The Orthodox Community I Know

The beauty and richness of Orthodox Judaism should be better appreciated, not maligned and over-exaggerated as is often the case.

Harvard Law Professor Alan M. Dershowitz grew up Orthodox but later became secular.

He said this about Orthodox Judaism:

“I cannot leave my progeny any legacy comparable to the Orthodox commitment to, and intimate knowledge of, Jewish tradition and practice that my predecessors left me.

Though I have not abandoned my Jewishness – far from it – I have also not carried on the tradition of daily religious observance and total immersion in the sources of the tradition.
Sometimes I regret not having done so.”

SOURCE: Chutzpah by Alan M. Dershowitz (introduction chapter, page 12) published in year 1991 by Little Brown and Company ISBN: 9780316181372 ISBN: 0316181374

The main reason I am not Orthodox is because being kosher is not an option for me and I would have to travel over 100 miles to get to an Orthodox shul..
I'm disabled with osteoarthritis and left overs from a massive stroke.
That said, I see no difference between Orthodox and Reform Jews.
First and foremost, we are JEWS and all versions of our faith do the same things. It is what Jews do.
I was brought up in a Conservative shul; my parents attended an Orthodox shul.
When I can attend services, I only have five miles to drive--yes DRIVE. I don't have to feel like a hypocrite when I drive to shul.
Currently, the outside temperature is 105F. If anyone WALKED in this kind of heat here in Texas, is asking for heat stroke.
And while I am here, a heat stroke IS A STROKE. It is an EMERGENCY and does require hospitalization.
Some people have tried to do it themselves with the results that either they die or become impaired in ways that nobody wants.

I was in a couple of Jewish communities when I had decided that I wanted to convert to Judaism, it was amazing to be next to a Jewish community and see the prayers, the supportive rabbis who help you and whenever you need help you see the taces of their presence, helping you directly and indirectly. When you live there, you understand how the world revolves around Shabat and how exciting it is to be there when fammilies are preparing for Shabat, how much excitement, the prayers in the synagogue, the movement in the kitchen, the littiel kids preparing the table all for shabat, waiting for the fathers to come back from the synagogue, perhaps with a couple of guest, and the best of the songs sang, the best of the food served, and the candle lights remind you of the beauty of being in LOve with the Creator and living and pleasing him with observing his covenant. One cannot understand it unless one goes there and sees it and feels it. I was not able to complete the process, but I have the best of memories from the moments I was there with the community and in the families, in the synagogues, observing men and women who are there, praying so devotedly, who celebrate, men who dance and sing and celebrate the gift of life that their father has bestowed upon them. Of the things I loved was continuously asking the kids the blessings of food and different types as I am so forgetful and the kids so patiently telling me again and again, like a mother :) Isn't that cute? :) My prayers and greetings go to all the Jewish communities around the world :)

I was desperately ill while living in a small shul community, and people were amazing. When we used to live in a city and attended a biig shul, the personal connection just was not there.
And I would be remiss if I did not also note that a very different kind of community, my federal agency colleagues, also offered tremendous support. None were orthodox Jews. They included an Arab American, several African Americans, Catholics, Protestants, and non orthodox. I will always care about and respect them, just as they did for me. So while its truly wonderful that we orthodox take such care of each other, I hope those reading the article do not get the impression that we lack positive relationships with those outside our religious community.

This is great! Reflects on our family's journey also--I had gravitated to an orthodox community while my husband continued to work out at the gym on Saturdays. Then he got cancer (now cured--cancer free for 16 years) and we experienced that same level of love, support, medical advice and care from the orthodox community. This was in stark contrast to a different Jewish community in the area which, when my son was hospitalized, couldn't be bothered to even call us......

I liked the article and I am very happy to see that the author found a warm and kind community; they exist and nobody ever disputed that. I will not even use the cliche and long time known of everybody ''you can not generalize''.I myself am pretty orthodox and have been in contact with different communities, having gone through thousands of different experiencies, from the most frustrating to the most positive one.
What I see as wrong in this article is that might lead people to fall in love with judaism under false premises; what if someone decides to try an orthodox community and meets one that is NOTHING like that?Should he or she give up judaism? Most probably the disapointment will lead them away from judaism even more. What if someone reads this article and bumps into a hindu community which behaves just the same? So there you go, he can join them and has even the support from a jewish orhtodox source to '''base'' himself on.

