When his ninth child — a boy — was born in September, Rabbi Yehuda Simes was still in the intensive care unit of The Ottawa Hospital.
He had been transferred there in early July, three weeks after a terrifying rollover on Interstate 81, near Watertown, New York.
On that night, June 20, Simes was in the passenger seat of the family van when his pregnant wife swerved to avoid a deer that bolted onto the highway in the dark.
Minutes earlier, he had been the one driving; the couple had just switched places during an evening stop to say prayers.
The van, with seven of the Simes’ eight children inside, rolled several times before coming to rest on its wheels.
Their eldest son, Shmuel, at home in Ottawa, was talking to his sister on a cellphone at the time. She had phoned to tell him they were close to the border and would be home soon. He heard the screams of his siblings as their van cartwheeled off the highway and onto a grassy median.
Miraculously, the Simes children suffered only cuts and bruises. Shaindel Simes, seven months pregnant, was taken to hospital with relatively minor injuries: a broken collarbone and ribs.
Rabbi Yehuda Simes, a popular Jewish studies teacher at Ottawa’s Hillel Academy, was not so fortunate, despite wearing a seatbelt like everyone else in the van.
The ceiling of the car crushed my spinal chord.
“I was sort of trapped: the ceiling of the car was crushing me,” he remembers. “It must have crushed my spinal cord.”
Simes was airlifted to a Syracuse trauma center where he underwent emergency surgery to stabilize fractured vertebrae. A metal plate and screws were inserted into his back. He was placed on a ventilator.
As news of the accident spread, the Ottawa Jewish community rallied to the family’s aid. Prayer services and fundraisers were held. Friends and strangers donated food and kindnesses. Babysitters, cleaners and chauffeurs were arranged to ease the burden on Shaindel Simes.
Rabbi Simes was flown back to Ottawa when his condition stabilized in early July. He was still breathing with the help of a ventilator.
His family celebrated every milestone in his recovery. His children were in hospital to cheer him as he worked to breathe without a ventilator for 10, 15, then 20 minutes.
In August, when Simes passed a swallowing test, which meant that his feeding tube could be removed, there was dancing in the Simes’ home. “It was like a wedding,” says Shaindel.
Everyone came to the hospital to watch him enjoy his first Slurpee of the summer.
On Sept. 8, the birth of a perfectly healthy son, Charlie, was the cause for more celebration. Charlie’s circumcision, his bris milah, was conducted in the patient lounge on the second floor of The Ottawa Hospital Rehabilitation Centre.
Rabbi Simes, who had moved to the centre the day before, managed to hold his newborn son. Everyone in the room was in tears. “It was very emotional,” he says.
Simes believes the events of the past six months — the deer, the rollover, the paralysis, the small miracles — were the product of an all-powerful God. He is certain none of it was accidental.
“It was not random,” insists Simes, whose still-recovering voice has the quality of a stage whisper.
He’s not sure what the next chapter of his life holds, only that he must keep faith that it is part of God’s plan for him. Does he believe it’s a spiritual test of some kind? Is it suffering imposed for a reason as in the Book of Job?
Ultimately, there will be a lot of good that comes from it.
“I don’t know if it’s a test or not,” says the 43-year-old Simes. “Certainly, it’s not what I wanted. But I think God wants something from me ... And ultimately, there will be a lot of good that comes from it.”
Yehuda Simes was born in St. Paul, Minnesota, the fourth child and only son of Isaac and Asna Simes. His father was a bookkeeper.
The Simes family was at the heart of the city’s community of Orthodox Jews. They cared for the local Jewish cemetery. They helped establish a shul (synagogue), mikvah (ritual bath) and school.
“You name it, they were the go-to people to grow the Jewish community,” says Simes.
The family moved to Israel when Yehuda finished high school. He began rabbinical studies in Jerusalem, and three years later, moved to New York City to study at Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim while also taking courses in computer science.
It was while in New York that Simes was introduced by mutual friends to Shaindel Vinitsky. She had grown up in the suburb of Queens, the daughter of a local rabbi.
