Over the last 10 years, my 28-year-old son has taught on numerous Jewish educational programs in the US, Canada, Central Europe, Israel and Australia. He received an International MBA, worked at Deloitte as a Strategy Consultant and consulted senior-level executives on their presentations skills. Currently, he works at a unique start-up, mentors entrepreneurs at a technology accelerator, and lives with his wife and children in Israel.
Yes, indeed, I am a “proud Jewish mother.” But there is much more to my son, Moshe, than the above.
Anyone who has known Moshe since he was a child knows that for him, speaking, whether one-on-one or in front of 500 people, is a big deal. Moshe stutters. It began when he was about three years old, at which point we were told to ignore it, as most children who begin stuttering before the age of five stop on their own; it is merely a stage of speech development.
In Moshe’s case, however, it got worse. As he got older, he often was unable to complete a sentence without getting stuck. Even saying his own name was a challenge. Phone calls were extremely difficult for him; he bore the embarrassment of being hung up on when he was unable to identify himself to the person at the other end of the line, who would think it was a prank call. Moshe was talented, bright and athletic; but to him, it was all worthless because he couldn’t talk.
Moshe was teased for his stutter on many occasions, which increased his reluctance to talk. He became angry and resolved to work harder and harder with his speech therapist to help himself overcome his challenge.
When he spoke at his Bar Mitzvah, after tens of hours of intense speech therapy, his therapist and I sat together and cried tears of joy and pride. He spoke so fluently that a relative came to me afterward and commented that he was anxious about the speech for Moshe’s sake, but then he realized that it must have been another of my children who struggled with a stutter because Moshe was flawless!
At 15, Moshe went to Israel to finish high school. He was searching; searching for answers, and more importantly, searching for inner peace. He met mentors and teachers who didn’t see a stutterer; they saw a teenager looking for acceptance and meaning.
Years went by and Moshe came to a place of acceptance. He realized that he was not a stutterer, but he is a person who stutters. Once he accepted that and put it out there, he began to stutter less. It is not uncommon for him to include the fact that he stutters when introducing himself, just to ease his own level of tension.
Since then, Moshe has been sent to Europe and Australia to run youth programs. He is a dynamic speaker who captures the attention of any audience. He is a gifted teacher whose students truly enjoy his classes. His stutter is not gone; and there are times when it is more pronounced than others, but the fact that Moshe accepts it makes him infinitely more fluent and comfortable with his audience – whether it is five men in a Talmud class, 50 synagogue-goers, or 500 teenagers.
I believe that Moshe’s stutter has not only not held him back, but his struggle with it has propelled him to heights he would not have dreamed possible.
As a parent of a stutterer, I offer the following suggestions to make to those in the same position:
- Encourage your child / student / relative / friend to talk. Let him know that it is what he says, not how he says it, that is important;
- Enlist the help of a speech therapist. If the first professional you try isn’t a good match, find another when he is ready and willing to work at it, the methods will help. They will not cure him, per se, but practicing will help him gain the confidence to express himself.
- Meet with the speech therapist to find out how you, his parents, and his teachers can further help him.
- Pray. Pray that the speech impediment does not hinder your child, but that it serves to propel him to even greater heights and accomplishments.
We would not tell a person with crooked teeth not to smile; we would not tell a person who limps to limit his walking. Encourage your child to talk. Let him know there is value to everything he has to say, no matter how difficult it may be for him to get the words out.
Click here to see my son’s crowdfunding campaign for his new book.
(19) D F, April 15, 2015 2:09 PM
Stuttering can be neurological
I was very moved by this story. It is very encouraging to read about someone who had a severe stutter and then overcame it. My son also had a stutter. It started when he was 2. