One of the little perks of understanding what it means to live your destiny is knowing that you were not plopped down here to make a go at it alone. What does this mean for the soul?
For the answer, we must go back we go to the Garden:
So God created man in His image. In the image of God, He created him. Male and female He created them. (Genesis 1:27)
Adam was a hermaphrodite? Well, sort of. When God created Adam in his original form, He created Adam and Eve as one entity. They were one soul. At this point Adam and Eve (Chava in Hebrew) were getting along pretty well. Later God did something that made possible the first argument over a toothpaste cap. God split Adam, taking one of his sides, and formed Eve as a separate entity, or so it seems.
The mystical sources say that each one of us is but one half of a complete soul. Where's the other half? You guessed it, with your soulmate. Just like Adam and Eve, you and your soulmate were spiritually once united. When you finally find each other, it's going to be something of a reunion.
What all this means, among other things, is the following:
- According to the Torah marriage is not just a partnership, a friendship, or a great way to save long term on your tax returns, it's much more. Marriage is the bonding of two people into one entity. It's like two bodies sharing one soul.
- You can access your full potential in this world by bonding with the other half of your soul. Your destiny and your spouse's destiny are woven together. In fact, they are inseparable and so the two of you should be as well.
Which leads us to the next point. Why would God go through all the trouble of dividing this soul in half, so to speak, just so the two halves can reunite again?
The answer is that it is through the incredible growth that comes with a healthy marriage that you are able to accomplish much more than if you were never separated.
THE CHALLENGE OF MARRIAGE
Consider this: the challenge of marriage is to come to a constant recognition that you are actually one unit.
Standing squarely in the way of this recognition is a rather large serving of your ego. Your ego is hell bent of having you buy into the illusion that your goal in marriage is to have someone else fulfill every one of you individual needs. (And if for some reason, one of those needs isn't being met, then of course it means there's something wrong with your spouse.) Since the ego is by nature the what's-in-for-me part of your personality, there's only room for someone else if that person can be used to benefit its own self-centered world.
As you stretch out of your ego's little world into giving to and sacrificing for your spouse, you will grow into a level of soul living that would be impossible otherwise. To do so you need to stop "What are my needs?" and start asking "What are our needs?" You need to stop thinking about "me" and start living the reality of "we."
There are many famous stories about couples who lived this reality. Rabbi Aryeh Levin -- the subject of the famous book "A Tzaddik in Our Time" -- took his wife who had suffered a fall to the hospital, and when asked what the problem was replied, "Our leg is hurting us."
Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, a great rabbi who passed away a few years ago, said at his wife's funeral that, although it is traditional to ask for forgiveness of the deceased at this time, they had never had a fight -– since they had always lived with the recognition they were one –- and he had nothing to ask forgiveness for!
The Talmud puts it very simply: When you hurt your spouse, it's like taking a knife in one hand and cutting the other.
The upshot of all this is that much of all that drippy romantic stuff out there actually has some truth to it. The essence of marriage is purely spiritual. It's about the bonding of two people into a greater entity.
The Hebrew word for man is iysh, for woman, ishah. The Talmud says that when iysh and ishah come together, the letters overlap except for two -- y and ah, which together spell one of the names of God. The greater entity formed though the bonding of husband and wife creates something so spiritual that God's presence dwells with them.
The royal "we" just got a little more impressive.
TIPS
Here are a few tips for making this understanding more real:
- If you are married, the next time you are fighting with your spouse, ask yourself in a calmer moment, "At this moment am I seeing my spouse as my other half or as my enemy?
-
Remember that ultimately if you cause your spouse pain, that pain will be shared by both of you.
-
Start to identify your spouse's needs as having equal if not more importance than your own. Ask yourself if you are taking these needs into consideration when thinking about big decisions.
-
If you are single or dating, ask yourself, Am I looking for someone to fulfill my needs, who makes me feel good? Or am I looking for someone I who I can give to and grow with? Am I prepared to forgo my immediate needs for the long term needs of someone else?
(16) David Eckhardt, October 11, 2020 12:13 AM
What happens to 'the soul at death of a spouse?
My wife passed, I remain yet don't want to be here. If you are one soul.. is the soul torn in half?¿? Does it go ..with the deceased? Or remain with the one yet alive on this earth. I'm very confused.
(15) John Griffin, August 5, 2011 12:53 PM
thanks!