What if the author himself one day meets a community that acts differently? So should he give up Judaism?

Torah is of course also about behavior and dealing properly and kindly to each other,but I would say that even mor ethan this,it is about Truth.Even if someone checks EVERY orthodox community in the whole world and they are all behaving as idiots this person would still be obliged to stick to the Torah and to the Truth it represents,as given by Hashem Himself. I see everyday how people, including myself, give way too much credit for people and forget that Hashem is the one that created it all and that we fullfill the Torah for no other reason to serve and honor Him.

Could write much more here,but that is long enough. Opposing views are welcome. If u want to discuss via email, I am also open for it: reuven@rwolak.com

The author never suggested that this is the reason to become observant. You're absolutely correct that Truth must be the primary foundation for choosing one's belief. [In fact that seems to be a core teaching of Aish] Nevertheless it's refreshing to see now and then Judaism put into action, especially when so much of the media focuses on the negative and the scandalous when it comes to frum people.

ok, maybe I did over-analyze a bit.

I know that the author never suggested that this is the primary reason to become observant; it is just that I see the article as a small part on a much bigger scenario, with the religious and the non-religious world always coming with new arguments to win the dispute. Even the subtitle kinda of bring this dispute: What do you envision when you think of the Orthodox Jewish community? Here’s an accurate portrayal based on real life experience. It seems to be trying to demystify a wrong concept that people might have.

I am fully aware that there are ridiculous and unfounded accusations, jokes, mockery and legends targeted at the religious world and showing anything positive is refreshing ,as you said yourself.

I have a problem with the language used in the article ''the orthodox community'', as if to imply that there is one and only community which acts uniformly.

I'm not Jewish and I think this is beautiful. This scenario is repeated quietly in different ways all over the world, purely for the glory of the Father. I think we all tend to view people who don't "look" like us as different--sometimes so different we don't feel like we would have much in common. I love that you are sharing this and that I was blessed to read it today on a site I've never visited before. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing the positive side of a wonderful, caring, Orthodox community. The author is NOT saying that this is a reason to convert to Judaism, and, just the opposite, a reason to leave if things don't work out. Thank G-d we have support systems in place, good people who tirelessly and selflessly give of themselves, and organizations that can tend to these needs. We SHOULD all learn from this example of 'giving' and try to incorporate these ideals into our own lives and communities.

I was caught by surprise when I read this article. Thank you so much for sharing this personal tale of a Father's touch. I am awakened and forever changed. thank you again.

Thank you. It was lovely reading this instead of the usual angry arguments that are all over the Internet.

I wish you and your family peace and joy.

"THE orthodox. as if we were all of one mold. The story above is just an amazing perspective of what "THE orthodox are truly like. Thank you very much for writing and publishing these observations.

Let's put al this in perspective. There are several factors in play here. First, the more insular and isolated a group is, the more they are likely to have created organizations and a network to address social issues, and the more likely they are to realize how important this is, for themselves, for others who identify with them or whom they see have needs. Tocqueville observed this of Americans in general in the first half of the 19th century, and you can read of similar stories in close-knit small towns in the US today, especially those with a strong religious heritage. The smaller any overall Jewish community is or the more Orthodox a community is in a larger city, the more likely they will have this outlook. Second, specifically Jews who identify as Jews, even if not Orthodox, often tend to understand the importance of chesed, of "kol Yisrael arivim" and "darchei shalom." When the lights went out in August of 2004 (I think), as thousands streamed across the Williamsburg Bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn, dozens of Chassidim were there with buckets and cups dispensing water to everyone. But third, a large, self-assured, possibly very affluent community that has relatively little day-to-day contact with outsiders passing through (possibly the 600-member shul), or groups without strong social affiliations or that might assume that everyone else's needs are being taken care of by others (e.g., most secular folks in the US as well as everyone in Israel) might not react this way and might be characterized by almost impenetrable cliques.

