I wish someone would had told me long ago that being pretty brings you attention, but it can’t bring you love. That being thin makes you popular but not necessarily well-liked. That being well dressed looks good but won’t give you goodness. That having people stare at you doesn’t mean that they really see you.
Real beauty is all around us. Hidden in tiny crevices of rocks. Stretched out above us across the sky at dawn. Glistening inside the rain. Climbing through our minds. Beating in our hearts. And I wish someone would have told me long ago that all this beauty we see is meant to be channeled into greatness. That even the beauty inside of us is there for us to use to transform the world around us. And I wish I would have known that no one is born beautiful. That being beautiful takes a lifetime of work.
I remember when I first saw real beauty. It was at the end of a long, rainy day, in the middle of an agonizingly slow line in a crowded supermarket. She stood at the front of the line with her husband – an elderly couple with a cart full of heavy groceries. They unloaded the milk, the chicken, the piles of produce as the rain began to pour in torrential gusts against the windows in front of us. And that is when the husband reached into his pocket to take out his wallet and looked up at his wife with a mixture of panic and surprise flashing through his watery blue eyes.
“I forgot my wallet,” he said loudly enough for all of us to hear. The young cashier looked exasperated and exhausted. I looked up at the wife’s face, expecting to see anger or at least a flicker of irritation. But she had a serene expression on her face. Like the sky had not just turned dark and stormy. Like she had not just spent the past hour picking out groceries she wouldn’t be able to buy. Like her husband had not disappointed her with his forgetfulness. Instead she smiled as if her husband was her best friend and had just shared a great joke with her.
She apologized to the cashier and to the person behind her on line, and said, “I guess we weren’t meant to buy groceries today.” And she really meant it. You could see it in her eyes as she turned to go.
I think of that woman on the upcoming yahrzeit of our matriarch Rachel because Rachel embodied this kind of beauty. She taught us how to take the strengths inside of us and channel them into this world.
Here are three lessons in real beauty we can learn from our mother Rachel:
1. The Beauty of Kindness. Rachel’s legendary kindness to her sister Leah when she taught her the signs that would allow her to marry Yaakov teaches us how to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. How to want to help them as much as we want to help ourselves. How to go to great lengths to avoid embarrassing another person even if it means giving up our own happiness and comfort. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “You can never do a kindness too soon, for you never know when it will be too late.”
2. The Beauty of Patience. Rachel waited 7years to marry Yaakov and many more years until she was able to have children. She taught us how to keep focused on our goals no matter how distant they may seem. “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Viktor E. Frankl
3. The Beauty of Faith. Our Sages tell us that Rachel was buried in Beit Lechem, separate from the rest of the patriarchs and matriarchs who were buried in Chevron, so that she could remain near the borders of Israel, waiting for her children to return home. Rachel Imenu cries for all of us when we are far from who we yearn to be. But her tears are not tears of despair. They hold the faith and essence of a mother’s prayers. A mother who believes in her children’s future. Who knows they will eventually find a way home. Who knows that we will find a way to bring back the beauty she brought into the world so long ago.
I wish I would had known long ago that kindness, patience and living with faith and integrity makes a person beautiful. That standing in a crowded supermarket on a dark winter’s day can be a chance for greatness. And I wish I knew long ago that our mother Rachel is waiting patiently for us, crying as we search for the beauty inside us all and find a way to turn it into infinite light.
(12) Binyaminwoopy, November 20, 2019 7:20 PM
i was @ Beit EL near Ramat Rachael, could not stop to visit Her yesterday. i come all the way from singapore. i was very sad and disapointed, few thousand km away. For the first time, many years ago,( 2012). This time 5780, also missed it. Pls forgive me Mother. binyamin here.
(11) rachel shillingford, November 13, 2019 1:27 PM
so very beautiful
this is so beautiful, you have me in tears! beautiful!!!!!! this is a keeper!! thank you so much for your beautiful words and thoughts and sharing!
(10) Andrea Pullman, November 11, 2019 4:50 PM
If you think you are better than others you become ugly !
This article was truly beautiful. I told my physically beautiful daughters who were born privileged as well when they were making fun of girls in their private school who were not in the popular groups you are fortunate Luck Of the drawer you are both thin pretty smart and have a wealthy father But the day you think you are better than anyone else you will become ugly when they were in their twenties their father lost his business and died - leaving us penniless my pretty daughters abandoned me in my greatest time of need I love then and pray that one day soon their Inner beauty will match their outer beauty! .
Anonymous, November 12, 2019 3:53 AM
Dear Andrea, May G-d bless you. May your prayers be answered. You are a beautiful lady....
