There have been a lot of articles about stress lately (I get stressed out just reading them!). How multi-tasking leads to stress. How an insecure job market, financial overextension, information overload, dual-income families, and marriage all lead to stress. What are we doing to ourselves? Even free time makes us anxious! In a world where everything is supposed to be faster and easier, why doesn't it feel better?
There are many downsides to a stress-filled existence -- marital challenges, pressured and unhappy children, health risks. But perhaps the biggest loss is the sense of joy and optimism that should carry us through the day. Perhaps the biggest downside of keeping busy every moment is that we never stop to enjoy any of them. Perhaps the highest price is the loss of happiness, the inability to achieve peace of mind. Can a person who is "stressed-out" take pleasure in their spouse and children? Are they too wound up to enjoy their beautiful backyard or a relaxing dinner? Do they need memos that read "tell my wife I love her" or "read a story to the children" and "don't forget to concentrate while doing so!"?
All too often we keep ourselves busy to bolster our self-esteem and avoid introspection. All too often we keep ourselves busy to avoid the complications and true effort of our interpersonal relationships. All too often we keep ourselves busy because we don't know any other way, and it's too stressful to change!
Trust in the Almighty is the only key to a truly stress-free existence, to real peace of mind.
My friends in the medical profession can list ad nauseum the stress-related symptoms they see these days: too many pains without probable physical cause; too many unsubstantiated trips to the doctor's office. Too much depression and too many pills. This is progress?
There is an ancient Jewish solution that helps battle the stress in our lives, but it's not easy. It doesn't involve meditation or pressure points. It can be done without feng shui or any channeling of past lives. And no kabbalistic insight from Madonna will help you.
It's called Bitachon -- trust in the Almighty, and it's the only key to a truly stress-free existence, to real peace of mind.
Bitachon means recognizing that the Almighty is One, and the whole world is an expression of His will. Since the Almighty is all good, everything in the world that happens is an expression of God's goodness.
The implications of this are ultimately very freeing. If we could really internalize this idea, we would revolutionize the way we live our lives. If you're a control freak like me (I haven't descended to pink hangers for my girls and blue for my boys, but I do insist on keeping my children's books in numerical order where applicable!), then letting go of the illusion that you run the world is a big challenge. Like those who sit by the plane window to keep an eye on the wings, I have this sense that if I relax my vigilance, my world will spin out of control. At the same time, I know intellectually it's not in my control to begin with. But if I take a deep breath, then let it out, and for a moment recognize I'm not flying the plane, that it's all out of my hands, I have a moment of peace.
The goal is not only to extend those moments, but to remove the other impediment to peace of mind -- fear. Many of us live with free-floating fear and anxiety that settles on different issues de jour -- from terrorist attacks to earthquakes to tragic diseases, God forbid. In the event that the ostensible cause for anxiety is removed, it efficiently finds another issue on which to rest.
But what if I truly recognized that everything that happens is for the good, that everything is a personal gift from the Almighty? My anxiety would just float away.
So I'm working on it. My anxiety is far from floating. My stress level remains high. But I know the solution; I know the mantra to recite and it has real words to it : "The Almighty runs the world; He loves me and only wants my good." Isn't that what we tell our children? To achieve this recognition and the concurrent freedom is truly life's work. It isn't easy, far from it! And it's tempting to think that the right pharmaceuticals, the right amulet, the right teacher can do all the work for you. We so desperately want to believe in magic. But there is no magic here. There's just the slow, steady constant work of acknowledging that we're in good hands and He won't let us fall.
To achieve this recognition and the concomitant peace of mind, we have to employ a full battery of tools to master this essential concept. Begin by learning. Every story in the Torah speaks to this issue, the miraculous history and survival of the Jewish people speaks to this issue, every book on personal growth speaks to this issue -- as do the gifts in each of our lives. Learn in order to reinforce this idea. (There's no such thing as "Been there, done that" in Torah study.)
Take your stresses and link them to God.
My husband suggested another tool: take your stresses and link them to God. Whatever we agonize about -- money, weight, your children, world peace - they haunt us on and off throughout our days. So each time you think a stressful thought, respond, "The Almighty will help." Enlist your anxieties in the battle for Bitachon.
Encourage your friends and family to recognize God's hand in their lives. I know many people who relate these incidents at their Shabbat table, or their weeknight dinner time, or while driving carpool.
