Dear Abba,
You haven't been here for almost 30 days and I still don't believe it. It feels like just a few hours ago that I visited you with my sweet baby Noam Dov, your last grandchild born in your lifetime. You were so happy to see him. Your face was shining.
You didn't tell me Abba, what was going to happen in the coming hours. You didn't tell me that this is the last kiss that I'm going to give you. We had so many plans, so much to do. I didn't know that these were your last hours with us.
I didn't think that these would be your last words to us. You said "ziskeit" to your grandchild. You told my sister to take care of herself. And you told us to do whatever we can for the Jewish people. You didn't say a word about yourself. You were above worrying about yourself. You only worried about others.
Suddenly you disappeared on me. I didn't have enough time.
There was so much more to say and discuss. I prayed that it should never end. And suddenly you disappeared on me. Suddenly you went away and I'm so lonely and hurt, Abba. I didn't have enough time.
Do you remember when I told you that it was unfair being one of the youngest in the family and how most of my siblings got to spend more years with you? You never allowed us to be jealous of each other, so I hope you forgive me for this one. I'm just really jealous.
When I was born, Abba, you were already the Rosh Yeshiva of Aish HaTorah. You were so busy and you were already so important and famous, but to me you were always my father. The best father in the world! I have no idea how you did it. You were SO BUSY! I remember as a little kid seeing how busy you were. Your trips abroad, your leaving the house to the yeshiva early in the morning and coming back late in the evening.
But I never felt anything missing, just the opposite. I remember the Torah you taught me, the wisdom you imparted to me and of course the love you showered me with. You somehow were always able to remember all the small details -- to call every Friday afternoon while you were overseas to wish me "Good Shabbos," to say a devar Torah, and to remind me that God loves me. And you somehow never forgot to bring back all those things we asked you to buy for us when you went overseas.
I also remember all those times you left in the middle of the night for your fundraising trips. You would always wake us up to say goodbye, to give us a kiss before you left. You have no idea how much strength it gave me, and it still gives me strength. Now as a father myself, I can only stand in awe of your ability to be such a perfect father.
I will not forget when you took me one night a few months before my Bar Mitzvah to the person who makes the tefillin and ordered a pair especially for me. And then a month before my Bar Mitzvah you took me to the Kotel to put them on for the very first time. I can still feel your warm hand putting my tefillin on me. You were so happy.
You were by my side when I needed you and you took a step back when I needed some space.
Throughout my life, through my ups and downs, you were always there for me. You were right by my side when I needed you and you took a step back when I needed some space. You never pressured me, but you always had high goals for me . My successes were also your successes and my happiness made you very happy.
It was amazing to be with you on Shabbos. I can still hear your special voice saying Kiddush and singing the songs that you learned in your father's house. I will miss that very much. I thought that you'd at least rest a little after such a long work week, but you always disappointed me. The Shabbos was too holy for you to sleep through it. You made sure to go to shul early and be one of the first 10 people. And there wasn't a minute on Shabbos that wasn't used by you constructively.
One of the most special moments in my life was in the shul. The kohanim would start their blessing, and you, my great father, the respected Rosh Yeshiva, would simply bend down and place your tallis over the two of us, so that we would receive love together, the blessing of our great Creator, Who loves us so much. You taught me to open my hands and to open my heart to receive the Almighty's blessing and love. Those were the moments that I'll never forget.
Care and Inspiration
I will never forget that day we went to the doctor. He looked at your x-ray and he didn't want to say a word. But you were never afraid of anything and wanted to hear everything. You weren't afraid, Abba. You asked, "My Creator, what am I supposed to do?" What am I supposed to do physically, and even more, what am I supposed to do spiritually? "We are going to do whatever is supposed to be done," you said, despite the fact that the doctors didn't give you a chance. As with everything, you wanted to know the plan, you wanted clarity.
"How can we wake up the Jewish people?" That was your constant focus.
The doctors were in the physical world, and you were focused on the "other" world. You said that when a person is sick, he still has to continue to fight for his people and his Creator. You were so sick, Abba. I begged you to rest, I begged you to relax. But you did the opposite. "Go and get me a meeting with all the great rabbis," you asked me. "I have to speak to them about what we are doing for the Jewish people." You begged them to create a committee to save the Jewish people from imminent danger. It hurt you more that a soldier was being kept in captivity by his enemies. Your own pain was secondary. It hurt you more that our brothers and sisters were being bombed in their houses.