Both were inspired by the leader of their school, Rabbi Henoch Leibowitz, who stressed the importance of becoming a good person (mentch) in addition to becoming a scholar and teacher. He encouraged students to plan that self-improvement. (Charlie, whose Hebrew name is Alter Chanoch Henoch, was named after Leibowitz, who died in 2008.)
“He really helped us to form our path in life: to develop what we wanted to do with ourselves when we became adults,” says Shaindel. “His teachings continue to be a source of inspiration for us in our lives.”
Yehuda and Shaindel decided on careers in Jewish education. Some of his colleagues thought Simes was too quiet to be a teacher, but Shaindel convinced him otherwise. The two also decided on a life together, marrying in 1992. Both wanted a large family and a larger community.
“We wanted to create a home that was open to our children, to their friends, to our friends, to members of the community,” says Shaindel. “We wanted that people should feel comfortable coming to us and spending time with us enjoying Jewish holidays and Sabbath together.”
When Simes completed his rabbinical studies, the family moved to Ottawa in 2002. They had friends in the city and loved its manageable size. Both assumed teaching jobs: Yehuda at Hillel Academy and Shaindel at Torah Academy of Ottawa.
Their lives filled with children as their family expanded steadily.
“Eight or nine is a lot easier than two,” insists Rabbi Simes. “The older kids help a lot around the house; they help with the younger children. It’s not just us. It’s also the older kids raising the younger kids.”
Five years ago, Simes took on a second job as director of education at Torah High, a Jewish studies program offered to local high school students. Bram Bregman, who helped found the program in 2006, credits Simes for its success: the school now boasts 101 students.
“He has always been the primary teacher in Torah High and the kids love him — that’s the reason I think they come,” says Bregman. “He cares for them and his classes are made to be interesting: he gets the kids moving and thinking and engaged.”
A former student, Evie Cohen, 19, says Simes inspired her to pursue philosophy as her major at Carleton University. “It didn’t ever feel like a lecture with him; it was always more of a discussion,” says Cohen.
Simes has always professed the belief that teachers must find an instructional style that best serves their students. It’s one of the reasons he’s worried about his return to the classroom. He’s expected to be in rehab for at least two more months.
“I’ve thought a lot about that (teaching),” says Simes, who needs help with most daily tasks. “I’ve thought about being able to control a class. Being able to move around. My style of teaching was very hands on. I never sat down. I moved around.
“I’m just trying to picture it, if I end up in a wheelchair, how will that work? How will the kids respond? Sometimes, I think they will behave a lot better. That’s what I hope.”
It was supposed to be a quick trip to Rochester to visit relatives and check out a school for their daughter, Malka. Instead, Yehuda Simes was grievously injured in a seemingly random highway accident, his life forever altered in a flash. Only Simes does not believe in random acts, in aimless lightning. He believes the accident, like everything else in the world, was an act of God.
It is a notion that, among the faithful, remains a source of controversy and debate.
Does God take an active role in the world’s day-to-day affairs? And if so, is God responsible for both the good and the harm that visits an individual’s life?
A prominent Brooklyn-born rabbi, Harold Kushner, offered one view in his landmark book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, which sought to help the faithful deal with tragedy. Kushner wrote the bestseller after his first-born child, Aaron, died from the premature aging disease progeria. The tragedy led Kushner, a Conservative rabbi, to reconsider what he had been taught about God.
In the book, he develops the idea that God possesses limitless love, but employs limited power — and does not interfere in the laws of nature.
“I believe that God is totally moral, but nature, one of God’s creatures, is not moral. Nature is blind,” he said. “Floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, disease, germs, speeding bullets, they are all equal opportunity offenders. They have no way of knowing whether it’s a good or a bad person in their path.”
“There’s nothing that happens in this world that is ultimately bad for us. We just don’t understand it sometimes.”
Rabbi Simes is familiar with Kushner’s book, but like most Orthodox Jews, he fundamentally disagrees with its conclusions. He believes in an omnipotent God.
“God controls everything,” Simes says. “There’s nothing that happens in this world that is ultimately bad for us. We just don’t understand it sometimes.”