Alot of the gifts came from Bikur Cholim (visiting the sick) a national organization run by the orthodox. The average orthodox Jew is not from an insular group. We work normal jobs, were normal/modest clothes. We are more connected to our community and we organize help the instant it is needed. When a death happens the whole shiva week's meals are arranged and the minyonim (prayer groups) all on the day of the death. People behave like everyone is all one family. It is this way in Mitzpeh Nevo (Maale Adumim) and in Beit Shemesh and in Rochester NY. When a community is very small or an orthodox Jew is not connected to a community their needs are not tended too. Living in Israel makes the connection easier as well.

A nice article, but not all of the orthodox are on the level of the stories above. Some are, but others are not.

Some of the commenters need to get off their high horses here.

Also, the comments that make it sound like only the orthodox do chesed are false and condescending. While some types of chesed may be dominated by the orthodox, others are not. For example, there are many non orthodox who give great amounts of money to hospitals, general charities, volunteer, etc. Implying that only orthodox do chesed and tzedakah is false.

Thank you for your article. I hope the world begins to recognize this with time. May you and your family have much blessing and success!

Twenty two years ago I gave birth to my daughter. She had complications and so did I. My community also chipped in by taking care of my children and home.

They also davened for us.



As her birthday is approaching I want to publicly thank all of them for all the davening and wonderful actions.



B"H she is now a kallah and a very gifted person due to all the prayers on her behalf.



May Hakadosh Boruch Hu bless all of them with good health and a kosherin yom tov.



Mi kaamcha Yisrael.

This is the behavior of any well functioning Jewish community - Orthodox,, Conservative, Reformed. It is not the sort of question that is raised about the Orthodox lifestyle.

I don't agree that there is an equivalent to the Bikkur Cholim organizations in each city, or Chai Lifeline in the Conservative or Reform communities. Chai Lifeline is run and staffed by Orthodox people and services Jewish people from accross the religious spectrum.

I think the author's point was to show that the Orthodox families really cherish and care about one another.

me kiumcha Yisroel! There is nobody like frum people!

I see the Orthodox Community as one that cares for the needs of others & as well as looks after their own community & families.

As a lifelong (so far!) member of my large ultra-orthodox community I have to say that this article (which by the way moved me to tears) reflects my experiences with my individual community members far more accurately than all of the more prevalent negative ones. I am so happy that people are able to see past some of the idiosyncrasies, and yes faults, to the underlying pure and genuine goodness. Of course, it's not all perfect, and contrary to popular belief we are actually quick to recognize our own faults. But still, there is so much beauty that makes me so proud to be a part of this community and so sad that so many outsiders cannot see that beauty.

To Anonymous: I am so sorry about your negative experiences in larger communities. I will not pretend it doesn't happen, and yes, I wish it could be different for you and for so many others like you.

I pray that Hashem brings you salvation from your challenges, nachas, health, happiness and prosperity, a sense of belonging and encounters with only positive, uplifting people!!

When welcoming a new life, saying goodbye to an older one, this support is pure gold-even beyond the earthly variety of such riches! Blessings on the writer of this article, and his community..

All those wonderful things (or some similar to them) were done to me and later my family. But by people who were not orthodox at all. They behaved like brothers and sisters to us
in difficult situations. And now, in the evening when I pray, I pray for all of them. my orthodox friends as well as the non orthodox ones. All of them are Hashems loved children. -.

The orthodox community will jump at an opportunity to help a sick individual when it is new and exciting for them. Makes them feel good. They WILL forget about your existence and suffering if you are chronically ill. Especially if you can't fit into their social circles of having babies etc...

So true and so beautiful. You know your friends during your darkest times.

My family, too, has experienced the generosity and kindness of our Orthodox community- and also the less kind side; but, Boruch H"m, far less often- and is to be found among all humans. I think the kind and generous side wins by a long shot! I never cease to wonder, however, that much of what is written for the "outside" is written by malcontents and people who left observance- or, even, Judaism- because they were unhappy people... or could not see beyond their own problems. These people seem to be out to get revenge for what they see as "unfairness" without taking any of the responsibility for their own lives. This says far more about them than it does the community. Happiness comes from within, and I have my doubts that many of these people would have been any happier had they not been Jewish, or Observant. It is a shame, though, that the rest of the world seems to get no other message and can't figure out that these are people with problems unrelated to Judaism or observance.

