Love or Respect

Which one is more important? It depends if you’re a man or a woman.

Click here if you are unable to view this video.

Comments (18)

(14) Troy, June 7, 2013 5:05 PM


I love and agree with what Mrs. Palatnik says about love and respect. My question is there scripture that speaks on this subject?

(13) Anonymous, June 7, 2013 12:59 PM

Honestly, one cannot exist without the other. I could not love someone who did not respect me. Conversely, I could not love someone whom I did not respect. A previous commenter mentioned that love without respect is merely lust. I agree with THAT sentiment 100%.

(12) Michal, June 5, 2013 10:35 PM

This time you ar not right, Lori

Real love includes respect also.
Love is as important to a man as it is to a woman.
And a man as well as a woman Needs to be respected.
A woman is not a child. For a child it is importaant that it
is loved. The woman, like the man, needs to be respected
also.There is a beautiful word that includes both sides.
Of course, this is a generalization too. There my well be other cases. -

(11) Ann, June 5, 2013 2:46 PM

Sweet Lori...

I love and respect you! Great clip. Thank you.

(10) shlomo gowhary, June 5, 2013 9:20 AM

marriage is based first on love and naturally respect from both sides

(9) Florence, June 5, 2013 5:01 AM

Agree with Lori

I'm respected in my family, friends and at work but not loved as a woman wants to be loved. I absolutely understand what Lori says. Married or not married, women want to be loved.

(8) TMay, June 5, 2013 3:04 AM

With all due respect, I disagree.

I am a woman. I remember a marriage therapist making the point that contempt will kill a marriage faster than any attitude in marriage. Contempt is the opposite of respect. Lack of respect means taking for granted a person to a high degree. According to Merriam Webster online(MW) the antonym of respect is dissatisfaction, disregard, disliking, disgust, aversion, disenchantment, displeasure plus MW on line includes condemnation, disapproval, disdain, opprobrium, scorn; disappointment, discontent, disgruntlement, disillusionment, indignation, unhappiness; contempt, disfavor, disinclination, dislike, distaste; hate, hatred, loathing, nausea, repugnance, repulsion, revulsion; abomination, antipathy, detestation; deprecation, - as versus respect defined as consideration, high or special regard: esteem, the quality or state of being esteemed, expressions of high or special regard, or deference. Therefore given these adjectives, regardless of whether one is a man or a woman, I think respect is required in a marriage, or the marriage will end.

Phillip Galey, June 5, 2013 10:35 AM

Contempt would be rare, probably only near, or at dissolution

Contempt is so seldom to be seen; for, contempt betrays disgust with one's self, also, . . . for having gotten into such a predicament that, odium could appear in natural response. Either party might not experience contempt, but still and all, be without respect. But in actuality of an opposite, mere unthankfulness becomes a way to convey lack of tender regard and respect is so common. But more directly upon the topic, any man's need for respect is perhaps best expressed in the pronouncement for self spoken by the ancient Nebuchanezzar: "Is not this, Great Babylon, . . . which I have made?". A married man has sense of empire and which he needs his consort also, to subscribe; and, even in boyhood is the need for feminine affirmation, much in evidence. And girls? Girls are not that way. And in womanhood, if a man disdains or spurns a woman, the woman easily holds anger and considers that man as some kind of fool; but if a woman shows herself to hold the same lack toward a man, the man is close to being entirely crushed. This was shown in the story of Israel's first king, and of course, eventually, that's just what happened to him, . . . he was crushed. Yes, in the ways pointed to, men and women are most different, . . . but yet, as opposite sides of one coin, . . .

Anonymous, June 9, 2013 4:42 AM

I am female and I prefer respect as does my husband, only because love is a given

As always important to think about

(7) Jerry, June 4, 2013 9:09 PM

Right on!

Beautifully said. And it is so true!

(6) joy, June 4, 2013 7:55 PM

how can you feel loved by someone who doesn't respect you? Doesn't showing love include showing respect? (although it is possible to respect someone without love, but that would be sad in a marriage for either a man or a woman- both for the one who isn't loved and for the one who doesn't feel love)

(5) David, June 4, 2013 7:47 PM

Not sure...

I suppose all generalizations are false, including both this one and Mrs. Palatnik's, but, having said that, I do think there's something to this. Thanks for the thought!

(4) Baruch, June 4, 2013 5:40 PM

There is no love without respect!

Love without respect is just lust.

(3) Jeff, June 3, 2013 9:05 AM

Lori is saying both

Clearly Lori is talking about needing both love and respect,one being primary.And that differs for men and women.I think that you are spot on Lori.

Sidney, June 4, 2013 8:28 PM

Not to the point

It does not make a difference, what the perspective is of the object of the love and/or respect, that I commented on and I thought I said it, Where the video is off the mark is its implication that it is possible for a man to love a woman without respecting her.

(2) Sidney, June 2, 2013 11:08 PM

Yes But

Since I am a male (married 30 years) I'll take your word that a woman puts love first.

However it is my view (and I assume the Talmud's also) that a man cannot honestly love his wife unless he respects her. Please address this comment in the future. Thanks.

(1) Keren Aleeza, June 2, 2013 7:30 PM

I couldn't imagine not being respected by my husband

How can you love someone really without respect? I couldn't love a man I couldn't respect. I couldn't feel loved by a man who looked down on me. I usually agree with you Lori but I think you missed one here.

rachel, June 4, 2013 7:38 PM

I think respect is primary for everyone

I love my dog. She is sweet & affectionate. I even respect her as a dog, as I used to tell my children when they were younger and sometimes treated her like something else (a stuffed toy, or a cat.) But I don't want someone to love me without respecting me first. I have always respected my husband, my children, etc. As for acquaintances, if I don't respect them, there's no way we're going to become friends. I was once very ill. I soon realized that for all the care and attention given to me by healthcare workers, many of them DID NOT seem to respect me. They seemed to think that because I'd had a stroke, I was now not very smart. It was the most horrible thing I've ever felt in my life. Even when early in my recovery I was having trouble expressing myself, I was still an intelligent, educated, sensitive person. When I hear people talking to the elderly or disabled as if they're children, it makes my skin crawl, even if the person is otherwise being treated kindly and carefully. Of course, if one wants respect, one should behave respectfully. But if I treat my husband with respect and then he treated me like a sweet little idiot, that would put the marriage in jeopardy immediately. I can live with occasional lapses in "lovingness", but I will not live with someone who does not respect me.


Submit Your Comment:

  • Display my name?

  • Your email address is kept private. Our editor needs it in case we have a question about your comment.

  • * required field 2000
Submit Comment

Receive Weekly Spirituality Emails

Sign up to our Spirituality Newsletter.

Our privacy policy