarriage is the PC way to let your family and the world know that you no longer wish to be Jewish!
(68) JOSEPH, February 10, 2015 6:11 PM
INTERMARRIAGE
Just to clarify...Intermarriage is not like ' some Jews are for it and some are against it ' It is one of the 613 mitzvos. And just like regarding the other 613 commandments new movements arose who decided all or part of the torah is not applicable anymore(c'v) and they broke off from mesorah (Shulchen Urech) like you have in other religions...There was no new relevation that the 613 are null and void. So they have new names, Reform, Conservative etc etc like Protestant, Luthern etc etc. But the Torah with 613 mitzvos and the oral explanation that god explained to Moses, that didn't change, as delineated in Talmud and codified in the 4 parts of Shulcen Urech (jewish book of law) EG. NO eating Yom Kipper plus the othe 4 forbiddens on Yom Kipper. Now, nowhere in the written torah (bible) does it mention one is not allowed to eat Yom Kupper;....or on mitzvah tefillin, (phylacteries) and they have to be black perfectly square or Rosh Hashana is for repence or blow rams horn...so if you don't believe in oral explanation of God gave to moses then you have nothing.
Think the same about alllllll 613, without belief in torah sha bal peh (oral explanation) you are left with nothing. Circmcision...nowhereis mentioned what, wher,e how only orl law...
(67) Susan, February 10, 2015 5:57 PM
Sad face of Jewry today
Hashem promised that the Jewish people will never be completely annihilated. If we want to understand where we are coming from and the direction Jewry is going I recommend the book by Rabbi Avigdor Miller Divine Madness in defence of Hashem in the matter of the Holocaust.. In it Rabbi Miller ob"m depicts clearly what brought about this enormous tragedy and what we need to do to avoid another tsunami of epic proportions in the Jewish world.Many if not all will find it hard to digest the views therein, because we have a tendency to blame everything but our own selves.
Aish should not be intimidated, for that means we feel defeated and helpless. Keep spreading the light of Torah and as R' Noach taught (your mandate) if one deranged person could convince the world to kill 6 million Jews each one of us has the duty to bring back as many as we can by following the dictates of the Torah through example and loving kindness .
(66) Hank, February 10, 2015 5:28 PM
I agree wholeheartedly with this article BUT...
My daughter is 28 yrs old. We sent her to Jewish Day School from kindergarten through high school. She attended Orthodox services with me. (I am a baal teshuva). Then we sent her away to college and now she wants to marry a non Jew. Though she insists that she will send her children to Jewish Day School and celebrate only Jewish holidays, I feel that I cant trust her. I love her very much but this is breaking my heart. As much as I have tried over the past 2 years to dissuade her it has not worked. If you think it is OK to marry a non Jew better think twice. Will they keep kosher or have ham and shrimp for dinner? When Yom Kippur comes how will the non Jewish spouse tell the children why we fast on Yom Kippur? What kind of Rabbi would perform the ceremony? Or what non Jewish clergy? Will they attend synagogue?
It's a lot to think about.
Anonymous, February 10, 2015 7:32 PM
There is hope
Dear Hank I read your comment and I feel your pain.
A year and a half ago my sister was in your position as her daughter was ready to marry a non Jew.i listened to a Torah class from Rav Dynovisz in Yerushalaim where he said that if the person dating a non Jew decides to Keep a strictly kosher diet either the relationship will break up or the other party will convert. Within a month the relationship was finished (after five years) and she is now dating a Jew!
Hang in there and Good luck!
(65) sara, February 10, 2015 3:01 AM
The problem with intermarriages
The problem with intermarriages is high risk of genetic diseases...I think the important thing is to have a healthy marriage build upon good trust,and love the other things can be negotiated,I believe all religions are like sidewalks and only God is the highway..A good and healthy heart with no envy and a good mind truly lead by God can keep a human been on the right track.
Mordecai Drucker, February 10, 2015 4:22 PM
The Perfect Book
It seems that you believe in G-d. By definition, He is a perfect and timeless. By extension, the His teachings, that is, the Torah, is perfect and timeless. The Torah is the truth; what you [or someone else] "thinks" is only of second importance ...
(64) Feigele, February 10, 2015 2:08 AM
Each of us follow our destiny!
Furthermore, in order to ensure continuation of the Judaism, it is necessary to disperse all over the world to evade total massacre from anti-Semitism. Marrying among ourselves doesn’t diminish the risk of being annihilated. Lucky are the ones who are given the Mazel to be together. Or is it Mazel? Like the 6 M Jews who perished during the Holocaust? One has to follow its destiny and walk into life guided by the hand of G-d!
(63) Feigele, February 10, 2015 1:45 AM
Jonathan and Rick
Yes, we have to live by the Torah and follow all the instructions for a better world, which can be accomplished by anyone no matter what religion they are. Old ways are here to stay but in different environment. It goes to say that I don’t mean the extinction of our people, I just mean in safer ways to preserve our heritage and traditions. I am not here to promote or encourage the mixing of the species, It’s what is going on right now in many countries and I’m not the one who is creating that. So lay off, please! As to be embarrassed, you are the ones who are offending me, not me. Who is a better human being with compassion as it is written in the Torah?
(62) Feigele, February 10, 2015 1:43 AM
Jonathan, Feb 8 and Rick
First of all, please get down from your high horses! Aish.com stories are not meant to insult anyone giving their own opinion on any subject. My message has absolutely nothing to do against my own religion for which I would die if only all my family on both sides of my parents hadn’t already been executed by the Nazis. So don’t lecture me on how to be a Jew, and leave it to G-d to judge me and no one else. My views on the future of any religion is what I wrote. I am not responsible for the changes ahead of us. It has already been proven that marrying among ashkenazes creates diseases and if we don’t remedy to it, it might be our demise.
(61) Richard, February 9, 2015 11:22 PM
From a Noahide
Israel is the mark, the seal for all humanity that HASHEM did create, perfect and complete all. With that said, Israel has to stay Israel or there is no more human pointer, pointing to HASHEM. Heaven forbid.
(60) Arlene, February 9, 2015 10:15 PM
Do not be Intimidated!
Why on earth would any sensible person object to articles against intermarriage of a community less than 14 million worldwide and an intermarriage rate of (well) over 50%???! Unless something is done, such a community will have a hard time maintaining itself!
Only the ignorant or those who do not care IF the Jewish people have a future would have such an objection.
It is crucial that you keep these articles coming!
(59) Anonymous, February 9, 2015 10:01 PM
being and staying jewish
what about a jewish child, who was NOT uccepted to a religiouse jewish school on the bases that her mother is not shomer Shabbos????? how that plays the role in bringing jewish people together...
(58) Anonymous, February 9, 2015 10:00 PM
Continued outreach and education is crucial
I once read a statement on a poster which said nobody can do everything but everybody can do something. I am not a rabbi, and my formal Jewish education is NOT extensive by any means. However, I live on this site. :-) I also try to read and learn whatever I can about Judaism from all of the people who know TONS more than I do. Intermarriage creates problems that a couple cannot even see until they experience the life changing event of starting a family. Marriage is hard enough when both people are Jewish. Sometimes one member of the couple is more religious than his/her spouse, but that's an issue for another blog. The point is, we MUST keep Judaism alive. Marrying in the faith is the way to do this. Period. Reaching out to single people on this critical issue may keep someone from marrying out. I can only hope and pray.
(57) Anonymous, February 9, 2015 8:29 PM
The problem exists even in Israel.
The situation described is a very sad one - especially for those who cherish the continuity of the Jewish people. Even in Israel - where one could hope not to be exposed to the intermarriage danger -you can find mixed couples. the young people of the 21st century think that love is above all ! The individual person is to be considered and not some principles from the far past. It tears my heart but I don't know what can be done to change this/
(56) joseph, February 9, 2015 7:37 PM
compromising 1 of the 613
This statement of 'I am for assimilation or not' is like ' I am for eating pork or not' same for the rest of the 613 commandments....so whats the debate...just say you don't believe in thorah relavation on sini with the oral explanationstions each. this is judaism
(55) Feigele, February 9, 2015 7:34 PM
Not in the Torah to abandon one's children for religion!
It is cruel to try to persuade someone to get a divorce and abandon their children and their mother because of religion. These people must have an inner motive other than the good of this family. I knew once a young couple with a child, he was Jewish and she was not. His mother tried so hard to have them divorced and steal the child from her mother. They got separated for a while but he was so sick missing his child, they got back together. Now, do you really think this was in the best interest of the Torah!