Simes believes the design of God’s plan for him will be fully revealed in the next world. He has already come to understand some of its wisdom.
“I see a lot of good already that has come from this — in the way I interact with people, in the way I love my family, the way I appreciate what it means to have a healthy body.”
What’s more, Simes says, he has been moved by the response of the city’s Jewish community.
Days after the accident, more than 250 people attended a prayer service for him at the Jewish Community Centre. Jewish Family Services established a charitable fund to assist in his recovery. His students at Hillel Academy organized a car wash and a garage sale that raised more than $4,000. Others committed to spiritual acts — lighting Shabbat candles, baking Challah bread, reciting psalms, improving their character — on Simes’ behalf.
A freezer at their synagogue was stocked with food for the family. Community members cooked them meals for three months. “From June to September, I did not cook,” says Shaindel.
Friends take care of the Simes’ three-year-old daughter every afternoon so Shaindel can visit her husband. Ten Yad of Ottawa, a Jewish charity, arranges for volunteers to help her every evening with dinner, homework and bedtime. A housekeeper is sent three times a week.
One friend does the family’s weekly grocery shopping; another drives the Simes’ daughter back from Rochester for weekends.
“I’ve been able to totally focus on my husband and the kids,” says Shaindel. “We have felt very embraced by the community, very embraced. We have felt like we are not in this on our own ... All we’ve had to do is say what we need.”
People from the United States, Israel, England and Switzerland have vowed to undertake acts of kindness (chesed) on the rabbi’s behalf. Some of his former students have committed to living observant Jewish lives.
In the fall, community members built a sukkah on a balcony of the rehab centre so that Simes could eat in the hut during the festival that commemorates the 40 years that Jews spent in the wilderness after leaving Egypt.
Every morning, a friend comes to the rehab centre to help him don the tallis (fringed shawl) and tefillin (sacred writings wrapped on the body) that are part of each day’s first prayer service. Others come to be with Simes on the Sabbath.
“It’s incredible,” Simes says. “It’s heartening because it’s a very lonely experience to be in my condition. It makes me feel less lonely to know there’s so many people thinking about me.”
While at the rehab centre, Simes has gained more use of his hands and arms, but it will likely take an act of God for him to walk again. Studies show people with serious spinal cord injuries can improve significantly in the first four months as the body rebounds from the shock to its central nervous system. Further recovery can take place — usually at a slower rate — within the first year.
Many spinal cord patients fall into depression or lash out at the injustice of a paralyzing accident. Some get angry at God. Not Simes.
“I focus on the good,” he says. “I’ve been privileged to be the impetus for a lot of good things that are going on all over the world.”
What’s more, he can’t imagine trying to deal with his suffering without the comfort of faith: “The one thing we have to grasp onto is that type of understanding, that this is part of God’s plan.”
Related Article: Wrestling with Suffering
Crying Together
Still, there’s no escaping the fact that the sudden loss of a healthy body is traumatic. Simes has prayed for one day without pain. Says his close friend, Rabbi Micah Shotkin:
“There were times when he did express pain and agony over what he was going through and we cried together, but there was never an expression that he was unsettled about it, or wasn’t at peace with what happened. It’s just coming to grips with his new reality.”
Simes has fretted about his bouts of unhappiness; he has worried they could indicate a lack of faith in God’s plan.
Shotkin has sought to ease his mind. “To me,” he says, “even the greatest man of faith, when he’s dealt with a blow like Rabbi Simes, it’s more than reasonable for him to not be happy with the situation.”
Shotkin, who studied with Simes for more than a decade, calls him a “quiet powerhouse,” a man who has always “accomplished a lot with little fanfare.” He believes his friend has much to teach others about how to deal with life’s vicissitudes. “His faith teaches volumes, more than any lecture or speech,” says Shotkin. “Because everybody’s life is a test. God put us in this world to test us.”
For her part, Shaindel Simes says there are hard days when she feels that her family is “going through a lot.” But she strives to keep everyone united and focused on their blessings.
“We’ve been trying to focus on the gift we’ve been given: the fact that we all came out of the car. The fact everybody was alive. Yes, my husband is very injured, but the fact we still have a husband and still have a father who can be there for us is a gift.
