Though the marriage between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle has come and gone, the media fervor shows no signs of letting up. That's how I came across the numerous "how to act like a royal" articles out there, as well as the pieces on "what Meghan Markle will have to give up now that she's a royal."
I found them fascinating – not because of Meghan, Prince Harry, riches and fame or any of that. I was interested because I realized that as an observant Jew, I'm already doing so many of these things – and so are my peers. Here are a few:
1. Traded her career for the Crown. The actress left her longstanding role on the show Suits, knowing it wouldn't be fitting or appropriate for a member of the royal family to have a place in Hollywood. Aside from official government roles, the royals typically devote their time to philanthropic work and championing various causes.
While an observant Jew can certainly have a career (and most do), their main "occupation" is serving God and fulfilling their role as a Jew and striving to be a light unto the nations.
2. She gave up social media. Posting selfies on Instagram and Facebook and writing her lifestyle blog were fine – until Meghan became engaged to Prince Harry. Royals don't share pictures of their interior design, shoe collections and vacations. It's not befitting people of such stature. Instead, the royal family has a social media account for the whole family and chooses select images and captions to share. (Check out kensingtonroyal, if you're interested.)
As an observant woman, I understand the blessing that privacy can bring into a home. While I may choose to share a few photos with my nearest and dearest, I also try to ensure that whatever I publicize about myself and my family is fitting for a daughter of the King.
3. She has to follow new fashion rules. Giving up pants and sleeveless tops at official engagements, mini-skirts, bare legs, dark fingernails, and plunging necklines are just a few of Meghan's new style dictates. She'll also be expected to wear hats at most formal events.
Many of the same royal fashion rules are followed by observant Jews as well, as dictated by Jewish law. As a person striving to be refined – and to positively represent my people and my religion – I try to dress in a dignified, modest way.
4. Freedom from comparison. Everyone is talking about Meghan Markle these days – and how she's like (or not like) her sister-in-law, Kate Middleton, or her deceased mother-in-law, Princess Diana. Side-by-side photo collages are popping up everywhere, comparing her gown, her wedding cake, her smile …
Everywhere my family and I go, we are recognized as observant Jews – and face comparison. Are we acting as we should be? Are we good representatives of the Jewish people? Are we making a Kiddush Hashem? Because as much as we love to hate it, the world often sees one Jew as representing us all…
5. Cranky faces, bad attitudes and visible exhaustion. Meghan's years of acting experience are an important asset when it comes to keeping a smile or neutral expression on her face, and hiding boredom, exhaustion and irritation, which she must now do on occasion. As experts on the royal family have explained, people wait for hours to catch a glimpse of the dukes and duchesses. The royal family feels they owe it to the public to be cheerful and engaged.
Our Sages say it is important to greet each person with a pleasant countenance (Ethics of the Fathers, 1:15). They also say that smiling at someone is sweeter than milk (Talmud Ketubot, 111a). Our smiles radiate light and love; when we share warmth with others we give them a wonderful gift.
6. Public displays of affection (colloquially, PDA). When Dukes and Duchesses are out in public they're officially working – that’s not a time for physical affection or intimate moments.
Intimate, physical relationships have a very important place in Judaism – inside the home. Don't you leave your most valuable stuff behind when heading out?
Ultimately, real nobility isn't about riches, jewels, multi-course meals or international recognition. It's about using the physical world to elevate oneself from the outside in. That's something all of us can do, whether we have true blue blood or not.
(24) Yves-Marie MONFORT, July 24, 2019 4:10 PM
Being a Jew ...and being a King, a Queen is not about being above it is about being a witness of The Above.
(23) miriam fishman, June 11, 2018 6:59 AM
get this article to the Princess!
I wish Princess Meghan could read your lovely article. Perhaps she does not realize how aligned she is now w/ religious jews.
