Saying No to Cremation

My husband David died nearly 10 yrs ago: I was determined to give his precious body a Jewish burial--no Hadesha Hevura, so I washed & shrouded his body. a carpenter friend made a simple wood coffin & we buried him w/o the pagan embalming our society deems necessary. I sat shiva & thanked HaShem I could give him the simple Jewish burial he wanted. 4 yrs. later, I began care for my dad for 6 yrs--I offered him my grave next to David,to make a coffin & shroud, but no, he chose cremation. I still feel guilt for doing as he wanted. Years after his mother, my granny died, I found in her will her 1st choice was essentially Jewish burial, to be wrapped in a shroud & buried quickly in a plain wood coffin, but my dad had her body cremated. I'm so sad I couldn't fulfill her initial choice. How do I let go these regrets &
should I feel bad that I didn't find men to prepare my David for burial? Is there prayer(s) to be said at a graveside? Kaddish? Oh, & I'm planning to bury my dad's & granny's ashes & put a stone there. Are there prayers to be said at that? I have "SIDDUR IMREI EFRAIM/THE COMPLETE ARTSCROLL SIDDUR / Nusach Sefard (my Jewish ancestors came from Spain via Ireland). Toda raba

My husband, Morty, passed away suddenly at his job. Going through the shock of his death was traumatic. Fortunately, I had relatives and friends to guide and support me through the process. He died at Sukkot, which meant that every local rabbi was busy. Upon speaking with the Chabad rabbi, he agreed to perform the service the next day at the Hebrew cemetery.

Three days after he passed, I finally found my husband's will. In reading it I found his instructions that he was to be cremated and have a Masonic service only. We had discussed this previously and I had somewhat vehemently told him I could not do that. First, I should say that I am Jewish by choice and both of my parents were cremated. Their decision was difficult for me because I felt it did not respect them. It made my grief that much worse.

My son has verbal instructions from me that when the time comes, I am to have a Jewish service and burial. While the body is a vessel for the soul, it be respected in death. While I did not follow my husband's instructions, I followed my heart. I do not regret my decision.

A beautiful explanation that I accept completely.

Thank you Rabbi, the article is much needed in a time when idol worship or atheism is promoted on TV and social media and doubts concerning the topic may arise, but you confirmed burial is the way of the Torah as Hashem buried Moses Himself.

Your explanation is persuasive to me. I will give copies of your explanation to others.

Is it true that most people have a Autopsy before they are taken to a Funerall home? If so, that must be costly and added to the final cost of burial or cremation. I feel that most people who die don't need this and,it may be practice for medical students. Just wondering. About cremation, I have always felt that it was wrong. We live in a time where every thing is so inflated a persons death should not be so expensive forcing people to chose cremation. Some one wrote that cremation has triplled since 2005. That is Greed and Greed is a Sin! I am getting older myselve and on a low fixed income. I do not want to be cremated and pray to G-D that I be buried in my Family plot. Thank you Rabbi Blech for another great article! Shalom Jerusalem Israel!!!

Is cremation not respectfully for the past away body? And so to say, will the soul to be sad when this happens and find no rest?

I read that cremation is to be avoided due to customs necessary for the dead. However, the Holocaust resulted in millions being 'cremated'. An explanation, please.

If you buy a life insurance policy for a $25k payout, it is inexpensive. This amount can be earmarked for burial expenses, so your loved ones won't have funeral expenses

Thank you for your suggestion. Regarding taking out a small life insurance policy to pay for a burial, please understand that what may seem “inexpensive” to some is not to many. I’ve looked into it and for those on a very small fixed income barely able to cover living expenses in today’s world (quickly increasing cost of housing, food, gas), the cost of an insurance policy to cover a burial just doesn’t fit in. I think Jewish cemeteries should offer less expensive burial options. The world seems to think all Jews have money. It’s sad that much of the Jewish community assumes so as well.

When you get a huge unexpected financial obligation, and the professional funeral industry comes along, and wants an exorbitant sum , now this guy is telling us we have an obligation to be hung out to dry? Money is for the living, not the dead.

believe the dead no longer to exist as spiritual souls. We learn that their bones are their earthly connection, and to deprive departed souls that right, because of a fad, of another religion's culture, well, we're letting the team down. We value every Jewish soul.

