The phone rang in my New York hotel room. It was 1995, and I was saying Kaddish for my late father, of blessed memory, Joseph Jacobovici. I live in Toronto, but I'm a filmmaker, so I move around.
During my eleven months of saying Kaddish, I ended up in various minyans from San Francisco to Halifax. Once I extended a stopover in Detroit and rushed to the basement of an old shul, where I was greeted by nine octogenarians as if I were the Messiah himself. But the phone call in New York was the start of what turned out to be perhaps the most interesting Kaddish experience of them all.
I had just finished a documentary film called "The Selling of Innocents." The film won an Emmy, attracting the attention of Oprah Winfrey, the American icon and celebrated TV host. The producer at the other end of the telephone line asked if I could fly to Chicago and appear with my fellow producers on the Oprah show the day after next.
I was taken aback. This was the Oprah show. The big time. Great publicity for the film, and great promotion for me and my company.
"I'd love to do it," I said, "but I don't think I can."
"Why not?" the producer asked, her voice betraying her surprise. Nobody says "too busy" to the Oprah show.
"I have a problem," I answered.
The producer's voice, Lisa was her name, became steely. All business. "What's the problem?" she asked.
"It's complicated."
"Try me," she said.
I began the process of explaining to a non-Jewish television producer from Chicago about the Jewish ritual of Kaddish.
Whenever I had to explain this, people never quite got it. I would tell them that I need a minyan, and they would drive me to an empty shul.... It never quite worked out. But this was Oprah. So I gave it a try.
"I'm Jewish. My father passed away. In our religion it's incumbent on me, three times a day, to say a certain prayer, a glorification of God's Name, really. It's called Mourner's Kaddish. To do this, I need to be in a ‘Jewish quorum.' It's called a minyan... So I can't miss this ritual. If I come to Chicago, I would have to attend morning services prior to being on Oprah."
"No problem," she said. "You need a minyan to say Kaddish. Ten Jewish men. For morning services. I'll arrange it."
"It's not so simple," I said. "You may find a synagogue, but it might not have a minyan in the morning. Or the Jewish community may send you to a synagogue that's open... which wouldn't do the trick for me."
Lisa tried to be patient. "I'll fax your flight information to your hotel. You will be met in Chicago by a limo. The driver will have the minyan information. You will say Kaddish for your father."
The rest unfolded like a military operation. The next day the ticket came. Then the limo came. The driver took me to a hotel and said, "I'll be here at 6:30 a.m. Your minyan begins at 7 a.m. I'll pick you up at 8 a.m. You'll be at the Oprah show by 8:30 a.m."
The hotel room was beautiful. I slept like a baby. At 6:30 in the morning, I came down and stepped into my limo. There was a newspaper on the seat.
I could get used to this, I thought.
The driver pulled up in front of a downtown office building and told me that there was a Chabad Lubavitch minyan on one of the upper floors.
When I got there, the rabbi looked at me and said, "So you're the guy saying Kaddish. I was warned by the Oprah show that I'd better have a minyan."
We smiled at each other. I was really impressed with Lisa and Oprah. And I felt that my father was surely amused. After davening, my driver took me to the Oprah show. I was met by Lisa, a black woman in her thirties. She got straight to the point.
"You had a minyan?"
"Yes, thank you," I said.
"Was it proper? Did you say Kaddish?"
"Absolutely. Couldn't be better," I answered.
She looked at me with that look that star surgeons have when they come out of the operating room. Or maybe it's the look that battle commanders have when coming back from a military operation. It's a look that says, "Nothing is too complicated."
I was on Oprah. She was very professional. I had my five minutes of fame. But all I can remember of that day is the Kaddish.
This story appears in "Living Kadish – Incredible and Inspiring Stories" Compiled and edited by Rabbi Gedalia Zweig, published by Targum Press.
(29) Rabbi Gedalia Zweig, May 1, 2020 12:52 PM
AMAZING
Thank you Simcha.. I am always inspired by this story.We should ALWAYS seek out minyan whenever we can..
