My childhood best friend’s father traced his lineage back several generations to find that he was 1/16 Native American. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to allow him to dance in the Lakota Sioux Sun Dance Festival in South Dakota every summer, something white people generally weren't allowed to participate in. Every year my friend would tell me the most amazing stories of his summer adventures out West, and I would wish I wasn’t born “white.” I didn’t have any spiritual heritage to speak of. To me, Judaism was nothing more than baggage. Like most American Jews, I felt completely devoid of spirituality and cultural identity other than bagels and lox, which I didn’t like.
My friend’s parents had a major impact on my life. They took me camping, hiking and fishing for the first time. I loved every second. Their house was always full of interesting musical instruments, animal bones, and sage incense. When my friend turned 13, I was invited to join them in Upstate New York for his coming of age ceremony. Together with a bunch of other “born again” Native Americans, we escorted him deep into the woods for a Vision Quest. He fasted and spent the day and night all alone there, in the hope that he would have a vision that revealed his life’s purpose. Meanwhile, all those back at the camp spent the day in the sweat lodge, a small wooden frame covered in blankets.
He chanted as the room filled up with boiling steam. It was pitch black except for the glow of the rocks and it was amazing.
With everyone inside, my friend’s father splashed water over red-hot rocks, chanting as the room filled up with boiling steam. It was pitch black except for the glow of the rocks when the water hit them with a hiss. It was amazing. At the tender age of 13 I made up my mind -- I would find a people of my own someday with their own unique spiritual tradition and rituals.
Irish Pride
In high school I saw a few movies about Ireland and Scotland which sparked my imagination. I walked out of the theater with an Irish accent that stayed with me for months. Before Halloween, I visited the local fabric store and picked out a few nice scraps of tartan plaid and then stayed up all night sewing kilts for some of my friends and carving model weapons out of wood. Together, we paraded the streets of Manhattan dressed like Scottish warriors. Nobody blinked an eye. I studied Gaelic for a year in school and listened exclusively to Irish music. I related to the struggles of the people as they fought for nationhood and independence and even contemplated joining the IRA. I desperately wanted a people and a cause worth dying for.
The summer after graduating high school, my best friend and I flew to Ireland and spent a few weeks hitchhiking across the entire country. It was our first time out of the U.S. and we were in heaven. I felt like I was finally coming home to “my people.” My friend really was of Irish descent and he was able to find some of the towns that his ancestors came from. He even found a copy of his family crest of arms on a key chain. I was surprised to find one with my last name as well, but it was a coincidence. My grandparents changed their name to Horan after the war, from the more Jewish sounding Bergrin, meaning “Green Mountain.” Horan was the Czech equivalent, meaning “Man of the Mountain.” Horan just so happens to also be one of the most popular Irish names.
The green rolling hills of the Irish countryside were indeed beautiful, the beer flowed freely in the pubs, the music lifted the spirits, and the people were warm and friendly, but alas, it wasn’t my home. Despite my great Irish accent and the fact that I may have found my key chain, I was still an outsider looking in, and I couldn’t convert to Irish.
Lost and Found
For my 20th birthday, my best friend’s father built a sweat lodge for me and we celebrated my coming into adulthood together chanting over the red hot coals. Afterwards, I set out to see the world once more. I started delving into various world religions, although I never lost touch with my Celtic or Native American “roots.” I continued traveling for the next year and visited dozens of countries throughout the world, always searching for that familiar feeling telling me that I had at last found my people and my spiritual homeland. Every time I alighted from the plane or train in a new country I always met with the same disappointment. Although each place had its own beautiful and unique cultures, it wasn’t my people. I was still searching for my lost tribe.
Some time later, a friend of mine invited me to go for Shabbat to an ultra-Orthodox community in Upstate New York. I had never been to a Shabbat meal before -- certainly not in a Chassidic community, but I decided to go along for the ride anyway. Friday night I entered our host’s home with trepidation. The man of the house, Rabbi Rosen, wore traditional Chassidic clothing complete with long beard, side locks, a black hat, and a long black robe special for the Sabbath. He looked like he had walked straight out of 18th Century Europe. The family was warm and friendly and I quickly got over my fear. Rabbi Rosen worked as a ritual slaughterer in the Catskills.