Count your blessings. This is the most obvious tool, but in some ways the most difficult. In a good mood, this is a wonderful tool. In a bad mood (when we need it the most), we grumble about its ineffectiveness. Do it anyway. Regularly.
And make a spiritual accounting. How am I doing? Am I working at it? The most meaningful things in life are only acquired through tremendous effort (don't you hate it when people tell you that?!) But who can imagine how great the reward…
We are all searching for that elusive peace of mind, and far too often it's through ineffective, even damaging, means.
It's available. The Almighty is anxiously (pardon the pun) awaiting our return. Just close your eyes, lean back…and let go.
(34) reshy perris, February 9, 2017 2:11 AM
perfectly true article
very well written and perfectly true, thank you for clarifying all these true Torah thoughts that in reality are in everyone's subconsciousness' though we never slow down to contemplate them. You took these thoughts and gave them the proper and true words to match. Now we can read them whenever we need to tap into them again and remind ourselves of these truths. Thanks!
(33) Anonymous, November 12, 2013 11:32 AM
true but missing something important
the thing that I struggle with in this article is that while it is definitely true that G-d is in control, we too have responsibilities. So when Emunah writes about letting go and just saying, "G-d will help", there is an element of laziness there. I mean, if someone is overweight, they cannot simply sit there and wait for G-d to zap off their fat. They can believe that there is a reason for their unwanted weight, that perhaps this is a personal challenge sent from G-d. But then they also have to make the effort, which is called Hishtadlut. You cannot just sit back all your life, because G-d put us here to be active in our own lives
(32) Anonymous, December 18, 2012 12:02 AM
Fantastic Article
Thank you for your amazing piece of work. I was feeling very stressed out tonight so I turned to Aish.com and found this article. I feel so calm and in such good Hands now! I believe I will gather much strength from this article in the future. Thanks!
(31) Anonymous, February 23, 2005 12:00 AM
Get REAL
Everything that happens is for the personnal Good ?!? - And... is from the Almighty?!? You had me; BUT you lost me with those statements. Let's get REAL.
(30) sarah leah howe, August 28, 2004 12:00 AM
Makes me wish I lived in Los Angeles! Write more
My email address is changing soon and I am already a member. I don't want to lose you, so you'll be among the first to receive the new address. This motzei Shabbos, and I really needed this message. Thanks is too little.
(29) Reba, August 27, 2004 12:00 AM
Stress
I have just been told of a serious health condition and reading this has made me realize that it is G-d's will and He will help me through this as I turn to Hashem.
(28) Beverly Kurtin, August 25, 2004 12:00 AM
"Hello, this is God..."
A few months ago I received a letter from a friend. It started with, “Hello, this is God. I’ll be taking care of things today, so relax and don’t worry.” Normally I would have just hit CTRL+D to delete it, but I kept reading it. The letter from “God” went on to say many other things but they all boiled down to, “Hey, I’m here, what are you fretting about?”
That really appealed to me as a survivor of several catastrophic medical events, including heart attacks (4), open heart surgery, and a massive stroke.
Stress and cigarette smoking caused heart attack number one. It cascaded into the rest of my health situation. Do I blame God? Give me a break! I’m the one totally responsible for each and every one of my maladies except for one and that was inherited from my parents.
As I write this, I am experiencing pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Osteoporosis has given me two compression fractures of the spine. Yet, I can easily bear the otherwise unbearable pain because I’m too relaxed to let it get to me. How did I learn to do this? Bitachon! I realized that there was nothing that HaShem can’t handle. That’s not to say that he’s my personal sugar daddy, he isn’t, but he knows what is going to happen next and is more than capable of handling things for us.
What if I died? Nu? Is that the most horrible thing that can happen? I’ve gone through the process of dying and it’s really quite pleasant. The total absence of pain, the realization that all is well. It’s almost a feeling of euphoria. When our time comes, God makes it easy for us to slip out of the world into the world to come.
With the God of the whole danged Universe in charge, what in the world do I have to worry about? Am I short of money? It will come. Am I hungry? Food is there. Am I in pain? I will be out of pain after awhile.
So we can all either worry about what is going to happen or we can relax, knowing that God really does care about us as individuals and if we will let him and trust him, he will be there for us.
Simplistic? Childish? Certainly! But who ever said that faith has to be complicated? I sometimes reach back to the little girl who was me and try to tap into her simple beliefs and it helps me be a better person and a much better Jew.
