The Mussar teachings on the attitude of gratitude are tough, because they don't let us feel sorry for ourselves, no matter how little we may have. One Mussar master began a talk with a thump on the table and the words, "It is enough that a human being is alive!" Then he ended his talk right there.
There is a story -- maybe an urban legend, but full of truth nonetheless -- concerning the famous violinist Itzhak Perlman. One evening, Perlman was in New York to give a concert. As a child he had been stricken with polio and getting on stage is no small feat for him. He wears braces on both legs and walks with two crutches. Perlman crossed the stage painfully slowly, until he reached the chair in which he seated himself to play.
As soon as he appeared on stage that night, the audience applauded and then waited respectfully as he made his way slowly across the stage. He took his seat, signaled to the conductor, and began to play.
No sooner had he finished the first few bars than one of the strings on his violin snapped with a report like gunshot. At that point Perlman was close enough to the beginning of the piece that it would have been reasonable to bring the concert to a halt while he replaced the string to begin again. But that's not what he did. He waited a moment and then signaled the conductor to pick up just where they had left off.
Perlman now had only three strings with which to play his soloist part. He was able to find some of the missing notes on adjoining strings, but where that wasn't possible, he had to rearrange the music on the spot in his head so that it all still held together.
He played with passion and artistry, spontaneously rearranging the symphony right through to the end. When he finally rested his bow, the audience sat for a moment in stunned silence. And then they rose to their feet and cheered wildly. They knew they had been witness to an extraordinary display of human skill and ingenuity.
"Sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much beautiful music you can still make with what you have left."
Perlman raised his bow to signal for quiet. "You know," he said, "sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much beautiful music you can still make with what you have left."
We have to wonder, was he speaking of his violin strings or his crippled body? And is it true only for artists? We are all lacking something, and so we are all challenged to answer the question: Do we have the attitude of making something of beauty out of what we do have, incomplete as it may be?
The Hebrew term for gratitude is hikarat hatov, which means, literally, "recognizing the good." Practicing gratitude means recognizing the good that is already yours.
If you've lost your job, but you still have your family and health, you have something to be grateful for.
If you can't move around except in a wheelchair but your mind is as sharp as ever, you have something to be grateful for.
If you've broken a string on your violin, and you still have three more, you have something to be grateful for.
When you open up to the trait of gratitude, you see clearly and accurately how much good there is in your life.
When you open up to the trait of gratitude, you see clearly and accurately how much good there is in your life. Gratitude affirms. Those things you are lacking are still there, and in reaching for gratitude no one is saying you ought to put on rose-colored glasses to obscure those shortcomings. But most of us tend to focus so heavily on the deficiencies in our lives that we barely perceive the good that counterbalances them.
There is no limit to what we don't have and if that is where we put our focus, then our lives will inevitably be filled with endless dissatisfaction. This is the ethos that lies behind the great biblical proverb, "Who is rich? Those who rejoice in their own lot" (Pirkei Avot 4:1).
When you live charged with gratitude, you will give thanks for anything or anyone who has benefited you, whether they meant to or not. Imagine a prayer of thanks springing to your lips when the driver in the car next to you lets you merge without protest, or when the water flows from the tap, or the food is adequate?
When gratitude is this well established, it is a sign of a heart that has been made right and whole. Gratitude can't coexist with arrogance, resentment, and selfishness. The Hasidic teacher Rebbe Nachman of Breslov writes, "Gratitude rejoices with her sister joy and is always ready to light a candle and have a party. Gratitude doesn't much like the old cronies of boredom, despair and taking life for granted."
To what and whom should we feel thankful? In the Torah, when Moses brought the plagues onto Egypt, he wasn't the one who initiated turning the Nile River into blood and bringing frogs from the river. His brother Aaron invoked those plagues. The medieval commentator Rashi explains that since the river had protected Moses when he was an infant, he could not start a plague against it. God was teaching Moses a powerful lesson in gratitude: we can open in gratitude even to inanimate objects.
Whenever Rabbi Menachem Mendel, the Kotzker Rebbe, replaced a pair of worn out shoes, he would neatly wrap up the old ones in newspaper before placing them in the trash, and he would declare, "How can I simply toss away such a fine pair of shoes that have served me so well these past years!?" I felt the same way when I gave away my 1984 Honda that had ferried me so reliably for 18 years.