You were willing to accept this disease, but you weren't willing to accept that there was a Jew in the world that didn't know that he had a Father in heaven Who loved him more than anything. "How can we wake up the people and how can we wake up the world?" That was your entire focus until your last day.
Abba, it's been almost 30 days now and it hurts so much!
Abba, rest in peace. You deserve to rest. I promise we will do our utmost to fulfill your vision and we will cling to the Torah you taught us. We love you.
(43) Maurice Kaufman, January 11, 2012 3:27 AM
thank you
I have read many of your father's articles and tonight saw a few of his short films. His compassion and genuine love of the Jewish people moved me to tears..I have an elderly father who I love very much and loathe the thought of his ever passing. I feel your pain brother. The pain of this world was made a little less for us all by your father. I donated to charity in his memory tonight. May Hashem bless you and your family. Please continue his work. thank you
(42) Mickey Weems, March 31, 2011 11:46 AM
He taught me nothing about the love of HaShem that he had not experienced for himself.
Rabbi Yehuda Weinberg, I would say that I loved your father very much, but that would imply that my love is a thing of the past. I have tears in my eyes as I once again feel the love that is still very much alive for a man with whom I argued, laughed, and continue to revere, some 20 years after being under his tutelage in the Old CIty. He changed me for the better. This is the first time I have publicly expressed my grief. It is not something I share with strangers. My condolences to you and your family. A little story for you. I went to his office one day, and his face was literally shining. I asked him why, and in the gentlest terms he told me he had just encountered HaShem in a special way. He would speak no further- his face said it all. I would see that expression once more when he was describing to me the ultimate goal of humanity in his analogy of the airplane as the means to achieving a place in the world to come (forgive me if my phrasing is clumsy or inaccurate): we get to see G-d. I only want to state for the record, Noach Weinberg taught nothing to me concerning the love of HaShem that he did not experience for himself. I still do a simple practice he recommended: I examine the miracle of my hands and their intricacy as a means for reminding myself of the basic pleasure of the presence of the Almighty, at every level, even while riding mass transit. Mickey Weems
(41) Peter Wolf, May 20, 2010 7:08 AM
I tasted the honor
I tasted the honor of being with my dear teacher, your father. I was just 20, and was sucked into his office through events like a vacuum. On my arrival, Rav Weinberg ejected the rabbis from the room and sat me down to focus intently...perhaps for 3/4 of an hour. His devotion to a single as yet unknown soul who would because of that contact identify, practice and honor his Judiasm, his people and Eretz Israel was like a laser, straight through my reason and into my heart. I thank you so deeply, my dear Rabbi; and may the powerful effect you had on my soul amplify forward into more of the world through me than I now know... at 53. Rest in peace my dear teacher, and Yehuda and family, how blessed you are. With my profound gratitude, and inspired endless yearning and excitement to know God that began with the influence of the man who fathered you - Peter
(40) Miranda, April 2, 2010 5:02 PM
How privileged you and your brothers/sisters are to have been raised by such a special man and pioneer. May you all continue to fulfill his vision with as much determination and love as he had. Aish has been such an important part of my life and i owe it all to Rav Noach Weinberg z"l
(39) gord bushewsky, January 25, 2010 4:20 PM
ROLE MODELS
After reading this I can't stop crying. You had a wondeful role model; what a beautiful world it would be if we all taught our children about Judaism and spirituality.
(38) Chaim, July 12, 2009 10:13 PM
Inspiration
The Rav was a great and extremely humble very modest person I always remember seeing him daven swaying back and forth so fast and holding his hands rubbing them feverishly together crying hot streams of tears for all the not frum people who as the Rav used to say, were unlucky they are not getting a reward in the world to come. i always remember him going to mikvah very carefully put his clothes on in the right order...a real Jew. And i also remeber his snickering at the Chassidim saying that they need a rebbe to reach Hashem when his just has straight connection. May he rest in peace and have a massive reward his devoted student Chaim
(37) Carolyn, March 11, 2009 3:38 PM
Rabbi Weinberg of blessed memory
I always scanned Aish for the writing of Rabbi Weinberg, knowing that I would be blessed by his wisdom. I am an unlikely student, a 63 year old Christian Grandmother, but his beautiful spirit reached even me. It was a privilege.