I have helped many people do burial instead of cremation. The Jewish Free Loan works with many families to make burial very affordable. People can also buy a very small monthly life insurance policy that can be used to pay for burial. In addition, in many communities, Orthodox rabbis have special funds to help. And there is also the Jewish Free Burial Society for the truly indigent. I helped a mother one time who's son died and they had absolutely no money and the city helped to pay for a Jewish burial. Where there is a will there is a way. Burial is affordable if you do your research and contact your local orthodox chevra kadisha. start by contacting the National Association of Chevra Kadisha. www.nasck.org. Also when one is considering important things like, who to marry, where to live, what college to go to, burial should be up there too as it affects the soul's eternity. Cremation can't be undone and burial is the safer choice ALWAYS.

This was not only well written, was respectful and so informing. Just great way to help Jewish people understand.

Dear Rabbi--
Since this issue was brought up more than once in the comments, I wonder if it can be addressed in another column. This does NOT mean I am in favor of cremation! However, a proper Jewish burial is an expense. Many people wonder how they will be able to pay for said expense. If you or anyone else can make suggestions/offer feedback, I am there. Kol tuv.

I have a question for the Rabbi. I thought that the Jewish tradition was to inter the corpse wrapped in a cloth and that the tradition of a coffin is a gentile tradition. In Israel, that is still the tradition. Is this incorrect?

Rona Ramon chose to be like her husband and son in death as in life.

Outside Israel, many jurisdictions do not permit interment without some sot of casket To follow the law of the land, Jews will still clean and dress the corpse in simple white garments, wrap in a sheet, and then place the corpse in a plain wooden coffin The plain coffin will eventually disintegrate in the grave
If you are concerned about the environmental impact of of burial, the Jewish method, with no embalming, clothing the body in simple natural garments (no polyester), and burial in a plain coffin (no linings, no nails) is better for the environment than other methods, including the heat required to cremate I have been on Chevra Kadisha and was impressed by the elegance of volunteers preparing the body and the simplicity of washing, dressing, and placing the body in a plain box

Lost contact with one of my friends, when trying to find a good phone number to call her yesterday, as her old number had been disconnected, I re entered her name Barbara Sanders Los Gatos found an obituary, so sad, as I hadn't spoken to her for a long while, your blog helps me as well, as I just found out a year or so ago through 23 and me that I am also of Jewish descent=ashkanzai?sp? wanted to share this with Barbara, anyway I have prayed for her remembered her in my thoughts, and your sharing of burial helps to make decisions we all have to reckon with, thank you, Best Wishes, Tricia

The Rabbi says we dare not judge Rona Ramon, but he does a good job of it. He uses the word tradition - that is because there is no commandment NOT to cremate...It is simply tradition and in today's world tradition occsionally has to make way for the realities of the time.

Please re-read the article. I know words that can surely be said to "judge", but those words were not found in this article. Again, the Rabbi is not judging Ms. Ramon. He couldn't have put it more plainly than when he wrote "We dare not judge Rona Ramon."
He clearly writes to present our faith's tradition, which is contrary to what Ms. Ramon did. I believe he is using Mr. Ramon simply as a well known person to teach by example.

This said, your opinion is as to "the realities of time" may be valid to many, but most Jewish people will subscribe to the ideas of our traditions. If this tradition is not for you, so be it.

Although I would prefer the tradition of burial, the cost is prohibitive to me as I have no relatives or financial assistance. After a great deal of searching and inquiring of various places, I discovered that the only thing I could afford would be cremation. Both my parents were also cremated for the same reason and I must admit I miss being able to visit their graves. It is quite a problem in this age where cost must fight with tradition.

We are in times where the cost of a burial funeral is many thousands of dollars, way beyond the means of the average family. How much debt should a family go into to keep the tradition. When my husband died I turned to Jewish organizations for information and help. Nothing. I was able to bury him in a small cemetery I found where I could afford the most simple burial. I will be cremated. Very few seems to visit cemeteries any more. One of the worst things I saw was an old Jewish cemetery here in Illinois. There must have been hundreds of old expensive tombstones jammed together, falling over. Does that show respect for the dead? Jewish tradition is beautiful, but Judaism isn't taught any more and funerals should be for more than pricey show.

Nobody has mentioned the cost issue. My brother and I had to pay for the funeral of our father on our own and even the least expensive option was $17k and this was in the wall - not even the ground - 10 years ago! It was a huge financial hardship. Our mom is aging and has no funds so he and I will have to bury her too and we now each have several children to support. The Jewish cemeteries in L.A. offer no financial support unless you are impoverished, which we are not. We would feel terrible cremating our mom but I believe that in today’s economy, many people are being forced to consider it as an option due to cost. Not all Jews have the finances or will be receiving an inheritance or life insurance. What are we to do?

