My hand hesitated as I reached for my yarmulke. I hadn’t been wearing one in public, only in synagogue, but the wedding ceremony was just a few blocks away. This seemed like a good chance to test myself, to see if I had the guts to wear it on a crowded New York street.
My local Chabad rabbi had just texted me asking for a favor.
“Elliot! Please! If you are around, I really need someone to be a witness for a ketuba signing. It’s in your neighborhood and there are no Jews available right now. It’s a huge mitzvah, please help!”
I accepted with excitement. This was something new to me, I didn’t really know anything about the laws of Jewish weddings and this seemed like some cool hands-on learning. I found it strange that the couple opted to do it in a local sports bar, but maybe I just didn’t know what the norms were. I was new to most of this Jewish stuff, but eager to learn.
They thought I was some sort of rabbi in training. Little did they know that I probably knew less than them.
Kippah on head, I walked with nervous excitement and a brisk step to the bar. The bouncer looked at my head quizzically for a second and motioned to a door behind him. The couple, their parents and a few friends were buzzing with excitement around a table in the private side room of the bar.
I quickly realized that the rabbi had yet to arrive, making me the only one in the room who looked visibly Jewish. Everyone else just looked like typical downtown New York yuppies with a hipster influence: smatterings of tattoos and piercings adorned with high end clothing.
On the table was a large marriage document drawn up in Hebrew calligraphy, beautiful and expensive looking. Surrounding it were bottles of whiskey and buckets of craft beer. One of the guests asked if he could get me a drink and then snapped a picture of me and my yarmulke with the large camera in his hand.
A few months before, I would have more likely been a guest at this party rather than the Shabbat-observant witness who was required by Jewish law to watch the couple exchange rings and sign legal documents. But my life had changed drastically and I was happy about it.
I had recently started keeping Shabbat and keeping kosher. I had been attending classes on Torah and Talmud study after work twice a week. I had started to learn basic Hebrew. Years after graduating from the reform Hebrew school that I had attended every Sunday until I graduated high school, the twists and turns of life led me to rediscovery of my roots in a serious way.
Everyone was very nice, introducing themselves to me and thanking me for coming. They thought I was some sort of rabbi in training, with deep knowledge about what was about to happen. Little did they know that I probably knew less than them.
As I waited for the rabbi to arrive, I texted my Orthodox friend that I was going to be a witness at a ketubah signing, figuring he would be proud and supportive of the fact that I was doing a new Jewish activity. His response caught me off guard.
“You need to tell the rabbi that you are adopted. Since your biological mother may not have been Jewish, you might not be Jewish according to Jewish law, and that can be a big problem for the bride and groom.”
I was being questioned – no, accused! – that I wasn’t even Jewish. A mixture of anger, indignation and anxiety surged through me.
I was stunned. At times my adoption had crept into the back of my mind when learning about Judaism, but I hadn’t thought much about it. Now I was being questioned – no, accused! – that I wasn’t even Jewish. A mixture of anger, indignation and anxiety surged through me.
What hypocrisy, I thought. These guests who were more “Jewish” than me were slugging down bacon cheeseburgers and I was the one whose Jewishness was called into question? I was the one who kept Shabbat and kept kosher! I wore a yarmulke down the street a few minutes ago, attracting glares and stares in the name of being a proud Jew. What do you mean I may not be Jewish!
Do I Tell the Rabbi?
As I sat in turmoil, the rabbi entered the room. Shots were poured, hugs were exchanged; the big moment was here. I had to decide: would I ruin the ceremony for the non-religious Jewish couple, or would I hide my secret and possibly invalidate their legal documents? Both options were excruciating.
I decided that the rabbi had to know and make the call himself; I didn’t have the right to keep this secret from everyone. I didn’t know the implications here and I needed guidance and council. But this wasn’t so easy to get in a room full of jubilant, dancing hipsters and ecstatic parents.
As he danced with the groom-to-be and rounds of whiskey were poured, I tried to pull the rabbi aside. But every time I got close enough to get his attention, another guest pulled him away, asking him a question or thanking him for being “so great through this process.”
Before I knew it the rabbi had pulled out a kippah and put it on the groom’s head as he struggled through some Hebrew sentences and signed on the line. Then the wife to be. Then the rabbi. Everyone was snapping pictures, all laughs and smiles. Now it was my turn to sign, the last one. I looked around the room. I held my breath.