(36) Sandra "Sarah" Calderon, March 8, 2009 4:19 AM
Thank You Brother
Dear Yehuda, The Rosh Yeshiva taught me to live, he was like my father. My brother, Thank You for your concern for all of us. Thanks for sharing your feelings with all of us. I never had the honor of meeting your father, but I know that you love the Jewish people as much as he did. Your words of comfort for us, express that. May Hashem comfort your family and all of us who learned to live with the help of our beloved Rav. Weinberg ZT'L. Sunday my shul will have a seuda in honor of the Rosh Yeshiva. I will have you in mind. I will continue praying to Hashem that we may all live with awareness and share the lesson we learned from your father. Sandra
(35) Rob Silverman, March 8, 2009 12:15 AM
Rav Noach of Blessed Memory, Todah Rabah
Rav Noach, You never knew me, I pray to merit a level in olam haba so I can thank you personally for through your website, you helped turn a lost Jewish soul back to Hashem and the Torah He gave us at Sinai. I listened repeatedly to the classes you had online, your 48 Ways to Wisdom, all that Aish had to offer. I'm saddened as my wife and I prepare to make aliyah that I won't be able to thank you in person but, I know your nephew Avi spoke to you of me as he was my Partner in Torah teacher. I'm certain with such a family their is hope that we, the Jewish people, will merit the Beit Hamikdash and Moshiach speedily in our days. I'm also certain you will be watching as you busily serve Hashem in whatever He seeks from you. Your sons letter brought a tear to my soul and I will always pray for the happiness and spiritual fulfillment of your descendants. B"H
(34) Gila, March 7, 2009 9:06 AM
I feel the same as you!!!
Dear Yuhuda Weinberg, In 1991 my beloved father died suddenly, he was ill but the doctors had no idea what was going on with him!He was well what seemed to be one minute then all of a sudden I looked at him, he looked like my grandfather, a metamorphesis took place! At that moment I knew he was going to die! But the doctors assured me that he was just sick he was strong and would be home in no time! 3 days later he was Gone! It was almost 18 years ago and I still can't believe he is gone, I still hear his voice, I still hear his laughter, I still feel how proud of me and my sister when we achieved goal after goal! Now I have the very disease that killed him! A genetic liver disease with no cure or treatment and now I live with what he went through! Doctors say I have very little time but ultimately it is Hashem who will decide! I was 33 when my beloved father passed I am now 50 and I was not blessed with an easy life nor children to carry on for me but I have a 2 year old niece who I pray everyday that I will be able to be here to watch her grow up! Please, one thing I learned you never forget! You never give up! You just keep your fathers wishes going! He touched your life and he touched too many others as well! My dad's funeral there was not even standing room! He had so much love from so many people he was a good man! A mench! So was your father! My dad and your dad went on business trips and I swear that he is not dead he is just away and I will see him again ! So shall you! Keep up your father's dream! Bring the Jewish people together no matter what it takes! Then the mistiyach will come! Tell all the Jewish people to stop fighting amongst themselves! We are one! Everyone is entitled to their own feelings all Jews must respect that! A house divided falls! The Jews being divided will kill all Judaism as we know it! Please continue in your dad's footsteps he touched me greatly and I am sure he touched others as well because everyone I speak to knows Aish.com! They know Rabbi Weinberg!Please know that he has not left your side and that he is very close to you more than ever before! Now he is able to be next to you all the time! I know because I have seen proof that my dad is still with me! I am not a crazy woman either! Others have witnessed that what I say is true and believe me Yahuda your dad will never leave your side! Please drop me a line if you would like! Instead of being sad, carry on your fathers wishes , make him proud, and when you look up and the sun is shining and a bird flies by that is your dad sending you the joy he wants for you! Iam sorry for your grief and I am sure you will move ahead! Gila
(33) Feige Ruchel, March 6, 2009 10:05 AM
condolences and thank you
In the midst of your loss you shared your memories,hopes and sharing your father's vision. You are truly your father's son. I will pass this on to my son-in-law. He is a great father and this will give him strength in all the work that he does. I hope that realizing that your sharing has touched so many gives you some comfort during this difficult time. Blessings to you and your family.
