"I'm sorry Mrs. Luxenberg, it looks like you're going to have to abort the baby. You don't really have a choice."
The doctor approached me with a slight look of disapproval on his face. Things had been proceeding disastrously until this point, and now they'd gotten even worse. An infected gall bladder had progressed into a life-threatening situation. Removal of the wayward gallstone that was causing all the problems had necessitated the use of a heavy dose of radiation, apparently putting the 6-week-old fetus hiding in my womb in mortal danger.
My head started to spin.
"Thank you, doctor. I'll have to speak with my husband before we do anything drastic."
"There's nothing to really think about, Mrs. Luxenberg. Do you want to give birth to a deformed baby?"
I groaned and turned my head away. He took the hint and left.
His words hurt and frightened me. We had invested so much hope in this baby. After losing our first to SIDS after an extensive coma, and our second having undergone a painful and prolonged stay in the neo-natal intensive-care ward, we had been so heartened when I found myself expecting again. All signs had been finally pointing to a normal pregnancy and birth. This baby was supposed to be our comfort, our ticket to normalcy. However, fate had seemed to just throw another curve ball our way, and this was a big one.
Abort? Abort our precious hope? How would my husband react? My parents?
I was in the midst of my reverie when my mind involuntarily rolled back to a conversation I had about a year before with a different set of doctors Same topic, different circumstances.
Our second child, now several months old, had been languishing in the intensive-care ward since birth. She had been diagnosed with a serious and incurable genetic disorder. One day her doctors called us in for an emergency conference. We arrived tense, and were confused to find them in an unusually relaxed and upbeat mood.
"I received the results of the skin biopsy." The doctor started talking before we even sat down. "Very unusual. Either your daughter's disease is more rare than we thought, or else it has disappeared entirely. You're all staying here until we get to the bottom of this."
Either your daughter's disease is more rare than we thought, or else it has disappeared entirely.
The disease, thank God, had vanished. Unbeknownst to these experts, at least until now, there was actually a form of the genetic metabolic disease our baby daughter suffered from wherein the vital process of enzyme production existed, but was merely delayed. After about two weeks, it begins dutifully producing, and the body starts to function normally.
"You should know," our doctors told us as we all gathered for a celebratory parting, "that when we test for these diseases in-utero, we immediately and strongly recommend abortion when the results are positive, as we would have for you had we spotted it then. But from now on we will think twice. If there's even the slightest chance for these children to recover and a lead a normal life, perhaps we should give it to them. Even though you suffered so much, at least it will bring the chance of life to children who may have never been allowed to be born."
These words ran through my mind now, along with a picture of our beautiful and vibrant daughter, as I contemplated my current dilemma. What if her doctors had diagnosed her in-utero? And what if we had listened to their advice?
I tried to focus on the present. Was it really all so cut and dry? First of all, where was it written in stone that all fetuses exposed to radiation are born deformed? Second of all, does that automatically make it right for me to terminate his life?
Yet the image of the alternative, and the pain that it would bring to everyone involved, was totally overwhelming.
WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE?
When my husband walked into the hospital room, my heart shattered as I broke the news. He heaved a sigh and we quietly sat together for a while, absorbing the latest crisis, a position we had unfortunately found ourselves accustomed to.
"Should we? Are we even allowed to?" I asked between sobs. Since Benjy and I had become more committed to Jewish observance, we had discovered that the Torah has very definite and wise guidelines concerning every circumstance, from the seemingly trivial to the most profound.
My husband shook his head. "Miri, I just don't know," he confessed. "But remember what the rabbi told us about Joshua?" He was referring to our first baby, whose life had been painfully brief but extremely meaningful. "How every Jewish soul is precious and has a purpose in life, even if it's beyond our understanding. Perhaps the same applies here as well."
How well I remembered. The rabbi's clear-headed guidance, and warm support of the unconditional preciousness of life had been the anchor which got us through some very tough decisions during our first child's ordeal, until he passed away from his coma after five months.