It is unfair to paint people who have had problems with acceptance in their communities as chronically unhappy malcontents. No question that the frum as well as non-frum organizations take remarkably wonderful care of people in various forms of distress. But it isn't uncommon for people to hold those same people who benefit by those services at arms length socially, especially if they are baalei tshuvah, have a child at risk or any one of a number of situations that may put them "chutz l'machaneh". Obviously this is not true for all people. But to use a broad brush for all those who have experienced rejection is minimizing the real experiences of people who have been legitimately hurt.

We have a Rabbi and community that is very caring and concerned. It really flows from a Rabbi and his wife who make it there business to know everyone and their needs, They care about who is sick, and who has a Yartzeit. They worry about who needs a place to stay, eat, or a shirt to wear. They make sure everyone feels important, and necessary.

My orthodox community was friendy when we were members, but no one ever invited us to Shabbos except Rabbi. And when we moved, not one person called or emailed or asked us how we are doing, so it was sad. We felt abandoned...

Sadly, the tendency of out of sight, out of mind is a prevailing human trait. It isn't just one group but most which doesn't miss or inquire of the missing person.

I have yet to discover the incredible and overflowing kindness I read about in American publications and Aish by Americans and other English speakers, in Israel by Israeli orthodox. In fact the opposite has been true in my experience as Baal teshuva living in Israeli religious areas. It has been a very real struggle dealing with viewing so called bnei torah in this light, with regards to my own moving forward. But I am deeply heartened to hear that there are plenty of Orthodox Jews who perform kiddush Hashem daily.....

I wish the Orthodox world only behaved as the article depicted, but until it faces up to its problems, as opposed to trying to sweep them under the rug, it will continue to fail to lived up to its mission to be an "Ohr L'Amim", a Light unto the Nations.

I'm not Jewish but reading your story makes me wish I were.

Aish is the best website on the planet.

My husband and I were both raised Conservative, but as adults we decided to try out our local Orthodox synagogue( 13 yrs ago). We found everyone there to be extremely open, accepting and friendly!3 yrs ago I got sick and was in the hospital for 9 mos. My husband was at home, working full-time with 5 kids who almost lost their mopther. The rabbi's wife set up a schedule for people to cook meals for us. People signed up, and my husband ended up not having to cook dinner for 4 months!!We are so grateful to our rabbi and his family( who are great role models for the adults andchildren in the shul, and for the members of the shul!By the way, my 2 daughter have a chronic illness and went to ChaiLifeline's Camp Simcha for 10 summers! They never could have experienced a typical, happy, carefree summer if not for this wonderful organization!

This brought me to tears. I too can strongly say that THIS is the orthodox community I know of and I can attest to this firsthand as I run an organization known as JCA (Just Clowning Around) where a group of young women and boys deliver shalach manot to homebounds and seniors all of Purim day. We are currently in our second year and if I tell you how many people reached out, people I didn't even know, to lend a hand and offer their support, you would be astounded. Every letter, every donation, was another heaven-sent reminder of how lucky I am to belong to the Jewish people. One orthodox man offered to collect funds, one to organize Megillah readings, one to fund an entire Purim meal for the organization, and one to play music. And the list goes on and on... The orthodox community I know consists of a people SO willing to go out of their way to assist their brothers and sisters in need. I consider it a privilege to be part of the Orthodox Jewish Community and I know I always will. (You can check us out on fb @jcajustclowningaroundtown or on the web @www.jcapurim.com)

This article is so candid and so true. No agenda, no baggage, just true, real life experiences. And in my experience, it is not only in extreme cases, it is everyday thoughtfulness and focus on 'what does g-d want from me in this situation', and then responding accordingly!

Due to certain life circumstances I currently, unfortunately, have to live with my parents who do not live in my local Orthodox community. However, almost every week for Shabbat, I stay in "the Community," as I call it, at someone's house. I also eat Shabbat meals at people's houses. This has gone on for months now and there's no such thing as "wearing out my welcome." The hospitality is very much appreciated. This is my Orthodox community. Also, once my rabbi took time out of his very busy schedule to collect donations for me (don't want to say why in a public forum) and people gave anonymously without knowing I was the recipient. My community is also very well known for its "bikur cholim" organization. In fact, people come from all over the world to get top medical care for their children because they know how good our "bikur cholim" is.

