All my assumptions were false.
I assumed that since Max Steinberg, who had been killed in action in Gaza last Sunday, was a “lone soldier” from California who had no family and few friends in Israel, only a several hundred American-Israelis would show up at his funeral. Wanting to give support to his bereaved parents, my husband and I decided to go to the 11 AM Wednesday funeral at Jerusalem’s Mt. Herzl Military Cemetery.
When we got on the light rail heading to Mt. Herzl, it was sparsely filled. Of course, lots of people got on at the next three stops. But when the train reached the Central Bus Station, I realized that something strange was happening. Multitudes of people crowded onto the train and seemingly no one got off. At the next stop, even more people pushed their way into the already packed train – old and young, men wearing different kippas representing different religious groups or no kippahs or pony tails, women wearing long sleeves or short sleeves or tank tops and jeans. It dawned on me: All these Jews were heading to Max’s funeral.
In Hebrew, I asked a bareheaded young man standing next to me how he could take off in the middle of the day. He said that he worked in a bank, and many employees had taken off to attend the funeral.
“Why?” I asked, perplexed.
30,000 Israeli Jews came to the funeral of an American they didn't know but who had given his life for them.
He replied that word had gone out on Whatsapp and email that Max’s parents hoped that many people would attend the funeral. Gesturing with his head to the packed train, he responded simply, “So everybody’s coming.”
They came, in the hundreds and thousands and tens of thousands, Israeli Jews mourning a young American man they had never met but who, they understood, had given his life for them. In the end, more than 30,000 Jews came out in the scorching midday sun to pay their respects to Max Steinberg.
I assumed that, because Max’s parents had never before come to Israel, that they were not Zionists, perhaps not even Jewishly affiliated, and therefore, they must be filled with bitter regrets that he had done something as reckless as joining the IDF, which had cost him his young life. Max was only 24. He would never get married, give them grandchildren, or succeed in the ways that Americans value.
"Do we have any regrets that Max enlisted in the IDF as a lone soldier? My answer is an unequivocal, ‘No!’”
Yet the shocking statement of Stuart Steinberg, Max’s father, at the funeral was: ““We want to answer the question on the minds of many people: Do we have any regrets that Max enlisted in the IDF as a lone soldier? My answer is an unequivocal, ‘No!’”
As Stuart and his wife Evie and their surviving children Paige and Jake delivered their parting words, they solved the mystery of how Max, who was raised in the upscale town of Woodland Hills in the San Fernando Valley, and who apparently had not belonged to any Jewish or Zionist youth group, had decided to dedicate his life to protecting the Jewish People in Israel. Max’s mother Evie described how, although he was short and slight, Max excelled in sports and was a good student. He attended courses at Pierce College, but “in Los Angeles he never found his higher purpose.”
Two years ago, Max came to Israel on a Birthright trip with his younger siblings Paige and Jake. Here, in the Mt. Herzl Military Cemetery, Max noticed the grave of a lone soldier from America who had been killed in action. It affected him deeply. After ten days in Israel, he went home and announced that he was returning to Israel to join the IDF.
Zeal Kindled
What had transformed Max at that graveside encounter? Could it be that he, who was raised in a culture of self-expression and self-gratification, suddenly realized the opposite possibility of self-sacrifice for a lofty cause? Could it be that he, who had been living in the L.A./Hollywood milieu of virtual reality, where Facebook friends are not really friends, super-heroes are not really heroes, and reality shows show the most superficial realities, suddenly encountered the possibility of life lived for an ideal that is truly real?
Max’s soul was like kindling dried out by lack of a meaningful mission. One visit to the Jewish State ignited a flame of exalted purpose in Max, so that he burned with zeal to dedicate himself to a combat unit of the IDF. The army, on the other hand, was reluctant to accept into an exclusive combat unit this scrawny American guy who barely spoke Hebrew. In an army interview, the questioner asked Max three times in what position he would like to serve. Max was resolute that he wanted to be a combat soldier. After all, he insisted, he was not a conscript but a volunteer, and he was volunteering to fight.