How many other babies never got the chance -- because their parents took their doctors' advice at face value?
My husband continued to speak, his voice choked with emotion. "Who are we to take away this baby's chance to fulfill his potential, whatever it may be? Who are we to judge?"
I nodded. In my heart I agreed with him. Yet the doctor seemed so sure...
I reminded Benjy about the conversation we had with the doctors concerning our daughter, our second child. "Who would have dreamed that there was a strain of beta-oxidase deficiency that corrected itself? How many other babies had that strain and never got the chance that Rachel did -- because their parents took their doctors' advice at face value?"
My husband nodded and sat quietly, his eyes focusing inward. "Miri, let's call the rabbi back and see what he has to say."
THE JEWISH VIEW
The rabbi confirmed our feelings. After patiently hearing us out and asking a number of pointed questions about the medical details, he responded gently but emphatically. "I know you're in a lot of pain, and I admit that it would be hard for me to remain strong in your shoes. But in the eyes of the Torah, there is absolutely no reason to abort this baby. There is no compelling evidence, neither medically nor in Jewish law, to support an abortion in this case."
He explained how the preciousness and importance of the human soul equally applies to the yet-unborn child. He told us that while Torah law did permit abortion in certain circumstances, these cases were rare, such as when the mother's life would be directly endangered by carrying the baby. He explained that the fetus did possess a soul, and was in many ways, both legally and mystically, a human being, worthy of as much consideration as any other human life.
The ethical thing is to allow him to come into the world, and try to help him live out whatever life that the Creator has planned for him.
"There is every reason to believe that you will give birth to a normal, healthy child," the rabbi assured us. "The doctors may feel that they are playing the odds, but with stakes so high, we must bet on the side of life. And..." he added softly, "even in the doctor's worst case scenario -- an abnormal child -- the ethical thing to do would be to allow him to come into the world, and try our best to help him live out whatever life that the Creator has planned for him."
I found his words sobering, yet encouraging. Indeed with my own eyes, I've seen babies struggle under the most adverse, depressing, hopeless circumstances. I've seen how their life force is so strong, so powerful, that they are able to overcome almost anything.
I hoped and prayed that the baby I was carrying would be able to overcome whatever was destined for him to endure.
I also prayed the same for us.
FROM WORRY TO JOY
A few days later, I lay in my hospital bed when a young intern came "to chat." My decision not to abort had circled the hospital ward and was met with disbelief bordering on disgust.
The woman looked at me with a pitying expression on her face. "I don't understand you," she began. "Why do you want to have a baby when there will definitely be something wrong with it? Is that fair to the baby and to you?"
I was walking on eggshells and tried to carefully explain our decision which was based on Judaism's point of view.
"I hear what you're saying," I began. "Yes it would be uncomfortable to have a baby that wasn't healthy. It seems like it wouldn't be fair, I know. But the baby is already here. His soul has already arrived in this world. I'm not allowed to send him back just because we'll all be uncomfortable. Please understand -- I've had 'unhealthy' babies before, in fact, only unhealthy ones, and from them I learned one thing. It was only their bodies that were weak. Their souls were strong and blazed like fire, and that's really the most important thing. Thank you for being concerned, but please, don't feel sorry for me, or for the baby. We're in good Hands."
His soul has already arrived in this world. I'm not allowed to send him back just because we'll all be uncomfortable.
She shook her head and walked away, confused and at a loss for words. This was clearly a departure from the worldview she had absorbed at medical school.
We packed up and left the hospital a few days later, minus one gallstone and plus one heavy burden, which we tried to carry as gracefully as possible despite our fears. We felt confident that our decision not to abort was not atypical despite the doubts of the medical staff. For any believing Jew who finds himself in a difficult situation, following the Torah's guidelines, no matter how unpleasant or uncomfortable, is a rational and wise response.
Seven tense yet exhilarating months later, I gave birth to a normal, healthy baby boy -- so perfect and so beautiful that people stopped me in the streets for many months afterward, commenting on his unusual beauty.
