This Scares Me More Than Antisemitism

Current religious services have little spiritual meaning anymore. Praying to a God which most Jews no longer believe in is pointless. The tragedy is that our culture contains a lot of spirituality, you just won't find it in the synagogue. Judaism today is more about ethic identity and less about religion. Most kids drop out after the party. Being a Bar Mitzvah at the Kotel is much more meaningful and cheaper than the the American Road Show. Preparation time would be better spent teaching Jewish History, ethics and philosophy, especially to junior high kids who are dealing with the onset of puberty and are looking for standards andl guidance. A comparative religion course using Edmond Fleg's "Why I am a Jew" as the standard for comparison would do more than all the Haftorah prep and Hebrew that few can speak or understand after 8 years of Jewish education. The Orthodox are growing because they offer absolutes and group identity, in a shelter environment. There are lessons to be learned from the Orthodox. approach.The arts, especially music and dance, can leave a positive impression on the psyche by imprinting emotional attachments that will last a lifetime beyond any intellectual endeavor. The younger the children, the better. Children's' shabbat built on the arts, prayer services that they write would be more meaningful. When I taught a confirmation class many years ago I had the class write their own service and the cantor helped them with music. Any doubts that the students had I referred them to traditional Jewish sources that expressed the same doubts. I never criticized or challenged them. They were free to express their spiritual yearnings. The service took the congregation by surprise. People were taking about it for days afterward. The Rabbi was so taken aback, that he cancelled the traditional second day of Rosh Hashanah and had the student repeat the service. Subsequently the service was adopted by some USY chapters and retreats.

The best that we as parents can do is teach correct principles and hope that our children will learn and follow. Some will test the waters and see for themselves. I have an heart condition. It runs in the family. The doctor told me that I need to stay away from red meat and for the most part I do. But once in a while I will eat an hamburger. That doesn't mean that l didn't listen to the doctor. I do listen. Has it made a difference? The majority of men in my family on my dad's side die before they are 50 or something afterwards. I'm pushing 70. Our purpose is to learn what G-d wants us to do. As for those who marry outside the faith make them feel welcome you never know what the future will bring.

Finally....the right article about intermarriage!!! Kol Hakovod rabbi. As a child of Holocaust survivors, raised in Crown Heights Chabad territory, raised two sons in yeshiva in Woodmere, L.I, NY, and lived in Israel for 10 years until my fate delivered me to Fla., a divorce, a death of a son and parents, loss of a job at a JCC, and watching my brother intermarry as well as the children of friends and family, I have the backing to continue to tell other Jews that it is not alright to denounce who we are. American Jews have become careless, lazy and unafiliated and they have their parents to blame. We as a caring people who have engaged, brought to our Israeli hospitals, schools, etc, are always the escape goat for everything ill in the world. We will be slowly wiped out if we don't stand up for ourselves and teach our children, grandkids, and others how wonderful it is to be of the biblical faith. Who do non jews think they are praying to? A hebrew who practiced kashrut, kippah, talit, prayers, shabbat, ad infinitum. They live in a pagan world and until you give them some facts about the land of their ancestors they will never understand who they really are. There is no Mary; she was Miriam and even today Miriam is Miri which became mary by the Romans. Oh yes, the Romans, how funny it is that Rome is the center of their faith when they were the most violent, promiscuis, destructive people of their time. The rest is just too long to write about.

So people who marry a Jew man or women and converts to Judaism is wrong I thought that was excepted

Converts are Jews and when they marry Jews, that's a reason to celebrate. But most Jews who marry non-Jews do not do it with any expectation that the non-Jewish spouse will convert.

The reason not to intermarry is that the Torah forbids it. Many intermarried couples live happily ever after with fine families. Most American Jews who do not consider Rabbinic Judaism as taught within the Orthodox umbrella as binding are assimilating. There is not even an agreement about who is a Jew as stated in this article. A non Orthodox Jew from a liberal home will at least on the surface have much more in common with a non religious liberal American Christian then with an Observant Jew or for that matter a Jewish Trump voter.
Being Jewish with the exception of converts is not something one chooses.According to Jewish law anyone born to a Jewish mother or had an Orthodox conversion is Jewish no matter what they do or do not believe or practice. When the Rabbi writes about being accepting /welcoming other Jews as full members of the community he is speaking about Jews who fit that defination. Others are welcome to convert if they wish to join Am Yisrael. That is NOT a position that the majority of American Jewry accepts hence the problem. They like Bernie Sanders and Kamala Harri's husband feel intermarriage is not a problem as they view being Jewish more as a religion or cultural heritage rather than a chosen and distinct people with a unique mission with specific obligations.and responsibilities as state in the Torah and defined by our sages.

Tovia Saverstein writes, "Conversion to Judaism is simple according to the sources (Mishne Torah, Shulchan Aruch) and best way to ensure children are Jewish. The practice now is not in accordance with hazal."

To be blunt, these remarks are misleading. Yes, conversion to Judaism was not discouraged then the way it is today. But that was because converts back then were almost guaranteed to be completely sincere. Often, they were taking their lives in their hands by becoming Jewish! Today's would-be converts have it much easier and therefore must be vetted thoroughly.

And frankly, to call into question our current practice is to simply dismiss the leading Halachic authorities of our times. That's untenable, even if a few rabbis do support Mr. Saverstein's position.

Finally, even with the precautions taken nowadays, there are still plenty of Orthodox converts who "drop the ball," and return to their previous lifestyles. Would relaxing current standards make such lapses LESS likely?

I don’t understand your accusation of “ misleading” anyone or “dismissing” modern authorities? Do you believe rabbis are more infallible than Moses? Do not rabbis have a responsibility to rule according to Torah and the sages? If that is not the case then what is our standard of truth? Assuming the Sages were lenient because it was dangerous to convert is misleading and no authority claims such. 10% of roman empire were Jews or seekers. If u can change a law based on it’s reason then maybe Reform is not so different from you. I believe its possible to prevent loss of Jews by reaching out to the intermarried through Torah and hazal. If you don’t think so then fine, just ask HaShem why He allowed this situation.

at various times in Jewish history there were many reasons people converted and to imply they were almost guaranteed to be sincere is a fantasy. Form the Gibbonites onwards there have been insincere converts and in recent times marriage was often the motivating factor. If some converts drop the ball so do some Jews from birth. There are courageous Orthodox Rabbis who advocate a more accepting approach to conversion.depending on the situation. One example is today in Israel there are hundreds of thousands of Gentiles most of whom will be marrying Jews and that is a problem that needs addressing. No easy fix but seems to me a shame to make it harder than necessary

I am very much agree that all Jews have to marry fellow Jews to continue the survival of the Jewish people. I am a catholic and am interfaith marriage and it is a hard situation even though we do not have children.
Thanks for this article and hope that any Jew who wants to marry a non-Jew will think a million times before going in that direction.

My last commented was deleted although it should not have caused offense, but only discussion. Conversion to Judaism is simple according to the sources (Mishne Torah, Shulchan Aruch) and best way to ensure children are Jewish. The practice now is not in accordance with hazal I advise Mr. Goldberg to talk to Rabbi Asher Meza (You were on his beis din)

I am 74 years old and consider myself to be Jewish, as does the rest of the world (at least those parts of it which pay any attention at all to religious backgrounds). I have suffered anti-semitism as a child and as an adult. I have suffered anti-semitism coming from individuals and systemic sources such as the Commonwealth of Virginia's Dept of Corrections. I found it relatively easy to alter the opinions and perceptions of the individuals who thought they had to hate me due to my religion. I found it nearly impossible to change the administrations in the public school systems, the prison systems, the health care systems in many parts of our country.

The fact that I married and had children with women who were not Jewish is nobody's business but our family's. The fact of my relationships with the people I love in no way threatens anybody else. Chabad taught me that even those Jews who are more observant than I could accept my family.

The fact is that I have never met a Jewish woman that I could love romantically though I have had and continue to have close friendships with numerous Jewish females. I find the intolerance expressed in this "article" to be abhorrent and I think the attitude therein is very probably one of the underlying reasosn that anti-Semitism exists in the first place.