“You know I didn’t always look like this,” he told me halfway through the meal. I was shocked.
As his story unfolded, I learned that he had grown up in a completely secular Jewish home, just as I had. He had majored in ecology in university, and got a job researching Bald Eagles in the wilderness of Montana. For several years he lived alone in the woods, hunting for his own food while doing his research for the American government. He eventually became friendly with a neighboring Indian tribe and even learned to speak two different Indian languages, dialects of Sioux and Blackfoot. He loved the way they lived with such simplicity and poverty while maintaining great meaning in their lives. He desperately longed to learn about their secret spiritual traditions, but alas, they were closed to outsiders.
“You come from the ‘holy white rock man’ -- Moses. Your people have great wisdom of their own. Go back to your people!”
After many months of living near the Indians, he approached the matriarch of the tribe, a wizened old woman, and told her that he wished to learn the ways of her people. She inquired about his heritage. He explained that he had been born Jewish. As a child, she had been kidnapped by Christian missionaries and was educated in a missionary Bible school. She remembered learning briefly about Judaism in the school and she had tremendous respect for the Jewish people. The story of Moses going up to Mount Sinai alone for 40 days and nights was reminiscent of her own traditional vision quest. “You come from the ‘holy white rock man’ -- Moses. Your people have great wisdom of their own. Go back to your people!”
Rabbi Rosen arrived in New York City with two long braids on the side of his head and started searching for a yeshiva where someone would teach him to reconnect with his heritage. The rest is history.
I was blown away. If he could give up all that and return to Judaism, maybe it was worthwhile for me to check it out.
Returning Home
When I was offered a free trip to Israel, I jumped at the opportunity to learn more about my heritage. As I walked off the plane, a feeling started to well up in my stomach. Of all the two dozen countries I had visited across the globe, there was always something missing -- I was always an outsider. Walking the ancient cobbled streets of Jerusalem just hours after getting off the plane, I suddenly felt something I had never experienced before, something strangely familiar, yet totally unexpected. I couldn’t understand why tears kept welling up in my eyes --maybe it was the jet lag. Only upon entering the stone ramparts of the Old City of Jerusalem did it hit me why I felt so overwhelmed with emotion: a voice rose up from within that simply said, “You're home.”
All I wanted was to find my people and my homeland; Judaism wasn’t what I was expecting.
At last, I found the feeling that I was looking so long for. The problem was that I wasn’t so happy with it. All I wanted was to find my people and my homeland; Judaism wasn’t what I was expecting. “Me, a Jew?” I never even considered the possibility that I might find meaning within my own tradition. But Israel had captured my passion and it started to plant its seeds in me.
On a tour of the Western Wall Tunnels, we learned about the daily rituals that took place in the Temple, Judaism's holiest site. The tour guide explained that the Cohanim, the priestly tribe, used to perform ritual sacrifices while the Levites, the musician tribe, used to sing and perform the most beautiful melodies. It was the first time in my life that I had heard that Judaism had different tribes, passed down from father to son. Although there were 12 tribes of Israel, most people today are unable to trace their tribe all the way back.
One of the kids on the trip told us that he was a Kohen. His family had kept a record of their tribe for 2,000 years since the destruction of the Temple. I couldn’t believe that such lineage was possible. I was jealous that he belonged to such a special tribe. I was just a regular Jew. My family had no such record that I knew of.
When I got home, I described my experience to my father and how moved I was to be in Israel. I told him that one of the kids on the trip was a Kohen.
“Do you want to know what we are?” he asked.
“We know our tribe?” I asked incredulously.
“Of course,” he said flatly. “Levi.” We were members of the tribe of Levi, the third son of Jacob, and I had never known. The Levites were the musicians and the teachers and they were not granted a biblical share in the land of Israel because instead of working the land, they devoted themselves entirely to spirituality and were supported by tithes from the other tribes.
The irony was tangible. There I was, searching my whole life for a people and a tradition, yet it was in my own backyard all along. For years I was envious of my best friend for his 1/32 Native American blood and his Irish crest, while feeling completely devoid of my own heritage. Meanwhile I could trace my line back thousands of years all the way to Levi ben Yaakov, Levi the son of Jacob! A direct line to spiritual greatness, complete with a homeland, a people, and a rich tradition. At last I had found my long-lost tribe!
