How does one journey as a secular Jew and a producer for ABC's "Good Morning America" – from attending White House Christmas parties and walking the sands of Saudi Arabia, to attending morning minyans (prayer services) at an Orthodox shul in Washington, D.C.?
The short answer is, with a great deal of difficulty and many unforeseen pit stops along the way. I was a secular Jew who was a liberal activist during the days of Bob Dylan and anti-war rallies. We called it the "Age of Aquarius." We were about to re-make mankind. My generation trashed institutions. We rejected rules and laws. We believed we could re-write history. We could revise the history of civilization itself. Among the casualties was religion. We were particularly strident in our condemnation of organized religion. It felt good to be "liberated;" which meant we thought we could flee from our past.
I joined this traveling band with great gusto. I was an anti-war activist, worked for Ralph Nader and founded a public relations firm in Washington, DC.
As the White House and Pentagon producer, I had a front row on history. It was a pretty thrilling life.
My friends in the media shared my values and world outlook too. In 1988 I was invited to be the Washington producer for ABC's "Good Morning America." It was a pretty thrilling life.
I was invited to private Washington dinners, rubbed elbows with the powerful and famous. I personally met every President from Gerald Ford to Bill Clinton and was able to discuss issues with world leaders like Margaret Thatcher and Arial Sharon. As the White House and Pentagon producer, I had a front row on history. I traveled on Presidential trips and covered civil unrest and armed conflict. I was held at gun point during an attempted coup in Panama, arrived at the scene of airplane crashes, reported on space flights from Cape Canaveral, covered a G-7 Summit in Tokyo and produced a special from an anti-terrorism summit in Sharme El Sheik, Egypt. I was in Nicaragua when the Sandinistas fell and lived in Hong Kong prior to the handover to China.
One of my proudest moments was to produce a live, five hour ABC special from Normandy, France commemorating the 50th anniversary of D-Day. I conducted nearly a hundred interviews with World War II military leaders and D-Day veterans, including a Nazi General who headed the Panzer tank division closest to the Allied landing in Normandy. The two of us sat, feet apart, as we quietly discussed the war and the invasion, as if we were simply colleagues. A half a century earlier, he would have executed me.
I remember standing on a beach in Normandy at the American Cemetery on June 6, 1994. I remember being struck by the tombstones especially that had the Star of David on them. Many were teenagers 18 to 20 years old. Throughout this period, however, I kept my Jewish identity pretty well under wraps. I received Christmas cards from friends, was invited to holiday parties in December and even attended a few White House Christmas parties.
I married a woman who was Episcopalian. Her father was a Deacon in a small church in Danville, Virginia. My Judaism was in the closet, and the door was firmly shut. Nevertheless, there was this tug of the arm. Despite a fulfilling job, a successful career, many friends and a comfortable life, I felt something was missing. I and a few friends began a clumsy, somewhat counter culture search for what we called "spirituality." Spirituality does not have a Jewish face in America. In fact, it isn't associated with any established Western religion. A few of my friends joined Buddhist temples. Others dabbled in New Age stuff. I once held a retreat for New Age leaders at my home. Still others sought out what they called "ancient voices" and bonded with Native American Indians. For all, the journey seemed to be one part Kumbaya, one part self-indulgence and one part mystery.
My tribes weren't on the North American plain. They were in Jerusalem, near the Jordan River.
While on this journey I found myself one evening on an upstate New York estate owned by a wealthy businessman who said he had discovered the "spirits" of Native American Indians. I was invited through a friend. It was a sprawling estate. On it, the owner had erected two giant Indian teepees. In the evening a bonfire was lit and we chanted obscure Indian songs, holding hands under the starlit skies. It may have worked for others. But it left me cold. The evening seemed contrived. After all, none of us were of Indian heritage. It was a total disconnect. It was there, on that estate that I finally stated the obvious. "Hey, I'm Jewish, not a Cherokee, Lakota or Hupa Indian." My tribes weren't on the North American plain. They were in Jerusalem, near the Jordan River.