Benjy and I rejoiced. It seems as though all those doubts and worries had been transformed into prayers and blessings, which had then been abundantly answered.
(33) Anonymous, October 2, 2017 7:49 PM
Everyone's case is different
And we are dealing with a very private matter here. As frum individuals, we need to respect one another.
(32) Anonymous, January 16, 2017 7:30 PM
I have searched for truth.this site is so real.
I am not Jewish but in my search, this site shows me what has always been within. I can't explain it.
(31) Miri, November 16, 2014 6:23 PM
Mixed feelings....
I am the mother of a disabled child, and I urge compassion for anyone facing the decision to possibly end up in my shoes or have an abortion. It is perfectly acceptable to choose an early abortion when there is proof or a strong likelihood of severe, lifelong disability. Sometimes a couple may choose to continue the pregnancy, and sometimes a couple might choose to terminate. As someone who actually knows the heartache of watching a disabled child suffer, I agree with those Rabbis who allow an abortion in those cases. If your child will have a life full of suffering, the decision to terminate is between you and G-d. To me, there are a few cases where a decision to terminate is also a choice which is respectful to the child's soul. Let's try not to be cruel to other women by saying there is only one way to be "pro-life". Both choices involve BOTH compassion and suffering for child and parents. What they decide is best is up to them.
(30) Fay, August 17, 2014 6:34 PM
God doesn't make mistakes
Even had he been "deformed" in the eyes of the world, all human beings are His children, made in His image, and therefore born perfect.
(29) Anonymous, February 25, 2014 7:39 PM
Every baby is precious-
and this story reminds me of a young student worker who, when she became pregnant, was told the child had spinal bifida, would be terribly crippled and that she should abort. She refused-but had a beautiful, perfect baby boy! G-d know best what we can handle, and is the judge of all life.
(28) Anonymous, October 7, 2013 11:43 PM
I also had an experience where I found myself being pressured by the staff at a hospital to have a hysterectomy. The head doctor of the staff (who wasn't frum) tried so hard to convince me that I had enough children, since by her standards 7 or 8 is already quite enough. She also said to me "It's not advisable for you to get pregnant again because of your age, besides that you already have enough children", so "why not go ahead and have the operation". By the way, there was no medical reason for me to have it. She had just recommended it since they thought I had an infection, which later we found out wasn't the problem. She assured me this would prevent any further "infections". Then this doctor had the audacity to tell the nurse to put me on a fast ( in preparation for the surgery), even though I told her clearly that I didn't want it. I couldn't believe it. Where was my choice here. I even told her that the doctor who had admitted me wasn't even sure if I had that infection. And she responded, "those are just our interns, but we are the real staff." To make a long story shorter, I checked myself out, and came home. A few days later I spoke to someone who had recommended me to go to another doctor in the past, and this person really reprimanded me for not listening to her. I got off the phone in tears. I was even told that something was wrong with my thinking that I didn't listen to the doctor. Well , believe or not this was over 3 years ago. I did have one miscarriage right after, but a short while later I became pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who has given such joy to our lives and to the other children. I don't think about this too often , because I try not to focus on past negative experiences, but your article reminded me of this, and how if I would have "listened" to this head of staff, this beautiful neshama would not have been able to come down to our family.
(27) Anonymous, June 17, 2013 12:58 AM
Another miracle
I had some bleeding early in a pregnancy shortly after having had a miscarriage. My doctor expected me to miscarry again and offered to do a D and C. I was not interested. A few days later she realized that I had bleeding that was in utero and dangerous to the baby but it didn't mean an automatic miscarriage. Baruch Hashem, the bleeding healed itself after various levels of bedrest and my baby was born healthy at the right time.
(26) Sarah, May 7, 2013 4:26 AM
I set before you life and death. Choose life.