(32) Anonymous, March 6, 2009 9:47 AM
you had the privilege of being the son of such a great tsaddik
Hashem gave you a great berah'a: being the son of such a great person, your nechamas were very closed and this should help you to keep going!
(31) Pinchas, March 6, 2009 1:20 AM
Condolences
Thanks for sharing May you be comforted with all of the aveilim of Zion and Yerushalayim
(30) Chananya, March 5, 2009 12:07 PM
V'nizke vnichye v'nire
May we be zoche to the hisgalus of Malkeinu Meshicheinu bimheyra v'yameinu when we will merit to be reunited with our holy Rebbe, v'hu yigaleinu. The entire aish community, the world over misses this great giant and know how difficult it will be to continue without him. Hence, we add in our prayers that the Meshiach should come speedily and we be reunited with him. Vehikitzu vraninu shochnei afar vhu broshom! Amen!
(29) Marla,Atlanta,GA, March 5, 2009 10:59 AM
He is with his Beloved HaShem
Thank-you,Yehuda for sharing such deep grief that you are feeling. I have learned that the deeper the love, the deeper the grief.Your beloved father was a gift to you,of course, but was also a great gift to our people.I,personally,had my Neshuma re-awakened as a result of his committment to our people. I know it won''t lesson your hurt, but just try and find comfort in knowing that he is finally and actually WITH his beloved HaShem that he shared with us his entire life-He is more with him now than at any time that he had here on this earth-and he is experiencing first-hand the love that he told us about. My heartfelt prayers to you and your family at this difficult time.We in Atlanta send you strength and love.
(28) mendy mermelstein, March 5, 2009 8:35 AM
HAMOKOM yenacheim esschem b'toch sha'ar avelei Tzi'on v'Yerushalayim
Reb Yehuda, shlita I was there when you first entered that little basement apt. on E.7th street, your dear father Z'T'vK'L' told me the disturbing news but I was absolutely positive that his most powerful zechusim would completely pull us thru this eis tzara.We can only believe that he's up there now fighting & plugging for us to finish the job he so valiantly began. I only wish I could join you in the fight, feet first, full force, & with the kind of mesirus nefesh that he had. May HASHEM give you & all of us manifold kochos to do ratzon Hashem AD BIAS GO'EL BEMHEYRA BEYAMEINU AMEN. All the best & warmest regards, Mendy Mermelstein.
(27) Linda, March 5, 2009 5:33 AM
Tanchumim
What a moving article. May Hashem send you the strength that you need at this difficult time and may you find comfort through the beautiful and rich memories that you have of you father.
(26) Aaron, March 4, 2009 7:11 PM
Blessings
Yehuda blessings to you and your family. For you have surely been blessed to have had a Father and Grandfather of such love and quality, may we all have such love and kinship come into our lives. Blessings to all with love, peace and the jewish identity at heart. with sincerety I pray, Aaron
(25) Yossi, March 4, 2009 5:31 PM
Moshiach
I feel that with the passing of this great sage, our father's great plan for humanity is about to be perfected very soon.
(24) Paul, March 4, 2009 4:52 PM
My deepest condolences
Dear Yehuda, My deepest condolences to you, your family and everyone at Aish. I did not know your father personally but have been touched by his love through Aish. Love Paul
(23) Anonymous, March 4, 2009 4:30 PM
Sonya,Jack,Kaylene Emery, i agree with you!YOU said exactly what I AM feeling,what I AM praying,believing,expecting!
(22) Tova Saul, March 4, 2009 3:13 PM
Your father
Yehuda....How fortunate to have such a rare relationship with a father. I live in the Rova. Your father only knew that I was a baalat teshuva/resident there, so we were strangers to each other. For 20 years, whenever we crossed paths, he gave me such a warm smile, as though we knew each other very well. May his fiery warmth for the Jewish people continue to be fanned by all of us.
(21) Ruth, March 4, 2009 3:03 PM
Thank you so much for sharing such touching pieces of life
May HaChem allow your dear father's life touching account, makes every father want to become like him. May HaChem comfort you.