And as I began to reflect on it, I realized that my religion had its own "ancient voices," among the most ancient and wisest of all time. They had names like Abraham and Isaac, Ruth and Esther, Moses and David. In terms of modern marketing, these spiritual leaders could be considered a bust. They didn't exude the exoticism of the East or the newness of Shamans or channeling. They were part of our "ugly" Western history. They were part of a past I and my colleagues were supposed to be fleeing. I had ignored Judaism since my Bar Mitzvah. Nevertheless, now it seemed to intrigue me. Maybe the distance of time allowed me to re-discover my own roots.
About the same time, I was asked to be a producer for a Good Morning America special in Saudi Arabia. It was the beginning of the First Gulf War. I would lead a crew of 15 people, including GMA host Charlie Gibson. Getting the visas was not easy. At the time, Western media had never been permitted inside the Saudi Kingdom. To secure the visas I had to socialize with senior Saudi officials. We became friends. I was invited to request a visa. As I reviewed the Saudi application I found there was a line for religion. In my life, I had never been asked to identify my religion. Something rattled inside this closet Jew.
It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if I revealed my religion, I would be barred form entering the country. What was I to do?
I consulted with Jack Reilly, my executive producer in New York, and we agreed that the entire team should leave the religion line blank. Just to make sure, he consulted ABC News President Roone Arledge. He too supported the move.
It was the first time in my life that I had to think about my place in the world as a Jew.
I returned to the Embassy with the visa applications, sans any religious identification. It was the first time in my life that I had to think about my place in the world as a Jew. My cage rattled a bit more. The Saudis were not very pleased with our incomplete application. There was discussion, tension and debate, but after numerous meetings, the Embassy approved our visas. Practicality had won out. The Saudis needed American television coverage more than the knowledge of our religion.
Since I was going to the Middle East, I decided I would visit Israel. However, this wasn't easy. I was privately counseled by ABC News that if I wished to travel there I needed to obtain a second American passport. An Israeli entry visa would bar me from travel throughout much of the world and virtually all of the Middle East. Again, it was a reminder of my place in the world as a Jew. More rattling. I obtained a "sanitized" American passport exclusively for travel to Israel. I left for Saudi Arabia where I spent several months covering Operation Desert Shield. Let me assure you, it was not a picnic. We were in a war zone. We were in a Muslim country. And now I was living there secretly as a Jew. The closet door closed tighter.
But there were also some surprises. During my stay I was able – as an ABC producer, not as a Jew – to discuss Middle East politics with Arabs. It was then that I learned that most Arab elites privately despise the Palestinians. I will put it as politely as I can: they considered them shiftless, lazy, corrupt and hopelessly, always on the wrong side of history. (At the time the Palestinians supported Saddam Hussein's invasion of Kuwait.) Curiously, many of them also expressed private admiration for Israel. When I went to Israel, gas masks and sealed rooms were the order of the day. U.S. Patriot missiles protected the skies from incoming missiles. Yet the majesty and spiritual pull of Israel was overwhelming. It was as if I had returned home.
A few years ago I got another glimpse of what it means to be a Jew in today's world. I was in Caracas, Venezuela, working for an employer. As it turned out, I had to stay in the country during High Holidays. A colleague introduced me to a Jewish family who welcomed me into their home and secured a ticket for High Holidays at Union Synagogue, an Orthodox synagogue in Caracas.
Because I was an American, I was invited to a number of Jewish homes for dinners. During each dinner, the same conversation came up. Gen. Hugo Chavez, Venezuela's President had made numerous veiled threats to the Jewish community during his last election campaign. The conversations among the Venezuelans at these dinners were all the same and went something like this, usually in hushed tones: Have you gotten your children out of the country? Where are you going to live? Which country looks good to you? Are you moving your money to the United States? When will you put your home up for sale?
The conversation could have been the conversations that might have taken place around German Jewish dinner tables in the early Thirties. You could see the fear and concern in the faces and eyes of these Venezuelan Jews. Hell had not yet arrived, but you could see it from here. I needed to find my own place as a Jew. Who was I? What was my past?