“We can’t attempt to explain why things happen, but knowing it’s part of an ultimate plan and an ultimate goal — and we are pieces of that — gives you the courage to go on. That way you know it’s not only about you. It’s a complete picture you are part of even if you don’t know where you fit in yet.”
Reprinted with permission of the Ottawa Citizen Group, a division of Postmedia Network Inc.
© Copyright (c) The Ottawa Citizen
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(20) Yoni, March 10, 2011 9:46 PM
#14 understood perfectly
It is certainly okay to DISAGREE with Rabbi Kushner. But it isn't okay to speak so lightly of another man's tragedy, even if you disagree with him. The guy lost his son, for G-d's sake! I In an otherwise very inspirational article, this lack of compassion stands out as a sore thumb.
(19) Andy, March 10, 2011 4:03 PM
#14 misunderstood. It's OK to disagree with Rabbi Kushner. God told Moses his ways are not meant to be fully understood in this world
If Rabbi Kushner writes that God is not always involved and people take comfort from his writings that's understandable, but it does not make his view correct. It's a challenge to love G-d when he allows and sometimes even commands seemingly horrendous action. The late great Rabbi Noach Weinberg was correct when he stated that the greatest disease is ignorance. I think it takes learning from an Orthodox Rabbi who is also a mensch to undertsand a Torah view. Rabbi Simes seems to fit that bill and I wish him a recovery so that he can continue to be a great teacher with even more wisdom and capability then before the accident?
(18) Ann Brady, March 9, 2011 1:47 PM
A Fine Family Receives a Fine Writer
Shelley of Montreal, my sister-Montrealer, how refreshing your comments on the Simes Family's story. And to Daniel Krueger, be comforted to know that Andrew Duffy, a distinguished journalist from the "Ottawa Citizen tribe," has been writing about the many forgotten or ignored people G-d has brought to the Ottawa Rehabilitation Centre over the past few years. The very place where dear Rabbi Yehuda continues to recover and thrive. The walls outside the rehab gym are lined with laminated clippings from the newspaper in which Andrew Duffy's articles (and others') have appeared, proudly and lovingly displayed by the staff who work there. It is some of the finest reading one will ever encounter in a public forum. Aish has chosen wisely to share one such story with us!
(17) Shelley of Montreal, March 9, 2011 5:41 AM
One miracle overlooked
I don't know if anyone has mentioned this yet, but I saw another miracle in this very inspiring article: the fact that Yehuda and his wife Shaindel switched places in the car, meant that Shaindel was not the one injured and paralyzed when she was 7 months pregnant! Who knows if the unborn baby would have survived? Yasher koach to Andrew Duffy on a well-written and inspirational story (and I tend to agree with what he wrote concerning Harold Kushner's book).
(16) Anonymous, March 9, 2011 12:16 AM
bashert - fate
We are all on trial here, this life is just a passage before we really start to live. In this case the deer was a vehicle, the need to change the day, or a life, or many lives, to judge how we cope. Who are we to question, we are merely passing through. This man has received many gifts of family and the people who care and yes, his packaging might be a bit bent during transit but the contents of a good Jewish soul is still intact.
(15) shani greenfield, March 8, 2011 9:42 PM
Dear Shaindel, I used to teach with you in Bnos Malka as I'm sure you remember. I am truly horrified about what you have gone through. I am amazed at your incredible outlook, and not at all surprised that you have risen to this challenge. You always seemed to be a rock inside your sweet and soft demeanor. I will daven for your husband and family, that he should have a refuah, and you should continue to be able to accept the challenges of life with love. If there is anything I can do besides pass on his name please let me know. all the best. Shani Greenfield
(14) Daniel Krueger, March 8, 2011 8:57 AM
Thank G-d Rabbi Simes continues to improve - but
What an offensive slap in the face to Rabbi Kushner - next time you have a child taken from you via mysterious illness you can comment. And G-d forbid that happens I would pray you would find a place of charity to comment from. There is no charity in this article - a re-telling of suffering and a wonderful community response, but Andrew Duffy writes to my eyes not out of charity - but of deadline. My G-d forgives you Andrew - after all it is that compassion that has sustained the people Israel all these years. What tribe are the Duffy's from?