(54) Pres Engle, February 9, 2015 5:42 PM
A very difficult topic for me, but a valid point nonetheless. I was born Jewish, but as a young man completely rejected my faith (and any other for that matter). I was married to my first wife (not Jewish) for 8 years. We had three daughters. I was divorced for 10 years and then re-married 16 years ago. We have five children. I returned to Judaism nine years ago, and have been to my best to be observant. My wife, whom I love dearly, is not Jewish. Our children, by Jewish law, are not considered Jewish unless they convert. I accept that premise, and do my best to keep them connected to my Jewish faith. They have been very open to it, as is my wife. However, unless they decide to all convert, then what am I to do. I love my wife and my children-some have advocated divorce and re-marriage to a Jewish woman. I am not open to that so I find myself in a very difficult position. the overwhelming majority of my Jewish friends, both men and women, are also married to non-Jewish spouses. It is indeed a complex subject.
(53) Karen, February 9, 2015 3:52 PM
What about the children?
When reading about intermarriage, I rarely see anything that addresses what intermarriage does to the individual children who are the product of that intermarriage. If a couple cannot figure out which religious direction they want their marriage to take, how do they expect their children to choose? The children are expected to choose between their mother's religion and their father's religion. For many, this is more than a choice between religions, it is a choice of which parent you love best. How can this be healthy? Why would we be surprised when they opt out of religion altogether? Or nominally celebrate both religions themselves? Or take the path of least resistance and nominally celebrate the religion of the dominant culture? It seems intermarriage is creating a generation of children with no religion at all.
(52) Matthew, February 9, 2015 3:45 PM
Coming from a Christian background....
even I can see that mixed marriages are a problem. Christians themselves teach "not to be unequally yoked," that is, not to marry an unbeliever...an non-Christian. With Jews it is worse. Why? Because in intermarriage, a Jew according to Jewish law is taught to turn from Judaism and that it doesn't matter what (s)he believes. Those who are not Jews at all according to Jewish law are misled to believe they are obligated to all the commandments when they simply have 7. The children are never considered when mixed marriages are discussed, only the adults, and thus they are being selfish people. It is only me, us. They cannot see that the nonJewish world looks at you as "having Jewish blood" whenever thay hate you and want to destroy you. So why put your children through that and think for only yourself? Children raised in homes that have one Jewish parent are confused, hate the bible because (they think) it makes others tell them that they are not really Jews or it obligates them to be 100% JewISH. What does this mean? Being JewISH means to live a certain way and accept the Mosaic Law according to the interpretations of the rabbinic seat establised in Ex. 18. Children born of mixed marriages are either Jews in entirety or are not gentiles in entirety according to the Mosaic Law. Since none of the sciences of man label Jew as a race, this is not a racist issue. It is a family issue. And only a family can give the name of the family to a member and this is usually considered through the man. Sure you will still be family if a man marries a girl, but the name remains what the man is called and everyone considers you "thorough marriage" or thorugh law "inlaws." Why do the children of mix marriages not have troubles with Christian law this way but they do with Jewish law from the family of Jews...Israel?
Shoshana@gmail.com, February 9, 2015 10:06 PM
Jewish law
Judaism is handed down through the mother. If the mother is Jewish, the child is Jewish. If the mother is Christian, the child is Christian.
(51) yeshua, February 9, 2015 2:38 PM
inter marriage
it is hard topic for me , for i do not know how some body can just jump into marriage without consulting the Torah and good advise from thier rabbi.I thank Hashem for making me to marry a jew.though we are not born jewish ,we are convert to judaism.And i have been telling my children from bar/bat mitzva till there marriage to go for a fellow jew.
(50) Anonymous, February 9, 2015 12:53 PM
Ironic
coming from Ms. Wasserman. She is the epitome of a secular, liberal Jew, and with the exception of her support for Israel, is completely devoid of Torah based values and beliefs. This is an observation, not a criticism. It is this type of background that intermarriage is most likely found.
(49) ShimonBenLissak, February 9, 2015 8:04 AM
Who do we obey Tanakh or Tradition?
I found this article saddening. If we are to take the Tanakh as our authority then it is clear that Tanakh says... "No intermarriage". The fact that the issue is taboo now is FURTHER illustration of the deep insecurity we face.... NOT because of IS/Religious extremists... But at "the increasing schism that is occurring within world Jewry". This is nothing new (under the sun)! I can almost hear the book of Judges saying "In those days Israel had no king... everybody did as they saw fit". How long before we realise that saying that a Jewish child who has a Jewish father is not Jewish is fundamentally an affront to the Tanakh and just as bigoted? When we choose our definition of "Jewish" above the Tanakh we are always heading for disaster.
Shoshana- Jerusalem, February 9, 2015 3:40 PM
Judaism
Judaism is transmitted through the mother. This is according to the Torah and has always been like this.
In recent years when reformed Judaism took a good look at themselves and saw that most of them were goyim, they decided to "change the law" and say that a child born of a Jewish father is also also Jewish. Then according to their new religion, they became Jewish again.
There is no basis for this in Judaism. The women in Tenach always converted. This was self-understood and didn't have to be specifically mentioned.
A child born of a non-Jewish mother is not Jewish.
Steven Rosenberg, February 10, 2015 1:22 PM
"The women in Tenach always converted."
" The women in Tenach always converted," but what did conversion consist of?
Diana, February 9, 2015 5:19 PM
In Rare Cases It Works
I was raised Reform. At the age of 27 I entered into a civil marriage, blessed by a Reform rabbi, with a non-practicing Baptist who understood that his children would be Jewish and who promised not to interfere with their religious upbringing. Much to my family's horror I chose to return to the Orthodoxy of my grandparents and to raise my children that way. Thirty-seven years and three adult sons later, I can say that it worked out very well. My sons are all frum dayschool - yeshiva - beis medrash - kollel educated (except for the one who isn't married yet, so no kollel yet for him) and two are married to wonderful Bais Yaakov girls. Our children and I lead typical frum lives, and my husband couldn't be happier with his Jewish home and wife or prouder of his wonderful sons. His family is similarly supportive. It worked for us because I have tried to be sensitive to my husband's feelings and needs and he has given 110% to the effort. A rare case, but it can work. And it has to involve a Jewish woman, since we are strictly matrilineal.
CG, February 10, 2015 8:27 PM
Whether or not it "works," it is against the law of G-d. It is strange to me that you can identify as Orthodox and ignore this very serious prohibition. And ignore it not apologetically, but with pride, as if you have pulled off something amazing. Strange.
(48) Rosally Saltsman, February 9, 2015 6:47 AM
Answer to Steven Rosenberg
Steven, we're not talking about a view or an opinion or a cultural perspective. A Jewish person is morally bound to keep the Torah. That's what makes a person Jewish not what country he was born in or the color of his skin or the language he speaks. The moral imperative to keep the Torah is what makes a person Jewish, And one of the laws in the Torah is to marry a Jewish person in order to carry on God's Will. Unlike other religious philosophies there is no change in basic halacha. Jewish law doesn't bend to the times or change with the winds. Of course God prefers you marry a halachically observant person so that you will build a Torah home but that can only happen if you marry a Jew to begin with (And I include true converts).
To the lady who asked how Jews can come in so many colors and cultures, the Jewish people were forced into exile, slavery and wandering around the world in search of a haven over the millenia. When that happened, people from other cultures joined the Jewish people by converting (see the Purim story for example) and others intermarried but their children were considered Jewish as the Jewish spouse was the mother. Today Jews from different cultures marry each other making a nice rainbow of Jewish faces with Jewish hearts and souls.
By the way, the figure "83% of the Orthodox stay Orthodox sounds impressive until you consider what it means. Yes, we stay with what we know and are comfortable with. I'm sure at least 95% of the non-Orthodox stay non-Orthodox and/or secular and/or intermarry. Are we to just ignore the non-Orthodox and not aim
Steven Rosenberg, February 9, 2015 4:19 PM
Well, you've lost me. Good luck.
"The moral imperative to keep the Torah is what makes a person Jewish, And one of the laws in the Torah is to marry a Jewish person in order to carry on [Hashem's] Will." Forgive me, but I believe Moses married a non-Jew, and without a formal program of study leading to a conversion, so your views are not quite as well-founded as you suggest.