(27) Anonymous, August 23, 2004 12:00 AM
How do you convey this idea to children? To face the next day after reaching bottom, and say gam zu latova.
It is difficult for adults let alone children. Especially children who are having issues and are not teen agers anymore. Furthermore, with those yung adults who have been let sown by yiddishkeit.
(26) Anonymous, August 22, 2004 12:00 AM
From MOM
I think the premise of this is just to have " faith". Often jewish people, present company included, lack spirituality. It is not part of what we practice as a culture and I love the way it is described in this article. Thankyou for sharing it with me. I love you. MOM
(25) JILL, August 22, 2004 12:00 AM
Hi,
I am South African and have just read the story Emuna wrote on stress. I feel these emails are so important as they are inspiring, interesting and easily understood for the layman. Her story made a whole lot of sense and she has given me a tool to work on when I am stressed out. Which ever part of the world we come from, our stress levels are out of order and we ourselves tend to create most of our stress. We are ignorant as how to manage it. As she says, if we overcome one problem we will always find something else which will bother us and so, it has become like a viscious circle. If only we would all sit back and think of The Almighty and have faith and trust in him...we would avoid all this unnecessary commotion in our heads and in our lives. Each one of us is touched as we travel along our different journeys and as difficult as they may be, we have to acknowledge God and know that out of this terrible situation we may be in that there will certainly be some good that comes out of it. We are not the ones that are in control here...there is a much bigger picture out there. Our vision is too narrow to see that. So, by receiving these wonderful emails, it can only broaden ones outlook and attitude on life and show us another way.
(24) Harise, August 19, 2004 12:00 AM
question re the Stressed Out article
I am trying to reconcile the advice to realize that all is happening for the best, all is G_d's plan for us, with the desire to pray specifically for the safety and health of loved ones, and often for help with daily life, what if the things for which we pray, are not in the plan, are we praying against the plan? I do know the feeling of release I get when I have something aggravating or stressy, and just give it up to G_d, but when it comes to my child, or a family member, my prayers are directed and intense. How do I put these concepts together?
That said, this article on stress reminded me of a sign I have seen around, (it may have been one of those bumper stickers from Alcoholic's Anon, ie, "one day at a time") it reads, "Let Go, Let G-d". Reading that at the right moment is very relaxing.
(23) Anonymous, August 18, 2004 12:00 AM
Stress can kill...
I myself have been going through a tremdously stressful period, and the only thing that keeps me going is the realization that everything Hashem does is for the best. Anti-depressants and trips to a psychologist didn't help much, but the tehillim every night sure did, becuase only Hashem has the ability to bring us "me'afeila leora", from darkness to light.
(22) chris, August 17, 2004 12:00 AM
like the bird
Consider the bird and their lifestyles.
Do not hoard or you would be too heavy to fly. Live simple yet be responsible to self ,family and society.
(21) Dan Gomez, August 17, 2004 12:00 AM
Like a breath of fresh air.
Reading this article worked better than
swallowing an aspiring to relieve my stress.Thanks for sharing.Sometimes in the heat of the battle we forget that
G_D is in charge.
(20) ORAH, August 17, 2004 12:00 AM
HASHEM IS ECHAD !
BS'D
GREAT ARTICLE!
IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO HANDLE STRESS,TO HAVE BITACHON.
THEY ARE NUMEROUS BOOKS ON HAVE TO ACHIEVE IT,IT IS HARD WORK TO REALLY ACCEPT EVERYTHING BESIMCHA,BUT THE MOST EFFECTIVE...AFTER ALL THE PROBLEMS WONT'JUST DISAPPEAR BECAUSE OF YOUR STRESS,FOR THE CONTRARY,A GOOD DISPOSITION IS MUCH HELPFULL...
I REMEMBER ONE TIME WHEN I WAS ANXIOUS OVER A CERTAIN MATTER, MY MOTHER(GREAT IN BITACHON)TOLD ME TO SING DIFFERENT TEHILIM VERSES WITH MY OWN MUSIC,IT WORK!
IT SEEM TO ME THAT THE SECRET IS TO ACHIEVE JOY,NO MATTER WHAT IS YOUR SHARE,TO STUDY HALOCHOS & MUSAR &WHATEVER TEACHES YOU BITACHON.