Comment #1 contained "We asked a well-known rav who, for reasons unclear to us referred us to another well-known rav". Perhaps the first rav did not want to pronounce a death sentence on HaShem's child. Sadly there is a widely accepted point of view among many who accept abortion as a reasonable choice, to the point of over one in ten pregnancies ending in abortion in Israel. Hitler's dream comes true. Jew killing Jew. How can the present day state of Israel hope for protection as children are sacrificed? Is that not one of the abominations for which the former inhabitants of the land were expelled?
(25) Rebecca C., October 6, 2012 1:00 AM
Inspiring
You were brave and very wise to question the advice of those doctors and hospital employees who advocated killing the baby just because it had a chance of being unhealthy. One of the big problems with the so-called 'right to choose' is that now we have doctors, nurses, and people who we tend to trust telling us that we have no choice, that the 'only choice' is to abort. And as your case clearly demonstrates, they pressure women to abort their children with very little evidence and often no certainty at all that the child will be unhealthy. All that being said, however, and EVEN in cases that might be 'certain', as your husband said, "Who are we to take away this baby's chance to fulfill his potential, whatever it may be? Who are we to judge?" This shows that you have a wonderful, loving and wise husband. When you said: "The woman looked at me with a pitying expression on her face. "I don't understand you," she began. "Why do you want to have a baby when there will definitely be something wrong with it? Is that fair to the baby and to you?"" it shocked me. Who is she to judge that a baby should not live because there is something wrong with it - even if it is certain? Most Down syndrome babies are aborted these days, and yet those who are allowed to live often have lives full of happiness (more than many 'healthy' people) and bring a lot of joy to their families, friends, and all people they encounter. Our society needs to change the way we think of the value of human life. Our worth and value is not dependent on what we look like, how healthy we are, or any of the miriad other reasons that people use to discount and discriminate against eachother. We have value because we are human beings made in God's image and likeness. Your story is inspirational and hopefully will bring strength and hope to other women who find themselves in difficult situations like yours. Thank you :)
Anonymous, November 16, 2014 6:56 PM
I don't think it's such a simple choice
Many Down's syndrome babies also have lives filled with multiple heart surgeries. What is cherished by G-d is not just our souls, but our ability to make difficult choices from a place of compassion and mercy. I agree with you when you say we need to value all lives, even disabled lives, more. But I would never, ever judge someone for choosing to abort in these circumstances. I have a disabled child and I would take away his disability in a heartbeat. I would never "erase" him, but I disgusts me to hear people flippantly say that life is perfectly manageable with a disabled child. It is pain for the CHILD, not just the parents. My son has made so much progress, but I intimately know the pain of watching a child suffer. People don't choose abortion because they don't value their child. They choose abortion because they DO value, love, and cherish that child, but they feel it is the merciful choice. I have never been faced with it, but I would never tell someone, "You can raise a severely disabled child, it's the best choice." Leave that choice to them and their Rabbi.
(24) Anonymous, January 22, 2012 3:11 PM
Today marks the 39th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Since the woman is the one who becomes pregnant, it is SHE who has the final say in whether to deliver or end the pregnancy. As painful as this is for some of you to read, there are times when a woman will choose her own life over that of the fetus. We must remain pro-choice. Abortion is a decision not made lightly. However, if safe and legal abortion is outlawed you will be reading about many more women who die at the hands of a back alley abortionist. Is that what we mean when we tell others to choose life? I think not.
Anonymous, May 23, 2013 6:02 PM
An inconvenient life
Unfortunately, most abortions in this country are made due to inconvenience and not because the fetus or the mother's life is in danger. Speak to any abortion doctor and they will tell you the truth on this matter. Many if not most of the young ladies who have abortions do not want their parents to know they are sexually active others find it is inconvenient due to school, a career or someother more valuable object than the life beating in their wombs. I had an abortion and I have never been able to live it down. In my case the guilt stays with me forever and no law on this planet other than the mercy of our living God can ever take it away.