Rebecca, February 10, 2015 2:18 AM
Steven, u seem a bit confused
That was before we received the Torah and became a Jewish nation. U may as well say that Abraham married off his son Issac to a non- Jew as well. After we received the Torah, we became the Jewish nation, and took upon ourselves to learn it's laws and follow it.
btw- I always think- imagine what the world would look like without the Jewish ppl> without the influence that we've had? without the 10 commandments? the morality that is inherent in the Torah? I'm proud of who I am, and that I'm Jewish, without looking down upon Gentiles. If I were to be a non-Jew, I would be proud of who I was as well. We are so apologetic, and check ourselves if we are racist, instead of holding onto our values. Gentiles don't call you racist when they see you self confidently following your beliefs. they respect you. Just like you don't call muslims racist when they say that its forbidden for them to marry a non-muslim, or many other cultures that encourage their cultures to marry from within (indian). It's only racist if your doing it because u think ur better then a gentile- if that's ur attitude- ur a bigot. If you say u can only marry a Jew, bec that's part of the Jewish tradition- u will get respect. ppl respect those that are self-respecting. (btw- reform mov't assimilated into Germany- did it make ppl respect them, did it lessen anti-antisemitism? i think the holocaust speaks for itself)
Steven Rosenberg, February 11, 2015 4:29 AM
Rebecca, you, and many writing here, are failing to grasp the reality of the larger world, and missing the point I and many others are attempting to make here.
The issue isn't questioning the value, and really, superiority of Jewish values and the Torah. The issue is the reality that circumstance and, lets say, culture, may prevent many Jews, and especially Jewish men, from falling in love with a Jewish woman; that many non-Jews are attracted to Jewish values and Jews; and that many people who are officially Jews, have no interest in Judaism.
As I wrote earlier, why should I believe Hashem prefers that I marry a Jewish but completely secular woman who has no interest in Halacha, as opposed to a non-Jew who is interested in keeping Shabbat with me, and creating a kosher home, and giving children a Jewish education, even though when we (civilly) marry, she has not converted, and may never go through an Orthodox conversion? This is not a theoretical question. It is the question I have had to pose for myself over the last 25 years.
Joseph, February 17, 2015 8:32 PM
Moses Married a non Jew ..you say
You see this is the problem when one doesn't believe , study the oral explanation
1) the bible does not mention this because its a given that she converted first and it wasn't important to go into the laws of giruus
2) Before Matan Torah (The relavation of G-D on Mount Sini ) the Isralites were not considered Jews . After when they accepted and said 'Nash Venishmah( We will do and we will listen") then they becameJews and had a status of coverts so there was no problem with Tziporah
You see the problem people readTorah, tenach without the oral explanation to them and see what is against torah laws. So if you don't believe in torah she bal peh we cant help you You have to educate yourself on torah she bal peh.. There are plenty publication by G-D fering authors that can be of tremendous help...that is , if you believe in the fundementl of oral law misini
In this day and age there are unlimitet such sforim in most languages. But yoy have to bre careful iand then pasken or have questions
(47) Anonymous, February 9, 2015 6:15 AM
Unfortunately the biggest disease in the Jewish world today is ignorance in grasping of the truth of what it means to be a part of the Jewish people, the journey and path it needs to follow and the destiny laid out for it. The Jewish people cannot get away from the fact that they are an entertwined unit, one big family with each individual offering an important unique set of attributes to the goal laid out by the Almighty Hashem creater and sustainer of the world. The Jewish people will achieve its destiny as promised by Hashem. This can be achieved in two ways. The path of less resistance which is unity and living in accordance to the commandments as laid in the five books of Moses, or the opposite path. Both have their consequences. The reward far outweigh the effort for those that perceive and get the true message and more importantly use their intellect followed by their emotion to pro-actively play their unique part. It is easy for the truth to go over one's head and even easier to rationalise ones way out of taking on their responsiblility without any insight into the coconsequences. Each Jew who gets the truth has an obligation to reach out to one Jew that does not and with strategy, patience and prayer show him the way and together be a beacon of light.
(46) Diane, February 9, 2015 4:43 AM
Interesting article and topic
I was brought up in a Reform congregation. We celebrated the holidays and went to Sunday school. My brother ז״ל became bar mitzvah. He married a Jewish girl who was schizophrenic and murdered him. I married an Israeli secular Jew, and thanks to the Rabbinut I lost custody of my son. It turned me against Judaism, and my second marriage was to a non-Jew atheist. Something didnt feel right, and B"H we divorced. In the meantime, my younger sister converted to Catholicism and had her daughter, then divorced. She married a Christian and celebrated all the Christian holidays with a tree, etc. My nephew never got any relgious education and is really nothing. My niece was influence by my parents who brought her to Israel, included her in Jewish holidays, but she wore her cross through college. Then, one day she met a nice young Jewish man. They were married under a chuppah (no more cross) and now has a baby son who I hope will get some Jewish education. In the meantime, my son in Israel said married a nice Jewish girl and although secular Israelis, they have two lovely daughters.
In the meantime, I met and marrried my third husband. His mom ז״ל was Orthodox, but married a non-Jew and gave birth to my husband. She instilled Jewish values and learning in my husband especially after she divorced his father. So, now, his mother would be happy that he is married to a Jewish woman. Together we are learning more about Judaism and becoming more observant. We never have I lived in an Orthodox community. We live too far to walk to a shul. No kosher restaurants and minimal kosher food in supermarkets. So, it is not easy. Thanks to Aish & Chabad as our resources online.
(45) arnie, February 9, 2015 2:24 AM
Intermarriage and Political Correctness
I agree and dealt with this issue as it relates to Jewish dating sites here- http://www.jzoog.com/Jewish-Dating/jewish-dating-sites-against-intermarriage/
(44) Yehoshua-Quintin Burbank, February 9, 2015 2:15 AM
It is a topic that must be discussed no matter how painful or insensitive it may seem.We can never know who will fall in love with who,but strong TORAH values will ensure that the Jewish bloodline will continue on.I feel that intermarriage may perhaps complete Hitler's goal of a Jew-Free world
(43) Alex, February 9, 2015 1:37 AM
Passion, wisdom, and assimilation.
I am a regular readers of Aish.com. I enjoy the the passion and wisdom about Judaism. I enjoy reading. learning, and reflecting on the writing because it helps me to be a good role model. I share the readings when appropriate. I have learned a lot about jewish heritage and history. I am thankful for the newsletters. I live in a mixed family, but I have to tell you I am episcopalian by birth. I listen to my jewish relatives to learn from them. We share many similar values and beliefs about so many topics. The writings on this website are so in line with my own values. Should one of my daughters wish to assimilate and convert to Judaism, I would support her 100% as long as she lived a virtuous, committed life. And I would hope her new family would welcome and embrace her as a full member of her family, in the name of love. I would do the same for the love of her life, regardless of his religion.
(42) Anthony McLean, February 9, 2015 1:34 AM
Fear not Jewism is forever.
The religion has survived for over 3000 years, fear not, it will survive 3000 more. My great grandfather was a jew, I'm not accepted in any congregration in my country Panama even thou I have tried, but I truely belive in Torah and the religious concept of Jewism but I'm instilling jewism in my children and grandhildrens and they will be the future. I'm convince that as soon as people realize the true religious value, tings will change, but we need to go out and proselitize.
(41) Yochanan, February 9, 2015 1:29 AM
Better an intermarriage than no mariage?
If the desire is to procreate and provide another generation of Jews, is it not better to intermarry and raise the children as Jews as opposed to not marrying at all and having no children? Is it better to marry someone you love and care for- who may not be Jewish- or marry someone for whom your feelings are lukewarm or even non-existent, but is Jewish?
As for keeping the Commandments, what is more desirable for Judaism- a non-Jew who accepts the responsibility of keeping the Commandments, and keeps them to a great degree (perhaps even as much as the most conservative Orthodox man or woman) and is a Jew in all but having a certificate....or the 'born Jew' who keeps little of the Commandments, if at all?
Anonymous, February 10, 2015 7:29 PM
Torah is Divine - cannot be changed one iota
Sorry, Yochanan, you've got it wrong. Judaism and its mitzvot are all Divine. You either accept that fact or don't, but you CANNOT change the facts of Torah. A man marrying a non-Jewish woman who does not convert halachacily has committed a grievous sin because their children will never be Jewish unless, at an adult age, a child or children of theirs will want to convert (Orthodox, of course). It doesn't matter how far removed from Judaism a Jew is, he/she is still a Jew and can always do teshuvah and return to his/her roots. A non Jew must convert (sincerely) after being denied and returning for the third time to the Rabbi and showing their true sincerity and thus (after learning) can become a Jew. A righteous convert is beloved by G-D and needs to be accepted by the Jewish people with love; but only if the convert is a 'righteous convert'. It does not matter how sincere the non Jew is if he/she does not convert, their acceptance of mitzvot mean nothing and it is the children who suffer. Intermarriage is one of the gravest of sins in this era because it is in epidemic proportions. There are many B'H, Jewish girls and same with the boys/men. Looking for a mate outside the fold breaks a chain of 4000 years. Think of your parents, grandparents, etc,
Anonymous, February 11, 2015 8:45 PM
What about listening to HaShem?