(20) Carey, March 4, 2009 1:00 PM
Emotional
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us about your father. Shalom
(19) Leah, March 4, 2009 10:08 AM
best for last
Thank you for sharing your thought. Perhaps you are the youngest because G-d saved the best for last- first in His mind, last in His creation. But don't spend time reading this you've allot of work to do. Blessings to you and all that continue to do the Almighty's work.
(18) anon, March 4, 2009 8:24 AM
Great
Yehuda, you're so fortunate to have such a father! I wish I had a father at all....
(17) Anonymous, March 4, 2009 4:59 AM
!!!
If you, your siblings and close friends of your father's decide to put a book together on some of your memories, I will want to buy the first printing. Sharing your stories of laughter, pride and joy make people like me who never met your dad personally, feel connected and want to carry out his legacy. Help us help you by continuing to share..thanks May G-d ricjly bless you and yours.
(16) Jack, March 4, 2009 1:18 AM
so fortunate
Yehuda, You are so fortunate to have such amazing experiences and more importantly to recognize the greatness that has surrounded you. May the Almighty give you, your family and the rest of the Aish team the ability to continue and complete your father's life work.
(15) Kaylene Emery, March 4, 2009 12:06 AM
Yehuda, your willingness to be with your grief is stunning. It takes such courage to do so, and for 30 days! Clearly he will be with you until you too, take your last breath. You can still hear his voice, still feel the warmth of his hand and the depth of his love. What gifts he has left for you to pass on. Shalom. Kaylene
(14) E. M. Lefrak, March 3, 2009 11:49 PM
wow . . .
what a powerful, emotion-stirring piece. May HaShem give you and all of us nechoma . . .
(13) Anonymous, March 3, 2009 7:34 PM
! ! !
(12) Anonymous, March 3, 2009 6:59 PM
Abba
Dear Mr. Yehuda Weinberg, You synthesized perfectly what it means having a Rabbi as a Father! I have had the privilege of watching some videos and reading articles by Rabbi Weinberg and they made me a great and holy impression. Your sentence: "How can we wake up the people and how can we wake up the world?" That was your entire focus until your last day. " - may well be a dream or a goal for everyone who believes in the Almighty. God Bless you and your family! Shalom!
(11) Malkiel, March 3, 2009 6:03 PM
Menuhato be Gan Eden,
Zichron Tsaddik LiVraha!
(10) Anonymous, March 3, 2009 4:23 PM
Such beautiful words
I'm speechless and teary eyed. I grew up with my grandpa and I know even though I had the least years, I had the best ones. I can really relate to your feelings. I feel your loss but am happy to know that you will def carry on his legacy. Remember the best always saved for last.
(9) sonia, March 3, 2009 3:46 PM
Aish Ha Torah
this article by a beloved son for his father brought tears to my eyes
(8) joe, March 3, 2009 1:28 PM
My story about the Rosh Yeshiva
I had the honor of learning with the Rosh Yeshiva when I visited Aish in Jerusalem. I really can not express in words all of the profound impressions he made on me. He was the genuine article. Please bear with me a little and I will make more sense of what I mean by that. I am a physicist. The Rosh Yeshiva wanted to see me in his office. He asked me "How is it that so many scientists are atheists when they directly study the beauty and the majesty of creation? How do they not see Hashem's fingerprints everywhere? Usually when you point out that awesomeness and order to people they get closer to Hashem not further away, what are these people thinking?" I said "Rabbi, that is one of the main ways I connect to Hashem. It's one of the main reasons I am here. But, that is my perception... Suppose..." I went through every iteration of every argument my secular colleagues might make. I tried to be susscint and philosophical when I presented logical positivism and how they see it as a consistent picture. The Rosh Yeshiva looked at me like lobsters were coming out of my ears, like I just didn't make any sense at all. I said "Rabbi, I don't think this way, I'm just trying to say what they think." He said, "I know you don't think that way, but I just don't see how anyone could possibly think that way." I tried again. After a couple of iterations, I realized what I was saying wrong, and then later, I realized his lesson. I had a flash of insight. I said, "Sir, the reason I am failing so badly to present their view is that in order to see it, you have to start with the premise that maybe there is no G-d." He paused a moment. I do not believe that there was ever any guile in him. He looked genuinely shocked. Here was an idea that would never, ever have occurred to him - not that some people doubt that there is G-d, but rather, the idea of starting from that