The Mussar teacher Rabbi Eliyahu Lopian (1872 - 1970) was once talking to a student after prayers, and at the same time was folding up his tallis [prayer shawl]. The tallis was large and he had to rest it on a bench to fold it. After he had finished the folding, Reb Elyah noticed that the bench was dusty, and so he headed out to fetch a towel to wipe it off. The student to whom he was speaking realized what Reb Elyah was doing and ran to get the towel for him. Reb Elyah held up his hand. "No! No! I must clean it myself, for I must show my gratitude to the bench upon which I folded my tallis1."
If we can be grateful to rivers, shoes, cars, and benches, which help us involuntarily, how much more so to human beings who have free will and who help us consciously out of the goodness of their hearts? Or to the mysterious source out of which our lives have come? When Leah, wife of the patriarch Jacob, had her fourth child, she named him "Yehudah," which means, "I am grateful," to reflect her gratitude to God for the gift of another son. The name Yehudah is the source of the Hebrew name of the Jewish people (Yehudim), revealing the very direct tie between Judaism and gratitude.
Gratitude opens the heart and that's why it provides a fine orientation equally to the inanimate, human and divine dimensions of the world.
A simple and effective way to practice gratitude is by making giving thanks part of your everyday life. For example, it is an established Jewish practice to recite 100 such blessings a day. The term for "blessing" in Hebrew is bracha, which comes from the same root as the Hebrew word for "knee." When you say a blessing, it is as if you have bent your knee in an act of gratitude. The habit of saying blessings can remind you to be thankful when you hit a green light, or the salad is fresh, or the garden is getting the rain it needs, or your child came home from school as usual.
Can you see how such a practice might slowly but insistently change your orientation to the world and your life?
1. from Reb Elyah by David Schlossberg, p.121.
Back to Text
(19) Paul, January 26, 2014 11:47 PM
Gratitude=a Great & Powerful Emotion
I am continuing to recover from a bad cycling accident in which I sustained multiple injuries and fractures. I am eternally grateful to the two police officers from my town who helped save my life. I thank them for visiting me in the hospital and in rehab.
(18) Joanne Peters, October 15, 2013 12:29 AM
Recognizing my own need to practice gratitude ...
I am just creating a ‘Gratitude Journal’ for my daughter - every day for a year, write one thing that she is grateful for from that day’s experience.
After reading this article I am aware that I too allow disappointment/dissatisfaction to overshadow my blessings.
I am going to take the journey with my daughter to ‘recognize the good that is already mine’.
Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom!
(17) Akhtar Azim, October 19, 2012 8:12 AM
Thank You
Thank you for this wonderful enlightening article.
(16) Helen Humphreys, October 18, 2011 8:58 AM
Thank you
Thank you so much for this wonderful article. I am learning what it means to be truly grateful and being thankful to Hasham for everything He gives us moment by moment. This is one area we all need to excell in. Keep up the good work.
(15) Laurie, May 10, 2011 2:53 PM
thank you for this lovely piece
I am grateful for the opportunity to read these words.
(14) Judy, November 23, 2009 5:31 AM
great article
I like what you write on gratitude. I read Sarah ban Branaugh book on "Simple Abundance" was a best seller for two years and her first simple abundance gift was "Thankfulness." I am a Christian and I know that I am not good in my heart when I do not have a thankful heart. Whatever religion your are THANKFULNESS must be a principle for the first step to intimacy with God. As my name is Judy I should live up more to the meaning of my name.
(13) Kaylene Emery, November 22, 2009 9:31 PM
your attitude of gratitude.
Recently whilst attending a retreat, at the end of a wonderful day and after a stunning meal as I lay in my bed I had images of Jews in the camps at night on those make shift beds. The image disturbed my peace of mind and I just wanted it gone. Now a week later I feel it showed me so clearly what I was not, seeing. How much I have to be greatful for, how good that feels and how often I take so much for granted. Thank you Rabbi, my day begins well.
(12) Anonymous, November 22, 2009 6:05 PM
Thank You!