(23) Anonymous, October 10, 2011 2:31 AM
I am so happy for you
My first grandchild was diagnosed in utero with Trisomy 13, a condition that "is not compatible with life". The doctor, a religious Jew, urged my daughter to "terminate". He even offered to give her the names of rabbis who would give her permition. My daughter and son-in-law decided to let Hashem decide about the child's life. The got brochos for a healthy child and were told to say chapters of Tehillm. In the end, the baby was stillborn in the 7th month. I was devastated. I had hoped so much! I was so sure the doctors were wrong. I suppose the brochos went to my daughter's other children. She now has ka"h 2 amazingly marvelous children. I wish such brochos on all women awaiting children. A nurse who was on duty the night my daughter went in said that she noticed the difference in the way religious Jews handle these things. That religious Jews were more accepting of what happened and were stronger. I am happy for you for your healthy child. I wish for you much nachas.
(22) Anonymous, October 9, 2011 7:20 PM
The Flip Side
I am so happy that the baby was healthy. I had a very different experience and I react to people who say that there is never a reason for abortion. The Torah clearly states when abortion is appropriate. My baby only had half a brain and half his heart. It was not diagnosed until 20 weeks. I had an abortion to save him from the agony of being born and dying slowly over a few hour period as he suffocated to death. I have peace in my heart that I did what was right. I saw the ultrasound and I saw the malformations. My doctor was a holocaust survivor and encouraged me tremendously through it all. After that, my next baby died in utero and I didn't miscarry at almost 5 months pregnant. I had to have surgery again! I thought I would never recover. The same doctor encouraged me to try again. Today I have a beautiful, healthy 9 month old boy. Baruch Hashem. We named him Elijah since we waited so long for him to come.
Anonymous, November 16, 2014 6:41 PM
You are a brave, compassionate mother
Being a mother means being merciful and compassionate to your child. I think it is important to remind people that there ARE times when being "pro-life" means choosing to be merciful and keep a child from suffering through a short, painful life. Congratulations on little Elijah! I am so glad to hear your dreams of a healthy child came true!
(21) marilyn malick, August 12, 2011 11:35 PM
precious words
These are the words that had echoed i my life also, but sadly I am childless, never take a child's right to be born away, no matter what the circumstances, the child is the innocent one here and does not get a say, it is a life that cannot be ended so abruptly by abortion no matter what the reason is, is mean't to be, ask someone who knows and had to experience it from the age of 23yrs to 47. I am not sorry for what i believe in as I have my conscience and am pro life., marilyn
(20) R, September 12, 2010 3:02 PM
go back and show them!
you should go back to those nay-sayers and show them your beautiful baby! Make them appreciate the miracle and stop the potential murder of so many future babies, healthy or not.
(19) R, September 12, 2010 3:00 PM
powerful article
some friends had a stillborn, and shortly afterwards conceived again. her baby was diagnosed with Downs' Syndrome and they were strongly encouraged to abort the baby. My husband convinced them not to by pointing out that every time she'd be in the supermarket (or anywhere else) and see someone with a Downs' child, she would have the guilt of seeing how other people CAN raise a child like that and even have nachas from the child. Thank G-d the child was born completely normal. It's time to stop with so much testing!!! If something is meant to happen to the child, it will happen regardless. Why have the anguish (frequently false anguish) for months before???
(18) Anonymous, April 26, 2010 8:50 PM
Kudos to you all. God has a plan and you are being used. Love and prayers to your sons destiney.
(17) stella, December 14, 2006 10:34 PM
eye-opening and encouraging!
thank you for your beautiful article.God trully has His ways of reminding us and we should be thankful for His attention.I am 20 weeks pregnant and in a similar dilemma but I have always believed in miracles and terminating this angel with a weak heart has never been my option and never will be. His will be done. my baby has a right to live and deserves a chance to enjoy God's blessings no matter what the circumstances. I would appreciate it if you could share with me a special prayer for my little one. again, thank you so much and God bless!
(16) Jean Bierling, April 30, 2002 12:00 AM
Thank God for people like yourself who have their head "screwed" on straight, knowing in their heart that this life was created by God, and we don't have any right to terminate such life, what an encouraging story! so beautiful, thank you for sharing.