We read from our ancient Rabbis, that the bones of people who have passed, do actually have something in them, it is an earthly connection to the soul which is with Hashem. As some of your previous writers wrote, it's just simply that they haven't properly looked into things, or asked a proper Rabbi. The heart is a powerful organ, but even it needs a cross check sometimes.

Why did you omit the halacha that one who instructs that their body be cremated after death will not arise when G-d resurrects the dead? See https://ohr.edu/1298.

Plain and simple answer, cremation is a "normal" way of burial, made normal by mob rule, if everybody else is doing it, it must be ok

Law or no law, anyone can do what they feel is right for them!! If her reason was because of her children then she chose to put her children first over Jewish law because only she knows what they have been through and what her children would then go through. Nobody has a right to judge her or anyone. I would choose my children and think of how they will handle the rest of their lives too!! Also, if a person she was closest to did not leave the same way he came in , she might have wanted to go that way too. I personally don’t believe in cremation (except for my dog) because to me, it is a reminder of the Holocaust but will never judge a person for making the choice to be cremated over Jewish law. Sorry!!!!! People do what they want for their own personal reasons and should not have to explain it to anyone. There are so many things that religious people say other people should do because it is Jewish Law but I have seen quite a few who are hypocrites and have done certain things themselves that I know are opposite of what they have been taught through a lifetime of studying but still judge others for doing things against Jewish law. What angers me about reading these things is that you find it necessary to name a specific person and refer to what she did as being wrong. If you want to write something about cremation and Jewish Law then do so without naming someone who did what you believe is wrong. She is gone and it is disrespectful to her grieving children.

No one is judging. Just asking to think things through. Her children even grandchildren may someday wish they had mourned by custom or even had a place to visit if the ashes were not buried. Rituals help in healing. This is what we all need to remember when planning our funerals. In her kindness, she felt cremation helped speed the process of healing and for some, it may have and the family may have agreed to the cremation out of respect for their mother. But for others planning their funerals please view all sides and just simply ask how they would like to mourn. How do they feel about rituals? They may push the question back by saying, "It is up to you." But it isn't. It is really a family / children choice. You should know the sensitivity of your children, family and be kind to them. It is your last act of love towards them on this earth.

Did you miss this paragraph?
It is not for me to judge her or God forbid to offer criticism. Clearly the tragedies of her past were responsible for her personal decision. But I believe it is necessary to remind ourselves what millennia of Jewish history have identified as the most fitting and respectful way to honor our loved ones once their souls have departed.

You act as if the Rabbi personally insulted you. He of course does not need me to point out, as he already did, that he was not judging Ms. Ramon. Can you tell the difference between using a historical figure as an example for teaching purposes, and denigrating the historical figure.
Finally, though I don't know this for certain, it is likely that the Rabbi probably wrote as specifically as he did for people such as yourself that often take things out of context or do not properly read or understand the words on the page.

It was in one of my classes in elementary school. (I was educated in the public schools and am from a mostly secular background). Even at a relatively young age, the concept of cremation got stuck in my craw. How could we set a person on fire? That made no sense to me at all. Having written these words, I know I need to make specific plans for when I am no longer here.

I am a case worker for a UK charity, who deals with financial hardship. I need to go through my clients burial schemes, and am always shocked to see this mob named the JJBS, who are the Reform (and all its derivative names) burial institution. This crew openly (Google it yourselves), have cremation as an option. This is not the Jewish way, and why any Halachic Jew would consider burial with these deviants doing Hitler's work, I'll never know.

Phenomenal!

I lost many relatives to the Holocaust and they were likely cremated. But I have also noted that rarely does someone go to a cemetery to visit their relatives or friends. For whatever reason, people have gotten away from making that trip, save maybe once a year. I don't live in the same state as those graves I visit as often as I can when in that town. When I can go, I try to visit all the graves and say Kaddish. Plus I keep all, Jew and non-Jew in my prayers when saying Kaddish during the non-visit times. When I die there will be no one left to say Kaddish for me or visit my grave. So when my soul returns to Hashem, my body will return to dust in a place of my choosing. Our soul is our true essence and that has and will always be in God's hands. My body was for mere conveyance of that soul, a soul I know existed many years ago in another vessel in defense of the Jewish nation. Perhaps one day this planet will wind up all rock and dust and our own dust will be scattered to the cosmos. Our body and what we do with it at the end are not what is important. It's merely the vessel to carry what is God-like, our soul. If that is what Hashem has given us then it's the only important part of us that needs saving.

But G-d Himself had said that we must be put back into the earth where we came from, does that not mean anything to you?