We have experienced the good and the bad of the orthodox community. Chai Lifeline has some amazing things for us like the other family said. When we lived in a small Orthodox community in the Midwest and our child became ill they were wonderful providing meals for the family when our child was in the hospital, visiting her, and helping out in any way they could.
Due to our family circumstances we decided to move to be near to family. The closest orthodox synagogue has 600 members and is a vibrant community. We thought great our children will make plenty of friends and how wonderful to be able to be parent of a vibrant large community. Instead of a warm welcoming community however we have found it to be cold and clicky and uncaring. The Rabbi lives down the block from us. He ignores my husband when he goes to shake his hand on shabbos. They have never invited us for a Shabbat meal or tried to be friendly in any way. We have found the community to be the same cold and uncaring. This time when our child was hospitalized only chai lifeline cared. Not one member of our community asked how they could help and they knew she was in the hospital. Multiple times the Rabbi has made speeches about being friendly and welcoming to new members. Yet he himself does not lead by example. Now they came up with this new derech eretz statement. How about the derech eretz of being kind and welcoming to new people? How about giving my husband your hand to shake on shabbos? Isn't he just as good as any other member of the shul? Just because we can't donate big money does not mean we should be ignored or mistreated!
Please if you read this and live in a large community go out of your way to welcome people and make sure it is not just one shabbos but every shabbos. You never know you may save someone's Judaism by giving them a mind word and making them feel welcome and a part of the community!

although, i totally dont doubt ur word, i found it hard to believe... i dont know which community u live in, but it is definitely much harder to know every member of ur shul or community when its that large, so i dont even blame anyone here...i live in a very large community too, and although its obviously not as friendly as a small orthodox community where everyone knows each other, u can still see their exemplary middos, the qualities that the non Jews in my community definitely dont show....maybe move to a smaller community would be best for ur family, as it sounds from ur comment...much luck!!

It breaks my heart to ever have to say something negative about a Jewish brother or sister. Every single time I am treated poorly by another Jew, however, I give myself some time to cool off and wonder what I can do to improve the situation. Sometimes there is prayer alone. Sometimes there is something personal or community oriented. I remind myself that idolatry is also worshiping people and just because we're Jewish it does not mean we should feel the letdown of G-d because a community or person seems to fail us. It is then G-d is giving us a fixer-upper job. We're where we are for a reason and a choice. Perhaps you could explain to the rebbetzin how you feel, or perhaps share a story with the congregation that is not yours but sounds familiar enough to strike a chord. I have been on the fringe of communities like this and must remind myself that their personal relationship with G-d is somehow needing a boost. Depression is not a sin but it can do more damage than any sin. Perhaps the community is depressed and you and your family are the people to revive them because you do not do what everyone else does. I hope that makes sense. kol tuv and wishing all of you the best.

I pray that the entire Orthodox Jewish community, even those outside of these wonderful volunteer organizations, follows their lead and works on developing greater levels of tolerance and positive middos. Unfortunately, the picture-perfect description of the orthodox community described in this article is too often proven obsolete by a seemingly closed and unfriendly spirit. Please, G-d, may it be so.

i think the author speaks for thousands of families who have experienced similar outpouring of genuine care and unity. And it's not only to observant jews - its all jews. There is a feeling that we are one family. no community is perfect, of course, but the orthodox community without question excels in chesed -- kindness, even if that is rarely reported in the news.

I have lived in several orthodox communities and am literally blown away with the resposibility that they take for eachother. I recently gave birth and had an extremely difficult recovery, and neighbors literally took care or every need, from bringing me food and freshly squeezed juice, to taking my baby to helping me shower to making my doctors appointments etc. and it wasn't even shocking! This is just what they do and how they live

Adam, I am sorry for your need to be cynical even about a beautiful article like this one, and I'm wondering if you've ever lived in an Orthodox community. Every one that I've lived in has fit this description to a tee; and it's not just their own that they take care of, but any Jew in need.