Why was I there at precisely that moment?
I've thought about that countless times since it happened. It was a turning point in my life. And every time I celebrate the holiday of Purim, the moment vividly comes back to me.
Many years ago, shortly after I assumed my first pulpit and began my rabbinic career, a member of my community came to me with a request. "There is an elderly woman in town," he told me, "who is not a member of your congregation but who desperately needs to speak to a rabbi. She has difficulty walking and would find it impossible to come to you. Would you be willing to take the time to go to her home and help her?"
"Of course," I replied. I took the woman's address and told myself that I'd go at the very first opportunity. I'm ashamed to admit, but all the duties of a new rabbi took so much of my time that I put my promised visit on hold, telling myself several times that I would soon get to it and fulfill my commitment.
"It's freezing outside. Can't you just put it off until tomorrow?" But I knew I had to go immediately.
Two weeks passed and one evening I suddenly realized I still hadn't gone to see the woman who said she desperately needed to speak to a rabbi. It was a bitter cold night in December but I was overpowered by guilt and decided that I could not possibly postpone my visit. "But how will you find the address in the dark?" my wife asked. "It's freezing outside. Can't you just put it off until tomorrow?"
But I just knew in my heart of hearts I had to go immediately.
I searched for the address and finally found the woman's home. I walked to the front door and was about to press the buzzer when the door suddenly opened. A young man stood before me in hat and coat obviously on his way out. I had intercepted him and unexpectedly appeared before him.
"Yes," he said, "what can I do for you?"
"My name is Rabbi Blech," I explained, "and I'm here to see Mrs. Cohen."*
The young man began to quiver and shake. I couldn't understand his reaction. How could the simple act of just saying my name and indicating who I wanted to see cause so much obvious consternation?
Perplexed, I waited, and after a few moments the young man said, "Mrs. Cohen is my mother and I'll tell her you're here." We went back inside and his mother soon joined me in the living room. She told me how glad she was that I had come and that she desperately needed to speak to me. What was strange though was that the her son, who was clearly leaving at the very moment I came, now took a seat and seemed hesitant to leave. His mother was surprised that he remained in the room and seemed to want to delay telling me what was on her mind until he left - but he made clear that he had no intention of doing so.
The mother then explained to me the reason for her request to see me. "I didn't want to speak of this in front of my son but perhaps it's meant to be that I do so. In fact, the reason for my need for a rabbi has to do with him. You see, I come from a religious Jewish home. My parents and grandparents were profoundly proud of their heritage and lived their lives in accord with Jewish tradition. But now I fear that their values will come to an end in our family. You see my son is seeing a non-Jewish woman and seems to be seriously considering marrying out of the faith. And that would destroy me."
Her son began to sob bitterly and could hardly find his voice. "I have a confession to make."
With that, her son began to sob bitterly and could hardly find his voice. "I have a confession to make," he said. That night was Christmas Eve but I had hardly noticed. But I soon found out it had great meaning to the young man who was trying to catch his breath while in the midst of crying.
"Yes rabbi, I have been seeing a young lady who isn't Jewish and we have become very serious. For some time she has pushed me to make it possible for her to marry me by converting to Christianity. Because I love her I finally agreed and tonight was supposed to be the fulfillment of her plan. I told her I would go to Christmas Mass with her and after that, meet the priest together with her to make arrangements for my conversion. I knew that it would be a crushing blow to my mother and probably mean that I would no longer be welcome in our home. But I had made the decision and was prepared to go through with it no matter what.
"When I was leaving this evening I wasn't just leaving my house, I was leaving my family, my past, and every connection I had with the Jewish people. This was going to be my break with Judaism and I opened the door to begin my journey into a new life. But then I was surprised to see someone standing in my way. I had no idea, rabbi, who you were but then you introduced yourself. I was dumbfounded. I haven't seen a rabbi since my bar mitzvah. And at the very moment I was about to throw away my religion, a rabbi stood in front of me blocking my way. I understood that this could not simply be coincidence. It had to be a message. I realized that it was God's way of telling me I dare not do what I contemplated."