So in 2002 I began to go shul shopping. I had divorced my Episcopalian wife and was now married to a Jewish woman. Well shul shopping isn't what it's cracked up to be. It isn't an easy journey, especially if you want to find commitment. There is a confusing array of Jewish flavors out there.
Among other things, my Age of Aquarius brethren have re-shaped a good deal of organized Judaism with a lot of politically correct stuff that has watered it down. I remember once attending an open house at a reform temple. The shul's president was very pleased to announce that men did not have to wear a Kippa or Tallis (prayer shawl) at Sabbath services. He considered this a very strong selling point. Perhaps. But for me it sent a clear message that even the simplest rules were too much of a burden for this congregation. Commitment phobia was no longer my problem.
I finally joined a Conservative synagogue and asked the rabbi if he would take the time to show me how to wear Tefillin. His response was somewhat disappointing. He recommended I buy a book, and if I had any other questions to call him. He might as well have said, "Take two aspirin and call me in the morning."
I was no longer thinking about the bills, or work, or the latest sports scores. Instead, I found myself every morning focusing on the important things in life.
Then I stumbled upon a modern Orthodox synagogue, Ohev Shalom Talmud Torah or OSTT in Washington, DC. The rabbi there, Shmuel Herzfeld says there are few coincidences in life. He may be right. I had been rebuffed by a rabbi on the question of Tefillin. And at my first OSTT Kiddush, the rabbi asked me if I would like to enter the Tefillin Challenge. The gist of the challenge was that if I attended 30 out of 60 morning services, I would receive a free pair of Tefillin. Oh yes, and "instructions were included." The rabbi and many members of the congregation warmly helped me get it right.
In some ways, I agreed to do it because it was a challenge. And I did learn more about the morning services and how to wear the Tefillin. But as I prayed each morning, I found a subtle change came over me. Now I started each day differently. I was no longer thinking about the bills, or work, or the latest sports scores. Instead, I found myself beginning every day in a beautiful way. Instead of the mundane, every morning I focus on the important things in life. And shorn of political correctness, modern Orthodoxy touches on the miracle of life, from the miracle of our Torah to daily prayers.
Now every morning I remind myself of eternity:
"Master of the universe, Who reigned before any form was created."
I ask God for wisdom and insight:
"For Your wisdom, O supreme God, may You imbue me; from Your understanding gives me understanding..."
I am reminded every morning of the spirit of our soul:
"My God, the soul You placed within me is pure. You created it. You fashioned it. You breathed it into me...As long as the soul is within me, I am grateful to You..."
I am in awe of the miracle of each dawn:
"Blessed are You... Who gave the heart understanding to distinguish between day and night."
And every morning, I am reminded of the miracle of life itself:
"We shall thank You... for Your miracles that are with us every day; and for your wonders and favors in every season..."
For me, each morning – each day – has become a miracle unto itself.
I met the Tefillin Challenge and got a new pair of Tefillin and I'm a member of a new shul. But a committed Jewish experience has given me something much more vital: the meaning of life itself.
This article is reprinted with permission from www.ou.org
(20) joshua, May 16, 2018 9:34 PM
how fortunate
what a fortunate life - you've experienced amazing things in this world, and you still have time to prepare for an amazing olam habah! BTW if you were to enter nearly any Orthodox shul today you'd find, if not a warm welcome, a definite welcome.
(19) Emmanuel P., January 27, 2016 7:20 PM
It could have been worse!
You are very lucky. For the secular Jew, G-d knocks at the "closet door" eventually the knocking gets so loud you cannot ignore. The feeling of discontentment you felt, its the sound of tht knocking. Eventually it gets so "loud" that you cannot stand the spiritual pain of ignoring G-d. Many people at that point become self destructive with booze, gambling food or drugs. In my case it lead me to shooting up 10-20 bags of Heroin every day.
It took detoxing from Heroin 28 times in a year, to the point where I physically could not stand to detox even once more, to finally call out to HASHEM.
He was no longer knocking but banging on the door with a sledge hammer.