We can all just listen to HaShem and then we have no need to invent our own rules. I think a large helping of humility is sorely needed here. We are not in this world to do whatever we and then to dream up justifications for it. What is wrong with the living life on HaShem terms - absolutely nothing! In fact it is the best and most beautiful life - HaShem gaves us the Torah in order to give us the best life. Let's listen to Him.
(40) Eliana Freydel Miller, February 9, 2015 12:35 AM
Jewish boys and girls please marry a Jewish person, you will be making a great mitzvah.
G-D does not want intermarriage as He wants Jews on this earth and plenty of them.He wants us to have Jewish children-only from a Jewish mother – so Jewish boys and girls please marry a Jewish person, you will be making a great mitzvah. And just ignore the “democrat politician” who changed her mind- for political gain, when pressed.
(39) Mara, February 8, 2015 11:05 PM
Don't care
I am Jewish, Zionist but not religious. I would marry an atheist but not a Christian\Muslim etc
(38) Jewish Mom, February 8, 2015 10:50 PM
Jewish Law is G-d's Will!
It's sad to read many of the comments.
The Jewish religion has laws, expressions of Divine Will made known to man at the Sinai Revelation, taught to the Jewish people by Moses and passed down in an unbroken chain of tradition from then until today. If you believe in the Divinity of the Torah, then nothing else counts. You don't have to agree with G-d nor understand His reasoning, including why Jews were assigned a specific mission which entails keeping His Torah and its commandments, among them, the prohibition of intermarriage. This does not mean that gentiles are less worthy - they just are not given the Jewish mission unless they fully convert and accept upon themselves G-d's Torah. If they do, they are full-fledged Jews and marrying them is not called intermarriage. (Moses' wife Tzippora converted as did Ruth - that is NOT intermarriage!!)
Do you accept the Torah as G-d's Will and its laws as binding on all Jews (including converts) or not? That's the only question, not one's personal desires. G-d created us, including all of our spiritual, emotional and physical needs. Keeping His laws properly enables us to fulfill those needs in a balanced way. If we have trouble finding that balance while trying to keep the laws (say, for example, finding an appropriate Jewish life partner), we can turn to Him for help and guidance through prayer, improving our character and focusing on truth as well as our own and others' intrinsic worth as opposed to a superficial view.
Bottom line: G-d says that Jews may not intermarry. We don't need to apologize for it. If we understood our mission and had the passion to carry it out, we wouldn't question G-d's law.
(37) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 10:25 PM
Living in the Present, not in the Future
I married out. My wife converted to Reform...then to Conservative...finally to Orthodox. We had one child, not more, because we were afraid they would inherit her kidney disease. He's 36 now, and somewhat knowledgeable about Judaism, but in a long-term friendship with another agnostic, a non-Jewish girl who is also not Christian. They are unlikely to have children, given their ages and lifestyle. Meanwhile, my wife is dead.
It looks as if the Jewish people will have to continue without my family. And I think they will. But right now...the only time left to me or to anyone else...how Jewish am I? Well, I lay tefillin, and keep sorta kosher and kinda Shabbat...and I'm constantly working on expanding my practice. It ain't much, but I'm doing it. Good for all of us who at least try. If HaShem cares, HaShem will arrange for the Jewish people to continue. Considering that every group of people in the world says we should be nice to each other (and usually isn't), I don't see how Judaism's message is unique. The language, the rituals, yes. But the message is the same, l'havdil, in Christianity, Islam, and probably all the otehr religions.
Twila, February 9, 2015 10:23 PM
Don't despair! The Jewish family won't go on without you! We are one entity and each one is vital. Every mitzva you do, each time you lay Tfilin, each time you lift your arm to wind the straps around the forearm, you are creating eternal gifts for yourself, and every new. You are more significant than you can ever imagine, so pull up your socks and create a beautiful infinite future for your soul. You are part of our global family, and don't forget it for a minute. Be strong.
(36) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 10:18 PM
intermarriage
I find the discussion most necessary.... but also realize there is no one answer....as, far too many western thinking people - Americans in particular - having been raised with the values of the 21st philosophies - of tolerance, brotherhood, acceptance and equality .... When these values are being tauted...it is incongruous to put limitations on people.
I will throw this into the mix.....Someone mentioned that a non Jew might b e open to following tradition and even convert. That is one scenario....There is always the case though a JFB (Jew from birth) who has absolutely NO interest in anything Jewish who marries a Jew...and the home is totally void of Yiddishkeit. NU...2 Jews and zilch.
(35) Chesed Prather, February 8, 2015 9:56 PM
Political correctness is anti-semitic
This false definition of intermarriage is simple to correct. People simply do not clarify the context in their head when they hear the word intermarriage, because in the world of goyim it carries a racial (skin color) context. So even when it's used in the proper context, those who oppose "intermarriage" are seen as bigots. Without giyur, if one is not born to a Jewish mother, they are not Jewish. What is even more evil than murdering a Jew is preventing a Jew from ever existing. If you really support Israel, then step outside the insanity of "political correctness" and have the guts to stand up for Jewish life!
(34) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 9:50 PM
intermarriage
very sad situation! Seems even Jewish Day school cannot always stop this problem! I think parents should continue to make an effort to educate and encourage their kids but the school should express the alarming facts as well.
(33) Jerome Davios, February 8, 2015 9:35 PM
Interesting and good articel re intermarriage and assimilation
Thanks for a very good article. I would like to say that I think an aggressive, positive approach should be taken, and I would suspect and hope a good return would be seen,possible a " turn around" .
It's ok to intermarry and become assimilated with other people.BUT bring you Judiasm with you. Stay in contact with your Jewish friends and family. Celebrate the numerous holidays and show joy and interest. There is no reason not to invite your friends and new relatives to Temple with you and have an attitude of wanting to " SHARE". This though could also be backed up by having your friends from school: grade & high, and college come with you, to share in Temple activities.
There should be no reason NOT to discuss intermarriage and assimilation.
The schism within world Jewry is catastrophic and I strongly feel the should be on the agenda within the entire Jewish community. In every synagogue and country. Especially in Israel, The Knesset and by Mr. Netanyahu.
Thanks
Jerry
(32) IrisB, February 8, 2015 9:23 PM
Intermarriage is not the only problem, just a symptom
As I see it, intermarriage is just a symptom of a problem within Judaism. What has to be asked is "why isn't remaining Jewish important to individuals who choose to intermarry or become less religiously observant?"
For many the answer is that Judaism is not central to their core. It holds little or no meaning to them. AND for many of those people, it is a complete non-belief in God that accounts for the waning of Jewish numbers.
One CAN be committed to being part of the Jewish community and not be religiously observant at all and have no belief in God. Judaism is the religion, but being Jewish is being part of a people.
(31) Bruce A Wachter, February 8, 2015 9:21 PM
A minority gentile point of view
As a gentile I am amazed at the spiritual wealth of the Jew and stand in awe at their persistence to continue in Torah observance, personally I think the world a dark and uninhabitable place without the Jew. Being raised in anti-antisemitism, and replacement theology I have come to understand how valuable the Jew is and how wrong those who assail them are. Please be proud of being Jewish, I have toyed with envy wishing to be Jewish but know now that if G-d wanted me Jewish He could have arranged that, because He arranged you to be Jewish please do not envy the gentile. Your place in history is far from over and the very very best is just ahead, marry Jewish if Jewish, I believe you are saving more than a ethnicity, the world needs everything you have to offer and if watered down then how is your teachings any better than any other? Not being a huge world traveler or socialite I cannot definitively say mixed-marriages experience unique trials others do not suffer, but from the few mixed marriages I have seen there are difficulties which appear beyond the scope of non-mixed couples. Forgive my impertinence, I just love who you are and would hate to see that particular treasure lost in assimilation, none of the other culturesinf history has conquered you yet, please do not let this culture be your undoing. All my admiration and love.
Anonymous, February 9, 2015 10:24 AM
Thank You for Your Eridite Words
Thank you Bruce for your heartfelt words. You are truly one of the "Righteous of the Nations." If only your words could be heard by every couple contemplating intermarriage. You know the truth that G-d wants the Jewish people to marry among their own so that we, the Jewish people, can fulfill our destiny, much as G-d wants non-Jews to fulfill their destiny by keeping the Seven Noahide laws. May G-d bless you and your family.
(30) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 9:15 PM
If 83% are remaining orthodox, what about the 17% who are not? How many of the 83% remain orthodox out of cultural norms, vs any particular spiritual calling to be Jewish? What about the Baal tshuvas and converts who get the calling, with one or two non Jewish parents? What about all the single Jewish girls in their late 30s and early 40s who wonder if marrying outside the faith would have made more sense to at least have a shot of making some Jewish children? How about the parents with special needs kids who can't keep their kids in a Jewish school? What is communicated then?
