The Angel of Death visited our community and our family in particular this Passover season, sadly not just in the Chad Gadya finale of our Seder, but for real.
My father-in-law was one of dozens who have been torn from British Jewry by the contemporary plague of the coronavirus. I was the last family member to be with him, reciting the Shema by his bedside in London’s Royal Free Hospital, just before he passed away. Sadly, there was no passing over of Jewish homes in Britain this year. The relatively small British community has been devastated by loss.
The Jews are just 0.3% of the British population, but account for a far greater percentage of the coronavirus fatalities.
In just a three-day period some 30 Jewish people were buried here. The Jews are just 0.3% of the British population, but account for a far greater percentage of the coronavirus fatalities. It is a tragedy unfolding in front of our eyes, one that we cannot grieve through together, as we are unable to hold normally populated funerals nor visit shivas in person.
In London today, as in many other places, there is no shielding children from the loss and devastation that is taking place. Their whole world has been turned upside down by the coronavirus crisis. They understand that their school and studies have been paused, and that they are being kept home to try to stop the alarming disease and death count from rising.
Children are discussing the nitty-gritty of the crisis just like everyone else. Those who tried in the past to shield and protect children from the topic of death are having no success today.
What is more, all of us adults are staring death in the face, whether at close quarters like myself, or because, globally, we have suddenly become acutely and immediately aware of our own mortality. Who has not thought about the reality of death in the last few weeks?
I can’t at this moment of personal and national grief give answers to the most searching questions, but I can share one of the thoughts that struck me during this painful period: perhaps we should proactively stare death in the face at this time and each write our own obituary.
Watching this microscopic virus wreak havoc on all that we thought was so sturdy – international travel, financial markets, our lifestyles and routines – is surreal and underscores the transience of our existence. Seeing lives suddenly lost to an illness that was not even known mere weeks ago begs the most fundamental of life’s questions and perhaps forces each one of us to ponder just how many of us allocate our time in what we really consider the most worthwhile way possible.
So instead of binge-watching another series on Netflix about the life of a fictional character, perhaps we take this time out to write our own life story, and make preparations today to make the reality match the script of tomorrow.
I would suggest that another constructive response may be to talk openly and candidly to our children about death. Don’t leave it to their peers to educate them about death. Speak to them. Connect with them. Show them that talking about death is not morbid, but underscores the preciousness of life and each of journeys through it. It may be one of the most important conversations we ever have.
Children have greater capacity for deep reflection than many adults recognize. When I was 15, both my grandfathers died within the same month. This tragic and traumatic life event changed me forever. It dawned on me that they were not buried with anything we spend so much of our everyday thinking about – no credit cards, no car keys, none of the things I seemingly aspired to as a teenager.
The only financial account that matters when we die is the sum we have used for good deeds.
The Pharaoh of the Exodus story, like other Pharaohs, would have been buried with many riches that he hoped to take to the afterworld. Judaism is clear that the only financial account that matters when we die is the sum we have used for good deeds. I recall the story attributed to a number of illustrious Jewish businessmen of yesteryear, who, to the consternation of his servant demands to review his account ledgers on his deathbed. Until he clarifies that actually he only wanted to see the ledger of charitable donations, as only these had relevance where he was headed.
Last week, when I sat with my father-in-law just before his passing, all worldly concerns fell away. The only thoughts were those of family and of a life of right and wrong well lived.
The reality is that facing our mortality often gets us serious with what life is about. I recalled those moments aged 15 when I had questioned my own father about the nature of life and death. This month, not just once did I ask myself if, God forbid, I were to end up on a ventilator, what type of a life would I have lived. And if I came out of that terrible experience, what kind of a life would I commit to live henceforth.
Judaism does not teach that our normal everyday concerns are unimportant. Rather, it reminds us that they are a means to an end, and that all of us have a capacity to connect to something far greater.
I have no magic words that ease the sense of tragedy facing my family and our community. But as I sit at home, missing the human connections we normally take for granted, mourning people for whom we cannot hold regular shiva services, I’m left asking that most Jewish of questions. It isn’t “why?” but rather “what now?”
Some people have suggested that by confining us at home, the coronavirus crisis puts our lives “on hold.” I disagree. I think it can push us to experience life in a more stark and meaningful way, and to ask some of the very biggest questions. As Jews, we constantly encourage our children to ask questions. Let’s not shy away from the biggest, arguably the most challenging ones too, for in times of death we can discover the keys to a meaningful life’s journey too.
(32) Dovid Apt, April 21, 2020 5:16 PM
Very well said.