premise in one's own arguments. It quite simply never, ever would have occurred to him to think that way for a moment. He looked up at me after musing a bit, snorted, smiled and said, "Well if you start from there you can make anything out of anything and turn the whole world upside down!" He meant it like, if you start by saying that 2 2=17 you can say any foolishness you want after that. Our conversation continued, but it struck me very deeply and profoundly affected me. I try my best. I like to think I am a good person and I usually, most of the time, believe in the reality of Hashem. Not that He is something that I would like to believe in. I know I like to believe in Him - want to believe in Him. I mean believing that He really, actually is there in the same way I would believe that the sky or the earth is there. But I will be honest, there are still times when I have doubts. There are still times when serious questions come for me to wrestle with. I can still see how the logical positivists could make an argument, even if I don't really believe them either. For the Rosh Yeshiva, there was never a doubt. The reality of Hashem was so palpable to him that it would never even occur to him to think of a different possibility. It would never occur to him any more than questioning that he had five fingers on his hands. This is what I meant by the genuine article. I spoke about that conversation to another Aish rabbi whom I have the greatest respect for. He pinched my cheek and immediately saw what had struck me so forcefully. The other rabbi said to me "Joe, I hear you. That is why I'm just a rabbi, you're just a physicist and he is the Rosh Yeshiva." I have never forgotten what it means to have seen that kind of clarity - to know it is possible. I have never forgotten that lesson. For what it is worth. I also want to say, in the way that the Rosh Yeshiva meant it, "I'm still angry too."
(7) May Sarah, March 3, 2009 1:28 PM
My father passed on 6 months and one week ago, and it still hurts too, my father had a very difficult operation on July 24th, heart and the first operation of this kind in the world, and the day before we tried to change his mind, and he said, there is hope and if I go, H'S's will and the doctros will learn something too, the day of operation exactly a month before his passing, he woke up 3 in the morning, did his morning prayers, wrote a letter to his family, myself and my two brothers, that in case, he does not come back, we be good, g'd loving and g'd fearing and look after our mother, he never made it out of intensive care unit, 4 days before his passing, he gave me bracha and in the afternoon, was put in deep sleep until he is ready to be taken. My brother arrived from Beth Shemesh the moring of sunday 24, and he passed on at 9:37 pm with all of us around him, Yes it still hurts and I miss him, I miss him for so many things, I will always miss him and to me he was the best father in the world
(6) moshe borowski, March 3, 2009 10:11 AM
your father was a great man, to say the least.
tx for sharing such intimate, heartfelt emotions. so sorry for your loss, words don't really cut it. He shook up this world, I'm sure he's shaking up the Next World as well. keep up the great work! from an old talmid
(5) Anonymous, March 3, 2009 9:51 AM
I had to cry
Thank you, thank you for this beautiful article. By showing us how your father lived, you inspired me to do more, to fight more for our nation and ultimately the world. Your father is as much an inspiration and guidance now as he was 30 days ago. And although I never met him, I miss him so much. Because we need him so much!
(4) eliana, March 3, 2009 9:00 AM
Yehuda, what a heartfelt piece, your father inspired and changed so many lives-including my own, I can't imagine what my life would be like without your father and Aish Ha Torah. May he forever rest in peace
(3) Marlene Cohen, March 3, 2009 8:53 AM
Wonderful memories of departed parents.......
Dear Yehuda...Thank you so much for sharing the story of your wonderful and special "Abba"...I recently lost my mother, and I feel like a part of my heart is with her...such beautiful memories...how blessed we are to have been given such wonderful parents...with love that is still with us, after they are in Gan Eden....I feel sadness, and happiness to have had such a wonderful life with the best parents...A real Yiddishe Totta and Momma...
(2) rochle friedman, March 3, 2009 5:59 AM
dear yehuda! your letter was very well written! there is so much more that you could write. abba is expecting from you and us to achieve so much more than we beieve we could. we all love you!!
(1) Gavriel, March 3, 2009 5:11 AM
Thank you Yehuda for writing this heartfelt article for us all to appreciate another beautiful facet in out Rosh YaYeshiva's brilliant shining soul, Gavriel