I signed.
Immediately afterwards, as another round was poured and everyone started hugging and taking pictures, I grabbed the rabbi.
“Listen, I am adopted. I was told that it can be a problem and I needed to say something to you but I couldn’t get your attention in time…”
“Uh…um…alright, it’s no problem, let’s talk after they leave.”
Soon enough the wedding party headed to dinner, the ketubah tucked menacingly into a cardboard cylinder under the arm of a guest.
Conversion? The word implied that everything I had worked so hard for was fraudulent.
I walked out with the rabbi. I explained that I didn’t want to wreck the ceremony and I was so sorry for not saying something sooner. He assured me that it wasn’t a big deal and that he’ll take care of it. “And Elliot,” he told me, putting his hand on my shoulder, “I know a guy upstate who could help you in the conversion process.”
Conversion process? I was the most Jewish one there! The most Jewish one on the whole block (besides my bearded rabbi)! Conversion? The word implied that everything I had worked so hard for was fraudulent.
I wanted to take the kippah off my head and throw it into the gutter. I wanted to order a bacon cheeseburger, not only because I could but because I should, just to show everyone that I didn’t count in the minyan. I seethed inside. But I politely told the rabbi that I would have to get back to him.
“Have a good Shabbos!” he said.
“You too.”
We parted ways. I left the kippah on. I slowly walked back to my apartment, head down. I was heading to Brooklyn in an hour for a Shabbat dinner with my cousins. I was going to walk back after sunset, two miles without a subway. Now I didn’t know if I should even bother.
A block from my apartment, I heard a voice.
“Shabbat shalom! Excuse me, Shabbat shalom!”
I looked up. Two girls in long skirts holding bags of food were standing in front of me.
“We baked an extra challah for Shabbat that we can’t use. We saw that you were Jewish; could you eat it for Shabbat tonight? It’s kosher, we promise!”
I didn’t know what to say. I tried to smile but I almost cried. I just looked at them in bewilderment and slowly accepted, explaining that I was heading to Brooklyn for a family meal and we would love to have another challah. We wished each other “Good Shabbos" and went our separate ways.
I looked down at the challah, still warm and dusted in cinnamon and sugar. I knew what I was going to do. This was just one more difficult hurdle to jump over, and somehow I would manage.
My Parents
One of the hardest parts of the conversion process was explaining it to my parents. They had always provided me with a Jewish education – Hebrew school every Sunday until I was a senior in High School. They had always stressed learning about the Holocaust. My mom even crafted a clever policy: she’d give me $20 per date if the girl happened to be Jewish (which I forewent when I started dating Jen).
My parents had always been very supportive and respectful of me exploring my Judaism. They would ask genuine questions about why I might take on a certain Jewish law like washing my hands before eating bread or saying the prayers afterwards. I would always try to answer with as much clarity as possible, explaining it to them and reinforcing what I was doing to myself. It was a healthy process and my Jewish growth wasn’t creating a wedge between us.
If my biological mother was Jewish, I was Jewish. If my biological father was Jewish, I was a gentile.
I researched the implications. If indeed I was not Jewish according to traditional Jewish law, my marriage to a Jewish woman would be invalid. In fact, in the State of Israel, based on my current status I was not eligible for marriage there. I would not be obligated in the 613 mitzvot, including Shabbat and kosher, things that I enjoyed and took serious effort to observe.
I even took a DNA test that indicated I was “43% Jewish,” which I understood to mean that in all likelihood one of my biological parents was Jewish. This made things even more confusing. According to the Torah, one’s Jewishness goes by the lineage of the mother only. If my biological mother was Jewish, I was Jewish. If my biological father was Jewish, I was a gentile.
I did not want to live with a cloud of doubt hovering over me. I wanted to be positive that I was Jewish according to all streams of Judaism, if not for myself then for my future wife and kids. I started cautiously investigating, asking my parents about the circumstances of my adoption and if they had any ideas if my biological parents were Jewish.
But casting doubt on my very Jewishness was an issue not just for me but for my parents as well. They provided me with a conversion in a mikveh with a conservative rabbi when I was a baby and a bris milah. I’m sure lurking in their minds, just as it had in mine, was the question: “What, that’s not Jewish enough?”