Steven Rosenberg, February 10, 2015 3:39 AM
(31) Anoynmous' comments
I think what you are pointing out is that there may be an unbridgeable gap between those who are Orthodox, and those who are not. Even if I go to an Orthodox (Chabad-influenced) shul, and however much I might want to be fully shomer Shabbat (and I'm getting there, albeit, with my non-Jewish girlfriend), I will never feel that committing to those things are truly required; or that laws that seem pointless or wrong (e.g., kosher wine, women not being able to read from the Torah in shul) are things to be more than tolerated (or not) or that I MUST marry a Jew when Moses did not. Hashem made some of us, perhaps most of us unable to embrace Orthodoxy. I don't think the Orthodox, or at least a lot of them, understand that.
(29) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 7:37 PM
the tearing down of Yiddishkeit
It is inexcusable for a Jew to come out and say, whether speaking to Jews or even non-Jews that intermarriage is okay! I blame most of all the lack of JEWISH education not given to the youth. If every Jewish family were to send their child to any orthodox yeshivah (even co-ed) this plague would never have been. Because of the infamous Reform movement and Conservative movement and the lack of Jewish knowledge and education, what could we expect other than this chilul. By every Jewish child going to a yeshivah, even the expense, the cost of tuition would be much lower because of the volume. The problem is so great today, not only in the galut but in Israel, it has reached unprecedented levels of chilulei H' because of the missionizing and the promotion of graf ing, chas v'sholom, Xtianity and other religions to Judaism. There are rabbis who have joined this, thus exposing that they are of the erev rav. These are things we do not ordinarily read about. We're sliding down a steep slope and true Jewish leadership must wake up and scream gevald - this must stop.
(28) Akiva, Oakland, CA, February 8, 2015 7:21 PM
Opposing assimilation is not bigotry or elitism
America is what it is because of the contributions of many diverse ethnic and religious groups that make up our society. Preserving the Jewish communities' beliefs, practices and customs is a noble cause that serves to ensure continued contributions to American society from a culturally rich and fruitful sub-group. Taking pride in our heritage and preserving it within our community keeps us connected through the generations and enables us to provide a different yet valuable perspective to the greater society in which we live.
(27) Steven Rosenberg, February 8, 2015 7:17 PM
Remember DWS Is A Democrat
Respectfully, you are mistaken, Rabbi Coopersmith, if you believe that any American politician would be pressured to retract or "nuance" their statement regarding intermarriage. DSW is a Democrat. And while she spoke of the problem of Jewish intermarriage, she belongs to a political party that champions gay marriage, liberal abortion laws, and any number of other views that are not supported by traditional/orthodox Judaism. Remember, at the DNC in 2012, there were loud cheers when "G-d" was taken out of the party's official platform.
DWS is not a traditional Jew, as are not, for the most part, her constituents in FL (Miami Beach excepted, I suppose). So, except for lamenting the loss of some vague superficial tribal/cultural heritage, it is unclear what he was warning against when she spoke of the problem of intermarriage.
(26) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 6:46 PM
Don't be pushovers. Stand up for Jewish values.
This topic is infuriating. Perhaps the Jews should stand up for their values and start being Jews and stop trying to be like the gentile nations. Have we not learned anything from our history? In every generation they try to destroy us. Who are we to go against the wisdom of our ancestors and marry out, breaking the chain of our Jewish connection? We don't need another holocaust. We are killing ourselves by allowing intermarriage to happen. If one has married out, I pray their children come back or else the Jewish people are doomed.
(25) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 6:45 PM
Commandment Number Eleven
Thou shall not let Adolph Hitler Win !
A convert that is pure in heart and soul in conversion to our Jewish family should be appreciated and loved ---- wasn't a certain woman named RUTH so Loved?
(24) scott, February 8, 2015 6:40 PM
what exactly is the discussion?
Does anyone doubt that intermarriage is against Jewish law? Does anyone deny that the children and grandchildren of intermarriages have very little chance of maintaining a jewish identity-even those with Jewish mothers? So its against religious law and tradition and is an action almost 100% sure of removing the decendents of the intermarriage from the Jewish people. Gentiles aren't bad or less holy. If someone likes goyish culture enough to marry a gentile, they should be happy to have gentile children and grandchildren. Its no loss to them. If someone is so uncommitted to judiasm as to intermarry is the Jewish people actually losing anything? Numbers are one thing, but isnt the quality and commitment of the people making up those numbers more important? Its a problem with living in diaspora. If you care so little about your culture to live somewhere other than Israel you're pretty much telling your kids that Jewishness is simply a secondary thing. You know after your comfy job or family ties or whatever the heck you use to justify living outside Israel. Why would anyone be surprised that over time Jewishness becomes a third or fourth place consideration until it just isn't important at all? I really don't know what the conversation is about at all.
(23) Susan, February 8, 2015 6:36 PM
anything liberals don't like to discuss becomes taboo
Trying to shut down discussion about intermarriage because many Jews find it "offensive" is completely typical of the conservative-liberal divide today. Political conservatives are used to being called names (racist, homophobe, sexist, etc) when we try to argue our positions, even when the facts prove our point. The facts be damned; the supposedly "tolerant" and diversity-loving class cannot tolerate certain viewpoints without resorting to name-calling. But we must continue the discussion in a responsible way. Otherwise, we are letting them shout us down.
(22) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 6:36 PM
Don't cave in to the pathetic noise makers.
Generally I don't agree with Representative Wasserman Schultz, but she was absolutely correct in her original statement. I am sorry she felt it necessary to retract the truth. Likewise, I am disappointed with Rabbi Coppersmith knuckling under to pressure and or criticism. Aish is obligated to continue its leadership role and not give in to those who cannot tolerate nor
admit they have taken the wrong path. If not you, then who?
(21) Dr Meeroff, February 8, 2015 6:02 PM
Either jewish or not jewesh
Intrmarriage are nver "neutral". One of the two partners dominate, then the family becomes jewish or not jewish. That is the experince of our family. Fortunately, for my preference, all non jewish members have adopted judaism in full and the younger generation is fully jewish (despite the oposition of the fully orthodow).
Steven Rosenberg, February 8, 2015 6:55 PM
Nice to read something against "all or nothing."
Nice to read something deviating from an "all or nothing" view of Judaism. Are we a tribe based on history, or a people, united by laws and ideas with a mandate to spread those ideas and laws? All or nothing is not even a Jewish concept.
Leah, February 8, 2015 8:51 PM
Israeli Jews
My family in Israel are orthodox and accepted my husband's conversion with pleasure. Any orthodox Jew who fails to accept these conversions is breaking Jewish law and it is this kind of behaviour that infuriates me.
Yehudah, February 9, 2015 4:00 AM
"Fully" Orthodox?
You started off saying "either Jewish or not Jewish". That sounds pretty definite, logical. Then you say despite the opposition etc. Which I understand to mean, that according to Orthodoxy - your younger generations are NOT Jewish. But - you maintain they are. So that seems to contradcit your opening statement - am I missing something? Either Jewish - or not?
(20) Feigele, February 8, 2015 6:00 PM
The Winds of Change!
Times are evolving! If we are destined at birth to marry among ourselves, then where is the Free Will we are longing for so much. With new technology, the world has become an amalgam of races and the desire for new beginnings has arised. What makes you think that G-d wants you to be stagnant in your old ways? Maybe it is his Will to intermix humans for healthier and better future of mankind. We desire to keep our religion forever but so do we would like to keep our parents alive for ever. It gives us joy to be among ourselves and wish our families would keep the traditions but sometimes our dreams are stronger than reality. The reason of our strength is the spraying all over the world and not being in one community.
Jonathan, February 8, 2015 7:21 PM
Behold, "the dreamer of dreams"
What an outrage against Judaism! Look up D'varim 13:1-6 and educate yourself against the man who is sent among the children of Israel by Hashem to test us!! I can't believe that people would even postulate that due to "the newness of the times Torah could EVER be the old ways"!!! The words of Hashem are timeless!! Get over yourself and live an upright life!
Rick, February 8, 2015 10:21 PM
response to Feigele
If you don't believe in the continuation of the Jewish people, it's okay to say so, even though people may not agree. However, trying to defend or promote the "mixing of the species" or whatever it is you are trying to say just doesn't cut it and if you knew any better you would be embarassed to support this argument. There is a reason for the existence of the Jews, which time and space here does not allow. If you feel that being Jewish is too stifling for you, that the new age doesn't allow for segmenting people based on beliefs, customs, etc.. than opt out. I find your attempt to search for some moral high ground to legitimize your views as offensive.
Anonymous, February 9, 2015 12:45 AM
It's in the Toarh
Intermarriage is explicitly prohibited in the Torah, the essence of Judaism. Why do non-orthodox cite torah when they (falsely) claim Torah support for liberal leftist Democratic politics but they ignore explicit text that prohibits intermarriage?