Although I understand. Keeping Jews marrying Jews is important if the Jewish person marries out of our faith yet raises their children in a Jewish home and according to Jewish law. This is an important piece of the secular marriage is missed. My mother converted to orthodox when I was 15.She went to orthodox synagogue and kept to the laws and tradition. The dietary laws and all the laws surrounding Judaism.my parents sent my siblings to yashiva and gave them w wonderful education. They have all grown up to be wonderful people and good Jews so please think about this in my perspective also

Yesterday my grown son was chatting with a non Jewish friend of his about Chanukah. He told his friend that "if you want to know anything about Judaism, go to my mom." Now, there are many people who know WAY more than I do but his comment made me smile. I know it isn't exactly related to this topic, but I hope I am making a difference in my child's Jewish journey.

I have been married to a gentile man for 35 years. I have never met another man, besides my father who is as loving, giving, loyal and eager to enjoy and foster my relationship with Hashem. I have Jewish friends that I grew up with who have less respect for Judaism than my precious gentile husband. It was the best decision I ever made!

Of course you can have a wonderful relationship with a gentile and in your case any orthodox rabbi would tell you your children are (or would be if you don’t have )Jewish and would be welcomed by outreach organizations like Aish should they wish to learn
More of their heritage One can’t always put a pretty face on Torah in Rabbi Steinsaltz’words. it’s often commandments/decrees and one is that intermarriage is forbidden. The marriage is not recognized according to Jewish law. Same holds true for a same sex marriage. Hopefully people will treat others who choose to live differently with kindness. Not everyone needs or is meant to be Jewish and if some Jews choose not to practice or to assimilate they have free choice.

Historian Arthur Hertzberg pointed out more than once that Jewish intermarriage rates have been the same in every open society in which Jews have lived.
Think about that for a moment.
If Hertzberg was right, we're making a mistake blaming Orthodox rabbis, or anyone else for that matter. The problem is nearly insurmountable.
That doesn't mean Jewish outreach is a hopeless cause. But it does mean that we should be realistic.
The grand solution would be a monumental Jewish renewal movement, as in the days of Ezra, or of Mordechai and Esther.
A not-entirely-foolproof solution for individuals or families would be move to Israel. There, at least, the majority is Jewish.
Barring these changes, nature will take its course.
One more gloomy note: Statistics about intermarriage do not take into account the many couples who merely live together without actually taking vows. So the number of interfaith couples is probably much higher than estimated. As well, from an Orthodox perspective, non-halachic conversions are considered invalid. It is likely, therefore, that many marriages considered Jewish by statisticians are in fact intermarriages.
If you are Jewish -- Orthodox or not -- and you are concerned about intermarriage, your best bet right now is to move to Israel.

Unfortunately, intermarriage is also happening in Yisrael I don' know the statistic, but I do know that there is an organization called Yad L'Achim, dedicated to rescuing Jewish women and their children from Arab villages,

They suffer terrible there;
for the Arabs is an achievement to marry them and convert them to Islam, they realize late what they have gotten into.

There must be something we can do as a community to install a love for our faith in our children and youth, be proud of who we are and our inheritance.
May HaShem guide us to do the right thing.

Does not G_d specialize in using the remnant to perform the impossible, while making a way where there seems no way?

You've done your part to raise up your children in the way that they should go, now rejoice as the object of your faith fulfills his parrt of the covenant in ways unimaged to the human mind.

Happy day

Real Jews understand the meaning of the glass under the chupah...
reminding us of the destruction of the great Temples and Jerusalem....and the collective sorrow we have over the loss and the hope to bring the 3rd Temple into existence. This custom reflects our survival and aspirations as a new Jewish couple forges a new link in our chain of history.

Brother Douglas has no inkling why the glass is broken other than he is shattering the strong, unifying traditions of the Jewish People,ignoring the laws and customs that have been handed to us from our ancestors from Sinai. His glass breaking is more like the sound of broken glass resulting from an accident, a head on collision with our Torah and heritage.From a Jewish point of view any intermarriage even with a Jewish woman is destined statistically to end up in a crash of values and almost little survivability.

And now for a little shock value, echoes of breaking glass reaches our ears, once a year- Kristallnacht- the shattering of Jewish business, lives and hopes in an era where too many of us opted to emulate the non-jews and blend in, trying to shed off our Jewish garb and trying so hard to be accepted in the public venue at the expense of Jewish observance…..We fool ourselves into thinking we will be much better off and suddenly the non-jews, seeing that we forsake our ancient and rich heritage in order to work our way into their systems, feel threatened and know that when we stray, G-d’s protection goes away.

There is no definitive reason for the breaking of the glass at a wedding. The reason I like best, which I heard offered by a grandfather as he placed the glass on the floor for the groom to smash was that the glass is like trust in a marriage, once broken it can no longer be restored whole again. This grandfather also handed to the bride and groom an identical glass to the one about to be broken. The extra glass was to be displayed prominently for the bride and groom to see everyday as a reminder to stay faithful and true to your loved one and remember to never shatter the trust between each other.

Doug Emhoff is a REAL JEW, he just does not subscribe to your interpretations of customs and traditions. Love and marriage is fraught with challenges withhout the added judgments of outsiders who may or may not approve of the union.

Jewish happiness that that Kamela married a Jew is irrelevant; we should be ashamed that Douglas married a goy. It's hard enough now for Observant parents to make sure their kids marry the opposite gender and but also now a Jew is difficult. Intermarriage by Jews is worse than COVID.

The Pew report, which said that intermarriage among non-Orthodox Jews was 71%, does not tell the whole extent of the awful truth. Without statistics to back me up, I believe that within that 71%, the majority is Jewish men marrying on-Jewish women. So, if within that 71%, most of those are men, that leaves a LOT of Jewish women without a Jew to marry, which can easily be seen by the huge numbers of single Jewish women over age 30. This is much worse than if within that 71%, half were men and half were women who were intermarrying. Plus a lot more women are baalei teshuva and a lot more women convert to Judaism than men. And yet , all the matchmakers wonder why there are so many great single women and no men for them to marry. The only solution to this paucity of Jewish men is for every Jewish woman to persuade any non-affiliated Jewish man to come to great Orthodox classes about Judaism and to come to fun Shabbat meals with very cool Orthodox families. In this way, each woman will nudge men into the general pool of potential mates, rather than the men trickling into to clutches of nice non-Jewish women. It's our tragedy, and we have to solve it, because the rabbis and match-makers don't even realize what's causing this.

and look what happened. He had the greatest voice of all the singers but picked the wrong women to marry. By the way there is a great site on Facebook dedicated to Eddie called "Wish You Were Here". GREAT voice. For those who don't remember or know Eddie, he was a singer from the 1950's who had many hit records. I met him several times. Always nice to his fans.

More people are accepting Judaism today, even with antisemitism and the danger it represents.
My 3rd great grandfather and family were all Jewish, they abandoned Jewism but we are now little by little looking into what it represents and we are more adept in getting closer and closer to Judaism.
I think the fall of Christianism is getting closer and Judaism will prevail, not as we know it. It will be much different, but Judaism it will be.

I agree with the author. I was floored as everyone was praising the president-elect for his children marrying Jews. So too, was I offended when the media made it seem as if Jews are now to be honored with the first-hand position. Torah is better than any thing on earth. Is the solution to this Torah Study?

My Jewish wife an I are doing our best, in our way, to live a Jewish life in a rural community. I converted in 2003 for my own love of G-d. We are certainly not Jewish enough for some, but it is our faith and identity. In our time, this is the best we can do. G.

If you oppose a marriage because somebody's parents aren't jewish...well that's racism pure and simple. If you oppose a marriage because you feel the intended partner won't be able to assimilate into your child's culture and your child is happy in your culture and may lose that... that's another thing. If you're living an observant lifestyle and your child is as well, that's culture. The son in the story was in essence calling his father a racist. And since the father's jewishness is apparently limited to who his mother was the son isn't wrong.

If NBA players are in the middle of an important game, and an electrician walks through the game, is everyone wrong for taking him off the basketball court? If an electrician is fixing the wires in a house, and an NBA player starts dribbling all around his ladder and toolbox, and the electrician wants him to leave, is that wrong? When Jews marry, it is the best way to guard the eternity of the Torah to pass to their children and grandchildren. By intermarrying, the Jew in the partnership is seriously jeopardizing the treasure of the Jewish people. This has nothing to do with racism. It has to do with believing that preserving Torah is of crucial benefit to the whole world. If you never had a chance to glimpse the wisdom of Torah, or the joy and meaningfulness of a Torah environment, then there is no way you could understand this. It's like describing the taste of pizza to someone who never tasted cheese or tomato sauce. Come to Israel and I will show you what I mean.