My parents didn’t fully understand what I was doing, but they were supportive. They knew that there was a good chance that this issue would eventually come up. They had always taken care of me exceedingly well, emotionally and physically, but this was a spiritual need that was out of their control. For once, they weren’t able to give me everything that I needed.
I had two options at this point: seek out my biological parents for the sole reason of determining my status as a Jew, which would put my loving parents through untold trauma. Or go through the conversion process and remove all doubt. The answer was clear. I was not going to put my parents through such pain.
Adopting Judaism
In the end, the conversion process was a blessing in disguise. Dabbling in my newfound Judaism had been a slow and at times distressing experience. I feared my non-Jewish friends wouldn’t understand, and my non-religious Jewish friends would resent me. I had been living a life of closet mitzvot. Now all of the baby steps that I was taking, many that I was concealing from friends and family, were leading to a swan dive into a new life.
I had been turning my phone off on Friday and back on Saturday, simply not responding to friends who wanted to hang out. I would say that I had plans and couldn’t go to the steakhouse, or in a pinch order vegan at restaurants, explaining that I was trying to be healthier when really I just wanted to be kosher.
Now there was no more hiding. It was out on the table.
“I am going through a conversion process because of my adoption. I am keeping Shabbat and kosher now, so don’t be surprised if I can’t go to the movies this weekend or eat at Josh’s birthday dinner.”
At first my friends were somewhat skeptical, but they quickly saw that I was serious and that my personality remained essentially the same. My weekends were completely different and I probably seemed a little more pensive and serious in conversation, but I was the same Elliott. My friends even started texting me any time they completed any type of mitzvah, just like I had done to my Orthodox friends.
I joined a congregation in my neighborhood with a fantastic, supportive rabbi who helped guide me through everything. A handful of other congregants divulged that they or their spouse was a convert. It was normal, and it was actually respected.
I was no longer hiding. The terrifying decision to take on the conversion process led to a beautiful sequence of honestly and learning.
Dunking in the mikveh and dancing with the rabbis of the Beis Din (Jewish court) after completing my conversion was the most soul-elevating experience of my life. I completed my nearly year-long conversion process on a Friday afternoon, just before Shabbat, and the next morning I was called to the Torah for my first aliyah.
Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, whose books were instrumental in my journey, was a guest speaker at my shul that Shabbat. Right after my aliyah, my rabbi, Rabbi Sacks and the men in my usual morning minyan got up, sang and danced with me around the bimah. The joy we shared was indescribable. It was the joy of coming home.
(20) Anonymous, March 12, 2019 3:55 PM
conversion
That is why even though I'm conservative, I gave my adopted son an Orthodox conversion. I didn't want there to be any question about his Jewish identity.
(19) Aaron, February 12, 2019 11:51 PM
Did you ever find out about your biological parents?
(18) joshua, May 16, 2018 9:40 PM
Sweet ending!
That happened to me, too. but I wasn't adopted, and when I realized I wasn't Jewish it felt like I'd been stripped of my entire self identity. I was alone in the world, it felt. Happily, like you, I'm now living a beautiful Torah observant life with a wonderful wife and children in a warm community. One of my friends had married a non jew, later she convereted, but they had to do everything all over again when they became frum. And then, after years of marriage and raising a family, my friend found out he was adopted and his birth mother was a Catholic. So then HE had to convert and they had to get married AGAIN. He said "I hope this is the last time - I can't afford another ring!"
(17) Kathi, February 27, 2018 9:30 PM
Inspiring
The original story is lovely and as a convert to Judaism through the Conservative movement, I am considering an Orthodox conversion, especially after finding out through a DNA test that I'm 99% European DNA with no Jewish DNA---because of my desire to be Jewish since childhood, I had always assumed that I had some Jewish DNA, so this was devastating.
(16) Meryl, January 29, 2016 12:15 AM
Conversion and the Decline of the Oral Law
I do not see that the key issue here is Elliot's adoption, it is about the fact that he had a conservative conversion which is not accepted as valid by the orthodox community he wishes to join. And this, to quote Rabbi Eliezer Berkovits, presents "an authentic halachic problem....how to decide in the case of a conflict between the laws of conversion and one's obligation according to Tora of preserving the unity of Israel, and of having love for all of Israel. Only because of the confrontation between two equally binding principles of the Tora do we have an authentic halachic problem on hand....to resolve the conflict between your requirements for conversion and your commitment to the unity of Israel.....what should have been resolved in the spiritual dimension has been degraded to a political struggle.......Is this Tora? Is this halacha?"