Anonymous, February 9, 2015 2:28 AM
Change has been perpetual in the Jewish community. Jews have genetically the most diverse people on the planet. That is because we have been taking in converts since Moshe (well really since Avraham Avinu). The key to Kudaism's
Dvirah, February 9, 2015 5:19 AM
Just Because
Because the orthodox community is thriving; because any power when dissipated looses its strength; because this attrition has happened before in other ways and still we are here.
And obviously we are not "destined" to do anything, or the problem wouldn't exist!
Esti, November 10, 2015 6:12 AM
Premarital genetic testing: Ashkenazic and Sephardic genetic diseases are preventable
Feigele, your supposition that G-d wants diversity in out genes to prevent genetic disorders is obviously false. At this time of mobility where we can theoretically marry and "make our genes more healthy" (not sure I agree with this idea anyway, since most Jews don't tend to marry their first cousins), we also have premarital genetic testing to prevent transmission of genetic diseases. These programs are incredibly successful, and have almost eradicated diseases like Tay-Sachs from the Orthodox community.
If you've ever visited a vibrant Orthodox community, you would appreciate why we do live close together. It allows the generations to be close, to practice frequently respecting our elders, as well as help anyone in need. So much of Judaism is practiced as a community, and when there isn't one, it's loss is felt. Try to reach out and get some of that positive exposure yourself, it may change your viewpoints.
(19) Steven Rosenberg, February 8, 2015 5:59 PM
Intermarriage Must Stop Being A Taboo
Try as I may, I do not understand the wisdom of the view that intermarriage is taboo rather than something to discourage, with contingency plans when it happens. As the question affects me personally, I don’t understand why I should think that Hashem prefers that I marry a woman who is halachically Jewish but secular and has no interest whatsoever in keeping Shabbat, Kashrut, or any of the commandments, versus marrying a non-Jew who is interested in all of the above (and me!). And yes, there is always the future possiblity of conversion, but that's a rather high bar; and until then.
By the way, the figure "83% of the Orthodox stay Orthodox sounds impressive until you consider what it means. Yes, we stay with what we know and are comfortable with. I'm sure at least 95% of the non-Orthodox stay non-Orthodox and/or secular and/or intermarry. Are we to just ignore the non-Orthodox and not aim to keep them and upgrade their observance? Why must it be all or nothing?
Harold, February 9, 2015 5:42 AM
Staying with what we know
Steven,
Actually, what the studies show is that a large percentage of the non-Orthodox don't merely "stay non-Orthodox" but leave Jewish life. The author's point about the Orthodox is that whereas, a few decades ago, many who were raised Orthodox abandoned it for a more secular lifestyle, today that is much less the case. Today's Orthodox are not merely staying with what's comfortable - many are fully involved in secular professions and the secular world, and in that context, are making a specific choice to stay Orthodox. No, we absolutely should not "ignore the non-Orthodox." Aish is one of several organizations dedicated to helping Jews discover, rediscover and deepen their heritage.
Harold Berman
co-Autor, "Doublelife: One Family, Two Faiths and a Journey of Hope"
(18) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 5:59 PM
Thank You!
This needs to be said. Thanks for having the courage to say it!
(17) Shel Haas, February 8, 2015 5:44 PM
Intermarriage in Judaism
We just finished reading about Yisro. The message was that although a priest of another region, he decided that Judaism was for him. Moses intermarried. His faith became the family's faith through the strength of his belief. If Judaism is heartfelt and strong in one member and the other agrees to follow, there is no problem. The strength of commitment is the import in any family relationship as well as religious affiliation. If the king of Salem , Melchizedek, could become a priest of God, why can't an average person become and act Jewish?
Dina, February 9, 2015 1:08 AM
Moshe and Intermarriage
Before the giving of the Torah, Judaism was simply a choice, a decision. After the giving of the Torah, Hashem provided guidelines for others to join the chosen people.
So no, Moshe did not intermarry. His wife chose to be Jewish, as he did.
Joseph, February 17, 2015 9:12 PM
Moses intermarried? c'v...
And another of the commentaries say that she converted....and actually the main fact is that the Hebrews became officially Jews , Gairim (converts) after acceptance of the Torah , both parts (written and the oral explanation that goes with it (. So you have no problem with Ziporah
(16) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 5:40 PM
Everyone must live his or her own life
I married my non-Jewish husband many many years ago and have not a moment of regret. I raised both of my children Jewish of course, following the ancient rule. My son is totally uninterested in his religion and my daughter is a true daughter of Israel..fluent in Hebrew & planning her trip to Israel in the summer. Hse belongs to and supports many Jewish institutions. G-d will Bless all who have a good and pure heart.
Tzipi Jacobs, February 8, 2015 8:10 PM
How sad
The idea "Everyone must live his or her own life" is one of the biggest lies of modern society. Life is a precious gift from G-d and it not ours to do with whatever we want. That idea is why the world is such a mess right now - because most people are just doing whatever they want regardless of the consequence. How sad that your family is missing out on the pleasure, joy and connection of an authentic Jewish life. And how sad for those of us who are living an authentic Jewish life because we are incomplete without our brothers/sisters that don't know to appreciate what Jewish life is all about.
(15) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 5:33 PM
Opposition to intermarriage is not racism
Most people will agree that any minority has the right to exist . Therefore, it stands to reason that any minority has the right to continue its existence. The prohibition against intermarriage is based on the commandment in the Torah. By wishing to marry a fellow Jew one is not saying anything negative about non- Jews. Rather one desires to see Judaism with all it has to offer survive. Therefore opposition to intermarriage is neither racism nor bigotry.
Leah, February 8, 2015 10:33 PM
Thank you!
Thank you so very much for clarifying this.
!
(14) Barry, February 8, 2015 5:26 PM
Intermarriage destroys the continuity of Judaism
I married out of the Jewish religion when I was too young and did not think it mattered. My family acted as if I had committed murder.
n a way I did. I murdered the possibility of my children and grandchildren from continuing the long line of Judaism my family has gone through. Both my Parents even made it through the Holocaust and had me to continue the Jewish line.
The "Anything Goes" Attitude that has taken over the religion could be the death of our ancient religion. I have divorced because when it came down to the bottom line, I did not want to have Christian children running around asking for a Christmas tree and presents and the fact that I would have destroyed a line of a Jewish family. It would be comparable to an Inquisition or Holocaust. Judism would end in my family.
This is too important and I put off having children until our differences caused us to divorce each other. I feel relieved that I did not bring any non-Jews into the world. There is room for both religions but when it comes to marriage I believe one should stick to their own religion.
Anonymous, February 8, 2015 7:06 PM
Re: Barry's comment
Barry, I am sorry for your experience, but the scenario you describe is more about you than the intrinsic nature of marrying a non-Jew. In the first place, what were you expecting if you married a someone who was sufficiently Christian to expect a tree, et al? Were you affirmatively Jewish at the time?
Your the scenario you describe, and that is still pointed to by those horrified by intermarriage is that of someone affirmatively Christian marrying someone who is affirmatively Jewish. But what about someone who is affirmatively Jewish marrying someone entirely alienated by the faith she grew up with, or someone who grew up entirely secular, who is attracted to Judaism and/or its fruits?
(13) Ines Newell, February 8, 2015 5:18 PM
The Intermarriage Taboo
It's really sad to read about how the Jewish community dislike the idea of intermarriage and make it sounds as if the rest of the people in this world are dirty or something. The Jewish community shouldn't forget intermarriage has helped save many Jewish people from prosecution in difficult times, thanks to the many non Jewish people like myself who donate money and support the Jewish communities when we can. I am very hurt; I feel as if once you have received financial support from non Jewish, you see us nothing and no important, this not just me that thinks this way. The point is when it suits the Jewish communities you expect the rest of the world to follow you but you exclude Hashem creation; we are all one, these only one God, the choice the next generation making in regards intermarriage is blessed by Hashem, himself. None does anything with him.
Sharon, February 8, 2015 9:27 PM
no cause for hurt
There is no cause for hurt feelings. Every human has value and potential, and we are all G-d's children. The Jews have a particular role which goes along with keeping the commandments. It is supposed to determmine a value system and way of life which is unique to Jews and that is the reason it is fitting that Jews marry other Jews who are meant. Judaism is matrilineal; so when a Jewish man marries a non-Jewish woman, his children are not Jewish.
Any non-Jew can convert if he wishes to become part of the Jewish people and keep the commandments. But a non-Jew can also be a righteous person and earn a place in the world to come. So you may feel hurt by this traditional Jewish belief, but you must admit that there is no other religion with such liberal views of those not belonging to the faith.