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I asked my father.
“You never asked.”
Sometimes the greatest treasure is buried in our own backyard, just waiting to be unearthed.
(36) Martin Horan, April 9, 2017 11:36 PM
Thanks for sharing something with which many of us identify
As above.
(35) matis, May 12, 2016 7:05 PM
dorothy was right
Yup. Dorothy was right - there's no place like home! :)
(34) Jacob Sokol, September 8, 2010 5:01 PM
Hey Gavriel, great read! I loved getting to the part about the Jewish tribes and felt a sudden surge of specialness come forth in me when you described your relation to them. Congratz on the awesome article. -Jacob (www.sensophy.com)
(33) sergio Rangel, July 16, 2010 8:57 PM
The levites are musicians?
"you never asked" haha. even if you had the answer all along in your backyard, i bet that journey was so fun. very interesting story. One thing struck me as odd though. you mentioned that the tour guide mentioned the konahim as the priestly tribe and the Levites as the musicians. I always thought that the Tribe of Levi were the priests, hence the name Leviticus in the Pentateuch. Can you explain to me where t says in the TOrah and or other books of the Bible where it mentions this? I would like to learn. my email is posted on here so you can contact me. Thanks and thanks for your story. Toda raba
(32) Anonymous, July 7, 2010 7:06 AM
It almost brought me to tears. A lovely story, warmly told and so meaningful. Thank you
(31) Anonymous, July 5, 2010 8:56 AM
This article resonated strongly with me. I was in Israel in 1979 and when I arrived in Jerusalem, I too was immediately struck with tears of joy and I knew clearly that I was 'home' - but why - I wasn't Jewish, nobody else on the tour felt this way and I had travelled before and enjoyed various places and missed them when I left. Since then I have positively yearned to return to Jerusalem to stay, to live. In 1996 after trying to obtain birth certificates to leave South Africa for the U.K. I eventually found out that my mother was Jewish (she always knew the family history but refused to talk about it - I don't know why) and so am I! The discovery made me realise why I am so emotionally drawn to Jerusalem - I still want to go and live there but doubt if I will ever be able to. But I can dream....next year in Jerusalem!
(30) Anonymous, July 5, 2010 6:58 AM
I have read this article, and I want to thank you for bringing me home.
(29) Anonymous, July 3, 2010 12:33 AM
WE are waiting on YOU to step into your place
This is a wonderful story!! I am not a Jew but I am greatly aware of the Jewish heritage. You are a special people and what amazes me is the lenghth to which some Jews go to not be 'too Jewish'. You should all be very proud of your heritage. I am happy when one finds his or her way back home. WE are waiting on YOU to step into your places so that you can perform the tasks HaShem has given you to do. I am yearning to see Jews turn back to G-d. I am yearning to see some of the miracles that HaShem will perform for the Jews. It has been my prayer that Jews find their way back to G-d and their roots. I am happy you did.
(28) Betti Miner, July 1, 2010 10:07 PM
lost tribe
I too, found my lost tribe when my youngest brother had DNA test done and sent the results to my sister as well as me. I found out my dad had Jewish background and of the tribe of Levi. This was in 2005, I chose Judaism in 1993 with my husband and "returned" to my roots. I also have Native American blood almost 50% from both parents and knew that all of my life, I was always proud of that, as well as some Irish as my maiden name was Irish, I also have the family crest as well from Ireland. I am of the Wolf Clan of the Cherokee from West Virginia. I am of two tribes and proud of that. Thank you
(27) Jordana, July 1, 2010 3:48 PM
wow
This story could have been mine (just change the American-Indian and Irish attemps to some other popular "groups" during my teenage years!). It's incredible, after trying to fit into so many molds of people who "belonged", I found my own roots had always been there. Why do people like my parents bring us so far away from our faith and heritage, just so we can struggle, feel depressed, lonely and isolated, to find our way back to where we were all along? I am only saddened that instead of getting back to the starting point after all these years, i could have been climbing up for all that time. But thank G-d, He showed me the way home.
(26) yehudit levy, June 29, 2010 6:17 PM
Here's a thought....
Perhaps all Jewish parents should realise that when their child asks them , "Mum, Dad, where do I come from?" : They are enquiring about THEIR HERITAGE!!!!!