The IDF gave in to his determination. He was accepted into the elite Golani Battalion and became a sharpshooter. As his mother declared at his funeral: ““We are in awe of what Max achieved from the moment he said, ‘I am returning to Israel.’ As parents we are filled with joy and pride for the man that our son became and the life that he lived. … There is no doubt in our minds that our son was put on this earth for a mission.”
The Expanded Family
Jake Steinberg, Max’s younger brother, both started and ended his eulogy with a quote from Bob Marley: “Live for yourself and you’ve lived in vain. Live for others and you’ll live again.”
The portrait of Max painted by both Jake and Paige was of a loving, giving, and supportive older brother. Although no one is ever so crass as to admit to sibling rivalry at a funeral, clearly Max’s love for his siblings was genuine and constant. Jake described how “Max was proud of all of my accomplishments and he made sure that I knew it.”
Paige, the “little sister,” with tears referred to Max as her “hero.” She declared: “I never imagined that I would be here at his funeral with so many thousands of people who also regard my brother as a hero.”
Instead of the bitter grief that I had expected, Max’s parents, with a sense of wonder and surprise, repeatedly expressed that they felt embraced by the expanded family of the people of Israel. As Paige remarked: “We come from a very small family. But that quickly changed after meeting people in Israel who immediately felt like one big family.”
Stuart began the eulogy for his son by thanking a long list of Israelis, including officials of the Israeli consulate in L.A., the top brass of Golani, the mayor of Jerusalem, and the many thousands of people, their new family, who had come out for the funeral. Max’s mother declared, “We now know why Max fell in love with Israel. It was all because of its people. He was embraced with open arms and treated like family, and for that we are grateful.”
His parents were grateful that Max had “found his calling” and an ideal worth dedicating his life to.
Soft-spoken Stuart Steinberg, surrounded by death, ended his eulogy for his son with a loud, robust Hebrew declaration: “Am Yisrael Chai.” The nation of Israel lives.
Finding His Mission
The Steinbergs’ sense of appreciation and gratitude was the leitmotif of the funeral. They were grateful, above all, that Max had “found his calling” and an ideal worth dedicating his life to.
This was the opposite of a rancorous article on Slate.com that appeared after Max’s death. It declared:
There are many people to blame for Steinberg’s death. There is the Hamas fighter behind the weapon that actually killed him. There are the leaders, on both sides, who put him in Gaza, and the leaders behind all of the wars between Israel and the Palestinians. … But I have no doubt in my mind that along with all of them, Birthright shares some measure of the blame.
The article’s author, Allison Benedikt, herself a Birthright alumna, goes on to claim:
What makes an American kid with shaky Hebrew and no ties to the state of Israel suddenly decide he is ready to make this sacrifice? Maybe Max was especially lost, or especially susceptible, or maybe he was just looking to do some good and became convinced by his Birthright experience that putting on an IDF uniform and grabbing a gun was the way to do it. That serving and protecting the Jewish people was the moral thing to do, and that the best way to accomplish it was to go fight for the Jewish state. It turns out that it’s not that hard to persuade young people to see the world a certain way and that Birthright is very good at doing it. You spend hundreds of millions of dollars to convince young Jews that they are deeply connected to a country that desperately needs their support? This is what you get.
Yes, Allison, this is what you get: A Jew who rejects the vain values of the “Me Generation,” who is not content to sit in an ivory tower and discourse on the ills of the world while eating sushi, but who instead put his life on the line for what he believed in: the right of Jews to live safely in their ancestral homeland.
Rabbi Noah Weinberg used to say: “Find out what you’re willing to die for. Then live for it.” Max Steinberg found out what he was willing to die for. Then he lived for it. Then he died for it.
(44) Fanny, August 3, 2014 2:46 AM
In awe
Such a beautiful article! To see how the Jewish people come together to honor such a hero, amazing!! I wish only simchas to the Steinbergs in the future!
(43) Rose, August 2, 2014 7:13 AM
Thank you
I am so touched by this moving description ..
I am not Jewish, but I do worship the G-d of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I strongly support Israel and truly bless the IDF for the courage and unity they show.
