I’m not that observant, though I attend an orthodox synagogue on occasion. I read Jewish stuff when the urge hits me, I occasionally do tefillin, but my spiritual Jewish tides blow like a feather in a hurricane. Out of the 613 mitzvahs I suppose I follow….well let’s just say I know I should do better.
I didn’t grow up in an observant home. I’m just now learning that certain cuts of a cow are not kosher and that there is no good way to kosher an Alaskan king crab.
I admit I do a ton of things “good Jews” are not supposed to do. I still love to hunt, I drive on Shabbat. After a busy and devastating shift in the Emergency Room where I’m a doctor, there is a decent chance I’ll hit a Speedway gas station on the way home and whatever I buy will mostly likely have meat and cheese as a part of it. I know all of it’s wrong... it’s just not that wrong to me yet, but it’s trending there.
With the help of my wife I’ve done a few things right. Sending our two oldest sons to Yeshiva University is one of them. Yeah, you heard me right. This Midwest Jew who grew up mostly secular, was barely bar mitzvahed, never went to Jewish camp, had few Jewish friends growing up, spent Christmas every year at my best friend’s house, actually has two children who attend Yeshiva University.
Don’t ask me how; it’s too complicated to explain. We also sent all three of our children to Jewish day school. They are proficient in Hebrew, two of them keep kosher homes but one in particular, our middle son Eli (who is single by the way), is becoming more observant of late.
My sons Eli left and older brother Max
He made this promise to God when Eli’s older brother Max was suffering from leukemia and he’s stayed true to it.
Recently something happened that made me rethink my behavior a bit.
My father-in-law died. He was a wonderful man that I was so blessed to have in my life and we sat a traditional shiva for him that was officiated by his very “liberally, progressive, reconstructionist rabbi”. He did a good job, some Hebrew some English. My son Eli got involved but I could tell he felt it was a bit empty. It’s not what he had become used to in his religious journey.
The final two nights the rabbi had other obligations so as the crowd assembled at my in-laws home, Eli stepped up and offered to run the Mincha service for shiva. We waited for ten men even though one of my doctor friends who is also fairly reconstructionist insisted that it is fine to have one of the women serve as the tenth. It didn’t matter to me but it mattered to Eli, so we waited and we waited until the tenth man showed up.
My Yeshiva University son led the prayer service in perfect Hebrew, chanting and swaying. Tears poured down my face as I watched my son and I swelled with pride.
At the end of the service one of my other close friends who just happens to manage my money and the kids college funds came up to me and put his arm around my shoulder. “Louis, that was amazing, I used to think you were crazy, but every dime you’re spending at Yeshiva University is worth it.”
But what got to me even more is when my other friend, the one who wanted us just to go ahead and start the service, leaned into me and whispered something I never would have imagined coming from his mouth.
“If Judaism is to survive, it’s because of people like Eli.”
I think I’ll pass on the bacon cheeseburger today.
(20) Jordan Mugala, January 4, 2021 7:20 PM
Baruch HaShem
I'm always reminded that Judaism as whole, is still very alive and well, whenever I hear a story like this. As for any less observant Jews...I'll like to take a note from Rabbi Eliezer Zalmanov. When people complain of the unfaithful "Once a year Jew" (who only shows up in the synagogue on Yom Kippur), shouldn't we just take a step back and smile at the fact that even this unobservant, "secular Jew" will still take the time once every year to show up? It shows only one thing. The seed that gives Israel the power to be "A Light To The Nations", is still alive and well. There's always a reason to shout, Baruch HaShem! G-d bless you and your family Dr. Profeta
(19) Deborah, January 19, 2018 7:37 AM
Judaism is a Journey
Judaism is a journey! Glad your wife has helped you, and your sons are in Yeshiva University. We are all striving to keep the mitzvot and live a life that is pleasing to G-d.
(18) Neria, January 18, 2018 5:22 PM
Thank you!
Thank you for being so honest and upfront! Accepting ourselves is the first step in that long road of kashrut. For me, making my own slow natural food got me going. Now my son is always nudging me to ditch the cans and pre-cooked things and choose for natural nutrition and save our planet. Step by step is the key.
(17) Dean Gould, January 17, 2018 9:56 PM
Never judge
You will never see an Aish or Chabad Rabbi or Rebbitzen criticize what a non-observant Jew does or doesn't do. They only continue to introduce the beauty of Judaism and Torah and help them yiddle by yiddle to begin to enjoy them in their lives. Rabbi Shlomo Schwartz of blessed memory "Schwartzie" brought thousands of Jews back through this approach and sent them off to their local shuls once the spark was lit. Positive encouragement and exposure versus judgement.
(16) Julia Chertok, January 17, 2018 6:12 PM
This article made me cry. So wonderful!
Thank you for sharing this with all of us!
(15) Anonymous, January 17, 2018 4:08 PM
Susan Gross trying to justify your ways
It does not work. Look at the conservative and reform intermarriage rate. A Jewish man married to a goyta [not Jewish woman] have non Jewish children no matter what the "rabbi " says. Take and go look at the statistic for England and you see where the future lays.
