Here’s a life-changing observation:

The thing you are looking to receive from others is the very thing you need to cultivate within yourself.

Let that sink in for a second.

This is essential for any individual, and is especially relevant for guys.

Instead of looking to receive admiration, respect, or approval, imagine how you would feel if you could cultivate that feeling within yourself.

When you fill up your own sense of emptiness and void, you begin to operate from a whole new level.

Ask yourself: What is the thing that I am really looking to receive? What is at the root of the pain or sense of lack in my life?

Guys often approach their relationship as a means to receive something; to fill an emotional void or heal an emotional wound; to rectify a trauma from their past.

But a healthy relationship necessitates two whole people coming together to build something new called their “relationship”. A non-healthy relationship involves two broken people coming together to fill one another’s voids, fix each other’s brokenness, and save one another.

That’s not a relationship. That’s an entanglement.

She can’t fix you. Your personal sense of completion, wholeness and worthiness is on you.

Instead of resulting in an overflow of giving to one another, an entanglement results in you heaping the responsibility of your own mental health, emotional health, and personal happiness onto your spouse’s shoulders. It leaves her to be responsible for your unquenchable emotional thirst.

This will always fail. She can’t fix you.

Your personal sense of completion, wholeness and worthiness is on you.

The thing that you are looking to receive from others is the very thing you need to cultivate within yourself. That’s how you become less needy in the relationship. You become fuller within yourself. You feel less dependent. Ultimately, you become more admirable and respected by those around you, especially your spouse. And you will feel much better and self-assured.

Workshop:

 

Write down the thoughts that come to you when you answer these questions:

  • What is the thing you’re looking to receive from others?
  • What are you looking to receive from your spouse?
  • What would life be like for you if you cultivated this on your own?
  • How can you fill yourself up and cultivate this for yourself?