Why should you be offended by the Jewish belief that Jews have a particular role in this world?
(12) Fay Niederhoffer, February 8, 2015 5:10 PM
very informative
I am responding as someone who is a convert.We live in a very complex world.while it is very difficult to know who you are going to fall in love with,it is of utmost importance that we teach our children the importance of who they are as Jews and the importance of it's continnuity.If there is a weak link within the family, this is how we lose our people.May Hashem keep his covenant with us,so we will always be here.
(11) William, February 8, 2015 5:01 PM
what about those who convert into Judaism?
What isn't mentioned is the increase in those who convert into Judaism of all varieties. Are they counted as intermarriage. Expanding our gene pool thru (I prefer Orthodox) conversion does have its benefits.
Nechemia Coopersmith, February 8, 2015 6:27 PM
Marrying a convert is NOT intermarriage
A convert is a Jew, and the Torah gives us a special mitzvah to love and accept the convert. Intermarriage is between a Jew and someone who is considered according to Jewish law a non-Jew.
(10) Leah, February 8, 2015 4:55 PM
Intermarriage
I tend to disagree that intermarriage is always an issue. My husband converted into Judaism and was part of a class of people who were also converting. I have a friend from South Africa who converted as she found that she had a Jewish soul and was happier following her friend's religion than her own.
I was brought up as a strictly orthodox Jew and I suspect that is a problem for today's women. I am equal to any man if not better. Something I can hear the reviewer taking a deep breath on! Because of the attitude and abysmal as well as sexist attitude from the men, I joined the Reform movement. It allows me to continue to be orthodox but recognises me as an individual too. My sons were brought up this way and take their religion as seriously as I do.
I am still disgusted at my old rabbi's attitude towards women and his abysmal and patronising behaviour towards my mother and myself at the l'voya and his sympathy and support towards my elder brother. My mother had lost her husband, man she had known for 75 years and I had also lost my father exactly as my brother had done. My rabbi came as soon as he heard and comforted my and my mother was ignored by her rabbi and members of the synagogue.
When shopping for Pesach food in North London, I walk with a stick and am often knocked over by others. I wear trousers so cannot be orthodox so must be a nuisance. It is this kind of ongoing attitude towards the less orthodox that gives Jews a bad name and a desire for Jews like me to avoid them like the plague. Perhaps if these Jews followed Judaism correctly then I wouldn't have had to change my synagogue and avoid these kind of Jews because, to me, they are non-Jews. I suspect, as they regard me as a non-Jew too.
Anonymous, February 8, 2015 8:29 PM
No way to speak about fellow Jew
I converted Orthodox to Judaism and have found so many warm, welcoming and sincerely religious wonderful people in the Orthodox world. I completely disagree with this commenter and think that speaking against and judging other Jews negatively is certainly no path to unity. We are not in this world to do whatever we want. We are here to have the best relationship we can with G-d and that includes following His rules on His terms.
Anonymous, February 9, 2015 10:05 AM
Don't Confuse the Message with the Messenger
I know exactly how you feel. I was passed up for a rebbe (Jewish teacher) job because I was told "your mother wears pants." I never gave up my observance, however, and looked down on other observant Jews, only this particular one.
(9) Andre Pettersson, February 8, 2015 4:43 PM
When intermarriage is acceptable
Only when the non Jewish spouse also agrees to convert to our faith or alternatively, agrees to raise any children as Jews.
(8) expatxx, February 8, 2015 4:43 PM
Prediction for the future
I predict that as the as the available pool of reform and conservative jews vanish, those few that remain will be forced to look at Orthodox jews for spouses. The irony is that the observant jews will not be inclined to marry their less observant fellow jews unless there is some compromise on the part of one or both partners; unlikely, I think because the less observant won't give up their Saturdays or nonkosher foods, or taking off so many days for the holidays, and the observant won't tolerate that. So this will accelerate the assimilation since the less observant will be forced to look for spouses outside the faith since they'll be rejected by their more observant brethren. It will be a total disaster for secular Israelis who have come here. Their rate of intermarriage is high as well. I give it fifty years or less for them to vanish. My daughter will live to see this happen. I hope that the exquisite shuls just outside of Philadelphia in Elkins Park are kept in the faith and not turned into churches like so many others have in Philadelphia. Torah observant jews getting educated in jewish schools is the only answer I can see for now.
Leah, February 8, 2015 6:08 PM
Untrue
Who says that the less observant do not eat only kosher food or do not observe Shabbat? who says that they will not accept it? It is this kind of intolerant view that I am objecting to. I keep a kosher home and am probably more aware of what is kosher than those who blindly do it.
In fact, I would argue against against Kaparot on the grounds of cruelty as laid out in the Torah which repeatedly shows that animals have rights too. Blind unreasoning following is a view of Judaism but constant questioning is the best form of Jew.
As society changes so must Judaism be more flexible to help Jews stay.
Anonymous, February 8, 2015 8:18 PM
Judaism doesn't need to change
Judaism doesn't need to "change with times". I think rather we all need to deflate our egos. G-d gave us a life as a gift, He created this entire universe and all it's components just for us. And He gave the Torah as a guide for life. It is incomprehensibly arrogant to think that we are going to tell G-d what we intend to do with the life He gave us and with the world He gave us.
(7) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 4:33 PM
Intermarriage
Please explain to me why may of our co-religionists look Middle Eastern, Northern European, Indian and Ethiopian.
P.S. You may use my first name only.
Ra'anan, February 8, 2015 11:48 PM
Ethnic Appearance...
Many fellow Jews have a "Middle Eastern" appearance because Abraham cam from Kurdistan (Haran). Some have Northern European appearance because of genetic admixture, same with Indian & Ethiopian. This has been born out in recent DNA research & those admixtures are quite old. The first 2 groups have halakhic traditions, Mumbai's is weaker, Cochin's is halakhic as well, while Ethiopia is weakest. The weak communities have breaks in their halakhic observance so they require conversion (because of doubtful Jewishness & doubtful legitimacy (mamzeruth).
(6) Marshall Brass, February 8, 2015 4:30 PM
asserman-Schultz
As a supporter of the congresswoman, it breaks my heart that she does not"oppose" intermarriage. Hopefully, we will get more clarifying comments from her. It is disturbing that her initial comments about "the problem of intermarriage" drew such a firestorm. She was stating the obvious to Jews, and it was somehow determined to be offensive. This entire sad episode reinforces my pessimistic view that in about 75 years, the Jewish population in America will consist ONLY of pockets of Orthodox Jews in major metropolitan areas. The Conservative and Reform movements will be history. The trends are too entrenched with too much momentum to be reversed.
(5) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 4:26 PM
Intermarriage - Recover the remnants!
One of the ways we can recover from The effects of intermarriage is to start engaging with the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren of Jews, who for for some or other reason "inherit, the Jewish Gene". Those descendants of intermarriages who understand, connect and love their Jewish roots, sadly, treating them like "chopped liver" is not going to engage them and they become lost forever, it's time for the various Beit Din's and communities to relook the way they treat prospective converts with a known Jewish Ancestry.
(4) Rosally Saltsman, February 8, 2015 2:13 PM
This is not a new problem
Intermarriage has always been a problem among the Jewish people and it's mentioned in the Torah. I am not a politically correct person and I say that with pride. There is no need to skirt around our core values. Intermarriage has dealt as much of a death blow to the Jewish people as pogroms, terrorist attacks, the Inquisition and the Holocaust. This is not something we have to be nice about. It is a threat to our continuity and we have to regard it as an enemy. You don't pussyfoot around an enemy. One of the reasons intermarriage has been allowed to happen is that people don't want to make waves. I think we need to make waves if we're going to stop people from drowning. Intermarriage is not okay! Sure draw people closer with love but don't be accepting of intermarriage!
Adam, February 8, 2015 4:33 PM
Neither black nor white
I sit outside my reformed Temple, just about to go in to pick up my sons from their religious studies. My wife and I are an interfaith couple. I have not converted to Judaism and my Temple has never even raised the question. My older son had his Bar Mitzvah last June and is now in a Confirmation class. As I write this, my younger son is studying for his Bar Mitzvah this coming June. I am not Jewish, but I attend every service with my wife and children. I have learned Hebrew enough to sing and pray in services and to help my sons with their Torah and Haftarah portions. I bake challah every Friday and we observe Shabbat in our home. I am on two committees in the Temple. We do not have a Christmas tree in our home and celebrate no Christian holidays in our home, but we do visit my parents and sister for the Catholic holidays (which I think only helps my sons to better understand how to be a Jew in a world of non-Jews). We observe all Jewish holidays in the Temple, at home, and Passover with friends. Am I, and is my family, a threat to Judaism? How can this be, that a Catholic has embraced a Jewish spiritual home and a Jewish family life, and have a commitment to my sons' Jewish education and identity, while still considering myself Catholic myself as well? Because I love my wife and because I was welcomed by the Rabbi, by the community of my Temple, and because I have been included by them in every single Temple service and educational experience. Extremely so: I participated in an Aliyah on the bima at my son's Bar Mitzvah. I do not think of myself as special, even if my family is in the minority in how we live our religious life. I think my Rabbi and my Temple are special. It was easy to connect to Judaism when I was welcomed the way that I was and allowed to be who I am. Maybe there are more than a few, black or white, extreme solutions to the problem of the continuity of the Jewish people. A nonjudgmental, welcoming path worked for us, and worked beautifully.