You seem to be missing a big point. To most Jews, the Torah means very little. Its stories and rules are deemed antiquated and unrelating to today's world. People have to be given a reason to adhere to Torah. Being told it is the best or God's word, or part of one's history is meaningless. For most Jews it is no better than last month's best seller. Lamenting that without adherence to Torah the Jewish people with no longer exist is not going to get people to believe what they don't believe

Shabbos services or family dinners is not going to bring people back to Torah. It is not enough.

As you note, there is a difference between the status of being a Jew and living a Jewish life, a “culture” that is meaningfully distinct from everything else. Judaism is not a race; it is a religion. The Jews are not a race, but a nationality defined by a common religious obligation; a person of any race may be or covert to Judaism. But when you separate a Jew from his religion and from the means and purpose of living an exclusively Jewish then all cultures are interchangeable and equally valid choices in the politically correct “multicultural” world. That’s why an exclusively Jewish life, including Shabbat, kashrut, prayer, even in the case of doubts, must be led with joy and passion, without hypocrisy, as an example for ones children. Otherwise, a difference that makes no difference in daily life is no difference at all.

Judaism is not a race in the sense of being defined by a skin color but it’s for certain not primarily a religion (as one who was born from a Jewish mother is according to Jewish law Jewish no matter what religion or none at all that they practice )Jews are Am Yisrael the people of Israel. A distinct people chosen by Gd . The definition which rings true for me is Jews are a family. We have specific responsibilities and we share a collective destiny as long as we remain part of the family. Sincere converts are accepted but no one needs to convert to Judaism to attain “heavenly reward” . It could be argued that a righteous gentile is much worse off converting if after conversion he does not keep the commandments incumbent on Jews which was not his prior responsibility.

Growing up, it was instilled in me that I MUST marry a Jewish man, there was no other option. Likewise, my brothers were implored to marry Jews as well.

I am still married to my Jewish husband of 46 years, but none of my 3 brothers are married to their Jewish first wives. And, I have to say, they are all more fulfilled on every level married to their gentile wives. Religion, I believe, has nothing to do with their successful subsequent marriages.

My take away from this is that compatibility is much, much more important in a marriage than the shared religion.

I hear you! Throughout my early life I observed how gentiles (especially the women) were generally kinder & more pleasant & respectful to their spouses than their Jewish counterparts. So when, ultimately, all my 3 children intermarried I had no problem with that. Today, my 4 grandkids may not be Jewish technically; however they're still aware of their part-Jewish heritage, by celebrating it annually in our "Chrisnukkah" party.

You often hear that women want to marry a "nice Jewish boy" that they make good husbands, good providers, don't cheat. They are considered a prize, a catch. However, my Jewish husbands points out, tongue in cheek, that no one says that men want to marry "nice Jewish girls". They are not a prize that shiksa women are. Jewish women are less domestic and more independent of thought. I guess that is what your son's saw in their nonJewish wives.

One can be compatible with their sibling, same sex friend , or numerous individuals the Torah forbids Jews to marry. A Torah observant Jew is expected to understand this obligation. It’s a bit of a stretch to believe one can’t find a kind respectful and pleasant Jewish girl to marry if one makes an effort. If one is more attracted to the characteristics of a woman brought up as a gentile there are Jewish converts a man can marry. it seems to me it’s a poor excuse for not taking one’s responsibility seriously or more likely and I feel sadly they never believed it was very important. If they spent more time at aish.com or similar sites or better studied with aish they would I think many would view marriage differently

May Hashem Bless You in His Loving Kindness which is Forevermore. For we pray for the Peace of Jerusalem. This article made me think of Hoshea, and the display of Overwhelming Love. Obviously no not one of could ever compare to the Love of the Most High. However as individuals we are to LOVE ALL, and Trust in Hashem to guide our heart's, minds, and actions. His ways are MAJESTIC and His ways are not our ways. I Hope that we each take time to reflect on our relationship with Adonai that HE Alone guides our paths in righteousness for the Loving Kindness to prosper and guard our hearts in His perfect will. Shalom

I come from a Prague Jewish family, the Christmas celebrating pork eating variety. I am a Jewish C,zech, not a Czech Jew. There were many mixed marriages in my family since about 1920. I have Dutch, German relatives. We all recognise our Jewish and Czech heritage. I just finished a novel about emigration. 80% of my book has Jewish characters, but the book shows what I belileve in. We are all human, and the differences are less important than what we have in common.OF COURSE I respect opinion to the contrary.

Read rabbi Adin Steinsaltz Rabbi Jonathan Sacks and as this is aish.com rabbi Noach Weinberg. For certain all agree that we are all human but Jews are different and have a unique role and unique responsibilities. If you are born to a Jewish mother Jewish law says you share those privileges and more importantly obligations. If you are not Jewish according to Jewish law and feel no lack or burning desire to convert then that’s fine. As I understand it our saved would advise you to fulfill your purpose as a gentile and enjoy your reward in this world and the next.

I'm a result of an intermarriage and interfaith by my grand mother (my mother's side). I haven't had any support from any Jewish community to have a sense of belonging. I've done many things in order to go back to my Jewish roots and I do it by myself by buying Jewish books to learn Jewish tradition. We have to recall Ruth's words, "Your people will be my people and your G-d will be my G-d..."

If a Jew is not educated to understand why it is important for Jews not only to remain Jews but to ensure that Judaism and the Jewish people continues until posterity, and that we have a G-D given commandment and responsibility to be a Light Unto the Nations then the bottom line is that we will have, as we are having now, acculturation, assimilation, inter marriage. Jewish pride starts with the knowledge that Judaism gifted the world the greatest thought of Human History and Civilization. I was born 1938. In my time growing up, Orthodoxy was on the decline. We thought Orthodoxy was a European brand of Judaism and had no place in America. Saturday mornings was for boxing lessons at the Newark Athletic Club until age 12, then quit to prepare for the Bar Mitzvah as a justification for a family social event. None of us were taught the meaning of Moses on Sinai and the giving of the Torah. Most of my contemporaries today who graduated the best universities know the Law of Supply and Demand but couldn't tell you how Judaism began. I could not have either were it not for an epiphany one day when I came to realization that there will be no Jews without Judaism so when our son was born, over mild protests from his Mother, which she was over ruled in a Democratic vote, we enrolled him in the Hebrew Youth Academy of South Orange NJ. Without this burning pride of being a Jew based on knowledge of the Jewish religion and our history, then there should be no shock when Jews marry outside our religion, when 75% of our Jews, those in name only, feel little sense of Jewish pride, much less concern for our existence, vote for the political party whose voice grows louder each day of anti Israel. Most Orthodoxy, with the exception of a few lunatics, appreciate the President who has proven to be the greatest friend of Israel in history, whereas the watered down Jews not only dislike him but hate him. These Jews know Mary and Joseph. They don't know Yocheved and Amram

You are very silly to believe that Miscreant trump is a friend to Jews. Remember, after Charlottesville, Miscreant trump said that the neoNazis, Proud Boys, KKK and other White Supremacists groups were very fine people. Those were the people who chanted “Jews will not replace us”. Those antisemites are Miscreant trump’s darlings.

Dear IrisB.
Thank you for your response. You saved me from responding! Trump is no friend to the Jews, and I am tired of being insulted for being a Democrat.

Rivka, what many trump loving Jews (that phrase is an utter embarrassment) fail to understand is that Israel NEEDS America. America does not need Israel, despite what fairy tales they tell themselves. Israel NEEDS America to be strong for it to survive. Under the Miscreant trump, America has been devalued and made weak in the world. The rest of the world has laughed at the ridiculousness of America under trump and that they could have been fooled by a corrupt self-centered immoral man in the first place.

Anonymous, I think you are blending a few issues here. Why would you say that America does not need Israel? Israel is the Jewish homeland. I took my first trip there a year ago and was ecstatic when Shabbat arrived. The United States is a Christian nation, and this point is being driven home to us as December 25th approaches.

Re: The comment about being silly. I am certainly no fan of Trump, believe me. However, calling someone else silly for his/her beliefs is being dis respectful to that person. We can disagree with one another without being disagreeable and resorting to name calling.

Just because Trump’s administration acted favorably for Israel does not mean Jews should support him. If you value Israel and Judaism as much as you seem to then make Aliyah or at least encourage your children to do so. you gave them a Jewish education and they as you pray constantly for a return to Israel and a rebuilt third temple . Please come home snd help make it happen.

How do you view converts to Judaism?

Anyone who thinks otherwise is just dumb.

They’re Jewish. It’s not even a question.