Eliezer Berkovits' complete 1974 essay, "Conversion and the Decline of the Oral Law" can be found in google books; it is in his Essential Essays on Judaism (edited by David Hazony); it is there in google books in its entirety from page 89 to 102.
(15) Nancy Zwiebach, January 26, 2016 9:00 PM
I have an adopted daughter
Our family situation is almost opposite. We adopted our daughter from (we are pretty sure) a gentile mother. We had her converted as an infant (strictly orthodox) and, at bat mitzvah, she declared her own choice to be Jewish. However, because of learning difficulties at a Hebrew Day School, she was forced to leave (they really had no understanding at the time) and I think that left her believing that she was "less of a Jew". We have now all submitted to Ancestry.com to have our geneological history revealed and I find myself hoping that it will reveal that somewhere in her background there is "Jewish blood".
(14) misha, January 20, 2016 8:22 PM
struggling with this myself...Help?!?
several years ago i finalized my conversion through the reform/conservative process and it appears that it might not have been enough. i'm a Jew to everyone but orthodoxy as halachally i don't measure up i guess. its been a hard life long journey for me with losing my family recently and having to start over largely due to my 'change' into Judaism. Now it's for 'nothing'?!?
i'm conflicted about 'completing' my conversion through the Orthodox as if i make aliyah i still might not be acknowledged.
I am willing to do whatever to complete my Jewish journey but it seems to be as much about control (from the rabbinate perspective) to prejudice against converts from the 'liberal' movements. AND is it even necessary? a couple orthodox rabbi's i've questioned are not sure my conversions aren't legit. I attend a Chabad and reform shul (talk about other worlds) and the chabad will not consider me as part of a minyan. Any word of advice is gold and i'll definitely need help to complete the process if i'm to go that route...
i live in the western Chicago suburbs
shalom lechka
Elliot Newman, January 21, 2016 2:05 PM
You're almost there already
Dear Misha,
I was in your exact position. I had a conservative conversion as a baby and I never even thought about it until the story I wrote above. The real question for me was: did I really believe that the Torah is true and I want my children to grow up with Torah, keeping Shabbat and other mitzvot? I decided that my answer was yes, and so the only thing to do was this conversion process.
Making the decision to do it was the hard part. The actual process was truly enjoyable. It was a huge learning experience, studying halacha and filling in big gaps in my knowledge of day to day Jewish practice.
I think that if you want to continue growing as a Jew, it is an essential next step for you. Speak to the Chabad rabbi and have him point you to the Beis Din that is most prominent for conversions in your area. Arrange a meeting with the rabbis there to see what it entails. You'd be surprised about how little of your life you actually change and how much happiness the process brings.
Best of luck,
“Elliot”
Misha, January 22, 2016 9:43 PM
Sounds like a plan
TODAH RABAH...your wisdom is appreciated and that is what I need to do. Being Jewish is the most important thing to me other than HaShem Himself...so its 'go' time..i already contacted the CRC so your prayers and kind thoughts are appreciated.
Kol tuv -Shabbat Shalom!
Elliot Newman, January 24, 2016 6:59 PM
Kol hakavod!
Misha,
That makes me so happy to hear. Thank you for letting me know. You will be in my prayers and kind thoughts, absolutely.
All the best, enjoy the journey. You deserve all of the reward you are sure to receive.
Elliot
(13) Meryl, January 20, 2016 5:36 PM
R. Eliezer Berkovits
It was Rabbi Eliezer Berkovits who once quipped: “Who is a Jew? One whose grandchildren are Jewish.” ---Rabi Avi Weiss
(12) Rabbi Aryeh Moshen, January 19, 2016 6:41 PM
To "Elliot"
I sent a post to my Gerus group suggesting that the members read the article a couple of days ago. I hope that they read the entire article and include Stan's remarks and your response.
Anonymous, January 21, 2016 2:26 PM
Thank you!
Dear Rabbi Moshe,
Thank you! That's exactly the reason that I wrote an article like this. I hope it helps people with the difficult but important choices that the Ger process entails.