(13) Anonymous, March 7, 2011 7:40 PM
please keep davening for yehuda pinchas ben asna
(12) Anonymous, March 7, 2011 7:10 PM
Rabbi Simes' Name
Re: Lisa If you'd like to daven for Rabbi Simes, his name is Rav Yehuda Pinchas Ben Asna
(11) Rochel, March 7, 2011 5:55 PM
Name to Daven For
Thank you for requesting Rabbi Simes' Hebrew Name for Tefillah. Please continue to daven for Yehuda Pinchas ben Asna
(10) Anonymous, March 7, 2011 4:28 PM
Don't do what my wife did.
Many years ago my high school rebbe in Cleveland arrived shaken at school during a winter blizzard with a fender bender to his new chevy which he took pride in. A deer jumped into traffic and he hit and killed the animal rather than risk swerving on Cleveland snow & ice. Had he elected to save the animal instead I and the rest of my class mates may well have been deprived of his knowledge and presence. Perhaps Rabbi Simes' dear won't consider deer so quite dear in the future. Halachically speaking isn't "Chayacha Kodmim"? Your life is more important than the animals life, period. So Drive that way. Many people after seeing Disneys 'Bambi' now have a soft spot for deer. A lethal soft spot if I may say so. Have a refuah shlayma! As for the core issue of refuting Rabbi Kushner.Lets not wish to be in eithers shoes. Man is endowed with a lofty soul to understand what God does. With age comes wisdom. Saying 'we just don't understand it sometimes' seems to me to waste the opportunity of ruminating on what has occured with Gods aquiescence. The verse "Lo niphlasy mimcha velo rechoka hee" implies that more is available to grasp than what were often collectively ready to admit to. I would say IMHO give it some more time.
Anonymous, March 18, 2013 4:24 PM
According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, there are about 1 million incidents involving cars hitting deer each year in the US, that kill 200 people, cause more than 10,000 personal injuries, and result in $1 billion in vehicle damage. It is inaccurate to say that if they would have hit the deer instead of swerving they would have been ok.
Rachel, September 8, 2019 4:43 PM
Each situation is different
Most people instinctively swerve to avoid hitting anything in their path. To suggest that Rebbetzin Simes was more concerned about an animal than her family is very callous. Furthermore, hitting a large bovine animal at 60 mph can inflict significant damage not only to the vehicle but also to passengers.
(9) Raul, March 7, 2011 3:38 AM
Get Well and God bless you
Psalm 145: 16, 17. "Hashem is righteous in all His ways"
(8) Lisa, March 7, 2011 2:25 AM
name to pray for
The Rabbi and his wife seem like amazing people. I would love to get our community davening for him; can someone put his hebrew name and mother's name up here for us? (I am convinced the prayers of Aish readers around the world helped my and my husband's tefilahs be answered, I'd love to do the same for someone else.
(7) Rabbi Mayer Dudovitz, March 6, 2011 11:36 PM
St. Paul, Mn. background with your family and remembering davening with them with my parents and wishing you well.
Today is rosh Chodesh adar Sheni and Marbeh Bsimcha. We read with close interest the Simes story beginning in St. Paul, Mn. It is very touching and shows the hand of Hshem. Asu li Mikdash. Make for me a home to dwell in - Myfamily did daven in the Simes home Synagogue and I myself did so when home from yeshiva, davenig there with my parents, Louis and Faye Dudovitz. May you and yours be blessed with good health and continue to do mitzvos. Rabbi Mayer Dudovitz, Chicago
(6) Anonymous, March 6, 2011 8:47 PM
Yosher koach!
Yosher koach to Rabbi Simes and his family. Hashem obviously wanted them all to be alive and to thrive as a family, and hence, the Rabbi's life was spared. May the Rabbi's physical, emotional and spiritual needs be met so that he can do as much as possible, im ezrat Hashem, to keep pace with his beautiful family. And, may advances in physical and rehabilitative medicine and science make the family's life easier each and every day. And may this family continue to be an example to all of how to live with a disability in its midst, and still find the goodness and sweetness of life. It's okay to have bad days and to mourn what was lost. This is only natural. May Hashem keep you and your family from further harm.
