Before I converted to Judaism, I led a lonely life. Though I was surrounded by friends, they were often busy, and our conversations were stifled by our ever-present mobile devices. I’d be out with them at lunch and their phone would go off, or mine would, and we’d suddenly be trapped by the updates on our Facebook timelines instead of conversing with one another.
Once mobile devices became prevalent everywhere, I lost that much of the magic of connecting to someone and feeling the joy of relating to a friend.
When I started my Orthodox conversion process, I learned that I couldn’t use my phone or any other devices on Shabbat. For 25 hours, I’d have to go without it. I’d also be going out to lunches and dinners, often with people I didn’t know, or inviting virtual strangers over to my house. There were some awkward moments, frustrating times that we couldn’t Google for an answer to a question we were discussing, or moments of silence that we filled with talk about mundane topics like the weather. But overall, I got back that magic back. I was having meaningful interactions with people again.
Though the world is more connected than ever, we are also lonelier than ever. According to a 2018 Cigna study, nearly half of all Americans feel lonely, and younger Americans – those born between the mid-1990s and early 2000s – feel the loneliest. Another study showed that Americans are socializing less than ever; a third say they have never even spoken to their neighbors.
When we don’t socialize with those a few feet away from us, and we instead rely on our mobile devices for interaction, we’re not satisfying the human need for real, face-to-face socialization. Anyone who’s ever kvetched over drinks with a good girlfriend or gotten a coffee with a colleague knows how important it is to talk to people in real life.
Thankfully, the Jewish people have Shabbat. One day a week, we get to put away our phones, go out to synagogue, chat over kiddush, eat at the homes of families, friends and neighbors, and get that real facetime in.
This social interaction has transformed my life. During the week, because I’m a remote worker, I only have real life conversations with my husband and maybe two other people on a daily basis. I’m guessing that most people rarely have real life social interactions every day outside of their family time and work hours.
One study showed that people who meet with family and friends at least three times per week experience lower levels of depressive symptoms than those who meet up once every few months or less frequently. The study also revealed that face-to-face social interaction is especially critical to the aging population.
This is one of the reasons why I love Shabbat. It not only gets people out of their bubbles they’re in on a weekday basis, it can also bring together Jews of all kinds. I meet toddlers, 90-year-olds, Baby Boomers, and teenagers. I chat with middle-aged mothers about my favorite music from the 1970s and their teenage children about applying to college. I learn how amazing it is to be a new mother from women my age, marriage advice from older couples, and what it’s like to be a rabbi from, well, rabbis I know.
Shabbat is in many ways a throwback to what life once was: simpler. In today’s fast-paced world, it’s important to stay grounded and return to how it once was.
I’m incredibly thankful I have Shabbat. It makes me feel less lonely, more connected, and like I’m part of something much bigger, and much greater, than myself.
(5) Raymond, February 14, 2019 6:25 AM
Alone Again Naturally
I am reminded of that old expression of how Misery Loves Company, because I have to admit that I find some comfort in the fact that I am not the only one who feels so lonely. Really we can think about G-d and study the Torah and listen to music and work hard at our jobs and find ways to amuse ourselves,, and yet all of that feels quite empty if we have nobody in our lives, nobody to love and nobody to be loved by.
And yes, I will admit that I make efforts to get invited to religious Jewish homes for the Jewish holiday meals in large part because it makes me feel less lonely and more needed, even if it is only for a couple of hours each time. So many of my fellow religious Jews, though, have stopped inviting me into their homes due to my not being Sabbath Observant, which only causes me to distance myself that much further from ever embracing that lifestyle myself.
(4) Al Talena, February 14, 2019 3:03 AM
Baruch...sheasani...
I always felt uncomfortable with the current chareidi push in he States against smart phones as one of the evils of technology. A generation or 2 back it was TV. Lack of face to face communication, social media etc, during the week is weekday culture. It is Shabbat that elevates that culture to something higher. No need to sermonize to convince people to give up their smartphones; that comes with Shabbat. A pity on those youth in our community who steal moments to use their phone on Shabbat. Worse than the chilul Shabbat, these youth miss the beauty that so many yearn for.
(3) Anonymous, February 14, 2019 2:10 AM
Lonely for me.....
Too formalized that certain people get invited and can only get together on Shabbas. We get few invitations and are alone much more of the time. It gets to be a long lonely day. Yes we've invited others, with few returned offers. We have dingle guys most often.
(2) Rachel, February 13, 2019 8:33 AM
Unfortunately, Shabbat can be isolating
If live in a community with strong Shabbat sharing, that's great. I have experienced the opposite of late, with invitations few and far between. I t is a lonely day for us empty-nesters.
(1) Anonymous, February 12, 2019 5:08 AM
Sure cures your loneliness, person who has friends.