(15) Anonymous, April 27, 2002 12:00 AM
While I appreciate and enjoy these stories of faith, perhaps once you could do an article that would ease the intense pain felt by couples who have had the genetic testing, received tragic news, and aborted their child. It is one thing to have the faith to trust in Him that everything will be all right, but can we also have faith and trust that we will not forever feel guilty or wrong for our decision? Please offer some words to those of us on the other end.
Anonymous, November 16, 2014 6:36 PM
Don't feel guilty
Sometimes the choice to terminate is the most compassionate choice. I would not wish a life filled with suffering on any child. It is heartache for the parents either way, but if early genetic testing indicated a severe disability, I probably would do the same. To me, a suffering child is not a beautiful thing, but a tragedy. No matter how beautiful the soul of the child, parents must do whatever is most compassionate, even if that means making that difficult decision. Many of these disabilities mean not only developmental delays but multiple painful surgeries and a life of serious hardship for the child.
Rebecca, April 30, 2015 10:53 AM
God's mercy is greater than any mistake we can make
I agree - a good article on God's mercy for those who repent of past abortions is very important. The thing is that no matter what we have done in the past, God will always forgive us if we repent, and even if we still feel some pain from our decisions in this life, it is only temporary, and can be used to motivate us to help others avoid making the same mistake. Maybe that's why God let's the pain continue, because merely not feeling the pain would not be nearly as good as responding to it by helping others to make better decisions, which will save many many lives. I am a firm believer that post-abortive women will be one of, if not the most, important forces in changing our society's view of abortion, and eventually empowering every woman to choose life, and reject the lies that abortion will solve their problems. While they feel pain from their abortions, they can also have great consolation from knowing that their regret may save thousands of lives.
(14) Cathy Kendall, April 26, 2002 12:00 AM
God's way is always the best
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. May God bless you and your precious children.
(13) jesica myers, April 25, 2002 12:00 AM
Building Emmunah and Bitachon
I was very touched by your article. 5 years ago, we found ourselves pregnant with our 4th child 4 months after losing the third to a full-term, unexplained stillbirth. Needless to say I was terrified and nervous even though B"H, we have two other healthy children. As the weeks went by, i grew more and more worried. Sometime during my second month, one of my sons came down with a not so common childhood illness called fifth disease. My pedeatrician assured me that it was absolutely benign and that my son would be fine within a couple of days. Just before the doctor left, however, he said, and I quote "But Mrs. Myers, make sure he doesn't come into contact with any pregnant women in their first trimester, because it could be very, very, dangerous to the baby" I almost fainted on the spot. I told the Doctor that I was 7 weeks pregnant. He shook his head and told me I better run to my obgyn as soon as possible. When he was gone, I collapsed on the floor and started to cry. How could Hashem do this to me? Here I was having lost a full-term baby not 5 months before, being told that the baby I was now carrying might be in danger. I was already despondent and I hadn't even heard the words I would hear the next day from my obstetrician. Words such as: strong possibillity of misscarriage, birth defects, or best case scenario, developmental problems. But something amazing happened. The more I heard, the callmer I became. Somehow I realized that Hashem put me in a position where I would have to exercise a muscle that is rarely used when things are good and running smoothly. That is the muscle we all possess called Emmunah and Bitachon (Faith and Trust in Hashem) Although I was still nervous for the rest of my pregnancy, every time I felt I would fall apart, I would excersise that muscle by making myself truly believe that everything would be alright; that Hashem does everything for a reason and with purpose and the curves he throws our way (such as doctors telling us we have to abort pregnancies) are meant to build our Emunah and Bitachon so that we may always have them as a source of comfort, no matter how bleak the prospects. Baruch Hashem, my beautiful baby daughter was born healthy and well the following fall. Mazal Tov to you on the birth of your son. May he be a constant reminder to you of Hashem's mercy and that there is always light afer dark.