The point made by this author was very well said. He and all others who have suffered so much, and lost loved ones to this painful virus/ pandemic, should be comforted by Hashem amongst all the mourners of Zion & Jerusalem!
(31) Avie Shapiro, April 20, 2020 5:12 AM
HaMakom Yenacheym Esschem
A poignant picture of life's reality. Thank you to the author for sharing your personal feelings during such a difficult time for your family. Bila Hamovess Lanetzach...
(30) Anonymous, April 19, 2020 9:26 PM
Let us take advantage of trying times to draw close to the Lord.
That article voiced the sentiments of my heart. My wife and I were discussing those very issues just hours ago. Hashem, bless His name, knows exactly how to communicate with us globally, and to remind us just how fragile and interdependent we really are. Thank you for the opportunity.
(29) david mars, April 19, 2020 5:14 PM
as difficult it may be, Jews are very confused,[whether Orthodox, Reform, Conservative or nothing--about what happens to us after death, Other religions have an answer, but Jews have a hard time in answering that question
Jews, whether orthodox, Reform, conservative, or other, dont have an answer, a simple answer, as to what happens to us after we die. I am 95 and an ardent synagogue gower and that is my experience--a question very seldom discussed by rabbis. Thank you. Hopefully, we can have a simple answer--I have heard answers that it takes only a rabbi can understand. Maybe we must admit we dont know.
(28) leon roiter, April 19, 2020 3:56 PM
the price of death
A very meaningfull article. The knoledge of the certainty of death forces us to put a Price on our life.
No human been wants to die. ashem ordered Jews to Paint with blod of a kosher Lamb our doors. The shejitah Blade is a very specialized knife, even more tan the knife the Gurkha soldiers carry.
Jews know that the angel of death arrives close to the time of freedom. Death frees our souls. We all are a soul wrapped in a mortal coil.
(27) Mark Donahue, April 19, 2020 3:20 PM
Great reminder and well put, thank you
(26) Anonymous, April 18, 2020 1:54 AM
Thank you for your thoughts, I think God is saying go to your rooms, think about what is important in your lives, remember where you came from, take stock of your life and come back to me. Find the true meaning of life. I am waiting.
(25) The Sprung Family, April 17, 2020 10:04 PM
Baruch Dayan Haemes
We are pained and saddened at the Petira of your grandfather. We know the amazing person that you are, you must have come from incredible Doros!! May Hashem five Nechama to you & your mishpacha.
(24) Ann De Vito, April 17, 2020 4:42 PM
Deeply taken into my being....
You allowed me a journey that was welcomed into spirit. Sincerely Ann
(23) Kenneth David Reid, April 17, 2020 4:36 PM
no pity for us?
What kills me is there is no pity or concern from the overall national media and politicians Instead, they are bemoaning the "disproportionate" numbers of blacks and Latinos dying per their population totals, but the quantity of Jews dying in NY and NJ could be higher -- per our population percentages. 300 in Brooklyn is low; Monsey had 150 (alone). 10% of NY state is Jewish, but does anyone believe only 10% of the COVID deaths are Jews? Well, in my mind this is the worst death rate of Jews in such a short period of time since the Holocaust. But we're not as large a voting bloc as blacks and Latinos in the U.S. But we're a strong people and strong communities. Hashem pulls through for us. I just want to note the dichotomy on the national scene
Joy, April 19, 2020 4:03 PM
Why the pitiful anger?
Maybe hasem is saying look beyond yourself? Look at all the deaths I am inflicting upon the world. Maybe, Hashem has a different test for all the different communities? Maybe we are all being tested to see if we can still display compassion for others despite our own trials. Rather than judge the 'blacks' and 'Latinos' who would rather not be in the papers for high death numbers- maybe your self pity is not what Hashrm expects. But a call out for his mercy upon the whole world. Just Maybe?
(22) Israel Baruch, April 17, 2020 4:23 PM
Hashem who heals all flesh
Yes it is a sad day in history I can't understand why good years are followed by bad Joseph told Pharo that there be 7 good years following by 7 bad and the bad will eat up the 7 good does Hashem has the same thing in store for us ?
(21) Margaret Schatkin, April 17, 2020 3:10 PM
Great article on meaning of death
Thank you for a great article on finding meaning in death and the current pandemic. You have made a positive response to the pandemic and brought us closer to God.
(20) Rachel Benzion, April 17, 2020 2:23 PM
This video should help
See forward video on you tube Rabbi Friedman Something in The Cosmos has Shifted
(19) Anonymous, April 17, 2020 1:46 PM
Totally agree
Thank you for this. You are absolutely right that we should prepare ourselves and our family, especially our children and grandchildren.