(22) Anonymous, June 5, 2018 3:38 AM
original, refreshing and insightful
What a brilliant piece. Her article really got me thinking... Love how she paralleled the two. Fantastic!
(21) Robin Rendel, June 4, 2018 5:24 PM
Jews are not perfect
Yes i understand what you are saying, but i don't think it's fair to say observant Jews are above anyone else or are like royalty. You can have all these values and not be royalty or an orthodox Jew.
(20) Rachel, June 4, 2018 4:55 AM
Behaving like royalty
When I was very little, I would pretend to be a queen-- and tell my younger siblings that meant they had to obey me.
My mom put a stop to that. "Oh, no, honey-- the Queen has to be polite and kind to everyone. She always says 'please' and 'thank you.'" I've never forgotten that, and I feel and appear most regal when I behave accordingly.
(19) Annie, June 4, 2018 3:58 AM
The Duchess of Cambridge should not be called Kate Middleton, which was her maiden name and which she no longer uses. To call her this is rude and inaccurate.
Marrying into the Royal Family does not make anyone royal themselves and marrying a prince doesn't make anyone a princess,
Meghan Markle should be given the courtesy of being referred to by her new title, but if people still haven't caught on that the Duchess of Cambridge has been married long enough to have three children so has not been called Kate Middleton for ??? years, it's a forlorn hope.
It's very discourteous to refer to a married woman with a title by her maiden name.
(18) Mary Jo, June 4, 2018 2:24 AM
Love this article.
The L-rd is King and He is my ABBA, so I am a daughter of the KING of kings. Therefore I must dress and act my part ALWAYS, at home or when I am out. I love to be ROYALTY, even though I have rules to follow, bowing to my ABBA the KING of kings.
(17) katalina rubioso, June 4, 2018 1:19 AM
That's a beautiful coparison!!
This is how everyone should b...
(16) Karla Ober, June 3, 2018 10:31 PM
Terrific article / lesson!
I loved your comparisons and references to show how royally we can all honor the real King! Thanks!
(15) Devorah, June 3, 2018 9:17 PM
Interesting thoughts
Although I was not brought up frum, I certainly respect the very dignified and praiseworthy lifestyle the author maintains. Her parents must have known she would grow into royalty when they gave her the name Malka.
(14) Perel D, June 3, 2018 8:56 PM
Well done, Mrs. Winner!
After reading a number of write-ups and seeing media broadcasts of the Meghan- Harry wedding, I found a similarity in Royal behavior/dress to many frum people. Mrs. Winner’s timely article, not only brought to the surface what I was pondering, but highlighted so much more. Her to the point comparisons and reflections were excellent. Thanks for a well-written, interesting article!
(13) Heather, June 3, 2018 8:17 PM
so true
It's great to know we're not the only ones who have 'rules' to follow. Although their lives might seem more glamorous, ours are the real royalty. I really enjoyed the comparisons. Thank you!
(12) Anonymous, June 3, 2018 8:17 PM
What Being Frum Really Means-Royalty!
BS"D
In just a few points, Mrs. Winner captures the essence of frumkeit! Kudos to you for that!
(11) JT, June 3, 2018 8:10 PM
Beautiful idea!
Although I've heard people make the comparison regarding the Jewish law for a married woman to cover her hair and the royal family's ubiquitous hats - I never realized how many other points of comparison there are! Refinement and dignity win the day! Thank you for some wonderful food for thought!
(10) Yehudis Epstein, June 3, 2018 8:04 PM
There is so much truth to this article! I can really relate to this concept. Sometimes we forget how precious and royal our lives really are. Thanks for reminding me of the true nobility that we have as Observant Jews.