When I finally asked for His help the desire to use drugs was completely lifted. Before that I would go through the hell of Heroin detox only to "relapse" within a few days. After a few days of calling to HASHEM I woke up with the desire gone completely. It is a miracle.
Now I daven by the orthodox shul every morning. I find much of the same meaning you explain here in the prayers.
I was surprised to find that the concepts of Alcoholics/Narcotcs Anonymous is not new, Jews have been practicing it for thousands of years.
(18) Anonymous, May 16, 2011 7:57 PM
Great article!
Beautifully writen, very moving, may you continue to grow and learn PG and to inspire others.
(17) C. Aranoff, December 9, 2005 12:00 AM
Welcome Home! May you continue "Me'Chayil el Chayil" from strength to strength.
(16) G. Berg Hudson, December 8, 2005 12:00 AM
I identified with this in so many ways!
From your article, I am in your same age range. I can identify in so many ways with all the ideas you shared. I, also, went from reform, to conservative to orthodoxy. I feel peace, comfort, thankfulness and know that it is the right place for me to be. I am so proud of my jewish roots and my own searched out judaism. Thanks for your wonderful article. It was truly inspiring to me.
(15) Anonymous, December 6, 2005 12:00 AM
Not What I Thought
When I saw the title of the article I thought it was in reference to the Jews opening their doors to the world through information sharing, etc. The story was not at all what I expected. The story was still captivating.
(14) Anonymous, December 6, 2005 12:00 AM
thanks for sharing.
I'm always amazed at people who are so willing to open up their private lives and share their journeys to Torah Judaism....altho' i should say I'm also full of admiration...I'm forwarding your story to many friends I think would benefit from it. When a public figure takes on Torah & Mitzvos it makes everyone else stop and think. thanks for sharing and good luck on your journey!
(13) Anonymous, December 6, 2005 12:00 AM
Wake Up Call
Let this beautiful article by Mr. Pollock be a wakeup call to all of us. The next time a not yet observant Jew reaches out to us make sure you reach back with open arms. Better yet, be proactive in reaching out and do not wait to be reactive.
(12) Ben Kaplan, December 5, 2005 12:00 AM
From White House Christmas parties to the Tefillin challenge.
All of Jewry welcomes you! For even greater depth into what it means to be a Jew, I suggest you read our Bible and the Commentaries. If you will undertake to do so with an open,inquiring mind, I promise you will gain much greater depth and understanding as to your love and reverence for the Lord and the unbreakable Jewry bond that you have with we Jews, everywhere and for all time.
(11) Tom Beck, December 5, 2005 12:00 AM
Different experience
After many years as a secular Jew, in 2002 I joined a Conservative synagogue near my home. The rabbi could not have been more different from the one described in this article. He has never dismissed my questions, has always taken the time to show me how to do anything I wanted to, including put on my tefillin. You probably won't post this, since it does not follow the party line of "Orthodox good, everything else bad," but I feel compelled to set the record straight. Thank you.
Mike, January 28, 2016 1:50 PM
not totally
it is not totally clear what 'conservative' means but it is an outgrowth of reform, not of orthodoxy.
"Shall a man make for himself gods? Such are no gods" it says in Jeremia.
If the group that you are referring to does not say that the Torah is devine and binding and that the mitzvot are from Hashem and it is on every Jew to do all of them, regardless of his 'affiliation', then in fact this Rabbi that you were referring to has betrayed you and himself unknowingly.
Btw, do you know if your Tfilin are kosher? If not, you may not have fulfilled the mitzvah in its proper form once in your life.
I recommend you check with a recognized sofer stam.
(10) Jose Pineda, December 5, 2005 12:00 AM
Great article, save the political side
Overall a great article, shame for the comparison between Chavez and Hitler. Chavez doesn't hate the jews (he has even done personal business deals with Argentinian jews), nor has he called for their "elimination from the map" (like Iran) nor called the mestizos a "superior race". He is just a plain LatinAmerican populist, his business is to say to people what they want to hear - he bashes oligarchs and rich people, and in Latin America jews are considered to be always rich and exploiting non-jewish workers thru the corporations they own. Shame on it, it's an image a lot of people have.