(12) Andrea, April 24, 2002 12:00 AM
Glad I have my Rachel
Five years ago, although my husband and I were separated, and I was injecting Interferon to attempt to cure Hepatitis C, he and I conceived our daughter Rachel. Our other children were already 17 and 11 years old. The doctors said if I quit taking Interferon to continue the pregnancy, I would relapse and likely need a liver transplant and the baby might be born with Hep. I felt I had no right to ask HaShem to save my life while I took another, so I carried her. My husband and I did not get back together and I did relapse. BUT Rachel was born without HepC, and I weaned her at 3 months to resume treatment. I completed treatment 3 yrs ago, and the Hep virus is still gone. I look at my daughter as a constant reminder that HaShem has rewarded life with life.
(11) Anonymous, April 24, 2002 12:00 AM
beautiful article!
Maybe it's time to stop all the prenatal testing! What exactly is it accomplishing anyway?
Miri, November 16, 2014 6:28 PM
Yes, you can refuse them
True, I refused the blood test at five months because I didn't think I could have an abortion so far along in my pregnancy. Plus, they can only tell you that you have a higher likelihood of Down's. By the time you would know for sure, you would be almost 7 months along! No thanks!
(10) Jay Inman, April 24, 2002 12:00 AM
Our Baby
Same scenario for us but the doctors discovered through Ultra sound examination of our baby signs of Downs' syndrome and Edwards Syndrome. They also presented the option of abortion. We did not. Our little boy is now a happy, healthy hard charging four year old. Life from our creator is so precious!
(9) Sharon, April 23, 2002 12:00 AM
Another kind of happy ending
Midway through second pregnancy, I learned that my unborn baby girl had Down Syndrome and a severe congenital heart defect. I was already the mother of twins who had been born prematurely and were showing signs of developmental problems, so this would be my third disabled child, and the diagnosis was already definite. But I went through with the pregancy, knowing that hashem had created my children and that they were, in some way, perfect in his eyes. The ending here is happy, not because the doctors were mistaken, but because my daughter, now 7, is kind and loving and happy and beautiful despite her disability.
(8) Christine Sepulveda, April 23, 2002 12:00 AM
Trusting HaShem
Thank you for this beautiful testimonial. I have worked in a crisis pregnancy center ten years until one year ago last fall as a cpc counselor and post-abortion counselor. I am now a board member with Colorado Pro Life Alliance and working on the political end of things. I miss the stream of testamonials at the center, the opportunities to lead young women to the Lord on a consistant basis,and to witness the awsome difference He makes in their lives, but know I am following His leading right now and seeing His hand at turning the tide in favor of Life. Thank you again for sharing, it reminds me why one must continue to teach, share, pray, and stand for LIFE. Mrs. Christine Sepulveda
(7) L Friedman, April 22, 2002 12:00 AM
Thanks for sharing your experience. Since educating people on this topic is so important, did you return to the doctor and to the hospital staff to show them your beautiful baby? My experience with the medical community is that the majority of doctors believe that they "know it all". Perhaps they need to be re-educated!
(6) Anonymous, April 22, 2002 12:00 AM
Thank you for being my inspiration!
I recently was married and I was excited to hear shortly Hashem has blessed us, I was soon going to be a mommy. My first visit to the doctor and very excited and shortly after the exam the Dr. said Mrs.----- I am sorry your baby did not form a heart you will have a miscarriage shortly. I was devasted but knew Hashem had a better plan for me when the time is right. Thank you for giving the strength i need to know Hashem take care of all his children. Congradulations on the birth of your new son may He be a source of light to all Kal Yisroel.
(5) Anonymous, April 22, 2002 12:00 AM
Wow! We had a similar story
where our baby was suspected of being Down Syndrome and the doctor matter of factly advised me to abort it. Nothing to talk about in his opinion. He rolled his eyes when I told him that we are Chareidi and our Rabbi had explained to us that it was forbidden to do so. I got a great lesson in the Hebrew language that day from a doctor who was most perturbed at our old fashioned obstinance.