It was then that I understood the young man's reaction when we first met. And it was then that I was overwhelmed by the thought that unbeknownst to me, I was nothing more than a messenger playing a role with a divine purpose. I did not choose the moment; the moment chose me. I could have gone to see the distraught mother any time, but somehow God made sure that I arrived precisely at the moment my very presence would be viewed as a sign to the young man.
Related Article: The Face Behind the Mask
Hidden Miracles
What a revelation to me as a young rabbi. Moments in my life that I assumed were simply the result of personal choice could in fact be fulfillment of a higher plan. It made me realize that there can be miracles that take a different form than the splitting of the Red Sea. There are miracles that are hidden, that are couched in events that might appear to be natural but are so statistically improbable that they are nothing other than the hidden finger of God writing a script in which He involves us as unwitting actors. They are the miracles in which God chooses to remain anonymous but clearly indicate His presence behind the scenes.
There are miracles couched in events that appear to be natural but are so statistically improbable that they are nothing other than the hidden finger of God.
These are the miracles of Purim. They are recorded in a book called the Megillat Esther – the only book of the Bible in which God's name does not appear even once. God's presence is concealed, teaching us is the major lesson of this holiday: Study events whose coincidences transcend human understanding and possibility and you must realize that God can also choose to do miracles whose author is hidden from view.
Imagine how improbable it was for Esther to rise to her exalted status. So many implausible things had to happen to make that possible. The King had to become angry at his wife for not obeying his orders and have her banished. He had to take the advice of his advisers and end up choosing as his queen a young Jewish maiden who pleased him above all others. To make God's ultimate plan for the salvation of the Jews a reality, Esther's cousin Mordechai had to be in precisely the right spot at the right moment to overhear a plot against the King which was then recorded in the Royal records of events. That story needed to be heard by the King in order to achieve the downfall of Haman, so for some strange reason there was a night when the king couldn't fall asleep, asked one of his servants to read something to him and - what a coincidence - the page that came to hand was precisely the one recounting how Mordechai saved him from assassination.
Related Article: Hidden Miracles
The coincidences pile up one on top of the other. A foolish person might dismiss them but the Purim story reminds us that these too are miracles worthy of commemoration and celebration. As Mordechai told Queen Esther, explaining why she must act on behalf of her people, "Who knows if not for a time such as this did you achieve your Royal position."
Who knows, I often tell myself in the aftermath of my Christmas story, if at numerous moments in my life I should not reflect that “It was for a time such as this that I achieved my status as rabbi.”
Because that young man understood that God sent him a message, he didn't leave the house that night. We talked for several hours and then I left. I didn't find out the conclusion until the next day.
The young man called me on the phone and told me what happened afterwards. His fiancée phoned him and angrily demanded to know where he was and why he didn't show at Christmas Mass as he had promised. She yelled at him for embarrassing her to her priest by forcing her to cancel their appointment. The young man tried to explain that the inexplicable appearance of a rabbi as he was about to leave made him stop and reconsider.
The young lady was furious and could not be appeased. She told him it was over between them and concluded with disparaging remarks about Judaism and Jews. "I'm very lucky," the young man told me, "that God intervened before I made a terrible mistake that would've ruined my life."
He tried to thank me but I wouldn't accept his gratitude. After all, I realized, I had very little to do with the amazing timing of my visit that helped change a man's life. I was just a prop used in a larger, cosmic drama. Thanks belonged only to the heavenly Author who wrote the script.
Ever since then I've become attuned to noticing the small miracles that surround us so often in life. They're the ones that should make us reflect on why we happened to be precisely in a certain place at precisely a certain time. They're the ones that should remind us that there are occasions when we are merely messengers in a divinely orchestrated story, witnessing God’s hidden miracles.
*Names have been changed to protect privacy.