Many years ago I fell in love with a man who was born into a non-Jewish family. We dated for two years and I shared my rituals and beliefs as a Reform Jew. When we talked of marriage I told him in no uncertain terms that my children would be raised Jewish. I explained that my faith was everything to me, that we didn't need to get married if we weren't going to have a Jewish home and family. We met with my rabbi and my boyfriend said he was also falling in love with Judaism. My intended went through conversion classes and in a very emotional service was confirmed as a Jew. But he lied. In fact everything turned out to be a lie. I had to work two or even three jobs to support our family. He refused to go to send our two boys to religious school. I offered that we could find a different congregation if that would make him feel more comfortable. When we did go to Friday night services he made fun of the rabbis, congregants and practices. I did my very best to raise my boys right and I like to think that I had a hand in molding their values. They grew up and married non-Jewish women who are also good people but are practicing Christians raising their children in their religion. My boys do not identify as Jews and I am heart broken still. Now I feel alienated and alone and a failure to Judaism. I've met with a Conservative rabbi and he said that raising good people is more important than the particular religion. Overall i agree but there could have been both. So now I am doomed as a failure as well as a fool. My naivete has disgraced me and there is nothing to be done. If I could serve as a precautionary tale and prevent the loss of another Jewish family, then perhaps I have some spec of value after my disgrace.

You can make wonderful contributions to the Jewish People, even given the unfortunate religious choices of your kids. I suggest you check out your local Chabad House couple and join them for Shabbat, as well as the homes of other nice Orthodox Jews. Once you experience the inspiration, joy, and meaning that Orthodox Judaism offers, you can bring other people to this inspiration.

Thank you for sharing your story. I think you're right in that if could be helpful to others.

Also, all is not over. In addition to learning more about Torah Judaism, as the previous poster mentioned, you can pray. You can pray for your sons, that they should reconnect with their Jewish roots and have Jewish descendants. Prayer always helps.

The blame is with the orthodox community as much as it is with anyone else. The Jewish people are a people, regardless of whether they believe in the ancient fairytales or they are atheists. By defining Judaism as only a faith, the community loses individuals who see the concept of god differently. Had the father in your story been more strict in the orthodoxy, perhaps his son would have taken the faith more seriously himself. Perhaps not. I would bet that future generations will be less attached to faiths of any kind, because reason has a way of disrupting even the most fanciful, most shielded delusions. What if, however, the father in your story, buttressed by the community to which he was so attached, inculcated the love and belonging to his people? If we act like Judaism is not a faith but a community that can accommodate many strands of thought, as long as its adherents commit to each other, we will find our chances for survival far more hopeful.

Thank you for this comment. I feel in it a yearning for achdus - a loving, brotherly family of Jews. It's beautiful; it gives me this longing as well, and for that I truly thank you.

I must, however, strongly disagree with your diagnosis and proposed solution. They make no sense on many levels.

Furthermore, calling Torah Judaism "fairy tales" is ignorant.

I myself grew up in a secular family in a socialist country, so I understand condescension towards and prejudice against faith. This way of looking at the world is a prison.

You're seeking knowledge on Aish.com - that shows openness to new knowledge. I wish you truth and clarity, and I bless us all that all Jews should live together as brothers and sisters.

Be well.

I am a Christian, I worship the God of Abraham, and abide by the ten commandments of Moses, and I emphatically rebuff any suggestion I am antisemitic, quite the contrary.

I acknowledge the difference between our religious faith but I have never previously felt the extent of Jewish rejection of being non-Jewish.

There has been no love lost, not for my fellow man and not for religious differences, and certainly not for Jews - God's love, God's purpose has always triumphed.

I wish you nothing but joy and peace and fulfilment in the knowledge of God.
Shalom

Dear Eric,

It is not a rejection to non-Jews the reason why we want to keep marriage between Jews a priority. (Keep in mind that if someone converts to Judaism that person is a Jew and won't be intermarriage)Rather, is our commitment to keeping the Torah's teachings. When you marry someone from another faith, you may think that with willingness and respect it is possible to balance out both faith, but what about the children? it would be confusing for them, don't you think so? how the Jewish partner would keep a kosher home? and many other holidays that we have to observe as mandate it to us from the Torah.
What about Shabbat? it is our cornerstone; it is sometimes difficult enough to get everyone on board,( where everyone is Jewish ) just imagine for someone that doesn't have to comply with it?

I had a colleague whose mom was Italian catholic and dad Russian Jew- he grew up with mixed-signal religion-wise, he told me, that he regrets that his father didn't share more about Judaism, he was a bot at lost about his spiritual life, he felt that push towards Judaism, but didn't want to offend his mom. Not an easy subject, and we can argue forever, I just wanted to let you know, that is not about rejection. Shalom Aleichem

Deuteronomy 6:6,7. We should teach by example

I agree with the concern over intermarriage and the loss of Judaism in this world. There are many Jews who define themselves as "cultural" Jews, who not only don't practice religiously, but have no knowledge of the Hebrew language or cultural practices. The term "cultural Jew" is only a convenient term to use in place of "no affiliation, or knowledge, or interest" in the religion of their ancestors. For their children, the connection to Judaism is very faint and so the move to the dominant religion of the country or community they reside in is easy.
But even for those of us who have given our children a strong foundation in Judaism, the allure of the dominant culture is such a strong pull. Both my children had a strong Jewish upbringing. Both are married to nonJews. My grandchildren eat traife and celebrate christian holidays. For them (the grandchildren), Judaism is an historical marker in the past of one their parents. Such is the price we pay as Jews in a free society. As Paul Sartre said "If it were not for anti-Semitism, there would be no Jews." History is proving him right.

I may be wrong, but I don't recall the supposed saying of JEAN-Paul Sartre's that you quote. The one that stands out for most is "If the Jew did not exist, the anti-Semite would invent him", which has more to do with the pathology of the anti-Semite than the behaviour of the Jew. As to the claim that anti-Semitism serves to strengthen Jewish identification and continuity ... perhaps in times past, when Jews found relief and succour primarily from other Jews, but in the modern era it seems an equally if not more likely result would be to pack it all in and go for full-on identification with the dominant surrounding culture, whatever that might be.

Yes, we do need to dig deep as American Jews and rededicate ourselves to Hashem. If poor shtetl Jews could keep the laws, so can we. Also, maybe halachic observance would be easier in Israel, but not everyone can afford to make aliya.

It’s these same people that demand the Peaceful Palestinian are in command . Kamila Harris Biden and Obama . What does that tell you about intermarriage. Trump was done letting the U.N. bark at Israel but Biden is rejoicing your not my Momala

I am not a Jew - I am a Christian - but I wholely support everything you have written here! As a Christian, we have a similar ruling "Be ye not unequally yoked together, believers with unbelievers"! We are also taught not to be "Judgemental". - May God Bless you and your people - For myself, I love the Jewish people - and pray regulary for the "Children of Israel"...!

I fully accept that there are differences between different Faiths, but nevertheless I believe that we should give credit to the truth wherever we find it, and for me, 2/3 of my Holy Scripture - is the history (practical and Spiritual) of the Jewish people.

I did marry a Christian (who is now an atheist). However I was not kicked out of the Jewish religion for that. I was kicked out of the jewish religion or as I call it "dejewed" because of my ancestry. It turns out that my maternal greatgrandmother was actually born a Christian Romanian. She married a polish jewish immigrant, however she never formally converted even though she kept a Jewish household and raised all her 8 children as Jews. I am still really upset and offended by this. The Jews need to change their attitude if they want to be more accepted in a majority Christian society like we live in the US.

What you became aware of has nothing to do with you personally.
It’s the law!

If you care to be a Jew, speak with an orthodox Rabbi and he will tell you what you need to do in order to be considered a Jew.

You were never Jewish. Judaism is matrilineal and a lack of Jewish female line of descent makes someone a non-Jew unless they convert.

On the other hand, I once startled a devout Christian by explaining that she was Jewish. Her great-great-grandmother on a straight maternal line was given a Shtar Shichra before marrying her former owner. She was a perfectly Kosher Jew, although she did not identify as one.

The law really doesn’t care about what you think you are; it cares about WHAT you are. If you truly feel that you are Jewish, you are welcome to convert and join the nation.

I think that it is of utmost importance for parents to take Judaism seriously. As Albert Einstein said: “setting an example is not the best way to influence another, it’s the only way.” I also think that parents should tell their children that it is important to marry a Jewish person. A study from Columbia University showed that children who married Jews were more likely to have been told by their parents that this is important than those who intermarried. Finally, wanting to marry a Jewish person is NOT racist unless one considers non Jews inferior to them.