Four months later I gave birth to a healthy and normal little girl who is the apple of our eye.
Thank God for the Rabbi who understood what the doctor never could.
(4) Robert Cyders, April 22, 2002 12:00 AM
Trusting the Creator of all things
When in the middle of the first trimester my wife had a reaction to a medication she was taking for nuasia.
Her mother's response was one of fear and strongly suggested we go to the hospital. The attending doctor told us the diagnosis, she had chickenpox. Though not fatal for people we were told of the possibility of the developing fetus having spina-bifida and other deformity. The doctor's presciption was "theraputic abortion".
These words rang in my head, challenging this young husband married nearly a year. I told the doctor no.
My wife and I were deeply concerned to say the least. We had many challenges from my mother-in-law who constantly hounded us and pressured us to conform to the doctor's advice. She would call the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, GA. and provide to us all of the statistics of deformity, and death.
"Why would you bring a child into the world with the great chance that it will be deformed?" She would ask.
I stated "Why would I take away the chance for the Creator of the universe to step in and show him self strong on my behalf." My mother-in-law would continue with this attack for nealy four months. Yes we were young, and scared, needing Hope. We went to our Regular Doctor and although he did not completly agree with our discision he supported us in it. We were asked to do an amniocentisis test to help confirm the findings and to check if any other deformiies were found, we said no. With his support we we told we needed to have this baby at a hospital specialized in neo-natal life support.
We spent most of our time daily praying over our unborn child till the time of delivery. We specifically spoke over every organ in his body, his limbs, circulatory system, nearvous system, not leaving anything out.
On the day of delivery when Andrew Jacob entered this world we were in tears of joy counting his fingers and toes looking over every area that we prayed and spoke over with anticipation.
Last month Andrew turned 13.
(3) Nikki Merhalski, April 22, 2002 12:00 AM
The Power of Hashem
G-d has given us the gift of medicine, but we must remember that ultimately, it is HE who is control. When we follow His laws, no matter what the outcome, we can be assured that it is for the best. In this case, Baruch Hashem, He showed everyone who was the BOSS.
(2) Anonymous, April 21, 2002 12:00 AM
How blessed you are!
I have heard, time and time again, people who chose to vote on the side of life (when abortion was recommended because of threatening health problems) and been pleasantly surprised with healthy beautiful babies. I so wish the medical establishment would document the frequency of deformities among these children so we had substantive information. I had a friend whose 3rd child was born healthy and beautiful after enduring both chemotherapy and radiation during almost her entire pregnancy, as she was battling cancer. Truly, how many children are there like this? There must be a significant number, to have so many touch just my life. I think it is rotten that the medical community thinks that termination of less than perfect pregnancies is obviously the right choice. Isn't it the doctor's creed "First, do no harm?"
Maureen
(1) Anonymous, April 21, 2002 12:00 AM
Consult a Halachic Authority
This article touched a raw nerve in me. Two years ago, my wife was diagnosed as being pregnant with an anencephalic fetus (ie without a head). We were crushed, understandably. We could not see the possibility of continuing for another 5 months, knowing the outcome. The doctors took it as a matter of course that my wife would abort, and they seemed kind of surprised when we informed them that we would have to ask a rav first. We asked a well-known rav who, for reasons unclear to us referred us to another well-known rav who told us that under these circumstances, it was permissible to abort. 16 months later, we had a baby boy (who might have not been born otherwise). I have no idea what the Rav would have told us under circumstances such as described in this article. But that is just the point (which was also underscored by this article). One must always ask in these circumstances, and not simply decide that something is permissible or even prohibited on their own. One should not come away reading an account like this or an account like my and my wife's own as to the permissibility of terminating a pregnancy in Jewish Law. There are many considerations taken into account.
Consulting an appropriate Halachic authority, who can accurately determine the Torah view, provides the moral compass so necessary in making decisions such as this.