(18) David Owens, April 17, 2020 12:48 PM
Thank you for sharing your thoughts
Thank you Rabbi Schiff for this article. I have already been working on an ethical will for my sons over the last 2 weeks or more. They don't live with me. One is in college. The other is about to enter it. Many times it seemed as though they're on another planet. This pandemic has exacerbated it even more. Thus, this will is my only present hope they'll ever know me. It does me great sorrow to have read about the impact on the Jewish community in GB. I will remember them in my prayers. May you have the L-rd's protection throughout this pandemic and always. Shalom aleichem, David
(17) P. B. M. Basaiawmoit, April 17, 2020 12:06 PM
Powerful message Rabbi
(16) Nina Kotek, April 17, 2020 9:31 AM
Condolences
Very sorry to hear of your loss, and I am glad your father-in-law did not have to die alone, and you could be with him.
I lost my father to cancer in February and I am so glad it was peaceful and at home and surrounded by loved ones. We were spared agonizing choices about where to shelter and if medical helpers might end up infecting him, and not being able to see him. It's a comfort in our pain.
I appreciate your article and will try to think about this, not just try to get things done at home.
May you know no more sorrow and may we all soon be comforted and may this plague be lifted from us for good!
(15) Anonymous, April 17, 2020 8:48 AM
My question
It seems significant that the present "plague" also hits the Jewish people, in contrast to ancient Jewish history when it hit Pharao and the Egyptian people only. There Hashem called the Israelites out of slavery to Mt Sinai. The relevance seems to me very obvious. On Mt Sinai Hashem revealed Himself for the first time to a group of people whom He was later to call "My people" and "My inheritance". Have the Jewish people maybe forgotten this and this plague is to remind them of their unimaginable calling and future mission as revealed by most of the prophets?
(14) Anonymous, April 17, 2020 8:27 AM
So sorry about your loss..........
So sorry about your loss..........
(13) Anonymous, April 17, 2020 8:25 AM
an excellent and oh so timely article
Hkbh is clearly speaking to us all, and we should all be evaluating our priorities , our goals, and our life accomplishments. Additionally, we must strengthen our connection to Him, the ultimate purpose of our lives.
(12) Anonymous, April 17, 2020 6:32 AM
A poignant and insightful article. Thank you.
(11) Judy R., April 17, 2020 5:18 AM
The Angel of Death and Passover
I am sorry Rabbi Schiff for your family's lost. I lost my dear mother(obm) Z"L last year Alef Nissan 5779 and in English April 6, 2019 she was a Holocaust Survivor, and had cancer. What is happening around the world with the corona virus, there is a lot of deaths around the world a lot of Jews, that are Rabbis, Holocaust Survivors, and others are dying from this plague. I heard China is to blame for this plague, they unleashed on the world so the "Angel of Death" came in a form of a virus, my mother(obm) Z"L was in Auschwitz Concentration Camp and the sadist, evil, mad, vile, Dr. Josef Mengele(may his name be erased) (nickname was "The Angel Of Death") because he chose who would live and who would die, and now this deadly virus is choosing who will live and who will die, but whatever is going on in the world Hashem is the boss, for some reason Hashem wanted this plague to come, and human being can not understand why I guess Hashem had his reasons, is Moshiach on the way and all the people that passed away, will be resurrected again the nation of Israel will be alright in the end, it is just painful that so many lives were lost in this plague what was Hashem's message to us, why this is this happening and our Shuls,Yeshivas, and other places we can't go to and also social distancing, also wedding and funerals have to be small now, in some parts of the world the death rate is so high and funerals are backed up, how sad gevald oh voy it should not of happened at all, China is to blame for this plague and should be sued for people's deaths, how can a country be so cruel to unleash a deadly virus, that are killing the populations of the world. I hope that they will be punished for their crimes, and Passover we list the 10 plagues, and where does this plague fit in the picture, I hope there will be a cure for this plague and the world should keep a eye on China not to make more trouble for the whole world, I hope the world intelligence agencies will stop China.
(10) Daniel, April 17, 2020 3:48 AM
Praying for you and remembering
I am praying you will be blest by the Most High in your time of mourning. My own father died last month at 90 years of age and after nearly 66 years of marriage to my mom. In all of this, the Most High is good and gracious.