Those that are not born of a Jewish mother should sincerely consider orthodox conversion! My husband was not raised in a Jewish home, although his sir-name is listed as a rare and "Sephardic sir-name" from Portugal during the inquisition. Nevertheless, it is up to him to make his choices. It is my hope that the orthodox Jewish community never comprise according to Torah, but help to encourage non-Jewish spouses to convert via orthodox Judaism.

I have a close relative who is a very kind and pious woman, who is married with a large family. They have always kept strictly kosher, have beens shomer shabbos, observed every Jewish holiday with joy, spoke words of Torah at mealtime, and sent their children to yeshivas from age three and on. Only about half of their children are remaining Orthodox. The others have chosen different paths. So unfortunately, it doesn't always work. On the other hand, I have another relative who is Conservative, but not Orthodox, who has one child who has chosen to become totally observant. When you raise children, you do your best but never know how things will turn out.

It is very frightening that so many of the people on the list to which I send Aish articles are either intermarried or have close intermarried relatives that I'd lose friends if I sent this article to them. Yes, it's a greater problem than anti-Semitism.

This article is true. Nothing distroyes things faster than marrying outside ones belief. Just so you know I am LDS. My grandpa was Jewish. Take a look at society today and what is going on. People don't believe in G-d. How does this happen? You have two people who gets married one keeps the sabbath the other don't. This increases the chance of the children they get on there own of not keeping the sabbath. Two people get married. One is Jewish the other is not. Unless they decided to raise the children as Jews, you run the risk the children going a stray.

Just read this article by Rabbi E. Goldberg titled "This Scares Me More than Anti-semitism." Really? Rabbi Goldberg you "shudder" over intermarriage? I intermarried; my children are both Jews. My daughter married an Orthodox man. My son writes publicly about anti-semitism on a regular basis, and the threatening impact of white supremacists in the area he lives in. I found the article incredibly offensive, especially the final paragraph: "Hearing about intermarriage, whether in the highest office in the land, or anywhere else, is not something to “celebrate” or admire, it is something to grieve, to be pained by, but most of all, to be driven to do something about."

Even if they did, your case is the exception, not the rule. Most intermarriages result in children not being identified as Jews enough to pass it on to their kids. And many become Christians, depending on which parent cares more about their religion, and how the religion is presented in the home, and how nice/fun which side of the family is------ The perpetuation of the kids' Judaism is a "crap shoot"-----a big fat gamble. Like juggling diamonds over a bottomless pit.

Dear Rabbi,

You make a powerful point but in the end you contradict yourself. On one hand you say you have seen parents who are observant and pass on the traditions yet the children inter-marry. However, your conclusion for reducing intermarriage seems to be for parents to be more observant . Do we have stats on this?

The only stats I have seen is that that Orthodox families are the only ones holding it together. Which suggest that those will be the only Jews left at some point in the future since any less level of observance will lead to complete assimilation.

Realistically, the "problem" is self-correcting over time. And sadly, I am living that with some of my children.

Raising a child to believe that Jewish pride is the most important thing on the face of this earth is super important but not super enough. Jews without Judaism is a one generation, maybe two with luck, phenomena. Even with Jewish education, Jewish religion, Jewish history, Israel, etc. there are no guarantees just only that it improves the odds of one's child not willing but wanting to find a Jewish mate who will have Jewish children and continue to pass on a stronger Baton. Ever Jew in South Africa, whether Sabbath observers or not, make Friday Shabbat dinner. America is not South Africa. Here the non religious Jew is a disappearing act but in the meantime until he disappears, he's so screwed up, he loves the enemy and hates the friend. My last statement is hard truth. What however is encouraging is that many young Jews who never had a Friday night Shabbat Dinner are seeking to be Orthodox, recognizing, as Rabbi Steve Weil, mentioned to me one day, we have such a beautiful religion. America is the only place in the world where for now the non religious Jews, other than secular Zionists, vote for a political party loaded up with Jew haters who hide under the transparent disguise of Anti Israel. Happy Thanksgiving

Some people call this the silent Holocaust. Many years ago when I was in college a classmate told me she was engaged to a Jewish boy. She was an Italian Catholic. She said his parents are very upset. Why are they upset and surprised when they never keep anything she wanted to know. Unfortunately now that both the President and Vice President elect are or have intermarried family members this will become fashionable R"L.

I learned a long time ago that there are two types of anti- semitism: overt and covert. Rabbi Goldberg hit the nail on the head with his essay. It is Midyon still trying to destroy Israel with tho covert anti-semitisim!

I am not passing judgement at all when I say that the most racist thing possible is a prohibition against interracial marriage. Since Jews have many genetic distinctions from non-Jews they are akin to a different race. Certainly, limiting Jews from intermarrying with non-Jews would, if practiced for a long time, would lead to a separation of races. To me...that is not a good thing or a bad thing but it is certainly a racist thing. Racism is not, in and of itsel,f a bad thing, it is what you do with the racism that is good or bad.

You are confusing race and religion. We have Ethiopian Jews Mizrahi Jews all of them are people of color. The best outcome is if a Ashkenazi Marries one of them

We are a NATION, not a race. Anyone who wishes may join us. I’ve known quite a few converts. I know some Ethiopians. There are Jews of all races and peoples and ethnicities. But we are all one nation, and marriages should occur within the nation. Also, we’re matrilineal, so non-Jewish women can’t have Jewish children.

JUDAISM IS A WAY OF LIFE. AS WE HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BE A LIGHT TO THE NATIONS, BASED ON TORAH VALUES AND COVENANT COMMITTED ON MT SINAI. AS A BAL THUVAH & GER, ROMAN CATHOLIC IDEOLOGY, IS A JEWISH PERSON INTO AN ICON AS THE MESSIAH WITH ALL THE TRAPPINGS, SUCH AS CATHEDRALS, CEREMONIES, SMOKE, AND MIRRORS. WHEN IN FACT JOSHUA WAS A MAMZER, BORN FROM A VIRGIN & WE KILLED HIM! HOW SICK IS THAT? ISLAM IS A VICIOUS SATANIC VICIOUS CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION DISGUISED AS A RELIGION!

MOST THE MOST PART PROGRESSIVES INCLUDING SCHIFF, SCHUMER, NATHAN & J STREET & MOST OF EUROPE DO NOT BELIEVE IN RELIGION!
BY IDENTIFYING JUDAISM AS A COMPETITIVE RELIGION, WHICH WE ARE NOT...WE LOST THE PRIDE AND GRATITUDE AS HASHEM IS OUR G-D!
DON RICKLES AND THE REBBE WERE MESSIANIC ENVOYS AND THEY TOOK THAT RESPONSIBILITY QUITE SERIOUSLY AND NOT TO BE COMPARED WITH ANY OTHER ENTITY, AS WE ARE VERY UNIQUE AND SPECIAL! BARUCH HASHEM HAPPY THANKSGIVING IS NOT PART ANY IDEOLOGY BUT A GRATITUDE, THANK YOU FOR YOUR ESSAY!

I'm not really surprised by this. BE fore i was married I dated mostly non-Jewish girls. There was something about the Jewish girls attitude that was a complete turn off. A friend who was Jewish introduced me to his cousin who turned out be more relaxed and had a different attitude. We were married, had two children, then she died after being married for 34 years. My son married a girls who is not Jewish and there three children were raised in the church. They do, how ever, practice both religions' holidays. After my wife died I found a lady, not Jewish, and we were together for 20 years. She spent more time in the temple, joining in the activities and becoming a member. The only time we attended church was on Easter Sunday and Midnight Mass on Christmas. People thought we were married so who were me to discourage them. There four other couples in the temple that were/are in the same situation. Every one is accepted with no hostile acts or words to or about them. So long as it works for the couple, the Lord has blessed them with love and companionship.

I would add to your hierarchy of worries just below intermarriage or perhaps even with it would be not marrying at all. At least in the case of Ivanka and Jared Kushner, we gained a whole new observant family. Non-married Jews create dead ends. Antisemitism is way down the list of worries in this country.