(9) Sharon Katz, December 5, 2005 12:00 AM
beautiful article
What a beautiful article and what strength of character Richard Pollock has. As a modern orthodox woman from birth, it gives me newfound strength to see yiddishkeit in fresh eyes
(8) Terez Juarez, December 5, 2005 12:00 AM
great return story!
I wish I could find a modern orthodox shul here in San Diego! We all need the comfort and strength of our deepest genetic and spiritual connections! Thank you!
(7) Leslie Michael, December 5, 2005 12:00 AM
Excellent. Thought provoking., Beautiful!
It was emotional to read the part where the author,on the 50th. anniversary of D-Day, came across so many graves with the Star of David on the tombstones.
I hail from Bombay, India. We were under the British and we had already lost 90,000 soliders in World War I. Now along comes World War II and lo and behold we were called upon to fight again. So it came to pass that two of my uncles fought alongside other Commonweath countries in North Africa against Field Marshall, Erwin Rommel, the Desert Fox. The Indian Army then took part in the Sicilian Campaign and on to the Italian Mainland. They fought in the Battle for Monte Cassino. History records it as one of the most hard-fought battles of World War II.
Oh Yes! While we were fighting in the European theatre, that infamous bridge on the River Kwai, brought the Imperial Japanese forces into Burma and soon they were threatening India. Suddenly, we were fighting on two fronts.
To commemorate the 60th aniversary of V-E Day, His Royal Highness, Prince William travelled to New Zealand to thank them for their valour in that battle for Monte Cassino. He bypassed India entirely. To this very day, we remain the forgotten warriors.
To honour my uncles, I designed something for D-Day as well as V-E Day. I would be honoured if Mr. Richard Pollock will kindly accept this little gift. Please let me know how I can get in touch with him.
Thank you.
(6) Beverly Kurtin, Ph.D., December 5, 2005 12:00 AM
Let my people in,
Anonymous wrote that”… despite your personal convictions towards observance would potentially bar you from certain interviews.” Excuse me, but I don’t recall Barbara Walters having any problems interviewing Arab leaders, including the late King of Jordan and his son.
When I read the title of the article, I mistook its meaning. I thought that perhaps it meant opening the door more widely for those non-Jews who wish to become Jews. Would-be Jews are turned away; their wish to be Jews is discouraged from the get-go. I understand (at least I think I do) why this is so. But there seems to be a wish to “return” to being Jewish.
By that I mean that I have met several Gers who have told me that they somehow always felt Jewish. They always sided with the Jewish people. Their entire being longed to be one of “Us.”
There is a midrash that all Jewish souls were at the Mount when we were given the Torah. Let’s face it, over the centuries many of our people were forced to convert to other religions or voluntarily for one reason or another converted to another religion. Whatever the case, their nefesh had been at the Mount when we received Torah. So why shouldn’t they wish to return to the faith of their ancestors?
I accept “gers” as full-fledged Jews. I have no problem with who converted then or into which flavor of Jewish community they converted. They are Jews who are willing to take on everything that comes with being Jewish. That’s wonderful!
For those who are still hung up on what kind of conversion they underwent, I ask who converted Ruth? She simply said, “I am a Jew” and that was that. We all know what happened with her. Would anyone question her Jewishness?
So why not make the title of this article what I thought it meant? Why not make it easier for those who feel so strongly that they are Jews that they are willing to take on the liability that many feel being a Jew is all about?
When I was born in 1940 (I’m about to be 65 but still feel like a kid), our people were being murdered in Nazi Germany. My own country, the United States, was refusing to save Jews by admitting them to our nation. How many wanted to be Jews then? I have no records to back me up, but I will bet that there were still non-Jews who were knocking on that closed door who wished beyond all reason to become Jews.
So what would be so terrible if we were to open that door a bit? Yes, there are the Noahide laws; they don’t want that. They are wanting and willing to take on more than just those few laws. They want the whole kit, cat, and caboodle of what it is to be a Jew.
Let’s open the door and let them come in.