TO FINISH I ALWAYS REMAIND HASHEM'THAT HE IS ECHAD ,&WE AS AM ISRAEL HAVE HIM ONLY SO IF HASHEM DOESN'T HELP WHO WILL ?
(19) jenny rains, August 17, 2004 12:00 AM
Bitachon through the hurricane
We experienced hurrican Charley here last Friday. Throughout the storm I had peace knowing it was in Hashem's hands. That morning I baked challah and prepared food that could be eaten cold for Shabbos if the power was out.
That night we gave praise to the L-rd for keeping us alive throughout the storm. I lit the candles, my husband said the baruchot. This was different than our regular Shabbos, less formal, but such a blessing. Our electric was out for a few days, still there was peace. Baruch Hashem, He is there throughout all the storms of our lives.
(18) Anonymous, August 16, 2004 12:00 AM
What if...
bitachon isn't enough?
Is it possible that things can turn out badly and not for the best? Or perhaps that they turn out for the neutral only?
I don't mean to sound cynical, but I'm running a bit low on faith these days. Perhaps it's easier to have bitachon when you are in good health and have a steady job and a family to help you. But there are others who don't. Is that a lack of emunah to say that we need more than faith for things to be alright?
(17) raye, August 16, 2004 12:00 AM
"Thank you L-rd for Thy Protection"
The one line summary is the beginning of a poem I wrote. The second line reads "during all the years I was unaware of Thy Presence". During surgery, traveling solo, and major personal problems, HaShem was always there for me although I did not acknowledge him. When I hit bottom, I turned to Edgar Cayce "Search For God" Groups, which in turn brought me back to my roots, to my Shabbat, to my G-d.
(16) Mary Mohan, August 16, 2004 12:00 AM
so true
Thank you for reminding us of this wonderful truth. God does love us and He is always in control. Blessings, Mary
(15) Anonymous, August 16, 2004 12:00 AM
what is needed are more techniques.
If only one can do it, it woould make life much more beautiful
(14) Andy, August 16, 2004 12:00 AM
bitachon
"Perhaps it's easier to have bitachon when you are in good health and have a steady job and a family to help you. But there are others who don't. Is that a lack of emunah to say that we need more than faith for things to be alright?"
In response to the comment above it is interesting that there does not seem to be any correlation between a person's seeming well-being in life and their bitichon. Often times those who appear to have the most difficult challenges are able to draw on bitachon and sincerely believe G-d is in charge and what is happening is in the ultimate reality for the best while many with good health, jobs and supportive families are greatly lacking in bitachon. When we have an abundance of gifts the Torah warns us to be on guard against the tendency to forget who is in charge. That stated I can think of instances where the Almighty himself kills seeming innocents such as during the great flood and during the plague of the first born. In both these instances babies/children appear to have been killed directly by G-d. One may say in the world of souls the righteous will be rewarded or that the souls of the murdered where reincarnated sinners in need of punishment but I am not aware of proof supporting these arguments. When life is stressful to be able to have faith that Hashem is in charge and all that happens is for the best is I think sound advice, but when that fails I am thankful that valium and alcohol are options which when judiciously employed are a help.
(13) Avraham Turetsky, August 16, 2004 12:00 AM
bitachon != all will be well
What a refreshing, helpful article.
I think it is important for us to realize that bitachon does not mean that one will not experience apparent trouble or a terrible crisis. It is impossible to deny the existence of suffering. Bitachon means realizing that whatever is happening or may happen, no matter how horrible it may appear, is done by or "under the supervision" of a loving Father and is for the ultimate good (though see clarification at the bottom).
It's not easy to always embrace this principle, especially if one is experiencing suffering first-hand, like some of those who responded. But that doesn't make it not a worthy goal to strive towards and is certainly the ultimate, (though not the fastest) solution to stress.
Disclaimer: There is a principle, with its sources in the Chumash and the Tanach that says that if a person refuses to see Divine hand in matters and views everything as happening by chance, then, rather than being out to "prove Himself", G-d will allow him to fall into his own trap. From what I understand, G-d, in this case, will simulate the removal of Direct Supervision from such an individual. For example, he may place his fate in the hands of another, perhaps not so merciful, human being. Even in this case, however, all is still happening “under G-d” and, as always, teshuva (repentance) can certainly bring a person out of this category of “abandonment.” If something doesn't make sense, please email me at alex_t613@hotmail.com.
(12) Anonymous, August 16, 2004 12:00 AM
reply to "what if..."