Rebecca, February 8, 2015 8:36 PM
very simple
It's very simple. God created this world, and He created us. The only reason that we consider murder to be wrong, was because G-d gave the Jewish people the 10 commandments, and told us that it's wrong. Otherwise, killing wouldn't be wrong- it's only immoral, because the one who created this world established the standards of morality in His world. G-d also gave the Jewish people commandments to keep. One of them is to only marry a fellow Jew (or converts). Living a Jewish life is not just about the culture or cuisine. It's about having a RELATIONSHIP with G-d. It's pretty hard to be in a marriage while cheating on your spouse, no? It's pretty hard to have a real relationship with G-d while going against what He says. Not that it's all or nothing- G-d loves us bec we are his children, and He always welcomes repentance. But intermarriage is wrong for one simple reason- bec G-d forbade us to do it. Just like we won't argue that its not wrong to murder, steal, we can't start arguing that G-d is racist.
Anonymous, February 9, 2015 12:00 AM
Adam
The big picture is that your Jewish children could chose to act as you & your wife have & marry out. As males, once they marry gentile women, it's all over & they have a statistical 83% chance of marry out. That's hardly continuity. Embracing Judaism doesn't mean going through ritual motions. Embracing Judaism means BECOMING Jewish & that entails a METAPHYSICAL change in one's being just as Abraham the first Hebrew did through conversion & acceptance of the 613 commandments. I'm certainly NOT recommending that you convert to Judaism because it's a huge responsibility & obligation & not doing just what you feel like doing. You should consider, though, investigating rigiourously what G-d wants you to do. If you'd be starting from scratch & all ideologies were on the table, which one would G-d want you to choose & why? Don't think comfort, think TRUTH. How do you know which religion is the truest? What have great thinkers historically said about this? Search for evidence to make your case. Just because someone was BORN a headhunter doesn't mean he should continue that way. He should be able to JUSTIFY his ideology.
Anonymous, February 9, 2015 2:14 AM
@ Adam, if your wife is Jewish your children are also Jewish
You are not required to convert if you don't wish to. You will be considered righteous among the nations and have a good part in the Next World if you follow the 7 Laws for the Children of Noach.
If you really think the Jews have an important role within the nations, just ensure your children will marry within the Jewish nation, i.e. someone born from a Jewish mother. This is plain Halachah (Jewish Law).
Shalom & be well.
Shelly, February 8, 2015 5:36 PM
Intermarriage is NOT OK
Rosally, beautifully said. Thank you!
Anonymous, February 10, 2015 8:33 PM
Stopping intermarriage by making waves
To commenter #4 Rosally Saltsman--I like your directness! One of my nephews has been seeing a young woman for awhile. This nephew is a law student in an out of town school, so I don't get to speak with him very often. I have a strong suspicion that his girlfriend is not Jewish, but I am afraid to ask that question. His parents do not care if he marries out of the faith. However, the next time I speak with him I am going to ask whether this young lady is Jewish. If the answer is negative,then he and I will be having an extended conversation. His parents will be angry at me, but frankly I don't care. I can take it!!
Anonymous, May 22, 2019 11:38 AM
To Commenter #4 Rosally Saltsman
I agree that we need to speak out against intermarriage. A family member of mine will be marrying out in the fall and it makes me more upset every day. My husband things I am being too judgmental and we should "be happy for the couple." (Yes, my husband is Jewish although our surname does not sound Jewish. Courtesy of Ellis Island.) There are only two things I can continue to do: I will continue to encourage my grown child to marry within the faith. I will also do my best to realize that I can't tell other people what to do.
(3) Leah, February 8, 2015 1:53 PM
True, but.....
While I agree that intermarriage is in fact an assimilating problem, I also believe that Judaism is a living religion that has grown and changed through time. I'm certainly not saying to encourage intermarriage in the slightest, but to try and see beyond the current threat. Every event has the potential for good or harm, and pointing the finer only brings about negative emotions in both parties. Instead if we try a united approach (being more accepting of converts or educating those who have an interest), than we just may see that in addition to "falling in love" with our sons and daughters we watch them fall in love with our way of life. They are drawn to us for a reason. Let us have enough compassion to ask why.
(2) Mordechai, February 8, 2015 12:41 PM
Being "Politically Correct"
Wasserman Schultz made the same mistake Joe Lieberman made when running as vice-president. To be against intermarriage makes one out to be a bigot in today's "anything goes" America, and that's not "politically correct." To a Jewish audience, it's a problem; to the Democratic National Committee, it's wonderful. What could be wrong? After all, former Democratic President Bill Clinton's daughter, Chelsea, married the very Jewish Marc Mezvinsky. We cannot sugarcoat the prohibition of intermarriage, but must explain that as Jews, we want our children and children's children to remain Jewish, since our religion means so much to us. As Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof said: "Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as...as...as a Fiddler on the Roof!"
(1) Anonymous, February 8, 2015 12:37 PM
An article whose time has come
Thank you for writing these crucial words. My friends and family are well aware that I am against intermarriage and always have been. However, I have to walk on eggshells with said family members and friends because either they or their children have married out of the faith.
roza brumfeld, February 8, 2015 5:21 PM
are u afraid to write your name/ then maybe you realize you are wrong and too rigid????what abour love between the bride and the bridegroom? what abour making the ghiur and choosing to become jewish???what about being jewish but your mother's jewishness cannot be proven???what about RUTH????
Sarah, February 8, 2015 7:30 PM
Roza, love does not conquer all. What about love between the bride and groom is not an argument. Someone who understands the tragedy that is intermarriage will not put himself in the position of falling in love with a non-Jew.
Conversion for the sake of marriage is not permitted under Torah law. Choosing to become Jewish for the love of Torah and G-d is wonderful.
What about Ruth? What about her? She didn't convert for purposes of marriage. And her first husband died as a punishment for marrying her while she was still non-Jewish.
Alan S., February 8, 2015 10:01 PM
Take a deep breath Roza...
Just because this person chooses to remain anonymous is none of your business, but you should not assume it is fear from anyone or he is too rigid. S/he has to live with their choices.
Love between a bride and bridegroom is sweet, but has little to do with the greater overall issue. As another commenter wrote, a convert is Jewish and has nothing to do with this article. And stop being silly talking about 'your mother's Jewishness cannot be proven'. If this is the case, than nothing at all matters. There has to be some standard. I know what you are saying when you write about Ruth. Be specific.
Rebecca, February 9, 2015 12:27 AM
Response to Roza:
I am not Jewish, nor am I against intermarriage personally, but I do understand why many Jewish people oppose intermarriage. Marriage is more than just loving feelings, and brings with it a responsibility to raise children in the faith of the parent(s) who are religious. Very often intermarriage (between any two faiths, not just Jewish and non-Jewish) makes that very difficult.
Also, RUTH converted to Judaism when she moved to Israel with Naomi, so therefore her marriage to Boaz was not an intermarriage. Neither is any marriage between a convert to Judiasm and a person born Jewish.
Finally, it is far more likely that the person you responded to is concerned about being hated for having an unpopular opinion than because "maybe they realize they are wrong and too rigid" That is insulting, and implying that you know the inner intentions of a total stranger, is an obnoxious claim and does not help your argument at all.
Halevy, February 9, 2015 1:31 AM
Hi Roza, direct hit on someone's nerve?
You're not afraid to write your name, but perhaps you're afraid to accept you Jewish identity and your role as such with respect to all other nations.
What about learning about what means to be a Jew?
What is our mission in this world?
What does G-d request from us?
Why should one marry a Jew if one doesn't know his/her responsiblity as a Jew? If you don't appreciate the beauty of Torah and mitzvot?
Why fighting to preserve something you don't know (and perhaps you're not interested in knowing)?
I'm writing these words out of love for all my Jewish brothers and sisters, that they should remain Jewish and their children also.
I pray that HKB"H should bless you and the whole Jewish nation, an illuminate everyone's mind to understand His truth.
Shalom & be well !!