How Many Chances Would You Give?

Your friend borrowed and smashed your car. Would you lend it to him again?

Click here if you are unable to view this video.

Comments (25)

(19) Rav Gav, May 22, 2017 9:26 PM

For the sake of clarity

Although I think I have seen some messages here that have explained quite clearly what the message of the video was, I just want to quickly reiterate. I am not suggesting that anyone here lend their car again, nor am I suggesting that you ever lend your car! It's an analogy. The point is, look at what Hashem does for us. We need to open our eyes and realize that Hashem loves us so much, he's willing to give, and give and give. Even though we at times go against Him, He continues to give. Think about it like this, if you were G-d, would you give you another chance? I see from many of the messages here, that we probably wouldn't! Yet, look at the patience Hashem has for us! That should be inspiring, and motivate us to live up to who Hashem knows we can be. Hope this was somewhat helpful. I appreciate all comments though, keep them coming! Have a wonderful shavuos!

Anonymous, June 25, 2017 1:20 PM

To Rav Gav

I think Hashem has more patience and understanding about my mistakes than I have! I was raised in a very secular Jewish home, and have slowly been climbing the ladder of religious observance for the last decade and a half. In June 2016 I began reciting Modeh Ani each morning from my beautifully transliterated Artscroll Hebrew Siddur. (I also started learning Hebrew 3 years ago.) If HE can cut me some slack, then maybe I should do the same for myself. Thank you for sharing this video.

(18) Barbara, May 19, 2017 7:43 PM

This is great

First, always good to see you. Second, this is a keeper and one to pass to others. Hashem gives us many chances, we just need to keep reaching.

(17) Sharon, May 17, 2017 8:59 AM

not the best analogy

There's no logic to a friend repeatedly lending a car to someone who takes no responsibility. If we were talking about a father-son relationship we'd better understand the father's unconditional love, but even there, he'd want the son to take responsibility.
And, yes G-d gives us our life each day, but unfortunately, not everyone sees it as a gift. Also there are plenty of evil people who G-d knows will not turn their ways. G-d allows them to live for some reason, but not necessarily because he expects them to do good in the world.
I'd say thanking G-d for returning our soul each day is designed to remind us of our potential to do good and to see life as a gift.

(16) Gail Stern, May 16, 2017 9:08 PM

Always enjoy your videos and their meanings!!!

Met you in Israel this past March. You taught us a class at Aish Hatorah!!! Love listening to you!!!

(15) Anonymous, May 16, 2017 5:21 PM

Question still remains...

Are we required to lend the car again?!!! When do we say no?

JOEL BECK, May 20, 2017 1:02 AM

no- one chance is one too many

Absent extenuating circumstances, a man who smashes a
car is a man who is a stranger to responsibility. Any sane man
would say "never again", and I fit into the category of
sane men.

(14) Anonymous, May 16, 2017 5:02 PM


(13) Elizabeth, May 16, 2017 4:36 PM

Sorry doesn't cut it...

Where is the restitution? If we break something belonging to others, at the least we need to have it fixed at our expense. Seems to me the only good ending to THIS particular illustration story is to just plain give the remains of the car to the user friend. We never lend our car...we drive people places...but we are not made of money, and to pay for the insurance needs to be done in this manner. In this country, lending your car out could mean you have to pay for whatever damage the friend does to yet other parties as well. Does not mean a person is not a good friend. Besides, give the so-called friend taxi or bus money...good enough!!

(12) Meyer, May 15, 2017 2:28 PM


Shalom Rabbi Friedman:
Thanks for another inspiring message. saw the following message (at my herbalist's office): Life is like a rear view mirror. We only see part of the picture (reason) for an experience.

(11) Anonymous, May 15, 2017 12:20 PM

This video was Beautiful! The message hit my heart ! Thank you so much ! May G-d Grant you the continued wisdom to educate us all !

(10) Sam Stephan, May 15, 2017 6:01 AM

Smashes friend's car.

Good way to start the morning!

(9) Bracha Goetz, May 14, 2017 8:13 PM


Thank G-d, G-d is G-d, or we'd never get all these AMAZING chances!