(28) Anonymous, June 11, 2015 7:53 PM
Great story but a little hard to believe
I know she's one of America's most powerful women but a chabad minyan at 7am, c'mon!!!
:) Just kidding - great work guys! Yashar Koach
(27) Anonymous, June 11, 2015 4:12 PM
Just great!!
What a lovely and heartwarming story - thanks for sharing!
(26) Anthony, June 9, 2015 8:58 PM
heart warming
Great story, thanks for sharing!
(25) Laja Thomas, June 9, 2015 7:31 PM
I hope my parents will forgive me I did not know about having to say Kaddish for a certain time. The jewish community where my parents were burried was all Russian and the leader at the time was one of those "i am jewish now" woman who did not allow my sons to carry the casket of my mother sibce they were not jewish. I am jewish, they did not allow my dons to say a prayer at the open grave and i hope this woman roots in hell by the way she may not be jewish now anymore she left her husband and children, who by jewish law are not jews since she was not born a jew
Ruth, June 10, 2015 3:55 PM
You are Jewish
Laja--you are Jewish because that is the way you was born. So are your sons. & yes-this woman 's children are Jews because their father is Jewish. Check your DNA--it would be Jewish. & just because this woman married a Jewish man, didn't make her a Jew. May the good L-rd bless you & yours.
Dvirah, June 12, 2015 1:43 PM
Correction
According to Jewish law religion is passed down by the mother only - NOT by the father. So Laja's children are Jewish if Laja's mother was Jewish. BUT if the "Jewish now" woman never formally converted, her children are NOT Jewish, even if their father is.
(24) Sue, June 9, 2015 6:31 PM
Thank You to Lisa and Oprah and Chabad!
I think thanks are in order for Lisa for being so efficient and understanding--to Oprah--for having such a great staff--and to Chabad for always being there for Jews all over the world!
Anonymous, June 10, 2015 11:31 AM
Not all the time. Chabad didn't have a minyon for me.
I was by myself most of the days that I sat Shiva. Had 1 Shiva visitor.
I tried, am a woman and did pay a Rabbi where my Mother died to say Kaddish for me. Grateful.
(23) igor bartolic, June 9, 2015 6:19 PM
Thank You for mail
(22) Anonymous, June 9, 2015 6:03 PM
kaddish is talking time in a lot of shuls
people do not realize the importance of y'he shmey rabba response to kaddish some dont even stand There was a very clear and informative card given out by Young Israel nat'l council yrs ago which i still have explaining the importance of kaddish It was in English w/each word of kaddish translated and expalined
And it says in red ink that one has to concentrate and answer in a loud voice It was printed in Hebrew as well and given approval of Rav Chaim Kanievsky
If olam haba is important this is one way to earn it
(21) Carol Serotta, June 9, 2015 5:11 PM
Can't wait to share this story
I loved this story for many reasons. Of course for the obvious one --fulfilling the kaddish so beautifully and what this should mean to all of us who have lost loved ones. This story goes much further--it also educates the non-Jewish community. It shows that other people CAN understand such a ritual--and CAN make it happen. I have a very dear friend who worked with me in academia and who has also worked with Oprah. I was always impressed by the experiences she shared with me about what Oprah has done not only for the black community, but also for so many people from all different walks of life. This tale tells not only of an expedient venture for Oprah's show, but demonstrates what can be done if all people are willing to understand our differences and are willing to work together and enjoy these differences! I can't wait to share this story with many of my colleagues at Cabrini College.
(20) Lisa, June 9, 2015 4:39 PM
Respect yourself & others will respect you!!
Yasher Koach to all involved!!
May your father's neshama have an Alyiah.
(19) rita, June 9, 2015 2:56 PM
credos to Oprah's producer Lisa. Yosher Koach to her.
(18) Joel, August 5, 2012 5:41 PM
A truly touching piece to read
All parts of this story are so compelling. Glad I came across it , now in 2012. It's timeles..
(17) Gedalia Zweig, August 2, 2009 3:36 AM
amazing coincidence
I find this amazing because I just saw Simcha one week ago here in Toronto. I hadn't seen him since the book came out as he moved to ISRAEL. He told me of all the movies he made he was most recognized for THIS story and approached in shuls all over.Thanks for posting it; if anyone has further stories I am planning a 2nd book..Thanks again..