Best,
Elliot
(11) Meryl, January 19, 2016 3:25 PM
on whose authority?
Elliot,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was really validating for me to see someone else express the same intense feelings I have had on this subject. I converted with a conservative Beit Din and it has been hard to grapple with the fact that my status as a Jew (more observant than the whole family into which I married, including my husband!) and what is more painful, the status of my children as Jews, is invalid in the eyes of orthodoxy. What is more, I attend Chabad and modern orthodox services more often these days than I attend a conservative shul!
What is most troublesome for me with this issue is: it's not just a matter of a legal definition of who is Jewish, it is a matter of whose (halachic) conversions will be recognized by whom. From my understanding of the subject, even your conversion with an orthodox rabbi in the US will not be recognized as valid in Israel. Of course you could get citizenship granted from the State with not problem at all, but if you were to make aliyah and decide to marry in Israel, you would have to marry overseas for your marriage to be valid in the eyes of the Israeli rabbinate.
It seems to me that Chabad in particular must have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy with regards to converts, and it is hard not to be angry that they don't accept halachic conversions not performed under an orthodox rabbi. I understand they are just following protocol, but then it just seems to spiral into absurdity for me when I realize even their conversions are not recognized by the Israeli rabbinate.
Kol tuv,
Meryl
Anonymous, January 21, 2016 2:17 PM
You found the key...
Dear Meryl,
Yes, it sounds like our feelings about journeys are very similar. I don't know what it is like to have to deal with questions about my children's halachic status but I'm sure that is a very difficult additional complication.
As far as my conversion being accepted in Israel, I assure you it is. My conversion was done by the Orthodox Union in Manhattan, part of Yeshiva University. It took me a a good deal of time to find the appropriate Beis Din to approach for this process, but I am glad I spent the time and effort.
It was really my rabbis that deserve the credit here. A good rabbi will make sure that you are going to the most solid Beis Din possible. Redoing this process sounds very traumatic and I feel for the people who's stories I have heard in this area.
It sounds like you know what you are looking for: a conversion that is acceptable for marriage in the state of Israel. That is the key to peace of mind that you will never have to redo the process again.
All the best,
Elliot
Meryl, January 24, 2016 9:11 PM
Chief Rabbinate rejects Orthodox US conversion
Elliot,
Below is an excerpt from an article which appeared in the Jerusalem Post last fall (9/29/15) entitled: Chief rabbinate rejection of US conversion ‘casts shadow over American Orthodox institutions.’ I know this muddies the water in a potentially ugly way, but it cannot be ignored. Can you get a more "solid" Beis Din than one headed by R. Schwartz? From this article, I can't help but conclude that there are no guarantees when it comes to overseas conversions being recognized in Israel for the purpose of marriage.
--Meryl
“A Jewish convert from the US who made aliyah to Israel had her conversion rejected by the Chief Rabbinate’s department for matrimony and conversion earlier this year, despite having a conversion approval certificate from a rabbinical court presided over by the head of the Bet Din of American, Rabbi Gadalia Dov Schwartz…… Rabbi Itamar Tubol, under the auspices of Chief Rabbi Yitzhak Yosef, wrote a letter to the Herzliya rabbinate that……’It should be noted that it is the right of Rabbi Schwartz to approve a conversion just like it is the right of the Chief Rabbinate not to accept it, and it should not be concluded that just because Rabbi Schwartz approves it, the Chief Rabbinate is required to approve it.’
(10) Henny Walkin, January 18, 2016 4:01 PM
Question
I have a question: What about the validity of the marriage in which you signed as a Jewish witness, rendering the chupa-kiddushin invalid because of the presence of only one Jewish witness. Was there a follow up on that?
David, January 21, 2016 1:19 PM
Jews are Holy because G-D is Holy
I - as a non Jew - know that G-D of Israel is Holy and so is His law.
I have learned that Jews are Holy because G-D is holy. Also when they eat pork...
I am shocked to read that you are troubled by Jews 'being less Jewish than you'.
I read a lot about you and your hurt feelings. In this process you didn't bother to sign the marriage document. Because YOU would feel embarrassed.
Please do not get me wrong I do not judge you but I am shocked by it.
I think nothing is ever about you but all is about G-D.