I'm forwarding your wonderful article to half of my email list. Five years ago, when I lost most of my hearing my friends/family couldn't understand why I wasn't completely depressed. I told them I was thankful to G-d for taking my hearing and not my sight. With hearing aids I was able to continue my life much as before my hearing lost, with one great benefit. I could ignore all gossip, telling people I couldn't understand what they were saying! Nine months ago, because the non-profit organization I worked for could no longer afford to pay my salary, I was let go. I knew my termination was orchestrated by those in the organization that did not like me personally. Instead of being depressed, I was thankful for the opportunity to spend my days taking care of my brother who was ill. Perhaps if we spent more time being grateful for the things we have, instead of thinking of all the things we don't have, we would be a happier and more productive people.
(11) , November 22, 2009 4:21 PM
This is beautiful and as Barbara Sims-King said, very thorough. I'm grateful for articles like these! :)
(10) BarbaraSims-King, October 19, 2006 9:14 AM
I appreciate the thoroughness of your article. thanks
(9) Anonymous, August 21, 2003 12:00 AM
in the just moment
this commentary arrived "just in time" for me. thanks a lot!
(8) rochie, August 21, 2003 12:00 AM
A real eye opener!
Thank You so much! I really needed this reminder to appreciate all the tools that Hashem sends me...especially my computer and keyboard so that I can read Aish articles with it!!!!
Also I work an hour away from where I live and every day I have to get a ride and I find it very annoying to have to arrange myself a ride every night for the next day. I try not to complain, but sometimes I do. I see now how foolish I am to even focus on that part instead of focusing that Hashem gave me a good job that I can live with "harchavas hada'as" and I could have peace of mind that I am not lacking anything (materialistically speaking).Thanx again for this inspiring article!
(7) Gerald, August 21, 2003 12:00 AM
Wow! Thank you
(6) Thomas Skayhan, August 21, 2003 12:00 AM
Thoughts on this site.
I like Aish very much.I am benefitted by its content,I am glad that I signed on.Shalom,Thomas Skayhan
(5) raye, August 19, 2003 12:00 AM
a serendipitous experience
Gratitude in the giver as well as the receiver when I was tutoring a little ten-year-old whose right arm was shorter than the left from polio. I'm sure it was HaShem who led me to say, "G-d wants you to use everything you've got. It doesn't have to be perfect." Her joy was an immeasurable gift to me when on this very hot summer day, she pored from the bottle of rose water I gave her in her right hand into her left hand to cool her hot little face.
(4) Anonymous, August 18, 2003 12:00 AM
Thank you
I would like to say thank you for this fantastic article. I have been feeling sorry for myself lately and these were just the words I needed to hear.
(3) Anonymous, August 18, 2003 12:00 AM
Just say the word "Thank-you G*d" even if the words are whispered.
I worked at the Jewish community center awhile back here in Omaha. A couple who lived at the center caught my eye Mr/Ms Blackman. Ms Blackman would walk down the corridor, with her walker, everyday with her husband. I stopped to watch her husband follow his wife with the walker as he told her “You Can Do It Give it 5 More Steps!” so she would gear up her engines (as she always padded the floor with her foot) and take 5 steps and stop. And, again her husband would always encourage her to take 5 more steps until she reached her room. But it’s that “You can do it!” that helped and the sound of his voice. I wanted to meet these two wonderful people so I stopped into the room and felt I became apart of their lives.
With each moment I felt that our lives are just like that. G*d tells us “You can do it!” and we gear our engines and take 5 more steps. Each day we grow maybe we take 5 steps today and then more tomorrow. Today, I told my son to start journalizing his thoughts each day and see how G*d helps us in our everyday lives. Then just read your own notes and just reflecting and to say “Thank-you” with each step you took.
(2) Anonymous, August 18, 2003 12:00 AM
Wonderful Mussar essays
I read Dr. Morinis' book, Climbing Jacob's Ladder, last year and I found it so profound, insightful and useful in my everyday life. I was so excited then to see that his essays on Mussar teachings would now become a regular part of the Aish website! I look forward to this section more than anything else. A few years ago I would have understood these concepts only intellectually but now - due to other changes and challenges in my life - they're felt and understood on an emotional and faith-based level. I can have gratitude when I have perspective. And my perspective is that living right here and now in this country at this time - this makes me very grateful.
(1) Anonymous, August 17, 2003 12:00 AM
beautiful insightful article
This was a beautiful article with so much wisdom in it. I had just fallen on Friday and bruised both kness, interesting how there is a corrolation. I was going to answer the telephone (in the middle of praying, and then it happened). I shall not interrupt the davening in the future, even if it was my son calling from Jerusalem! Thank you for such an inspirational and down to earth article.