(16) Eliav, June 5, 2009 2:18 AM
that's great
That's a really fun story. Thanks for sharing.
(15) Yishai Menachem, June 4, 2009 12:58 PM
Donation
Truly an amazing story. The only I would have done differently it to make sure the shul was well taken care of for the Rabbi's efforts. A minyan at Chabad is a miracle in itself! lol Again thanks for sharing!
(14) Esther Livi, June 2, 2009 9:44 PM
standing by our beliefs
I call you a true Jew. You put G-d, your religion and your family above fame and fortune. We should all learn from you.
(13) Judith Forsgren, June 2, 2009 4:31 PM
Honor
The noble spirit honors his father and mother. And in death it is no different than in life. To put your own father's honor above your own, shows your true character. You had a choice and you chose the way of the servant over the way of the guest pleasing both your father's memory and Hashem. You got respect for your efforts, but even more, you were Worthy of respect.
Joel, August 5, 2012 5:42 PM
Thank you Judith
Your comments fill the hearts of those who choose to try their best to fill the Kaddish obligation.
(12) Rosa Hollander, June 2, 2009 12:11 PM
Kaddish arranged by Oprah''s non-jewish producer
This is an amazing story but I think it is Oprah''s producer Lisa who should be praised and highlighted. We are all ushering in Moshiach and a better world with acts of kindness. Lisa is a producer of such kind acts and should be commended.
(11) Ms. B, June 2, 2009 8:34 AM
You Make Me Proud
It shows what is important to you in life. Despite her popularity, you stand by what you believe. You are my kind of person. Blessings to you.
(10) Anonymous, June 1, 2009 6:20 PM
wow!!
this was an amazing article!!
(9) yosef, June 1, 2009 4:05 AM
wow!
I salute you, you could have said you'll pay someone, you could have said you only really need one Kaddish a day. Thank you for modelling for the Klall what a devoted child and Jew is!
(8) janis altman, May 31, 2009 12:40 PM
This is a beautiful story.Your father is so proud that you not only say Kaddish but share this wonderful story of faith and respect.
Thank you.That story is why I love being Jewish.Our souls are never too big to be where we need to be.Good for you .your father must be so proud and sending you light all over.
(7) Linda McArtney, May 31, 2009 11:59 AM
Kaddish at the Oprah Show
What a heart-warming story, I'm glad by box of tissues were close at hand.
(6) Mrs.G., May 31, 2009 10:49 AM
The last line made me cry
BS"D Once in a while I read a piece that's short and crisp and makes me cry. This was it. Why? Because you put everything into perspective. A chance to be on the Oprah show and what was important to you? Saying kaddish for your father. Not only did you succeed in doing that but with the help of a non-Jew and a Chabad minyon, you made a kiddush Hashem, sanctification of G-d's name. Who knows how much good that did in the world? Thank you for sharing this. May you continue to santify G-d's name for all of us here on earth and your father in the World to Come.
(5) Ruth, May 31, 2009 10:27 AM
Sometimes they get it!
How often we assume that others "don't get it" and don't give them a chance.A clear and unapologetic explanation can do wonders to let others into our world.
(4) Birgit, May 31, 2009 10:11 AM
Wonderful heartwarming story-please more of it!!:-)
(3) Batsheva, May 31, 2009 9:29 AM
Great story!
Thank you for sharing that warm, funny story! Your father's nashama surely had an amazing aliyah!
(2) Ruth Housman, May 31, 2009 9:08 AM
Oprah!
Since it's has been about Shavuos and The Book of Ruth, I learned by going on line that the name Oprah and Orpah, in Winfrey's life, share a connect. It might be that her name is an inversion of letters or that there is another story that surrounds this. I can't remember.
(1) lisa, May 31, 2009 8:19 AM
WOW...what respect!!
I watch the Oprah Show whenever time allows & now I have even more respect for her & her crew!! It also shows me that when you really ,really ,really want to make things happen....they can happen!!!