(12) Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein, March 18, 2011 6:43 PM
Touching, but intellectually inconsistent
Rabbi Blech's touching piece raises dilemmas around consistency in understanding the Divine. Earlier this week, I read a very thoughtful piece by Rabbi Blech, republished, on how a traditionally minded person may intellectually cope with the devastation of natural disaster. He argued that while there are many possible answers to the theological dilemma of the role of God in human suffering, one is not a "prophet" to assign blame -- his word. Our place in not to interpret the will of the Divine. In this piece, however, he does indeed see the hand of God in a very personal way. Is this not inconsistent? Why can one determine Divine will in outcome that the Rabbi would interpret positively, yet remove blame from God in an outcome that is negative? I see much of his paradox in myself and others around me. We seek to find God active in our lives, and also seek to dismiss his role when it is not convenient to our world view. This is both a theological, as well as psychological, dilemma.
Anonymous, March 21, 2011 9:06 PM
The paradox is only yours
The Rabbie said 'one is not a "prophet" to assign blame' meaning don't assume you know whos fault caused it. But of course G-D did it or let it happen (if a human did it). The only ones who dismiss G-Ds role in negatives are non believers.
(11) Julius Romanoff, March 15, 2011 10:41 PM
I counseled a High School student referred by a Rabbi
As a Counseling Psychologist I was referred a High School Senior concerned about College selection. She was dating non-Jews, and her parents talked to their Rabbi to advise a College which had a good number of Jewish students. He suggested going to B'nai B'rith Counseling Center. After she took our testing program, which indicated she could do well in a competitive, Liberal Arts program, I suggested Brandeis University as a possible choice even though it meant living on campus. The parents were pleased that it had a large number of Jewish students, and the girl felt she would like living away from home. My first reports from the parents were positive in that she was involved with Hillel activities, and dating Jewish boys. A year passes and the parents called stating that I caused friction between their daughter and the parents. She refused to come to their home until they keep the home kosher. She was now engaged to a Jewish student, who eats only Kosher food, abd they will not visit until the parents keep the home Kosher. Although the choices were based on different goals, however, the major goal was accomplished. I regret that I do not know the outcome of this case in the passing years. As I read Rabbi Blech's article, it reminded me of the above experience,
(10) Ephraim (Kirill) Ilyaguev, March 14, 2011 7:36 PM
wow, great story, makes me miss your classes
rebbe, this is amazing story. I will share it with my students. boy, I miss your classes! keep these stories coming, loving it! Kirill
(9) Wilfred Caez, March 14, 2011 3:11 PM
I see GOD keeping the young man from marrying the WRONG girl, not the wrong FAITH!
I see only that GOD is trying to keep the young man from marrying the wrong girl, not from marrying outside his faith. How is it possible that a GOD who MADE EVERYTHING and EVERYONE could decide that one person is not good enough for another simply because of HER Faith? If GOD truly LOVED one Faith over another, then, then why did He allow People of the WRONG faith to propagate the Earth with so many? Is it just a GAME? Is it, simply a few chosen people that GOD truly loves? Who we are, is just a matter of which Family you were lucky to be born into. We ALL have the same Genetic DNA. I have read, of hospitals that have mixed up the name tags of babies. It is not until years later that the mix up is discovered. Meanwhile the babies are raised by the “WRONG” loving parents, who now, do not want to part with “their” babies. If the mix up is not discovered, these babies can go through their lives, in the WRONG families.
Joseph, March 15, 2011 12:47 AM
Marrying outside of the faith can ultimately eliminate a nation
My question to the uppercase-happy Mr. Caez is how would he expect the propagation of the Jewish nation if members of its faith intermarry and eventually there are no real Jews. Or is that maybe something that MR. CAEZ would LIKE?
bk in l.a., March 17, 2011 5:50 AM
I agree with Joseph
The most recent studies I've seen state that 70% of the children of an intermarriage do not identify as Jews (of any denomination). The ancestors of today's Jews felt marriage within the faith was so important, genetic studies have shown Jews are indeed one big family, sharing unusual amounts of genetic material even if from distant locales. Of course, this was the "wrong woman." If the woman in the article had been the right woman, she wouldn't have made anti-semitic comments after the gentleman refused to convert. She would have supported his decision. The Jewish faith is for Jews (and honest converts), and the laws of Noah are for non-Jews. They have different missions in life. It doesn't sound like the young woman in the story was interested in either mission.