(25) Anonymous, June 29, 2010 5:55 PM
Why do you consider is a sad story? if anything its extraordinary that he was able to find his Jewish roots when so many secular Jews never do, simply because they are not interested, or they have been told inaccuracies about Judaism, or because they simply don't know any Rabbi's that can help them learn. I find it very heartening to know that someone has rediscovered the Judaism that resides in themselves.
(24) Anonymous, June 29, 2010 4:48 PM
where to go to find my tribe
Can you guide me where to contact jewish families in Germany, ?
(23) Anonymous, June 29, 2010 3:40 PM
Very moving
Thanks for sharing!! This helps everyone appreciate what they have.
(22) J. RODRIGUEZ ALCAZAR, June 29, 2010 2:34 PM
Am I a Sephardic Jew descendant?
Maybe I will never know it, but at any rate I will convert to Judaism, HaShem and I will take care of the rest, I am kind of tired of being in the Exile, and at 62 it is getting harder for me to keep up with the tents, I am coming back home.
(21) sebastian, June 28, 2010 10:07 PM
That happened to me....
I'm Brazilian and proud for being a Jew, but until my late teens I wasn't so sure about my Jew roots, then a firend of ours told us that our last name say Jansen was originally from up north Ireland and we came from Levi tribe, unfortunatelly we live in a "backwood" city distant from Sao Paulo where most Jewish families are, here we don't have sinagogue to congregate, we're few Jew families down here but regardless being a small family(my daugher Rebecca, my grandson Isaac Z'v and me) we feel God's blessings every single day.
(20) Anonymous, June 28, 2010 3:39 PM
a great story.
I hope more Jews like you emerge. This is a sign of the redemption, and something that inspires me to keep my teshuva going strong :D
(19) Gerald Mathias Dagenais, June 28, 2010 12:45 PM
Great Testimony
There are so many people who wish hey were someone else without searching out who they really are ! Truly sad! Search you ancestry and it very likely will revitalize you and yours. Happy Journey.
(18) yehudit levy, June 28, 2010 12:39 PM
Searching for Truth
Such a beautiful and moving article. I hope it will inspire others to search for their Jewish roots. This shows how Hashem will help us on whatever path we choose, whether it be closer to Him or even farther from Him. For those who are searching for the Truth, Hashem will ultimately lead them to it.
(17) Sylvie7, June 28, 2010 4:28 AM
Reaction to his quest.
This young man's journey is one of the saddest Jewish stories I've heard in a long time. He went out into the world with no sense of Jewish identity, excluding "dos pintele yid" that finally found itself. Why do Jewish families ignore the learning that is needed to nurture a sense of community?
(16) , June 27, 2010 11:16 PM
wow
amazing! thanx!
(15) Mrs. D from FR, June 27, 2010 8:47 PM
Insightful as always, Gavriel
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I asked my father. “You never asked.” --What a lesson! The writers of our Pesach haggadah bid us to "Open up FOR him," that is to say, for the son who has no Idea there is a queation to ask. WE need to let our sons know we have forefathers and tribes and a historical mission. The Jewish world is filled with literally millions of sons who would find their way home but need a little prodding and then their whole world opens up for them - but FIRST it is incumbent upon us to "OPEN UP for them." Interesting, we can be searching everywhere, but never asking our tribal fathers, so to speak. But it also takes the right representative, AND the seeeker needs to be really listening, realizing, "Hey - that's a lead for me!" That's where Hashem comes in...THe magic of your encounter with Rabbi "Rosen" (a good friend of ours, too) shows that G-d can put you in touch with the right shaliach, messenger, who is transmitting the message your soul is yearning to hear. Have nachas from your very special family, and I hope to see you in E"Y soon!
(14) Rochel, June 27, 2010 7:27 PM
I'm so glad you're found!
I loved this article. I too made a late discovery of who I really am. I also know the feeling of "coming home" at last! Yashar Koach Gavriel Horan. Now you and I and many others can give our children the beautiful heritage that almost went lost. Thank You Hashem!