(42) Simone, August 2, 2014 4:09 AM
Never forgotten
Tears filled my eyes reading this. Rest in everlasting peace Max. xx
(41) Anonymous, July 30, 2014 1:46 PM
Excellent!
This is excellent! Thank you so much for posting it!
(40) Fayge, July 29, 2014 6:21 PM
What beautiful people!
I feel so privileged to have been introduced to this incredible family through this article, and so saddened for the catalyst. May Max's soul be bound in the bond of everlasting life.
(39) Sharon, July 29, 2014 3:27 PM
I am so glad that Max's family identify with Max's desire to fight for the Jewish people. Israel does not have suicide missions. Max fully expected to survive, but he was prepared also to die for his people. Like most Israelis reading this, I feel great love and appreciation for Max and his family. May his family always feel our embrace and may it help them with the pain of loss.
(38) Annie, July 29, 2014 1:05 AM
Baruch Dayan Emet
with Gratitude to The One for having shared Max with us - and again to Sara Yocheved for knowing how to impart a delicate story. We're not talking about a suicidal kid. But someone who actually found his purpose, and lived for it. May his soul merit an aliyah.
My younger daughter called to ask me about her Birthright flight as the date is soon approaching: what if I die? should I go, Mum?
The LAST thing on earth I want is to lose her at the age of 25; but I am convinced when you're ready to meet our Maker, He takes you right then and there... regardless which side of the pond you're standing in. And I trust Birthright does not stand in the line of fire to make a trip exciting!!! Chash v'shalom! They are neither Ignorant nor Stupid. My daughter is going ahead. And: with my blessing. Am Israel Chai.
(37) Bob Feldman, July 29, 2014 12:30 AM
Max you are in heaven earlier than the rest if us
God bless you for Putting you life on the line
(36) mark lazarus, July 28, 2014 11:54 PM
Salute to a HERO
I salute you Max - RIP - You are a BRAVE young man - you are now with Heros and with God
(35) Kathy, July 28, 2014 11:27 PM
Thank you, Max
We don't understand G-d's ways. I thank G-d for heroes like you, and that your parents are being given the strength to continue to live, and find purpose and meaning in your life and death.
(34) Anonymous, July 28, 2014 10:12 PM
Baruch Dayan Emet
Max Steinberg of blessed memory found his mission.
To Ms. Rigler: Many of us do not find our mission and we should not think we are inferior because of this. How about all of the soldiers that have been maimed or have lifelong injuries? Please write about them as well.
(33) Phyllis Dupret, July 28, 2014 8:49 PM
What a wonderful young man...
(32) Sarah Hermelin, July 28, 2014 4:24 PM
To Max's family and thank you Sara Rigler
Like so many of Sara Rigler's writings, this article, and the life of Max Steinberg both have the power to transform us. We each have a purpose with value and meaning. Max discovered his. We should be blessed to do the same. No words can adequately describe the profound respect I have for the Steinberg family who reared such a loving, giving, capable, insightful young man. Am Yisrael Chai!
(31) Chana@JewishMOM.com, July 28, 2014 4:22 PM
thank you sara
thank you for this powerful article, which moved me to tears. What an incredible young man and family. Thanks also for your right-on response to the cynical Slate article. I am sharing this one with friends and family...bsorot tovot!!!!
(30) SaraK, July 28, 2014 12:31 PM
Absolutely beautiful
What a beautiful, beautiful article about an amazing Jewish hero.
(29) DRB, July 28, 2014 11:25 AM
A Purposeful Life
Thank you so much for this beautiful piece! It shares the majesty that Americans feel for our beloved Israel! Max was a very brave and dedicated young man...that he learned from his family! I too, have family that will live and grow on Israeli soil...and I know they are making the correct and appropriate choices in their lives...for themselves and their children! May we all learn from this young man...and his caring and gracious family! DRB
(28) Lynne, July 28, 2014 7:34 AM
Baruch Dayan Haemet
Max, you are a special neshoma. Thank you for protecting our beautiful Eretz Yisrael, thank you for giving your life for us, thank you for being you. You are truly one of Hashem's soldiers. PG when I visit Israel again, I will visit your grave and know just how much you gave for all us. May you rest in peace close to Hashem. Am Yisrael Chai.