Rabbi, good day and yasha koach on a marvelous article. When I am presented with a situation, a problem inside our house or in the world I always look for the "root cause." I am interested in your opinion beyond the Jewishness or Judean practices in our home, that it is equal to the desired outcome, but deeper. The root cause of intermarriage among our people, the why, the truth I believe that EchaD tells us why in Torah, yet so many no do not go to Torah for answers they go to the Rabbi (no disrespect intended) or somewhere else for the answers and do not search for themselves, our people do not know Torah for the most part. Not just in our times as I am sure you know but for thousands of years. Why intermarriage, what have we as a people done to ourselves to drive us outside our Torah, Hashem EchaD. We are responsible for preserving Torah, and I feel as though, that many of our rituals sway from Torah, thus our children's pick and choose rituals over HIS laws in my opinion only. Toda Rabah for your time and I do appreciate your view on this topic as I rarely respond to anyone's article.

Intermarriage - Know a bit about it as my ex-wife is Jewish and all 3 of our kids were raised (Reform) Jews. My background was lapsed Catholic up to that point. Strangely, at 13 years old found put that some of the sacraments were pagan based so stopped going to church.

Did not feel the real spirit of Judaism until started going to the orthodox Village Shul in Toronto 3.5 years ago. It was as if had stumbled on a well that was so deep and so wide - hidden below ground - wondrous and inexhaustible. Am now in the process of conversion.

For you non-Jewish men who married Jewish women without converting, what was it that you love about your wife and your kids, about your Jewish friends and colleagues, about Rabbis you have met? Why are you attracted to them? Give her and your kids and yourself something to be proud of. A legacy.

Remember what Avraham did? He left his father's idol manufacturing shop, left his home city (Ur Kasdim), and let G-d direct his life from then on. Abraham was not born Jewish, but he chose to reject a false way of life and instead trust in G-d. By his choices he became our first Jewish patriarch, able to discern what G-d wanted from him.

May we all be granted discernment on what is important in life and what is not.

Good luck with your conversion! Welcome!

It is a silent holocaust. It is a tragedy. Christina and Christopher because of the normal love toward the neshama of a Jew are attracted and in turn wish to marry. They are killing more Jews ans more efficiently than the Nazis

Well said!!

We can all experience and share the greatest pleasure possible in life by nourishing the emptiness inside and letting our souls shine! Gratitude throughout each day is the essence of Judaism.

It's a monumental problem, and I don't know what to do, but two things: 1) They are not interfaith marriages. If the Jew had faith, he would not do it. Plus many of those involved have little or no attachment to Judaism. Yet in the USA, anything Jewish is said to be about religion. IMO they are international marriages.
Even though I was committed to marrying a Jew, when there was a shortage of them, in college and a few years later, I dated non-Jews. With more than one of them, it was like going to the carnival in that they were upbeat, not bothered by the cares of the world. It was pleasant. If a Jewess had behaved that way, thought like that, I would have thought she was stupid. Didn't she know anything about history or our history? I think I did once date a Jewish girl like that and I did feel she was too stupid for me. But a goyish girl can be smart and still unconcerned, almost unaware, I wouldn't want her to be the mother of my children, but it's pleasant .
Alas, my parents fought all the time, and I think my father didn't get what he expected, and I never got far enough past my fear of an unhappy marriage, or a divorce that took my kids away from me, and I never married at all. I'm okay with that.
(And don't anyone give me grief about goyish or shiksee. I know Yiddish better than you do and they are not insults. And when someone claims they are insults, it's slander of the Jews who use them. That the words are used with hostility sometimes doesn't mean a thing. Any noun can be used that way. You should have heard my uncle say Republican or my neighbor say Democrat. The sentences they spoke were often insults, but does that make those words insults? No. )

I am a Catholic who grew up in a Jewish neighbourhood as did my father. My early memories of religion outside my family are of Judaism. The first hymns I remember learning were in Hebrew. In my 20s I met and fell in love with a Jewish man and it felt like coming home. We both came from homes with similar levels of observance in our Faith's; my family observed all our religious holidays and days of abstinence and fasting. We were very similar but from different Faith's. Eventually, after trying to hard to find a way through things the relationship ended but it was and is the most painful choice I have ever made. I still love this man and always will, despite having married and had a family in my own faith. I have enormous respect for the Jewish community which informed my early development in so many ways. I will always have this man in my heart and prayers for ever.

To the Catholic woman who ended her relationship with a Jew--Your story is so striking to me because I lived through a similar experience but in reverse. I am a Jew who grew up mostly among Christians and most of my early religious memories are from my best childhood friend's Christian home and even her church. When I was 20, I fell in love with a young man who grew up an atheist but had strong spiritual longings and was learning towards Christianity. While I had such a strong bond with him, I still struggled with our religious differences. I wasn't even religious then but I knew deep within me I wanted to build a Jewish home and sadly, I could not do that with him. I later became a religious Jew and built the home I wanted with my Jewish husband. It takes a lot of gevurah (a Hebrew word meaning the power to withhold or withstand) to pull away from a relationship for the sake of a higher ideal. In today's culture, gevurah is not widely admired, but giving into your desires is. But gevurah is attributed to the Jewish patriarch Isaac and it is something that will get you through all sorts or challenges and thus is well worth developing. I understand how painful your choice was because mine was too. I still have that man in my heart and I pray for him. But I know in my bones I made the right choice and I hope you feel that way too. I learned from a Jewish teacher that to trust G-d, you have to know that the path you're on is the one you're meant to follow. We had encounters with wonderful people, but G-d Himself led us to the lives we're meant to lead. I believe that.

This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for sharing too. Your sharing of your past made me feel not alone in my experience and that strengthened me. I wish you lots of joy with your husband and family.

The article seems to look for reasons to explain assimilation and people opting out

The reason seems clear to me. There is insufficient reason for many people to want to live Jewish lives. Our marketing is awful. It is no longer sufficient to say, be Jewish because they want to kill us

We need positive reasons. One doesn’t have to be Jewish to live a moral life. In that respect, Judaism has succeeded, but seems unnecessary to many

Harry Houdini’s mother said something like,this when her sin married a devout Catholic: “They tried to kill us with swords but they will destroy us with love.” She may have been right.

Never knew Houdini was Jewish For that one reason he was so innovative and gifted

HOU [jhoo] HE
IS [no state of being word in Hebrew]
DIN [deen] LAW
I [ee] MY
"HE IS MY LAW". [And my G-d forgive him for being Hungarian!]

Harry Houdini’s real name was Erich Weiss.

I am what I describe as non-observant/orthodox knowing. I have failed to observe so many laws and forgone so many opportunities to perform mitzvot. Now I am almost 51 and I see the err of my ways.

This piece is as racist as they come.

A white Jew marrying a black Jew is totally acceptable. This has nothing to do with racism.

I fully agree. Wanting to only marry another Jew is not racist. There are Black, Asian, and Latino Jews. Also, a non Jew from any background who sincere can convert to Judaism.
Do we also consider Mormon and Greek Orthodox people racist since they have a low rate of intermarriage?

The best we can do is lead by example & then have Mazal. But without consistent commitment kids see through your actions Great article - your parents are true exemplars of that consistency & being Rolfe models of how to conduct oneself.

How do we get through to young adults, no better, teens? When I zoom on Melton classes or my Shuls classes, I see people my age, 60 and above. That age group is getting back to Jewish study. The younger age groups are not. This problem has been around for 50 or more years, the numbers get worse.

hi Rabbi Efrem Goldberg, Your are right to follow the Torah i agree to keep the jewish nation growing and jewish families in community and at the synagogue and also what about supporting converts to Judaism that are poor and the orphans, widows, strangers and elders too like all the books of the prophets say. The Torah says no intermarriage and Hashem chooses the wife and husband and to strengthen your brothers because they could be poor. Good to talk to you Rabbi and thank you for sharing. Hashem Bless you Rabbi Efren Goldberg

It seems to me, that we need to keep reminding ourselves that HKBH also is in great pain. Throughout history, Jews were lost. Either they were ripped out of our arms, or enticed with a bowl of soup, or seduced by the world around them. However , the greatest pain is when Jews deny the covenant that we have with HKBH. I cannot change the lifestyle chosen by those who left the Torah way of life. I can work very hard to try to keep my family under HKBH's promise of protection. I do it by 1. Praying for divine wisdom 2. Learning Torah with my grandchildren . 3. Encourage their accomplishments in doing Mitzvos 4. Saying my brochos out loud for them to answer amen. 5. Loving them. Out of my 7 children, 6 are following in my path. The seventh fell under the influence of Bad People and deviated somewhat. I worry about his children remaining a part of our nation even though they will be part of my family as alienated as they are. Prayer Works!