Sharona, March 16, 2011 9:40 AM
You are right - GOD truly loves all people
GOD loves all people. No doubt about that. But he gave a different rule book to the Jew. That's all. In addition, GOD gave EVERY person the free will to make his own choices, and a person who gets good information can make good choices. Each person can find out that God wants him to be a moral and upright person, but God does allow people to choose wrongly. There is no RIGHT religion and WRONG religion, just the RIGHT faith in the Creator.
Anonymous, March 18, 2011 2:28 PM
G-d created evil and allows it to survive. does that mean He loves it ?
Mr. Caez, read the bible, look around you, discover what it means to be a Jew. in today's world, it can be a burden, one we bear with pride, faith and love. read the bottom line in the story. the gf, jilted by her bf, chose to disparage the jews.
Avi, March 18, 2011 3:21 PM
It is not about "Faith"
Hashem does not love on "Faith" over another. We are all created tzelem Elokim - in his image. But, the Jewish people have a forefather, Abraham, who brought understanding of Hashem's unity and involvement in every aspect of the world to people who worshipped idols. Later, his decendents chose his Torah, without even knowing its contents. Because of that He has a special love for his "people" and, in giving them His Torah, commanded them to be a people apart from all others, in order to live a life of Torah, as an example for the world. It is not that non-Jews are less - it is only that they have a different role in the world than the Jews. Intermarriage is the abandonment of that special role, particularly for future generations. If this gentleman married a non-Jew, according to Jewish law, his children would not be Jewish and his ancestral line to receiving the Torah at Mt. Sinai would be broken forever. We may have the same DNA, but we have a different path that Hashem wants us to live -not beause of our "Faith", but because of who we are.
Andy, March 18, 2011 6:31 PM
It's not wrong and God does not only love one nation
nations as individuals ahve duifferent roles. anyone may become a Jew if he wants that role.Aheart is not better than an aem in the body it has a duigfferent role to fill
sally, April 9, 2011 4:33 PM
wrong faith?
I find the comment about the young man marrying the wrong girl, not the wrong faith rather puzzling. Are you saying that had it been a different girl conversion would be the right thing to do? Reality is this...if you are asked to leave your religious beliefs for a person.. that person is clearly not the one for you. If one can just turn their back on the faith of their ancestors for a mere love affair, then one needs to look within one's self and try to find out just what they believe in.
HB, March 7, 2012 9:14 PM
That's not what Rabbi Blech is saying!
Rabbi Blech is NOT saying that one person is not good enough for the other. The two are incompatible - not one better than the other, merely that each would be better with someone else. And yes, religious background has a lot to do with it. They are on different wavelengths, have different values, etc. We all come from the same Source - that is not at all to say that we are all exactly the same.
(8) Anonymous, March 14, 2011 3:09 PM
Your story inspires me to look for miracles in my own life. Thank you!
Your story inspires me to look for miracles in my own life. Thank you for sharing...
(7) Toby Klein Greenwald, March 14, 2011 6:48 AM
Thank you for this wonderful and moving article
And for reminding us that there are no coincidences in life, and if we end up being in a certain place at a certain time, it is part of a Master plan.