Excellent article and ideas. thank you
(14) Anonymous, March 29, 2010 2:56 AM
You have no idea what you have
My soulmate passed away 2 months ago, suddenly, and while we held each other, while he expressed his love for me in a very basic intimate human way. He suddenly was gone. I tried to breathe for him but I knew that he was leaving. I watched his eyes far away, his face relaxed, and felt him watch me, over me, as I made the 911 call and pulled him onto the floor next to the bed so I could try to help him. Every day I wake up thinking of him. Every minute I think of him. I love him. So I wait now until it's my time too and we can smile and greet each other. I'm 31 years old. He was 33. Don't ever underestimate the beauty of the moment and don't ever let yourself fall into petty things....don't take anything for granted. Tell people you love them everyday, Please.
(13) Katie, August 1, 2009 8:53 AM
Soulmates
My question is do soulmates have to be the same age? and Race? If you never get to meet your soul mate because one day he/she dies, do you think you'll know?
(12) kenyatta sterling, July 2, 2009 5:12 PM
My question is how do you know if someone was your soulmate, he can't tell my how he really feel now because he's gone for now, I miss him with all my heart and soul and i can't understand why because we never had that much time together.
(11) Liz, February 3, 2009 9:32 PM
I agree
I'm 38 and just lost my soulmate. I feel like my other half was ripped away from me. I could never replace my husband with anyone. This article described us. We both worked hard and sacraficed our needs for each other. We both pushed all negative outside friendships out of our lives. We only needed each other for true happiness. When Ken died on me his sister was so evil she took delight in knowing that we are apart. This shattered my faith and started giving me insecuritites about what we have spiritualy. I feel so ashamed for allowing her to break me this way. This article helped reaffirm our bond is true.
Anonymous, June 14, 2017 9:22 PM
are you sure
are you sure she delighted that she lost her brother? maybe she loved your brother the same way you did and it hurt her the same way it hurt you. You should try to talk to her instead of assume the worst. Maybe she might be the only person in the world who can truly understand your pain.
(10) Anonymous, January 7, 2009 9:18 AM
Praying...
I just can`t go on without him,i feel lost,I feel like a part of me where it belongs,and incomplete... I have tried to forget and let go,but i still find myself holding on to him. Only GOD knows... I hope he will find that answer too.He just have to look for it and trully believe in his heart
(9) sheeba josef, March 11, 2008 4:17 AM
sometimes when we loose our soulmate from our hands
its so difficult, no one can replace that in my life. I wish i join soon again with him. pls pray for me
(8) Amy, January 24, 2006 12:00 AM
Thank you
The article on soulmates is obviously right on the mark and brought clarity to what I've been feeling and thinking.
(7) Laurie, October 22, 2004 12:00 AM
Life after soulmate's death
My soulmate and I were only together 7 years, when he died. I was 29 then. It has been 10 years since he's gone, and life can be so lonely without him. But, nobody else could ever fit the space he left in my heart so I'll carry on until we meet again.
(6) JP, May 28, 2003 12:00 AM
The death of a soulmate
Since my soulmate recently died, I feel as if half of me is missing again. But I know in the hereafter we will reunite again. In the meantime, I believe we must go on with our life until it is our time to join them.
(5) Julia Dean, August 13, 2002 12:00 AM
Inspiring!
It is hard to believe that two very different people can live toghether for many years as one. But what do you do when one leaves forever? when he dies? After ten years..I still have not found the "replacement" per say...Is is hard, very hard. All I can think is that live goes on and we must be strong.
Thanks for listening. Julia
(4) adelfa nobleza, April 24, 2002 12:00 AM
I am happy to be part of this column
I have not yet found my soulmate but definitely I am thankful cause I have read your articles. I was able to find your website when I got interested with marriage. I plan too but I think I am not yet prepare for the said task at this moment.
(3) nicole molenda, August 7, 2001 12:00 AM
This is a wonderful description of a soulmate, I believe that we are only half a soul feeling lost until we find our other half.
Thank's so much for the soulmate identity. I believe I have found my soulmate too. The reason I looked at your website is that I am writting a poem called Destiny's soulmate for my sister's wedding. Being the maid of honer is a wonderful gift and I can't wait to read my poem to the newly married couple. They are in fact soulmates as well. Two children and a relatinship for 10 years with of course it's ups and downs has made each of them grow together as one. Thank you so much for the beautiful information on soulmates. Nicole Molenda
(2) Amanda Ansah, November 12, 2000 12:00 AM
How lucky we are!!
I was lucky enough to "find" my soulmate at the age of 19. We have been together now for almost 11 years, and we have two beautiful children, a girl, Brittany and a boy, Isaiah. I count my blessings every day, knowing how fortunate I am to have David to share the rest of my life with. When I am with David, I feel whole, complete. What a wonderful feeling.
(1) Orly Davidi, October 26, 2000 12:00 AM
beautiful.. and very inforamtive thank you. i enjoyed this