Here's an interesting but sad irony...
During the presidential election of 2016, a lot of people were complaining that Trump was pandering to the Jewish vote by way of his daughter and son-in-law who are Torah-Observant. But those same people saw nothing wrong with Kamala Harris' Jewish husband and felt that that could pander to the Jewish vote.
Unfortunately intermarriage has become way too common and it's sad that we're not fazed by it.

Rabbi, this is a topic that has been bothering me for some time, ever since learning of the Pew survey. Being Conservative in my following, this troubles me greatly, especially since I have four children and you never know how things will turn out, even though both parents have tried to instill in our children the importance of marrying within the religion and our responsibility to maintain the religion

I agree 100% with the Rabbi's article. I am a BT of 11 years now and I believe that we need to show our children the way not just tell them, If we want our children to say please and thank you then we must say please and thank you. If we want our children to see how important Judaism is to us then we must show them. Children are best guided by examples, If all we say or do is "No we cant do that, it Shabbos or NO we don't eat those foods then we need to show them HOW special Shabbos is and How amazing the food we choose to eat is. Nothing important comes easy but with Hashem by our side, it will be ok.

Rabbi Goldberg might have acknowledged the obvious fact that there are plenty of young Jews From assimilated backgrounds who grasp the dire consequences of remaining in the USA. They come to Israel to learn, to serve in the IDF, and to marry. From Israel, the Jewish population of America has its future!

I was born Jewish in the USA, one of over 100 American Jewish relatives, yet today in 2020, I am the only surviving Jew, along with my own (very Jewish, thank God!) children and grandchildren. As a young wife and mother in my early twenties, I realized the entire future of the Jewish people within my own family rested on my puny shoulders, and the responsibility of continuance of our Jewish identity was up to me to ensure we would not be forever lost. Unlike my husband, whose family was destroyed by Hitler, my own family was destroyed by intermarriage and assimilation in America. My siblings married out, as did my uncle, my many cousins and my niece and nephews, who are christian missionaries to this day. My nephew, seven years old at the time, told my mother (his grandmother) that she is going to hell, because she wouldn't accept their "savior." That, my dear friends, is the real legacy of intermarriage, which does what hitler, yimach sh'mo, couldn't do.

Ok ...Referring to intermarriage .Everyone of our ancestors " intermarried ".Tragically my tribes did not and we carry the genius , the ET abilities and the genetic challenges that come with the responsibility and the territory.Bizarrely current genetic testing has not demonstrated that the women should be following the same protective minhagim as the men , so they are compromising their immune systems until they wake up.Someone needs to appreciate this and welcome these.It will have to be a Bat Kohen and eldest daughter of an eldest son ...a health professional. We welcome this genetic sanity .Joshua also welcomed this !

After 2000 years of exile, with different groups of Jews taking on different sets of characteristics according to their local environments, the Jewish nation as a whole has sufficient genetic diversity for a long future of intra-marriage.

This comment has been deleted.

MY DOG WAS ONE OF THE MOST HAPPY CREATURES OF G-D'S CREATION [& followed a similar life style].

It would have been better to use a picture of Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky, as this was the first marriage for both of them. Chelsea did not convert before marriage like Ivanka Trump, therefore Chelsea’s three children are not Jewish and the Clinton-Mezvinsky union is considered an interfaith family.

Kamala Harris and Douglas Emhoff were both 50YO, when they married in 2014. Kamala is Douglas, second wife. His first wife and mother of his two young adult kids is Jewish. Therefore, I don’t have an issue nor see a problem with second marriages of adults pass child bearing age to have interfaith marriages.

In my family, all the second marriages due to either death or divorce are interfaith marriages between Seventh Day Adventist and Orthodox Jews or Seventh Day Baptist and Conservative Jews or Reform Jews, making them interfaith, multi-cultural, multi-ethnic and child-free.

If having a Jewish home is important, then it's important even if that home doesn't produce children. If it's not that important, then why should anyone ever impose on anyone else's marriage choices?

In other words, if marrying Jewish is a command from G-d, then it must be obeyed ALWAYS and unequivocally. If it's not, then who cares?

That's right, who cares? It's their business, not yours or mine. Leave them be. People are not meant to be alone and if the person who completes you is not of the same religion, you should not walk away from a satisfying life because of something so irrelevant as following antiquated religious customs.

We must love all Jews, and we must also love the Almighty, feel His pain, fight for His values and vision and pursue His blueprint for the Jewish people in His world.

How do you consider those that have converted to Judaism?

If according to Halacha - as Jews!

Rabbi Goldberg, thank you for bringing this issue to light. While commitment deepening our commitment to Torah and mitzvot and being true role models of its teachings is important, one of the struggles being faced within the Orthodox community is how we treat and view those who are not married. I know these are topics you have written about, and I thank you for it; may your words make a lasting impact on our communities! As someone who was raised with tremendous Jewish faith and all the privileges of a robust Jewish education, and was also single past what was considered 'okay' for our community, I would like to add how difficult it is to double-down when it feels like one like they are not living up to the community's expectation. Hundreds of Yeshiva educated adults, who love Torah and what is stands for, would be more likely to be the role models we need if there was more space for the unmarried. Plenty of these people wish to be married, and to someone who shares their values, but are not yet. I have friends who, after years of dating, found love and acceptance in someone not Jewish, and it is hard to blame them when they having little to no luck in Jewish dating circles. Perhaps being more supportive of those without a spouse will help, perhaps not. I just wanted to bring this topic up, hoping that it will encourage others to reach out in friendship to those who do not fit the mold. That can also do us tremendous good.

Thank you for bringing this up. As a woman who has been divorced for many years I totally agree...The religious community is not welcoming or understanding enough of this predicament. Furthermore, Jewish men don't seem to be as open minded when it comes to life situations.. Also not everyone has a strong support system. This can lead someone astray, and it would be terrible.

Great article! My story is different. My grandfather was Jewish but my mom was not. I was an atheist until missionaries came to knock on my door. It took me 15 years to come back home to Judaism. Unfortunately, assimilation is much easier then coming back to Judaism. You cannot stop people to love each other, but educating the interfaith partner about the true G-d might sway some to convert from the heart.

If your mom was not Jewish and you have not Halachically converted, by Jewish law you are not a Jew. This is not meant to reject you, just to make you aware of the technicalities. May your future be bright!

One of my nephews married out of the faith and I witnessed his “ceremony.” The pain was intense. I cannot and will not go through that type of pain ever again.

My young adult son is single and not currently dating anyone. However, he is well aware of my views on intermarriage. He also knows that I learn with different people three times a week and light Shabbos candles every Shabbat. A few years ago I was on my way to Shul one Shabbat morning and saw that he was quite distraught. He said a famous Jewish person he admired had passed away and he asked me to say Kaddish. Are there any guarantees my efforts will be successful? I don’t know, but I will continue to do everything Zi can to promote Jewish continuity.

unless it is directed toward you specifically, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous.
I do not speak for Rabbi Goldberg, but he clearly did not 'politicize' this issue. His column address's Jewish intermarriage for all, regardless of the color of one's skin or race.
Read and re-read the column again - if you are of average intelligence, you may realize you have no reason to be 'offended'.
And stop writing in all capitals.

First off, let me say that I generally agree with the comments you make here. However, I'm not terribly fond of the term "snowflake." IMO you could have expressed yourself without using that word. Also, it seems to me that a lot of young Jewish males are enamored by the concept of a "Shiksa Goddess." I have a distant relative who married someone who looked a lot like a certain blonde Hollywood definitely NOT Jewish movie star. I'm not trying to lecture anyone here, but perhaps we can disagree without being disagreeable.

I appreciate your comments. By all who know me, I would easily be the one person in the world who would be considered circumspect and respectful in their replies and comments. I'm the one who crosses the street to avoid trouble. I don't know if I am happy or distressed to say that I generally avoid confrontation at all costs. All this said, like the old expression, I don't suffer fools gladly. While I am all for minimal standards of decency when commenting on articles like those found on Aish, I will call out someone who doesn't play by any rules and writes drivel. I won't engage anyone, even if they set the bar very low.
I'm a New Yorker -- I can call someone a lot worse than a 'snow flake'.