(9) John, April 17, 2020 3:44 AM
God is pleased with our devotion to Him
Rabbi Schiff, Your words are so imperative for all to consider in these dark times. In the past two weeks my 88 year old father died. None of us even knew he was close to death, and no family was with him when he died, when his body was collected or when he was cremated. There will be no funeral. A mere week later my wife's father was hospitalized for heart problems for two days. No one was allowed to visit him while he was in the hospital. My 17 year old son and 15 year old daughter have drawn much closer to God this past month. They read, study, meditate and pray more than ever before, and they are asking some incredible questions leading to deep and meaningful discussions. I imagine this is happening in many homes right now, and that God is pleased by our new found desire to know Him better than ever before.
(8) Annie, April 17, 2020 2:17 AM
Facing death
A well written and thoughtful article. Condolences on the death of your father-in-law.
We seem to be much more removed from the reality of death than just a couple generations ago. My Mom watched her oldest sister die of bone cancer. This was in the 1930’s, and she was cared for and died at home. Since we had the blessing of a large extended family, I was exposed to the deaths of the older generation many times. As an adult, working in emergency services, I learned there are many ways to be injured and die. Working also in a hospice setting, I witnessed many deaths.
I have learned that death can come suddenly, unannounced, or it can come with months of knowledge of its inevitability as cancer or other illness runs its course.
We would do well, as written above, to ponder our lives. What can I do now to help someone, do a kindness, improve myself, draw closer to God?
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” May we all live with more purpose, more immediacy, and bless others as God has blessed us.
(7) DAVID C.M. SCHIFF MD, April 17, 2020 2:16 AM
Thank you very much
Thank you very much for what you wrote I am grateful. David
(6) Anonymous, April 17, 2020 2:00 AM
great insights
Thanks you for your great insights and words of comfort. My sincere condolences on the loss of your father-in-law. Do you know why so many Jews in Britain have fallen to this illness?
Nina Kotek, April 17, 2020 9:23 AM
Wondering this too
I do not dare to advance a religious reason, and I'm unqualified to find a medical one, but a sociologocal one might be that Jews tend to live in big cities, close together, and are very social, host guests and have big simchas. If there were another population of which this were true, perhaps Hindus or Pakistanis in Britain, one could compare infection rates and mortality.
(5) Clive Aucott, April 17, 2020 1:44 AM
The resurrection
Dear Rabbi Naftali, Thank you for your commentary. I was hoping you would move onto the teaching of the resurrection for those who put their trust in our great Creator. Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were all promised the land, but none of them received it. Therefore, they must be resurrected to do so. Jeremiah was instructed to buy a parcel of land before he went into exile. Therefore, he must be resurrected to receive it. Daniel was promised life after death at the end of his prophesy. We could quote Job and David and many others where the teaching of resurrection is clear. So, our lives now must be fully in tune with this teaching, in which we live in harmony with our Father in heaven in prospect of the resurrection and eternal life.
Linda Baggio, April 17, 2020 2:14 AM
The resurrection (as promised)
Replying to the previous comment yes, we will all have one because it is promised. It doesn't make it any easier for the people left behind, now or for the people who will face this demon.
Condolences to Mr Schiff and his family.
The only comfort is that we will all be together again some day. And that is what we anticipate.
Anonymous, April 21, 2020 1:42 AM
Clive & Linda- Thank you!
In the worst of times we must all remember that G-D is in control!! He says in His Word, " My ways are not your ways, as the Heavens are above you, so are My thoughts higher than your thoughts." G-D is sovereign - over all always! I don't believe that G-D caused this terrible virus, but He has allowed it for now. Why??? Only He knows. I myself have compleat faith in the resurrection of my soul & a spiritual body we will all receive. Whether it be in Heaven or Sheoul-we are all eternal beings. One thing is sure that through trials brings us closer to the Almighty. That is what he wants. Pray for His intervention! Amen.
(4) Imelda Pearce, April 17, 2020 1:33 AM
what now?
Mr. Schiff writes a poignant piece encouraging us to discuss our mortality- to write an obituary. I will do that tonight, the last night of Passover,
(3) Shirie Eshel, April 17, 2020 1:11 AM
may you be comforted by all of Klal Yisrael. thank you for a very thoughtful article. We are confronted with an opportunity (albeit uninvited) to have a larger vision of our lives. I pray and hope this will pass quickly so that we can continue and have meaningful lives.
Thank you and I am so sorry for your great loss.
Shirie
(2) Laura, April 16, 2020 9:16 PM
Sending prayers of peace and love to your family!
(1) Anonymous, April 16, 2020 12:36 PM
thank you for your insights
thank you