(8) Moshe Schorr, May 14, 2017 8:03 PM

every day is a gift

In the last of Rebbe Nachman's stories, the one of the Seven Beggars he tells of the "Heart" of the World which yearns to a Fountain.(I can't do the story justice in a summary. You should read it for yourself, it's on the Third Day.) In it he says that time is created each day by all the acts of True Kindness which are performed all over the world.
Your video brought it home to me. Thanks.

(7) Asia Cohen, May 14, 2017 7:37 PM

No.... I wouldn't loan my car to him again...but....WOW!

Today I woke up just having successfully finished a six-month project to the best of my next week, maybe I can do better on my next one?...but until I watched this Video I didn't realize I'm simply mirroring the attitude of my Creator ...who believed in me even when I didn't! Thank you for opening up my eyes to the miracle THIS is!!!

(6) Anonymous, May 14, 2017 4:57 PM

Missed the point

Yehuda Leib, you missed the point. Was Rabbi Friedman talking about the car or was his point that you got a new neshoma today, a gift from God although we might not deserve it?! It is up to us to make us deserving of getting a new lease on life. Look past the shallowness, past the metaphor. Open your eyes to catch the subtle messages God sends our way. Thank you Rabbi Friedman!

(5) Joanne, May 14, 2017 4:54 PM

great insight for me

I have been saying "modeh ani" for many decades and never had this perspective. Thank you so much.

(4) Keith, UK, May 14, 2017 4:15 PM

Sorry!....... The analogy doesn't work for me!

You cannot be serious, Rabbi (although I think you are!). ......... I'm in full agreement with Yehudah Leib on this one!.......... For a start, the guy shows no remorse and not only that, he runs away......... and as if that wasn't enough, he goes and causes more damage and runs away again!....... Think about it: HaShem always expects something called "repentance" and then comes forgiveness........ Yes, we should forgive, BUT (and there is a "but") we are expected to do all that we can, with HaShem's help of course, to amend our errors, and in as much as we are able, to make some form of restitution......... I think we would be ill-advised to just go and lend the guy our car again, being aware he could wreck the car totally next time, and maybe even kill himself and possibly others at the same time...... Yes, forgive him. It's the right thing to do, but to just stick your neck out and lend him the car again under thoses circumstances, well I reckon that's just asking for a big heap of trouble............. Keith, UK.

(3) Anonymous, May 14, 2017 2:40 PM

What about your insurance?

Your car insurance company- and your friend's- may have something to say about whether or not they will continue to insure you if...

(2) YehudahLeib, May 14, 2017 11:26 AM

so what's the message?

is Rabbi Friedman telling us to continue to lend the car to the friend as often as the friend asks for it with no pre-conditions, no matter what damaged state the friend returns the car in every time? Bizarre. Not in touch with the real world.

Sean Steinberg, May 14, 2017 1:52 PM

Missed boat

We definitely would not and should not lend the car to that friend. The point is, Hashem does though and we should A) be grateful for that. B) use the neshmah the next day better than we did the day before!!
Have a great day!!

Orrin, May 14, 2017 3:54 PM

Today is today

I thought he explained it clearly. Even though every day we do something wrong -- OK, speaking for myself here-- we still get an extension on the loan of life. The idea seems to be that even though we may lose faith in HaShem, HaShem keeps believing in our ability to improve. Cheerful thought, no?

Rav Gav, May 14, 2017 6:07 PM

The message is...

to recognize how many chances Hashem gives us, and when we appreciate that, perhaps we will take today a little more seriously.

Jewish Mom, May 14, 2017 6:27 PM

You missed the message.

Rabbi Friedman is pointing out that Hashem's faith in us is so great, despite our messing up! He's not telling us that we should act that way with irresponsible friends. He's saying that WE should believe in our ability to do better because Hashem gives us a vote of confidence each day and looks aside from yesterday's dents.

(1) Joyce, May 14, 2017 10:32 AM

mother's day

Really nice, Rabbi Friedman, thank you.
Mother's Day, baruch HaShem, another day- let's try and use it well.


Submit Your Comment:

  • Display my name?

  • Your email address is kept private. Our editor needs it in case we have a question about your comment.

  • * required field 2000
Submit Comment

Receive Weekly Spirituality Emails

Sign up to our Spirituality Newsletter.

Our privacy policy