(6) Esther, March 14, 2011 5:54 AM
Different religious beliefs=conflicts when raising children
How do I begin my comment? If God's hand is hidden in all things, then it would follow that his guidance is with us when we fall in love, too. But after being married for 30 years to a non Jewish man, I realize in hindsight I could have done things differently. When raising our son, conflict after conflict arose as I wanted to give our son a Jewish religious upbringing, but it was as if I had made some kind of promise by marrying my husband that I would not do so. I felt confined and I'm sure this confused our child through the years. All I can say in hindsight is this: if you are Jewish and you want to raise your children Jewish, you must have an understanding before marriage as to celebrations, religious education, etc. When my son went to a Catholic college, I was devastated and did not want this for my child. It made me think how I would have done things so much differently had I listened to my mother. My mother, by the way, adored my husband. However if I were asked would I do anything differently? My answer would absolutely be YES. Shalom
(5) Jennifer Willis, March 14, 2011 2:28 AM
thank you for sharing this story
I am reminded of a favorite saying, "A coincidence is when God performs a miracle, but remains anonymous."
(4) Evelyn, March 14, 2011 12:56 AM
What a z'chus (merit) this fellow had to be worthy of such an event! He had the option of interpreting the appearance of the rabbi in a multitude of ways, but he chose to interpret it in a way that saved his Jewish life. How fortunate we would be if we could attune ourselves to perceive Hashem's hidden miracles!
(3) Jessica, March 13, 2011 9:32 PM
Beautiful
This is a beautiful story =)
(2) Ruth Housman, March 13, 2011 8:24 PM
once upon a story
What you are writing, appearing at this time, in print, perhaps again, is meant to happen. This is not random. I have been recording a life of major astonishment of story for over eleven years, daily, in every possible way, a record that did begin as a Vow I could prove, by way of what was happening in my life, namely a massive coincidence, Proof, by way of story, of the Existence of a Divine Hand in All the Affairs of Man, in All Creation. My story, is deep and this story does involve us all. And so far, no rabbi has ever had the courtesy to stop and listen to what I am saying, about a story, that has sent me to my knees, daily, in so much much time. Yes, you are right. This does change everything, and I have gone to the wall in contemplating the relationship between free will and determinism, among other profound questions with respect to what you are so, totally, rightly, saying. Maybe one day, people will read my Diary, which is, in large part at a major university, Brown University, The Hay Library, The Mel Yoken Collection of Letters. Maybe I am finally being "allowed" to go "aloud". Your article coming at this time is not random because I wrote to Chabad at length about all this, this morning, and I do trust, at some point I will be heard, because I paradoxically, did not write this story, and we're all in it, together.
(1) Anonymous, March 13, 2011 4:45 PM
I wish I was that lucky...
My Niece is about to marry a Christian young man, her brother already married a Christian woman. I am not her parent, she is 32 years old, her parents say'as long as she's happy'. But I am sad..her grandparents, all holocaust survivors, thankfully cannot see the tragedy. I feel helpless, I wish for a purim miracle.
Anonymous, March 14, 2011 6:33 AM
Hope for the future
I don't know your family's particular circumstances, but you are not alone - many Jews sadly are marrying out. However, the other side of the equation is that many people are coming in or coming back, despite the huge difficulties and suffering often involved in doing so. One rabbi described to me that he believes there is something of a winnowing process going on in the Jewish people. We do all have free will in the end, and that does include the free will to abandon our heritage. I'm among those who came back: as a direct descendant of a Jewish man several generations back who married out 200 years ago, somehow I had a Jewish neshama inside which unexpectedly came to life. Hashem helped me in many amazing ways to see the truth, to leave Christianity behind and to embrace the faith of my Jewish ancestors. Although it cost much suffering to convert, I am now halachically Jewish and married to a rabbi. There are many others coming back as well. You never know what might happen down the road. At least if you niece does go ahead with her marriage, her children will all be halachically Jewish. Maybe by your own example you can show them and help connect them to the beauty, joy and fulfillment of a Jewish way of life. And although the children of your nephew will not be Jewish, you never know whether any of them might want to find their way back in the future to the Jewish people. Whatever, keep the connection, keep loving with acceptance and sensitivity, but keep Jewish yourself.