(9) Marlene, November 11, 2019 12:19 AM
What a GORGEOUS article!!!
I LOVED this...and I cried...!
(8) Maria Eugenia Olavarria, October 19, 2018 1:50 AM
True beauty
Dear Sara Debbie,
Thank you for sharing your clearsightedness about waht true beauty means. May your wisdom reach large audiences..
(7) Nancy, September 18, 2017 1:29 AM
The inspiration I need
Alas patience is NOT one of my strong suits. :-( However, if the wife in this story can demonstrate such patience, dignity and class in such a stressful situation, then I MUST do better in my life. I don't know how I could have missed this piece when it was first written, but I'm glad I found it now.
(6) sharon, November 5, 2014 8:05 AM
the more difficult trial
The trial of the wife to maintain her composure and not get annoyed at her husband is far greater than that of the fellow shoppers. I could more easily see myself lending them the money than maintaining my cool after wasting so much time and energy. But every person has his own weaknesses and we don't need to judge them. But we must all admire the behavior of the wife whether it was her nature or not.
(5) Anonymous, November 4, 2014 7:42 AM
The patient elderly wife is a wonderful example of true beauty!
I first thought: the couple could have requested the cashier leave the bagged groceries on the side 'til they could return to the store with the money to pay. Then I thought, perhaps the cold and wet would prevent them from having the strength to go back home and return. (This would not have occurred to me a few years ago, when I was in better health, so I guess I've learned something valuable from my health trials.)
May we all be blessed with the wisdom, patience and true beauty of that elderly wife, and may we all be able to offer to pay if we see a similar situation. Thanks for a great article.
(4) Zsolt, November 3, 2014 12:53 AM
love thy neighbor...
Thank you for this beautiful, emotional article.
We could even summarize the three examples presented under the sub-heading of "Placing Others Ahead The Self", or "Love thy neighbor as thyself".
These attributes are the essential hallmarks of the mutual guarantee the Children of Israel reached in order to receive the Torah after thanks to righteous women they escaped from Egypt.
And these are the attributes we also have to reach today, so we Jews can unite all over the world again in these unpredictable, disturbing times, when the world needs our traditional humane values, positive example more than ever.
(3) Sara Debbie Gutfreund, November 2, 2014 8:44 PM
Response from Author
Broom, you are right. Even though I wasn't standing directly behind this couple on line, I should have been proactive and offered to pay. My article was not meant to be a lecture or to imply that I have any of these traits. Its purpose was to describe role models of real beauty so those of us who are imperfect and not yet "there" have a goal to reach for. Thank you for your feedback.
Anonymous, October 19, 2018 10:45 AM
Thank you so much for this gorgeous article, as they all truly are! Surely you live all of these traits in shining ways, as reflected in the inspiring wisdom you share with all of us :) This actual grocery incident is so relatable and such an appropriate one to highlight. I will try to remember these important lessons of kindness, patience, and faith as we light our candles this week.
(2) Anonymous, November 2, 2014 6:50 PM
This is very beautiful and deep
This touched me very deeply. It reminded me why I was drawn to become frum when I was a teenager , looking for meaning in my Jewishness and my femininity . Boruch Hashem I was zoche to find my way to Torah . Rachel Imaynu speaks o the deepest and most special part of hashem's gift to us as women. May we all be zoche to emulate her and bring that strength to nurture our families and future doros!
(1) Broom, November 2, 2014 5:44 PM
WHAT IS REAL BEAUTY?
Real beauty would have been for the writer, upon witnessing this event, to have immediately offered to pay for all the groceries for the older couple. THAT would have been true internal beauty in keeping with Rachel's message.
Unfortunately, the author missed an important opportunity to express the very beauty that she apparently admires so much. How ironic that a writer would lecture us about the beauty that still eludes her own consciousness.
Monica, November 3, 2014 12:56 AM
seems unfair
This comment seems a bit unfair to the author of this lovely piece. Her point was to let us think about the internal traits, as opposed to external unimportant ones, which indicate true beauty. First, she was highlighting the love and acceptance of the older lady for her husband. Also, perhaps she did help the older lady at the time, but if so, would she be likely to brag about it in this article? Hopefully not.
Nancy, October 18, 2018 11:49 AM
To commenter #1 Broom
Yes, it would have been a Kiddush Hashem if anyone on that line would have offered to pay for the groceries, However, the author may well have been tired and preoccupied. Also, it is entirely possible that the people in that line were not able to afford to help this couple out. I would like to think that I would have paid for that couple's groceries, but some days are fiscally healthier than others.