Meryl, January 25, 2016 4:07 PM
Efes bilt'cha (there is nothing but You)
David,
Wow. What a fabulous tikkun (correction). Your comment really hit home for me. It is so easy to get wrapped up in our egos and to focus so intently on what WE DO to be holy, to follow halachah, that I was loosing sight of the fact that (while it is certainly true that our observance of mitzvot elevates us and the entire world) our holiness is really an existential fact entirely predicated on the holiness of The Almighty, HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Your words are just what I needed to hear, right when I needed to hear it.
Thank you most sincerely, and may G-D bless you.
--Meryl
Anonymous, January 21, 2016 2:23 PM
Sorry, I don't know
The Rabbi is a good man and has a lot of experience. I'm sure he handled things properly shortly thereafter. "Oh there was a misprint on the document, can you come to my office and resign it"... That sort of thing. Elliot
David, January 21, 2016 2:49 PM
'Rabbi is a good man?'
What is good, what is bad ?
You need Tora to know this...
I rest my case.
All the best
(9) Anonymous, January 18, 2016 5:29 AM
adoption
I'm glad he resolved his Jewish identity. Still I hope that he will be able to find out more about his biological parents at some point. He may need to know for many other reasons and if his parents are as devoted as I know they are, from reading this article, they will not stand in his way.
(8) Stan Benjamin, January 18, 2016 12:30 AM
What is the objective here?
Personally I am deeply offended by this article. Let me give you an analogy. Suppose I had spent my adult life heavily involved in my Shul, leading a relatively full Jewish Life and then I discover that I was adopted. Are you telling me that the years of 'doing jewish' is NOTHING compared to being 'biologically jewish'?? Surely the responsibility of being Jewish is to support love, truth and justice and do good deeds. And if we continue with the anology, the Rabbi at my Shul would welcome me without any fuss!!! That's a simplification, but forcing this man to 'convert' considering his actions, behaviour and involvement is deeply insulting to him and to Judaism. Or was the objective 'one-upmanship' on his background of Reform Judaism? As a committed Jew, 'Halachically Pure' (I'm being cynical here!) I would have more respect for the Rabbis in the story if they taught people to be better Jews with Jewish ideals and make the world a better place for them having been here than force someone like this man to undergo 'conversion' so un-necessarily because.....Oh the evil of it.................he was adopted!! In this day and age with people leaving religions left, right and centre might it not be better for us Jews if we taught "DOING" is better than anything else. I would rather have a Community FULL of 'DOERS' rather than a Community of Racial Purists who may/may not do anything!! I'm gobsmacked by the propaganda exposed here. Sorry guys, but reading this from Australia makes me worry. I am always inspired by your stories from folks that are 'role models', but this story was almost like someone who has had the 'wool pulled over his eyes'. I have read the story twice...perhaps I need to read it even more, but the more I read, the more angry I get. Is there anyone else out there who feels like this??
Elliot Newman, January 18, 2016 12:07 PM
I am happy, not angry.
Hi Stan,
I understand your feelings...I had the same ones myself as I sat in that ketuba signing, and again many times before I decided to go through with making the actual commitment to the conversion process. I had a lot of resentment because I had changed so much in my life already; I couldn't believe I was asked for even more, and in the process, experiencing a rejection of all of the progress I had made.
But here is the thing: nobody forced me to convert. Nobody demanded anything of me. I looked at it as a test: Do I commit to the Torah, which I had grown to love and believe was the truest thing in the world, or do I decide that I had done enough and put my foot down and just stay where I was? I finally made the choice out of love. I wanted to follow the Torah. The Torah said that I could be Jewish one of two ways: be born to a Jewish mother or go through a conversion process. The first way was clouded over for me, but after much thought I realized second way was beautiful. I was doing most of the required things anyway, why not make the realest possible pledge to Judaism?
As far as “racial purity,” the Torah explains repeatedly that converts enjoy all the same rights and obligations as Jews from birth, regardless of race. My community and Jews I have met since have always been impressed with my conversion journey, not derisive. I am happy that I was given the opportunity to take this journey and reap the rewards from it-- there have been plenty.