Stimulating article, but it didn't address the essential question which is why has all the outreach and education, such as that done by Aish and others, at great expense and over many years, not proved to be more of a success? Any cost benefit analysis would show that all these efforts have essentially failed as the statistics you quote clearly show. What Jewish tradition offers, doesn't address the needs of many Jews. If Orthodoxy is serious, it needs to change, but too often it claims that it can't, although I think it can, but won't. I suspect that just as biblical judaism changed to rabbinic judaism after the destruction of the temple, so we are seeing the end of rabbinic judaism and something else will evolve to takes its place. There is no reason why rabbinic judaism should go on for ever. Just as the prophets are no longer actively part of the Divine plan, it may be the turn of the rabbis. At the moment it looks like being Jewish will change from a religious identity to a national one with the creation of the state of Israel. Rabbinic judaism, whether Reform, or Orthodox may well go the way of the Samaritans, Sadducees and the Essenes. The state of Israel, not withstanding the official rabbanut is happy to welcome and accept inter-married couples and their children as full Israeli citizens. I think Israel is successful in reaching out to those who are technically not Jewish, who never the less feel welcomed and to make their homes, join the IDF have their families and benefit from all the benefits of living in Israel. All the rabbanut can do is to reject them and then the rabbis are surprised when they are in turn also rejected, as the article so clearly demonstrated.

Thank you for your comments. I don't see the outreach and education efforts as an abysmal failure. Perhaps statistically they haven't accomplished or succeeded in fending off the assimilation and intermarriage rates but each person that returns to a richly Jeiwsh lifestyle is changing the trajectory of their family for generations to come. To really move the needle, we can't outsource outreach to rabbis and professionals but every Torah Jew needs to see it as their responsiblity to be an ambassador. The answer to this threat is not to dumb down or dilute the only Jewish lifestyle that has survived thousands of years of exile, persecution, oppression and systematic attempts to destroy it. We have to double down on the authentic Torah way of life, because it is correct, but also because it works.

Thank you for taking the trouble to reply, which is appreciated and you make some good points, but I feel it is a bit of a stretch to claim that each Ba'al Teshuvah changes the trajectory of their family for generations to come. We are not that powerful and history, or family dynamics may quickly cause a deviation from such a path. After all, we don't know what happened to the trajectory of the generations of Moses' offspring. They are lost to history, like the lost tribes. We can't even be really sure who is genuinely descended as a Cohen, or a Levite. Also, I wasn't making a case to dumb down, or dilute, I was making a case for change, which is not the same thing. I think Orthodox rabbis lack the courage to change, because they feel they may look like they are becoming Reform rabbis. Where there is a halakhic will there can be a way. The Torah way of life may work for those who are already in it, but not for those who are outside. If you detect a hesitation in this last comment, it is because we also know that during the Shoah, it was the Hassidic and Orthodox Jews who suffered most by staying put on the advice of their rabbis. The assimilated and Liberal Jews of Europe did not suffer proportionately as much, because they were more prepared to leave for any other county that would take them in. Religion seems to be the only field in which professionals can acknowledge there is a problem, but then considers it appropriate, "to double down" when confronted by failure, even if it is not "abysmal failure." My field is medicine and we no longer double the medication just because a patient doesn't got better. Instead, we would have to consider a different treatment plan, or re-consider whether the original diagnosis was correct. I'm suggesting with the greatest of respect, that rabbis do the same. I am sure you are aware that one of the definitions of madness, is when you carry on repeating previously unsuccessful behaviour in the expectation of a different result.

We are formerly members of Catholic church. We read the bible and learned the truth. We are now Sabbath keepers and trying to live within the premise if God’s Ten Commandments.

Also, the after school/Sunday programs of the mid 20th century are obsolete. Granted, not every child can thrive in a Yeshiva but every Jewish child is ENTITLED to a solid Jewish education.

I'm sorry Anna but I could not disagree with you more.
Just 2 examples from one person.
Twerski started as one person. He was a close talmid of the Baal Shem Tov. At present there are 50,000 descendents of the Twerski family.
There's another person Aish mentioned. I don't remember the name. She's a survivor of the holocaust and lost all her family. She rebuilt her life and has 400 descendents and counting.
I have personally seen entire families that have become baalei tshuva and have 100 descendents or more.
Think of how many members of Lubavitch are baalei tshuva.
It's sad that you have such a doom and gloom attitude.
And please forgive me, but it's very obvious that you have never studied in a seminary whether it be Neve Yerushalayim or EYATT or any number of other seminaries.
I can't respond to every single point.
Be aware though that Moshe was our first rabbi and Yitro suggested he appoint other rabbis.
There are 2 torahs that were given at Har Sinai, the written and the oral and they go hand in hand. Therefore there was not biblical judaism and then rabbinical judaism.
G-d gave both torahs as our instruction manuel and blueprint. When the manual is not followed which means not only the letter of the law but the spirit of the law then it leads to non torah observance which leads to assimilation and intermarriage.
Those of us that truly feel that it's geshmak to be a yid(there's also a song with that title) realize that there's nothing to change and judaism is beautiful and wonderful. That does not mean WE'RE perfect. But G-d and his torah is.

When my children were in elementary school, we sent them to day school. Neither my husband nor I had a day school education and were unable to help with Hebrew studies-- and the schools dared to say we needed to hire tutors --min addition to the $15,000/child we were already paying in tuition.
I had a near-fatal illness and had to retire. After that, we absolutely could not afford day school tuition. Thus, our kids went to public school. They are non-observant adults although our daughter is now engaged to a Jewish man.
And I have to say-- for older singles, many are willing to intermarry rather than face a lonely future. I have no idea if this was Mr. Emhof's attitude. I do have friends who never found a shidduch in their younger years, and finally met a fine non-Jewish person and married when there were no children in their future.

Yes, day school tuition is costly. Also, there are children with learning and/or developmental disabilities who would not do well in that environment. However, it sounds like you and your husband have been excellent role models for your children. All Jewish children are entitled to a solid Jewish education. It is up to us to figure out how to make sure they get it.

You left us hanging. Did you just let the son and father walk out of your office? But really...what could you do?
The fact is that it's hard to answer...it takes a real talent for anyone to know what to say to convince and not to alienate. It all comes down to tefillah (and inspiring role models.)

The Jewish people will always be here. One of God's promises. Just keep the Faith. God is still in charge. Always has been, always will be. I don't like intermarriage. I often wonder why God made so many different races of people.

Just as Jews have a mission, so do all the other peoples. In ecology and in corporations alike no one function can fulfill all tasks - the work of all are needed.

WHAT ABOUT TRUMP'S SON-IN-LAW, OR AM I MISSING SOMETHING? SORRY TO SAY BUT THIS HAPPENS WHEN THE 'GOLD STANDARD' OF BEAUTY IS THE ARYAN LOOK. INTERMARRIAGE IS GOING ON ACROSS THE LAND, HENCE THE OBAMAS & KAMALA HARRIS'S IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY. EVEN MITCH MCCONNELL HAS MARRIED 'OUT'.

Why do you have a problem of people marrying out? Does it bother you that a white woman should marry a black man or a white man marry an Asian woman? What is your problem with that? Many of those marriages are loving and successful, generating happiness for all concerned. Why do you see that as a bad thing?

There is a particular problem with marrying out which has ALWAYS bothered me since I was a child. The December dilemma of Menorah vs. Christmas tree was something I never wanted to deal with. Marriage in and of itself is challenging when both people are of the same faith. Putting up both a menorah and a tree sounds cute, but will only confuse children. Also, even when I had almost no Jewish knowledge I instinctively knew there was no such entity as a "Chanukah Bush."

One or both.. I absolutely agree with your comment. Why is this such a huge problem and akin to the Holocaust..?!... Really!!. My family a (Cohanim) had to run, hide and flee from country to country.. and in some cases.. Yes.. intermarried with a “goy” ?... I see derogatory comments here for the Vice President’s elects husband and marriage. On the other hand, crickets about Stephen Miller (the alleged mastermind behind putting children in cages)...And “” there are GOOD people on both sides” Jared Kushner. Allow me to enlighten you on a little secret. When people see Jews fall behind, endorse and remain silent about atrocities like these. This causes anti-semitism .. NOT.. a Human being marrying another Human of another religion. WE of ALL people should promote and stand up for Justice, Charity.. being a light to the world. For the Rabbi to say that this is some kind of deep state cover for anti- semitism.. I could not disagree More.. Toda.

Ivanka is Jewish. No problems there. Converts are as Jewish as everyone else and are welcome in the community. I’ve known several.

Your issues with Geirim are your own. And they’re also rather offensive and a violation of Halacha. We are supposed to welcome the convert. Apparently you missed that one.