(5) Susan Rubinstein, December 4, 2005 12:00 AM
Halleuluah for Awakening...better late than never!
It took this man a long long time to wake up!!! I woke up at age 13 when my parents took me on a trip to Israel. Every secular jew should take a trip to Jerusaleum and all of Israel to see how special it is to be jewish afterall. Here in the US we were made to feel inferior growing up among the gentiles because all the advertisers and movies were catered to their beliefs and wishes. For me at age 47, after traveling to Israel three times and married and divorced from an ISraeli, and me being a mom to my 12 yr old son, I can tell you although I celebrate Judaism in a more Conservative way, I am still a proud jew and just as believing as many of my Orthodox friends. I just choose to worship Judaism and celebrate the Holidays in a more modern way. But I am glad to read this man is no longer ashamed of his heritage and now embraces it. We should all be proud of who we are....and it's sad that the whole world can't overcome the green eyed monster, jealousy, and respect us as we do them.
(4) Andrea Feldman, December 4, 2005 12:00 AM
Enjoyed the story
After reading this story it is amazing how things in life change you. Very interesting, I enjoyed it.
(3) Anonymous, December 4, 2005 12:00 AM
Naive
For a bright guy with an impressive resume in journalism, you seem to be relatively naive about the world's attitude towards Jews. It is no surprise that admitting your religion as Jewish despite your personal convictions towards observance would potentially bar you from certain interviews. Additionally, your revelation that the spiritual instruction of your religiously aloof Conservative Rabbi was less than adequate is also annoying. What did you expect?! The current generation of conservative Rabbis do not maintain the level of scholarship and pursuit of Judaic academia that the previous generation of Conservative Rabbinate maintained. There is a dearth of leadership in the present Conservative Rabbinate. However, this does not mean that the Orthodox Jewish sector is the sole area that offers substantial ritualistic and academic instruction. There are many Rabbis and Synagogues in the Modern Orthodox and even Conservadox sectors that offer authentic Jewish teaching and spirit; it is only up to you to seek them out.
The experiences that you described are timeless and not unique to someone who has only recently joined the Jewish Observant sector. The prejuidices that you felt have been known to exist for generations, albeit in a unique structure created for the educated 20th century man and designed with more subtle prejuidices that prior generations.
Stan Tee, January 26, 2016 3:49 PM
Was that really necessary?
The writer has shared his very personal journey and told us how he has found contentment and fulfillment. Was it really necessary to rain on his parade the way you have done? One person's answer to spirituality is meaningful to him and not necessarily to others.
(2) Bill Graham (this one lays t'fillin), December 4, 2005 12:00 AM
OURSTANDING! A beautiful well balanced story
I loved the story. It was sad but with a happy ending. As a convert I related to his journey home. Forty 40 years ago I made a similar journey that united my soul with its people.
Keep up the good work.
Bill Graham
West Bloomfield, MI
(1) Anonymous, December 4, 2005 12:00 AM
from the same generation
Thank you so much for your reflective comments! I'm from the same generation as you. When I got involved in the Civil Rights and anti-war movements in the late 60's and early 70's I thought I was doing my part to fix the world - Tikkun Olam. I thought the notion of being a chosen people was elitist. I went on to organize working class people, work in a factory, and stray further and further away from the heritage I knew so little about, in spite of a Conservative Jewish upbringing. I rejected it all.
Today I thank Hashem every morning in my prayers that I am back and I ask fervently to keep growing as an observant and learning Torah every day of my life. My husband converted to Judaism over ten years ago and we are active leaders in our Modern Orthodox shul. I wear a sheitel to work and am still negotiating all the bumps and turns in maintaining close and warm relations with my loving extended family while at the same time holding firm on Kashrut, Shabbat observance and more. Our daughter recently got married in a beautiful Orthodox ceremony.
I pray, too, that we can do everything in our power to bring more Jews back into the fold. We who have it so easy in America don't even know what we're giving up. Assimilation is such a powerful and corrupting force in our lives. I was so profoundly saddened when I first started studying Torah about how ignorant I was.