Best,
“Elliot”
Aaron, February 12, 2019 11:57 PM
You could have looked up your biological parents without the adoptive parents' knowledge
Joy, January 18, 2016 1:12 PM
Mixing up
This gentleman is confusing emotions with legality. There is an exact legal definition of Jewishness, that's how it is. How one feels about that fact will not change it.
All the best and keep your cool.
Mike, January 18, 2016 4:45 PM
not so
you are confusing inter-personal relationships and personal feelings with a set halachic standard
Can we please stop speaking so much about feelings?
If you are speaking about being a committed Jew and a true Jew, critize Rabbis,etc why don't you go ahead?
Keep Shabbat like a Jew is supposed to. Not lighting fire is written in the Torah. That includes not driving a car.
I wonder if you live up to that.
You write that you see 'Judaism' as more than being halachically/genealogically Jewish, but also in a way of behaving.
Do you keep Shabbat a Jew is supposed to keep Shabbat (no driving)
If the answer is no, you criticize other people for real or imagined shortcomings, yet you don't even want to behave like a Jew.
And for your information, someone who doesn't keep Shabbat is temporarily(!) cut OFF from the Jewish people.
Maybe it is you who has never learned Torah.
(7) mavin, January 17, 2016 11:43 PM
Who is a Jew?
Read a disturbing comment on this post on FB by a Mark Williams trying to spew the same old libel of European Jewry having only 10% DNA stemming from the Middle East. This is just one of the standard libels that anti-semites try to use to deny the Jewish people their rightful place in Eretz Yisrael.
Anonymous, January 18, 2016 4:51 PM
about DNA
I agree with you. it's very funny. If you look at it logically, how can a person possible know what is 'original Jewish DNA' ? The only way is to go back in time 2000 years or more and take DNA samples from Jews living in the Land of Israel before the exile.
Against what are they comparing their results if the above is not an option?
The way to define 'typical' Jewish DNA would be to see what DNA Jews typically have. However,if you then compare the DNA you find of Jews as a group to the 'typical' Jewish DNA, the similarity will be 100% percent, not 10%.
(6) a.j, January 17, 2016 11:31 PM
Learned Response
The," Who's what ",makes saddening seperation. It comes strange to find out one is not percentage enough for some. Being outside of the culture discovered by some well-educated older relatives brought curiousity, and learned protectiveness,as seen was those who austed you from every group. The silence of some gets understood. Recall Ruth and the wife of Moses? Who are we?
(5) thaler, January 17, 2016 9:27 PM
U R D BEST!
Thank you for another inspiring article.
Keep up the good work!
(4) Anonymous, January 17, 2016 4:22 PM
Proud
You're the man Elliot! While reading your story I remembered what it was like to grow up in New York and grow spiritually simultaneously. Indeed, we shared similar feelings. Thank you for sharing that piece of your life with us, I know I truly appreciated it. Btw. That part about the girls giving you the challah was my favorite part-- just goes to show that when you're down in the dumps hashem is always there to put a smile on your face ;) Behatzlacha in everything that you do, Shmuli
Elliot Newman, January 17, 2016 8:19 PM
Thank you
Thank you for your words. When they handed me that challah it was like a Hand on my shoulder telling me things were going to be OK. I told one of my Orthodox friends the story afterwards and he just said "hmm, Hashem is in a rush with you isn't he?" That reframed the entire episode for me.
(3) Chuno Dovid, January 17, 2016 3:40 PM
A very thoughtful and intimate insight into exploring one's Judaic roots
A very eloquent and emotional review of one man's journey towards Judaic identification and embracement. Not an easy path but for Elliott, a very moving and insightful one. More power to him. He should make us all proud of our Judaic heritage regardless of whether one is born to Jewish mother or through conversion and study - the end result can be the same.
(2) Richard, January 17, 2016 2:56 PM
Judaism can be very complicated, especially for converts!
I wish it was that SIMPLE! My wife was born in Japan in 1955 to a Jewish father and mother who had converted post WW2. While in Japan, my wife, as a child had 2 conversion ceremonies. Before we married, she underwent another(orthodox) 'just in case'. My son who lives in Israel was told this is not good enough. She finally underwent another conversion by the RCA after studying with my niece who is a Chabad rebbitzen. We have been married a total of four times! My advice is to keep the faith. There will always be someone who questions your Judaism.
(1) Laurie, January 17, 2016 2:36 PM
Very uplifting!