(13) , June 27, 2010 6:38 PM
Study Torah on a daily basis, Talmud too. Study history, humor, and everything else about Judaism. Chassidic attention to everything every day goes on to total immersion in Shabbat and all the Yom Tov or Yontif celebrations. Yom Kippur and the approaching Tisha Bav are equally serious and call for the necessary mourning and I hope we will all be involved in the blessings of mourning for what was lost with so much to gain in our own personal spiritual lives. I really liked this article. I felt that I was on a similar journey. 40 years I have been nomadic to stay alive, study and finally find the necessary for my life opportunity. For all these things and people I am very grateful. Shalom Aleichem Shalom, Kathy
(12) manuel, June 27, 2010 6:12 PM
I liked it a lot
Very moving, indeed, for those of us who feel a strong Jewish identity. I wiould suggest him now to study Torah once a week on a weekly basis
(11) Anonymous, June 27, 2010 6:03 PM
Goose bumps
Welcome home, brother!
(10) Gail, June 27, 2010 6:01 PM
An Incredible Revelation
Gavriel - your words are profound. Many will be able to identify with your story - including me. Todah Rabah! I loved every word. Hopefully, you are on Facebook because I would like to keep in touch with you.
(9) norman novick, June 27, 2010 6:01 PM
What a story; what a writer.
What a story; what a writer.
(8) Anonymous, June 27, 2010 5:44 PM
beautiful article!!!
thank you!
(7) Dan, June 27, 2010 4:42 PM
A beautiful story. It should resonate with many Jews.
How sad it is that so many Jews look for meaning and identity in cultures outside our own. I myself came to Torah Judaism in part through my involvement in left-wing politics and folk music, two overlapping subcultures that are disproportionately populated by - you guessed it - Torah-distanced Jews. From high school through my mid-thirties, I would go to concerts and jam sessions of Irish performed by New York Jews pretending to sound like Irishmen, or blues music performed by Jews pretending to sound like black sharecroppers, or bluegrass music performed by Jews pretending to sound like Appalachian hillbillies. At some point I asked myself, "Why are there so many Jews in this scene? Don't we have any music of our own?" What a revelation I experienced when I learned that the most heartfelt and meaningful songs of all time were written by our King David, or that the most beautiful poetry was written by King Solomon, or that we have traditions of joyous music and dance dating back to the Levites, to Miriam, and to the Simchat Beit HaShoeva. Perhaps one of the keys to successful outreach is to identify what a person's passion is - whether it is spirituality, philosophy, community, art, music, food, etc. - and to show that all of these things have a basis in Torah, for there is no deeper source. One just needs to be willing to look.
(6) Yolanda, June 27, 2010 3:38 PM
Esau lost what I and so many others like me desire.
My daughter and I look upon the Jewish heritage and it's incredible richness and longevity, like no other, ... it's ethics developed by creator G-d Himself, and wish we had been DNA chosen too. So much so, that my daughter converted to Judaism. When I see or hear of a born Jew not fully embracing his or her heritage ... I say a silent prayer..." Lord, if they don't want their birthright may my family and I have it ... least it be ignored and not appreciated. Of course, this is impossible and only a envious wish. You are a holy nation with a mission and don't forget it! Meanwhile, we who love you will support you.
(5) irla, June 27, 2010 3:35 PM
wonderful
a feel good article, i am glad you have found the beginning of your long journey to a new world most of us have never started yet. i envy that you have visited Israel, like you i want to see the Holy Temple and maybe something similar to yours will happen to me.
(4) , June 27, 2010 2:49 PM
WOW! I myself and most of my friends went through years and years of looking and being jealous of other people's heritage until we found our own. My mother still goes to gypsies to tell her future when her own daughter is fully frum. We close our eyes to the most beautiful part of us. Our heritage. I hope there are people reading it who are looking for themselves and this article should help them look in the right place. KOL HAKAVOD!
(3) Alan S., June 27, 2010 2:01 PM
I just finished reading Tzvi Gluckin's book: Everything You Want Is Really Jewish. Rabbi Gluckin's story as related in this book is very similar to Mr. Horan's. Amazing how we often don't know what's right in our own backyard, so to speak. The grass seems always greener on the other side.
(2) Sharon, June 27, 2010 7:26 AM
great story
I'd love to hear the continuation. I assume you continued your search and study of Judaism
(1) Chaya Weisberg, June 27, 2010 7:23 AM
beautiful!
what a great article, thank you for sharing your journey!