I thought about the last plot next to my grandfather. Then, decided to spend the money on a trip to Israel. I have no children, no close family, no one to ever come and why. I've never been to my close brothers grave after funeral. Did go to New York for another brother. I'd much rather visit Israel and leave money to IDF. No one will come. I have been to the family plot. Although 2 brothers are elsewhere about 4 times in the 27 years my mother and uncle have been gone. I bring flowers, not stones. I have no desire to rot in the ground as a waste of money, I can do more. It's stupid.

i'm sorry to hear your reasons that you don't want a jewish burial. But please do it for your soul, not for anyone else who might visit your grave. Please read up on it or ask a Rabbi to teach you on the importance on being buried whole.
In Israel when there is a terrorist attack and body parts are everywhere, Zaka works for hours to pick up every piece and to wipe up every drop of blood to be buried properly. It is not to be taken lightly.
Good Luck!

I'm from Mexico City. I studied in a Jewish school from kinder to middle school. My first teacher ever, my "lererkeh" from my first year in the kinder, passed away not too long ago. She never had children. She had been a widow for several decades, as her husband was much older. She was also a Bundist. Her burial was held according to strict Halachah in the Jewish cemetery in Mexico City. Hundrends of her pupils gathered there and said kaddish for her. Her yorzeit is also observed by many.

According to the National Association of Chevra Kadisha, 75 percent of Jews who die on the west coast of America are choosing cremation, and Jews on the East Coast its 25% choosing cremation. This is mainly due to a lack of education. There is a great website www.peacefulreturn.org that shows that Jewish burial is the green environmental way to go. it doesn't pollute the environment like cremation does and provides a comforting transition for the deceased person and the rest of the family. Very few people realize what happens in a cremation but if you look it up on a video the body burns and the bones are crushed for up to 3 hours. This is violent. Burial is gentle and the natural way.

I served on Chevra Kadisha. The deceased is washed in water, dressed in natural fabric garments (typically cotton), placed on a bed of straw, and because US jurisdictions require a coffin, the deceased is finally placed in a plain wooden casket.
Some of the outrageous costs of funerals come into play for embalming, velvet linings, steel coffins, etc. Chevra Kadisha members are not paid for performing this mitzvah.
The Jewish burial practices are also environmentally friendly. Crematoria pollute the air and use a tremendous amount of energy. Embalming fluid and metal and synthetic coffins and burial clothing also pollute the ground.
I would suggest that everyone look into these matters while young and in reasonable health. It is easier to specify one's wishes after calm consideration and comparison shopping then when a death is imminent or recent and emotions are running high. For US veterans and their spouses, burial in a veterans cemetery is a free veteran's benefit, although one should ascertain where the nearest vets cemetery is located and whether a burial can be accommodated in the short time frame specified in Jewish tradition.

Millions of people haven't gone to ancestors graves as they are vanished for centuries and millennias and the argument of the Nazis' attitude doens't work as there was no place nor time toi bury otherwise hundreds of Thousands corpses. At war and Massacres, People vanish into ashes and dust before one can find them to bury them!
Our old times attitude is obsolete and we have to find an other way for reacting the respect of human being.....
How will you bury in Israel, millions of people decently in the coming centuries?
No chance for Tradi Undertakers but Cremation tripled its prices since the year 2005! So Mr Undertaker is always right!

Belief doesn't replace "experience!" and evolution. You are right, it comes before it and outlives it

Since Rona has not shown herself to be anti-religious, I can think of two reasons for her choice.
1) her husband's body was effectively incinerated, so she had to convince herself that "it did not matter". Obviously it was not his choice, but a result of an accident, but perhaps she had to convince herself that it made not difference.
2) the burial place next to her husband which was supposed to be for her, was used to bury her son. Perhaps, she didn't like the thought of being buried elsewhere so she forfeited the burial altogether. I
It is very sad, but as the author points out, Rona was a courageous and kind woman, and that is not negated by this unfortunate choice.
I hope that kaddish will be said for her.

Thank you for writing this. I just wanted to point out that unlike your statement, "The corpse is to be put into a closed coffin so that onlookers not are left with the memory of a diminished human being," this is generally not the case in Israel where people are not buried in coffins but rather in a Tallis (prayer shawl/shroud). The only Jews that are buried in coffins in Israel are (all) soldiers and certain victims of terrorist attacks, where unfortunately the entire body might not be intact.

It's true that in Israel they don't use coffins generally, but the corpse is covered in the tallis, not on display to the people at the funeral.