(27) Rachel, July 28, 2014 1:22 AM
Condolences to Max's family
My Hashem comfort you and all the mourners of Zion and Yerushalayim.
(26) Diane, July 28, 2014 12:41 AM
How beautiful and moving-great article
Sara, you had mentioned Max Steinberg last week during our Kesher Wife Inner Circle webinar. I cried then and am crying now. Being in the US at this time, it is so hard to hear the negative news like kids like Allison. I know two friends who would not let their respective son and daughter go to Israel on birthright. Yet, I have known many who have gone to Israel and volunteered in the IDF. I have a Modern Orthodox friend in the US, and her son (an only child) convinced the IDF and his parents, especially his mother to allow him to join an elite unit in the IDF. He was on active duty and entered Gaza the last time. B"H he came out okay. He is upset that he wasnt called up, but instead has been attending funerals for lone soldiers, drove a Chabad lone soldier back across the military lines into Gaza as he also brought them goodies. He has also been visiting lone soldiers in hospitals. So, even though he isnt fighting now, he has been doing mitzvot and bringing light to those who are.
I was in Israel during the Yom Kippur War and as a young nurse, I tried to volunteer my services.
I want those in the US, especially those who have sons fighting to protect Israel and all Jews that they are not alone. They and their sons are in all of our hearts and prayers, and we appreciate what they are doing for Jews everywhere.
Am Yisrael Chai!
Betty, August 1, 2014 9:40 PM
God Bless you and your son
Your son is doing things that are just as important as fighting in the army!
When I went to Israel to visit last October as a humble Christian, I was also moved to do something more for the people and Israel! The holiness of the area just draws you in and has a profound affect on you! I can't even imagine what that draw would be if you were Jewish! It takes my breath away!
Your son sounds just as amazing as the other soldiers I read about and you must be incredibly proud!
(25) Aviva, July 28, 2014 12:26 AM
portrait of a young man
Thank you for giving us a better understanding of this wonderful young man who gave his life for the defense of the Jewish nation.
It's a great tribute to the fallen to have us know who Max was and what motivated him to serve with determination and honor.
We cry for the loss of this young hero. May his memory be a blessing.
(24) Betty Hansen, July 27, 2014 11:30 PM
BEAUTIFUL
Sara,
I hope you mail this article to this wonderful young man's family! It was so absolutely beautiful and you have amazing insight!!
As I was reading this article and weeping thru almost all of it, I was incredibly proud to be an American and in a small way connected to this amazing young man! He discovered what is really important at a young age! It has taken a lifetime for most of us and some never do discover what is really meaningful!
As a Christian who has been to Israel, I was able to identify with this young man so much!
On my way home all I could think about was what I could do to make a difference for Israel! I'm 63, but wondered if there was a way I could go back and be a nurse in their hospital to take care of the soldiers! I still have an incredible yearning to go back and do something for these wonderful people!
There are a lot of Christians that support you and would lay down their lives for you ! God Bless each one of the soldiers and GOD BLESS ISRAEL!!!!
(23) ghislaine, July 27, 2014 10:25 PM
Dear Sweet Brother I am so proud of your courage, you was a true Hero
(22) cynthia, July 27, 2014 10:17 PM
So beautifully written
Thank you Sara Yocheved for expressing what so many people felt and doing it so beautifully
(21) Anonymous, July 27, 2014 9:44 PM
Barich Hashem!
this was a very powerful and moving tribute to Max. We are so often confused as to what the meaning of life is, we err and repeat mistakes, we find it difficult to deal with setbacks. i envy any man who at such a young age finds his purpose and his meaning: it is a sign if true emuna & integrity. He has returned to Hashem's realm; may his friends and family be comforted. This article made be proud to be a Jew & inspires me to do more for the unity of our people
(20) Anonymous, July 27, 2014 8:47 PM
Allison Benedikt Arnold
Not every Birthright beneficiary benefits. Chaval
(19) Sarah, July 27, 2014 8:23 PM
Kudos, Sara Yocheved Rigler! You are my favorite writer and once again you have expressed the thoughts in my heart.