(9) Tuviah Dovid, June 3, 2018 6:39 PM
America and royalty
For the life of me I cannot fathom the fascination of so much of the U.S. media and public with the British royalty. We had a revolution to rid ourselves of that royalty, and for all our errors along the way the world has benefited hugely as a result. Considering what happened in World War II, where would Britain be today without the American Revolution? Skepticism of royalty runs deep within Judaism; for example, see I Samuel 8. Nor, in the absence of Moshiach, has Israel given much consideration to re-establishing a royal family, especially since Shabtai Zvi and Jacob Frank. Small wonder that Judaism has prospered -- spiritually, culturally and intellectually as well as economically -- in America as nowhere else in the world since. As Jews, we can learn far, far more from our own experience and traditions than from any royals in any country on earth.
Anonymous, June 3, 2018 8:44 PM
Why are they 'royal'
To my way of thinking, those 'royals' are *that* ONLY because their ancestors won the wars in countries and overran the people of those countries! Nothing else makes their blood blue. They spilled much red blood of those they bullied.
People who respect others are the royals, folks.
Laws were given to those who chose to listen - and we have been punished ever since! It matters not how pious, a Jew is a Jew ... one drop of Jewish blood is a Jew.
Winning wars does not make the winners/bullies royal.
Annie, June 4, 2018 9:21 AM
I think that you might need to do some research into what royalty really is. Your idea is quite out of date. Your way of thinking about something doesn't make it right.
(8) Sarah, June 3, 2018 5:45 PM
Thank you for the reminder
In the day to day grind, it's much easier to feel like one of the servants than like the princess! Thanks for the reminder of who we really are.
(7) B K, June 3, 2018 4:44 PM
Daughter of the King
What a powerful reminder that we have a birthright of nobility: we are children King, and grandchildren of spiritual giants. Your article really made it real for me, well said!
Yves MONFORT, July 24, 2019 5:54 PM
yes
Yes
(6) RWM, June 3, 2018 3:59 PM
Great Article!
I find some of these comments "irritating and totally uninteresting": Nowhere did the author say she's "Jewish Royalty" (nor is Meghan's father Jewish at all, by the way, that was a rumor). Nor does this article speak of African Royalty, it's speaking of the rules & regulations that English Royalty need to follow.
I think the article was well written and made one excellent point: Each one of us need to consider ourselves to be royalty and act and dress at a higher standard.
(5) Joyce, June 3, 2018 3:40 PM
l'havdil--
Very nice comparison to keep in mind. Thank you!
(4) Sara Brejt, June 3, 2018 3:32 PM
I loved this article!
Wow, Malka, thank you! We have a sense of our being royal ... and you’ve broken it down into its elements so we can really own the feeling!
(3) gedaliah, June 3, 2018 3:30 PM
you're slanting the reason on giving up career
She's not allowed to have outside employment period, it has nothing to do with it being "Hollywood."
(2) Haviva, June 3, 2018 3:13 PM
Dress code
I find this article irritating and totally uninteresting. Just as an example, Women in North Africa wore pants whereas men wore long gowns which resembled dresses. I don’t feel provocative with whatever I wear as long as it is decent. By the way there are lots of photos of Kate, Diana or Meghan in jeans which has become a sort of non denominational type of cloth.
Anonymous, June 4, 2018 9:24 AM
I wonder if Americans will ever learn that members of the Royal Family should be referred to by their titles, not their first names or maiden names. It's very discourteous not to do so, and makes it seem as if the person doing so either knows no better or is trying to sound as if they know the person.
Anonymous, June 4, 2018 12:11 PM
It is common amongst Frum people to refer to maiden names
I don’t understand why you are so adamant against anyone being referred to by their maiden name. I know people who commonly refer to old friends and neighbors by their maiden names. I think it is helpful, especially after someone is newly married or remarried.
I actually discovered a relative this way. When I was fairly new to my neighborhood, I was standing outside a Yeshiva with my neighbor. There was a woman standing near us. I asked my neighbor her name and she referred to her by her maiden name. Then she said her what married name is.
(1) Anonymous, June 3, 2018 3:07 PM
Interesting
Thanks for this article. Such an interesting analysis. We really are princesses.