If one believes that G-d is good and that all that He does is therefore by definition good, then it follows that things can only turn out for the good. The blessing is being able to see that's it's good. The trick is to believe when it seems so far away from good.
I understand being low on faith. it's been a tough year for me and especially lately I've been low on faith. I think deep down I do believe, but it's hard to garner that belief when things are really tough. What can I say, that's the challenge. Of course it's easy to believe when things are good. It's when things aren't that one is really given the opportunity to shine. It's important to remember that G-d has faith in us that we can persevere even despite what we're facing in the immediate.
Best of luck to you and I hope things turn around quickly to a situation where the good is obvious before your eyes.
(11) Anonymous, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
Divine Providence!
Yesterday I began reading a wonderful book that's been on my shelf for a few months about Faith & Trust. Last night it was clear to me that this should be the focus of my thoughts and path of growth. And now (during my lunch break) this perfectly relevant article appears - nothing less than 'hashgach pratit,' Divine Providence. I, for one, would appreciate additional articles discussing concrete ways to improve in this area.
(10) Catherine, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
Thank You
Thank you for the advice on handling anxiety. I came to the same conclusion after using antidepressants for three days and felt worse! I told my doctor that medication is not the best treatment for my problem. Your article made me even more confident I can deal with anxiety without drugs.
(9) Anonymous, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
Correction..
Lovely article -- thanks.
(8) James C. Ryan, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
Some of the best advice I have ever read!
(7) Marcia Roth, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
Thanks
Well all I can say is touche. When I read in the title that the solution is not easy, it piqued my curiousity. And of course you are right. Bitachon, so obvious, yet so tough to achieve. So, again, thanks for the insight. I am trying. Marcia
(6) Patricia Zentara, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
Letting Go~
In a world where self-sufficiency is
a virtue,the practice of Bitachon seems a contradiction.
I learned this a hard and costly way. After years of uncontrollable
alcoholism, I discovered that the only way I could become sober and stay that way was:
"To turn my will and life over to G-d".
I have found this works in all areas of my life, not just drinking.All my
unhappiness begins when I want to control people, places and things.
Your article is needed in the times
we live in.True peace can only come
with a trust and relationship in HaShem.
(5) Anonymous, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
This was a very valuable and excellent article.
Bitochon beats it all! All the rest is
a waste of time and money !!
(4) Anonymous, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
great article. i agree
(3) Anonymous, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
Sounds like new age fatalism
How do you reconcile the horrors that happen to you individually or to the Jewish people? This passive, fatalistic approach would seem to encourage people to accept everything without trying to change anything.
(2) Anonymous, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
I don't agree that pain and suffering are necessarily G-d's will, but our reactions to tragedy can nonetheless reflect our faith and trust in His goodness.
As I write this, my husband is in great pain, recovering from surgery. A close friend is dying of cancer. I pray for both--and for others in my life who are fighting the ravages of personal loss, life-threatening illnesses, and other major tragedies. I cannot force myself to accept the idea that these are all gifts from the Almighty. What I can do--what I do every day of my life--is to glorify His holy Name in the face of all the negative happenings. I bless Him for all the good that I see and experience in my world, and pray for guidance and comfort in dealing with the bad things. I am grateful for the pain my husband is experiencing, because he survived the surgery and is here to feel that pain; I know it will subside and with G-d's help, in another few weeks he'll be back to normal. I cannot be grateful for the illness that is killing my friend, but I can and do pray for her spiritual and emotional health. My prayer is that although her body is failing, her soul may soar and that G-d will give her and her family the strength to deal with whatever comes. In short, while I don't agree that pain and suffering are the will of the Almighty, I do feel that it is through His will and His love that we sustain the ability to endure those tragic events in our lives with our faith and trust intact, buttressed by the skill of our medical experts and by the support of family, friends, even strangers, These are manifestations of His presence, and these are the things for which I give constant thanks.
(1) Anonymous, August 15, 2004 12:00 AM
He only wants my good
Dear Emuna,
I think this is a great article and I mostly agree with it (I also agree regarding how difficult is to let go and trust Hashem. I am although somewhat trouble with your assertion of that "the Almighty only wants my good".
I think that maybe his definition of my good is not always mine, understandable. And although he always wants my good people excercise free well so things are a bit more complicated.
I wonder what do you think about that. Again, thank you for your inspiring and uplifting article. Keep on writing!