Reform and conservative not only have non Jewish kids but many do not. The conservative and reform allow queer marriages and this produces destruction. I have been there tried the conservative and reform, got nothing out of it but emptiness,
Started to learn at Ohr Samaiach; made some big changes and happy I did. I went and change and then have helped other people change
(14) MESA, January 17, 2018 3:23 PM
Kol HaKavod to you. You're showing a lot of courage and respect. May you and your family continue to be a source of tremendous pride to Klal Yisrael.
(13) Gail, January 17, 2018 5:13 AM
Kol hakavod
Kol Hakavod on your family’s journey in the future of the Am Israel.
May you find comfort among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
(12) Anonymous, January 16, 2018 9:04 PM
WHAT?!
Susan Gross, are you serious? So every law of Judaism should be treated as ‘only if it’s convenient at the moment’? This attitude really did a lot of good to the very ‘enlightened’ Jews of Germany in the 1930s.
(11) Jonathan Keefe, January 16, 2018 8:21 PM
What a blessing...
It's beautiful that you have sons who are following the traditional path. It is also beautiful that you recognize how blessed you are. Continued Nachas to you.
(10) Aviel, January 16, 2018 7:56 PM
seems you realize you are most blessed
It takes courage and a smart wife to send your kids to a Jewsig day school were they were likely taught that the way you practice Judaism is lacking. In earlier times in the US it was much more likely to be the other way round. Parents kept a kosher home and were traditional in many ways and the kids went to public schools and had a very minimal Jewish education. Economics played a part but for the next generation and more so today assimilation is a huge lure. Most Jews think of themselves as being at home in America not as loyal citizens but also living in exile. Many are proud of their Jewish roots but it's cultural not a commitment to observing Torah as determined by the sages as per Jewish law. May you blessed with continued growth and see your family along with all Israel in joy in Zion speedily
(9) Joe, January 16, 2018 6:51 PM
Thanks for Sharing
Just take it slow and let your kids answer your question. Much naches to you.
(8) BRENDA COHEN, January 16, 2018 4:34 PM
THANK YOU FOR SHARING
THANK YOU FOR SHARING
(7) Hindy Kierman, January 16, 2018 3:50 PM
Love it!!
Great article, I love reading these things. You just never know from where people will get their inspiration from.
(6) David, January 16, 2018 3:29 PM
I can relate
I can really relate to this story. I grew up in South Florida but my parents almost actively sought to be disengaged from the Jewish community. It's surprising I had a Bar Mitzvah. I did make a vow as a kid to never let my Judaism go and my path feels very similar to what's been described here, up to and including my wife who has helped me learn things that were missing from my own Jewish education.
It gives me hope as I start my young family that despite the shortcomings in my Jewish upbringing, that families who embrace G-d and their Jewish identity can flourish like this.
(5) Mark, January 16, 2018 3:19 PM
Well done!
Good on you mate! You're in danger of becoming a mensch.
(4) rena goldz, January 16, 2018 9:41 AM
IMHO, you undoubtedly chalk up innumerable merits as a doctor, as well as honesty and just being there, which also allow for your tremendous success in raising your children. In addition, we are never held responsible for lack of knowledge, as long as we work continuously on gaining knowledge and growing Jewishly
In short - carry on the good work!
(3) Saul, January 15, 2018 7:22 PM
Survive or Thrive?
No, the bottom line is not: “If Judaism is to survive, it’s because of people like Eli.” It should state: "Judaism WILL survive because of people like Eli. It will THRIVE because of people like you, your father-in-law's rabbi and your egalitarian friend."
Anonymous, January 16, 2018 3:55 PM
No -- the bottom line was correct as originally stated
Judaism will not "thrive" when people adopt what ever is the current "fad" -- specially without understanding WHY those fads are incompatible with Judaism. Judaism will not "thrive" when people decide that they can define for themselves what constitutes "observance". Judaism will both survive and THRIVE with people like Eli who *understand* the true meaning of Judaism and how we live in a modern society -- but uphold the eternal truths.
Anonymous, January 17, 2018 3:42 PM
Re: Surviving vs. thriving
Not everyone is 100% observant. For some people (like me), it was a lack of knowledge. I am very glad that we have our different streams of Judaism, but that is no excuse to do what the Conservative and Reform Synagogues have done over these last several decades. Our Shuls should not be "marketing" a Jewish education which you can squeeze in on days when there is no soccer practice! By the same token, we should NOT be commenting on what our Jewish friends and neighbors are doing/not doing. To engage in such behavior is nothing more than lashan hara.
Mariasha, January 16, 2018 4:23 PM
Not happening
With the non-Orthodox intermarriage rate what it is? Don't bet on it.
Lisa, January 16, 2018 8:31 PM
AMEN!
AMEN!!! A rigid, nitpicking adherence to ritual tradition will appeal to some--but sooner or later it will alienate many Jews from Judaism, especially those who are raised with that approach.
(2) Howard, January 15, 2018 4:29 PM
Beautiful story
Enjoyed your story on the current path of your Judaism "journey" that we all take throughout our lives. And Eli sounds like a fine man, one that my 25 year old (single) daughter might feel the same way about :)
Lori Palatnik, January 15, 2018 5:49 PM
Follow Up Story?
Hmmm...how do we get these two kids together? Would make a great follow-up story!
(1) Nancy, January 15, 2018 4:16 PM
I think you are terrific!!
Yasher Koach and kol ha kavod!!