As a dedicated Jew originally from Los Angeles, I was very drawn to Max's story. I tried to find out as much as I could about his heroic young man. In my research, I came across Alison Benedict's slanderous article, in which she suggests that Max was a lost soul who made easy prey for brainwashers. If she had done a bit of research, she would have learned what you reported-that Max was not lost at all, but a very determined young man who found his mission in life. Instead, she published cruel presumptions shortly after he was buried. I did a little research myself to find out about who could publish such lies, and found out that Benedikt is the child of a Jewish family but that she herself is married to someone who is virulently anti-Israel. Perhaps, she's the one who is brainwashed?
May Hashem protect the Jewish people from slander, and have mercy on this misguided author's family.
(18) Joyce Shulman, July 27, 2014 8:05 PM
Max and his beauty
It seems that the name Max is reserved only for special people -my father, too, was named Max and, for me, was extra special. After reading the story of this young Max and hearing what an incredible person he was, this name glows even more in my thoughts. And I would like to extend a giant hug to all his family-
(17) Janine Sherr, July 27, 2014 7:55 PM
amazing person and amazing people
Max Steinberg, a"h, was an amazing person and a true hero of the Jewish people. But the fact that tens of thousands of Israelis who did not know him personally attended his funeral demonstrates that Jews are an amazing people and shows how connected they feel to one another and how filled with kindness they are. How proud I am to be a Jew!
(16) Leonard Weiss, July 27, 2014 7:42 PM
A touching tribute. Unfortunately Ms. Benedikt cynically sullied that which Max accomplished. He's a true hero and will never be forgotton. His memory will remain while the failure of Ms. Benedikt 's kumbaya approach to Middle East politics, as suggested by her Facebook page, may be her biggest accomplishment.
(15) Edward Y Kremer, July 27, 2014 7:00 PM
Judah and Israel, Israel and judah. Two sides of the same coin. We are the People of the Book. The Book is filled with Prophets
and Prophecies. Our mission is to fill the entire planet Earth with the Light and Love of G-D. We Will Fulfill This Mission in this Generation. Those who give their bodies to end wickedness are blessed beyond human understanding.
(14) Etta Yospa, July 27, 2014 6:14 PM
Amazing story
This young man makes me so proud to be an American Jew.
I have been to Israel twice and can understand how he felt.
The Israelis were gracious, kind and helpful.
(13) Yehudit Levy, July 27, 2014 5:31 PM
So beautiful. Heartbreakingly moving.
This was one of the best articles ever written by Sara Rigler, who has written so much about so many inspiring figures. I was choking back tears throughout, what a wonderful tribute to a hero of the Jewish People. May his parents and siblings live long, meaningful and healthy lives, maybe even in Israel.
(12) Eileen Rowe, July 27, 2014 4:46 PM
Be encourage you have a deposit in Heaven
Have faith, hold on ..very soon our world will know there is a GOD in Israel . The only true and living GOD.
(11) Deborah LItwack, July 27, 2014 4:36 PM
BDH
In tears. What a loss! What bravery!
Each loss is profound to the Jewish nation. It helps to "know" them each via such articles. Historically we don't count heads....
(10) Shaindy, July 27, 2014 4:36 PM
As I read the article I cried all the way thru seeing the holy soul in that Max had in him
(9) Anonymous, July 27, 2014 4:09 PM
What a young man!!
Thanks for sharing his story and may he never be forgotten!! What better thing to give one's life for? I cannot think of any. Condolences to his family. So glad so many turned out for his funeral to show their care for his family...that is truly wonderful!!
(8) Sarah Shapiro, July 27, 2014 4:05 PM
Beautiful and fitting tribute, at once realistic and idealistic
,
(7) DONNA Feder, July 27, 2014 4:02 PM
A beautiful story and very inspiring.. Thank you.. G-d Bless
Sitting here trying to forgive and let peace surround me in this terribly caustic world.. That article filled me with hope.. Thank you
(6) Ilena( GEM 14), July 27, 2014 3:47 PM
Thank you so much for clarifying the spiritual truth of the situation. It's important for us to focus on what is real. It's easy to lose that when we are bombarded daily by materialism. I personally thank you for helping me keep my head on straight until I get there.
