According to mental health research, stress levels have been sky-rocketing in the United States and across the world. Whether triggered by a volatile political landscape, economic insecurity, or health issues, the American Psychological Association cited that 75% of adults report that they experienced moderate to high levels of stress in the past month. Stress is physically damaging, causing frequent aches and pains and compromising our immune systems, and is also destructive to our emotional well-being.
Jewish wisdom provides us with some tools and ideas to help manage stress and weather the storm.
1. You are enough.
Many people equate worth with productivity; we are what we do. This perspective creates an endless internal need to achieve in order to feel that we are worthy. Social researcher Brene Brown calls this "the hustle for worthiness" which creates a society governed by fear and shame.
Judaism, in contrast, posits that we are all created in the image of God and have intrinsic worth that is not defined by what we produce. In fact, for 25 hours every Shabbat we are forbidden from creative work.
I have found that individuals who equate their inner value with their productivity find Shabbat to be especially challenging. If I can't achieve or produce on Shabbat then what and who am I? Judaism reminds us: you are worthy. You can make mistakes but you will never be a mistake. The endless burden of things to do can never threaten who you are.
2. Value and honor your effort.
Judaism makes clear that it is our effort that counts, irrespective of whatever results may or may not be achieved. Although the outside world seems to function based on achievement and not effort, the reality is that we are only in control of the effort we invest and not in the fruit that it yields.
We are responsible to put in a reasonable effort; God then does the rest. What happens may not be what we wanted, but the results are out of our hands. The irony of course is that we are so often focused on worrying about what is outside of our control that we “forget” to do our part.
Each day instead of getting overwhelmed with what you need to accomplish, focus on what is within your control. Ask yourself: what is your reasonable effort for today and then invest your energy into your efforts and not into worrying over the outcome.
3. You are not a dog about to be eaten.
Life can sometimes feel like a giant competition. It seems that there is a limited number of scholarships, job offers and promotions. According to the Jewish perspective, God is limitless and that no one can take away what we are meant to have. A wise sage once said that he was not worried that at the end of his life he would not measure up to great individuals in Jewish history; his only concern was that he would not measure up to the greatest version of himself.
So much stress results from comparing ourselves to others who seem to have more, do more, achieve more and succeed more. But comparisons are illusory. God doesn't compare us to anyone else and neither should we. Look inward and ask yourself: what else can I be doing to become the best version of myself?
4. Take a break, with love and connection.
Many of the college students tell me that they find the idea of Shabbat to be beautiful but they simply have too much to do to take that much time off. The truth is that whether you keep Shabbat or not, no one can be productive 24/7. We all need breaks and we’ll find a way to get them. The only question is: will the breaks be taken mindfully and consciously and in a way that will truly refresh and invigorate us, or will they be taken unconsciously in front of a screen and we’ll often feel more exhausted afterwards than before we started?
Taking a break from stress by spending time with others in loving and nurturing environments fills two needs: our need for rest and our need for human connection. So many people struggle with loneliness whether they are surrounded by others or not. Indeed, the loneliness that you can feel in a crowd is usually much more potent than what you feel when you are by yourself. Take care of yourself by taking a break with people who care about you in environments that facilitate love and connection.
Daily stressors may be a regular part of life but we don't need to feel powerless to face them. Incorporating Jewish values into our mindset can provide us with the emotional fortitude we need to live our lives with joy and face our stress with strategy.
(10) Simcha, November 22, 2019 1:58 AM
Making an Effort!
I agree with your article wholeheartedly but unfortunately I have seen many problems in the Jewish community including in the Charedi religious community in which I am a part of, as far as effort is concerned. Many in the religious community including rabbis and the heads of yeshivas do not see effort as important. They see achievement as the primary importance and if a student doesn't do well in school or in yeshiva, that student is expelled from the school or the yeshiva. Many of the yeshivas today are striving to be Ivy League and are competing with each other so if a student does not fit the mold, then he or she is considered an outcast. The same goes for a member of the synagogue or community. Thank you for your well written article. I only wish that everyone in the Jewish community would feel like you do,
(9) Anonymous, November 21, 2019 7:25 PM
Excellent reminders: be your best but with Love and Confidence
Thank you for the great article reminding us WE are Enough. We have Intrinsic Worth and not to compare ourselves to others; this of course does lead to a big source of depression. Wish everyone could read this article, Thank you for all you do.
(8) Anonymous, November 20, 2019 9:25 PM
Great Article
This truly relates to me I can feel unequal w people who feel superior because of their status I belong to a Synagouge I look forward to Shabbat you know this “G” house I inhale the joy of Shabbos
(7) Anonymous, November 20, 2019 6:31 PM
lack of productivity
sometimes We reach goaks, and sometimes we dont. it is normal to have self worth based in part on productivity. two important points are to set realistic goals and to be flexible. also, one should account for the possibility of things popping up, like i dont feel well today, or i have to help my friend out today.
(6) Joey, November 20, 2019 5:21 PM
Thank you! I'm going to try to apply these to myself. God bless!
(5) Carol, November 19, 2019 11:41 PM
Thank you for this article. Found me just in time.
(4) Alexandra, November 19, 2019 7:36 PM
Our beautiful, beautiful Judaism, thank you for this smart article
(3) Anonymous, November 19, 2019 2:30 PM
What causes so much “stress”?
I am a 67 year old male PhD in Biopsychology and a Jew who was sexually abused by my 5 year older sister at a young age and emotionally abused by my father throughout most of my life. I say, most of my life, because my dad died at 60 years old. The 4 items you you mention in this article may be easy/simple for you but for many many others, Jew or Gentile, I’m sure we would be interested in hearing how to implement your 4 suggestions besides quoting scriptures or by becoming more Jewish or Christian. Take care.
Chayi Hanfling, November 19, 2019 4:40 PM
I'm so sorry for the pain you have experienced. This article was written to address daily, more "minor" life stressors that everyone experiences and I think the way to implement these ideas is both by taking active steps such as ensuring that we spend time with loved ones as well the mindset worked referenced in the rest of the article. The chronic stress experienced as a result of trauma should be addressed with a qualified and competent professional. Wishing you emotional healing and love...
Zel Dolinsky, November 19, 2019 8:42 PM
Thank You Chayi
Chayi
Thank you for your wishes of healing and love. I wish I had those from the many professionals I visited for help.
(2) Anonymous, November 19, 2019 12:07 PM
Re: Valuing and honoring your effort
Right now I have been hit with physical and financial stress. I realize that neither of those stressors can be resolved immediately, so I am using the tools I have at hand to resolve them both. I was raised in a home where all mistakes were created equal and I was screamed at for pretty much everything. Guess what? Human beings make blunders! It is what we do next that counts. Thanks for this article. I am going to bookmark it.
Chayi Hanfling, November 19, 2019 9:47 PM
Thank you so much for your feedback!
(1) Stressed, November 17, 2019 7:39 PM
Inspiring
Thank you so much for writing this article!!!!!