(5) Susan Stein, March 6, 2011 7:21 PM
2 Words: Deer Whistles!
I am in awe of the strength of Rabbi Simes and his family, as well as the chesed exemplified by his communities. But I have a 2-word recommendation for everyone who wants to drive safely: Deer Whistles! They are very inexpensive, & at your local big-box store. I have driven from Rochester to Montreal often, and know well the route he drove. We now live in Ithaca, & on each trip we watch as deer bound up to the road & then suddenly STOP! To all, for the sake of your lives, get deer whistles-but still remain alert for the deer! Please publish this helpful hint! Rabbi Sime, please pass on your Hebrew name so we can daven for a Refuah Shlaymah.
(4) Anonymous, March 6, 2011 6:34 PM
how trust in God is very imprtant.
i lost my husband in our home in a few months time an i didnt get community help at all. iwas shunned in the community actually and feel ihave no faith and trust at all. I hope thi rabbi an his entire family have complete refuah. may moshiach come soon.
(3) yehudit channen, March 6, 2011 5:00 PM
acceptance never ends
My sister suffered a spinal cord injury five years ago that left her a paraplegic at the age of 45. She is a very spiritual person and she fights hard to accept her situation. Most of the time she is incredibly upbeat but she has very low days as well and she is not afraid to say so. People in this condition face complex medical issues over and over again and each one is an additional test. My sister is my hero because she is very real and has a great sense of humor. She inspires everyone because she shares her struggle to accept, such a hard test. Rabbi Simes should never feel bad if he struggles emotionally or spiritually. That's what its all about. May Hashem bless him and his family with help and strength and faith and love. Refuah Shleima!
(2) ruth housman, March 6, 2011 4:57 PM
Deer in the Headlights!
I recently heard a story that the teller swear is true. She was driving a bit fast, and suddenly she saw, in front of her eyes, the words, Slow Down, Deer Ahead! so she did, and luckily she did not hit the deer in the road, thus saving herself and them from certain disaster. In my own life I have been constantly thinking about deer, and recently I was driving down a country road a tad too fast, and a deer raced across the front of my car, and we missed by a hair! I cannot forget. I deeply believe that staying alive is no accident, as we say, and that words are a part of a Divine story that is about love itself. Yes, I believe this was meant to be, and as deer is also dear aurally in English I see that G_d wrote us all into an amazing story. This rabbi is blessed, and his outlook is blessed, and yes, I do believe deeply that Kushner is Wrong. There is a story that surrounds all stories, a cosmic story, that is written, that is deeply about the letters, the Hebrew and all letters, and I am saying, for the sake of this story, God led us all down the Garden Path, and this story will lead us back to the Garden. It's a story that is about it's not over when it's over, as in exist there is exit, about the transmomigration of souls, and a story that will lead us all, to Jerusalem by 2020, in nine years. This story is dominated by language and by profound metaphoric connects. G_d did not desert us, we were not forsaken and we will have to forgive G_d for the sake of this story. Is there anybody out there reading anything I am writing these long years that is so much, about LOVE itself? in truth/ruth
(1) Ann Brady, March 6, 2011 3:34 PM
Hidden Blessings
What a wonderful thing to see a local Ottawa story reprinted in Aish. Many a time I have seen Rabbi Simes and his wife Shaindel and baby son, quietly rolling-strolling the halls of the Ottawa Rehabilitation Centre. A quiet "shalom" shared with the good Rabbi, on my way to physiotherapy, and a feeling of such kindness and encouragement flowing from that. Rabbi Simes' presence is a blessing to all of us who face physical and spiritual challenges. To read his story is to be reminded that G-d is indeed "hidden" behind everything in this world and beyond. We show our love by seeking Him in the midst of all experiences, whatever these may be, and by entrusting our care to Him. May G-d bless the Simes Family for the light they are shining in a lost world.