(5) Anonymous, July 27, 2014 3:46 PM
so sorry for your lose.. so proud of your son
to the Steinberg family:
My you be comforted among the mourners or Zion and Yerushalaim.
(4) seree, July 27, 2014 3:46 PM
There is no such thing as a "lone" soldier -
because all Yisrael is the family. Great article. Having heard the hespedim, all I can say is - how proud and appreciative we are of Max's love for his people and his country.
(3) Sarah, July 27, 2014 1:36 PM
How inspiring. I am in awe of Max Hy"d and his family. May Hashem comfort you and may you know no more sorrow and may you be reunited with him soon with Mashiachs coming!
(2) Nancy, July 27, 2014 12:46 PM
Thank you Sara Yocheved Rigler for writing a most VISUAL article. Let me also say thank you for addressing the misguided words of Allison Bendikt.
Rachel, July 28, 2014 1:22 AM
Why does Sara Rigler hate the US?
That's the impression this article leaves. FYI, yes, this (USA) is a country dedicated to self-expression (and as a creative person, I think that's a VERY good thing), but no, we're not all dedicated to self-indulgence.
Individualism means that you can choose your own path, as Max did. It also explains the baal teshuva movement. Contrast this with the enmity I've seen in Israel between the religious and the non-observant.
Diane, July 28, 2014 11:50 PM
Rachel, you sound as skeptical as Allison
Know that Sara Yoheved Rigler grew up in the US and arrived in Israel in her 30s. She has family in the US and has been there as recently as April. She has met many of those of whom she speaks. I am an American/Israeli, too. I personally know young people who have found their calling in the US as well as others like my nephew who at 26 expects grandpa (my father) to support him and is waiting around to be offered a quarter million dollar a year job as a consultant, in what? He got kicked out of an internship in China for not being willing to do anything but supervise? That is chuzpah. So, there may be serious students and those who work and dedicate themselves to making life better for others such as my nephew's older sister and her husband. So, Mrs. Rigler does know what she is talking about. And about divisions in branches of Judaism, I have seen it worse in the US. Where are the American Jewish groups trying to influence the US Government to support Israel and send money and arms to Israel? So, you obviously don't know Israel and Israelis. You are making generalizations without facts. Max, of blessed memory, is only one of many Americans to have found their calling not only living in Israel but in the IDF. My only son also served in an Israeli elite Naval unit during problems with Lebanon. He could have moved to the US and had grandpa pay his way. Instead he has chosen to make Israel his home. Thank Hashem. I have seen Americans involved in drugs, who have no respect for the elderly by attacking them on public buses. So, yes, finding a calling to go to Israel to defend Jewish rights to exist is admirable. Am Yisrael Chai!
Rachel, July 31, 2014 8:17 PM
Responding to S. Y. Rigler's article
I didn't say anything about Allison Benedikt's article. I merely point out that self-expression is a good thing. For some people, including Max Steinberg, of blessed memory, that may mean military service or aliyah. And I am not making generalizations without facts: While many if not most American Jews harbor no animosity toward those who are more or less observant than themselves, I've seen Israeli businesses that closed their doors to us when a religiously mixed group of tourists arrived; I've heard secular Israelis complain about charedim who don't serve in the military, have many children, etc., I've seen video of charedim harassing Modern Orthodox children -- I could go on.
Many American Jewish organizations and charities are asking for additional support for Israel right now. And while many of us are in touch with our members of Congress urging whatever support Israel needs, I certainly hope you're not advocating that "American Jewish groups" on their own send arms to Israel -- that would be illegal, and for good reason.
You must be very proud of your son. My son is considering IDF service and aliyah, and I'm proud of him, too.
(1) Yehudith Shraga, July 27, 2014 9:49 AM
Thank you for your outstanding article in memory of the outstanding soldier
Thank you to Max Steinberg for his outstanding life.
Thank you to Max's parents for supporting the path of Israel in the most difficult times.
Thank you to all the People of Israel who have been making all their efforts to promote the Jewish worldview of the importance of the purposeful way of life.