I found a box the other day inventively labeled “Stuff.” Six months after the wedding, my mother finally evicted me from my old room and in a hasty scramble to save the sentimental remnants of my past life I was a little injudicious with the packing. The boxes have since been industriously gathering dust in a heap in the back of the spare room cupboard (not unlike my mother prophesized, it must be admitted) and while searching for something extremely useful and necessary like my good luck troll-pencil, I stumbled across said box.
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but I nearly purred with delight as I unpacked the evidence of my glorious year spent in Israel after high school. Exhibit A: my kibbutz T-shirt (tinted turquoise from the communal laundry system), with the neck and sleeves ripped as the fashion of the time dictated. Exhibit B: old bumper stickers proclaiming support for political parties no longer extant, a piece of a poster ripped off at a rally, and a badge of indiscriminate origin after its foray on the floor of a discotheque. Exhibit C: some nearly fossilized packets of Bamba (peanut-butter puffs eaten only in desperation when the vending machine had nothing else to offer). I can’t believe my mom wanted me to get rid of all this treasure!
At the bottom of the box, I found something I hadn’t thought about in a while. It was a plaited stick of wax that had somehow managed to melt itself onto an empty Maccabi beer bottle without completely losing its shape: it was a Havdallah candle.
Havdallah – the closing ceremony of Shabbat – has always had a special place in my heart. It is so rich in symbol and ritual, and I have always enjoyed it on Shabbatonim and the odd communal Shabbat during my year in Israel. With the wine and the spices and the candle and the redolent melodies, I have always found the ceremony spiritually invigorating.
The Havdallah candle, with its many strands woven together, is a complex symbol of Jewish heritage. The various threads – the mundane and the spiritual, the past and the future – come together to ignite a single burning purpose: the continuation of Jewish life. It also represents a family, in the way that the many individuals are intertwined to unite as a single flame that is brighter, stronger, and more enticing than the several smaller parts.
But now here’s the catch: performing the closing ceremony only makes sense if we’ve kept the Shabbat. It’s entirely appropriate. The first thing God did during the Creation was to create light; the last thing He did was to rest (Shabbat), so the two have forever been linked. The Shabbat is seen in with candles, so it is fitting that it is seen out with candles.
As a married woman, I now light my own candles on Friday nights. Both the ritual and the spiritual aspects appeal to me. I love the magnificent silver candlesticks from my grandmother. I love the ancient words, uttered by generations of Jewish women, inviting peace and holiness into our homes and our lives.
Nowadays it is all too easy to take for granted the power that light (in its various forms) plays in our lives. Shabbat is a constant reminder to be grateful for these things.
Shabbat is a time to think about the things that bring real light into our lives.
Firstly, with no electricity (and of course that means no TV, DVD, VCR, or PVR, no computer, no car, no cell phone, no light available at the flick of a switch), we are left to contemplate life without these conveniences and to appreciate them. And I might say we are left feeling less powerful and haughty than our modern lives allow us to believe we are.
Secondly, the Shabbat is a time to think about the things that bring real light into our lives – like family, friends, nature, and knowledge. And God.Without these, all the conveniences in the world couldn’t give our lives meaning. This in itself is a gift well worth accepting.
I know haven’t properly observed the Shabbat for a long time. But perhaps I should. I know it’s difficult. It’s a challenge of – well – biblical proportions. But the rewards are great. The load may seem heavy, but the Havdallah candle reminds us that to carry it is light. As the symbolic light at the end of the tunnel, this special candle has bound the Jews together through centuries and it stands as a testament to our faith.
I gently extricate the candle from the beer bottle, and tenderly place it in my display cabinet, beside my grandmother’s candlesticks. For me, the Havdallah candle will always stand as a symbol – a goal to which I strive personally and spiritually. And although I haven’t quite reached that level yet, I have at least – so to speak – seen the light. And I’m keeping my goal in sight.
(10) corine, February 1, 2013 7:36 PM
so awesome. Thank you for sharing...soul food. God bless you
i had spend some time in Israel..staying at the Kfar Maccabia. Your memories evoked spiritual ones never forgotten. Be blessed and favored in His light. X
(9) Chaim Michoel, October 13, 2010 9:41 AM
Thank you for your sincere and inspiring article. It was a pleasure to read. I hope we get to hear more from you.
(8) Esti, October 12, 2010 12:25 AM
Good luck!
may you continue growing in the beautiful way you already are. thank you for the inspiring insights
(7) laraine gluckman, October 11, 2010 4:31 PM
outstanding article. So well written and informative.
(6) Shelley, October 11, 2010 9:21 AM
Beautifully written. I had another thought to add----that each strand of the candle also represents the individual Jews, who combine together to form all of Am Yisrael!
(5) TMay, October 11, 2010 7:37 AM
Don't wait.
I suggest that you go ahead and celebrate Havdallah. If you wait for Shabbat to be perfect before you celebrate Havdallah, the children you will bear will have grown up and moved out and will not have celebrated Havdallah. What else do you put off until conditions are perfect and how often do you do them? Do you wait for the house to be totally clean before going to the gym and how often do you go to the gym? Do you put off buying clothes until you get down to the size you would like to be and how often do you buy clothes? Is there any other Jewish ritual that you refrain from doing until you do it perfectly? Do you not have a seder because you didn't swing a chicken around your head? Do you not celebrate Shabbas because you didn't make the perfect chicken soup and make your own matzah balls and bake your own challah and make your own gefilte fish? Do you not say grace unless the meal was perfect? Do you not celebrate Rosh Hashanah because you didn't keep your resolutions the previous year? Do you not get dressed up for Purim because you didn't make the perfect home- made Hamantaschen and distribute them around the neighborhood and to friends and family? Do you not go to sleep until the house is perfect? Do you not go to work until your clothes and make up and the house is perfect? If my parents had waited for the world to be perfect to get married I would not have been born with the brothers and sister I had. They got married in the middle of WW II. Are your friends perfect? Did you wait to get a dog or cat until you found a perfect dog or cat? Is your car perfect? Did your life turn out perfect and did you marry your first love and have the right amount of $ in the bank and own a house and have all your healthy kids at exactly the right moment? Look at what you enjoyed in the box of memories? A melted candle, a shirt that got discolored in the washer and dryer at the kibbutz. Life happens and you have memories.In California we have the saying "shift happens".
(4) Anonymous, October 11, 2010 7:15 AM
As always a wonderful piece. Loved reading it.
(3) Anonymous, October 11, 2010 5:15 AM
All we can do is keep trying because as humans, we are not perfect. At any time during any day someone may irritate us. Guilt hits and then prayer and prostration. The Chofetz Chaim is currently discussing loshon hora and its many complexities. The candles for Shabbat and Havdalah are so special. When I was learning some shortened versions of the Havdalah, there is candle wax dripped on the pages. I treasure that book. I will never get rid of it or cast it aside as too old, too "falling apart" or in any other way not worthy of use. It will always be worthy because it is the second book I ever bought from which to learn on my own. The other one is from the 60's and one of my doggies decided that I should read it and use it or he was going to chew it. He left all the others of that set alone... Buddism, Islam, Christianity-Protestantism and Catholic perspectives and Hinduism. I had not interest and the doggies left them alone too. G-d does work in some mysterious ways. Sometimes it is confusing but I know that it is for the best and there are many things that I must learn. I liked this article very much. Thank you.
(2) ruth housman, October 10, 2010 11:09 PM
let there be Light!
This is beautifully written. Truly about memory, what this evokes, and above all, the significance of the candles.
(1) Adir Puterman, October 10, 2010 2:18 PM
Delightful!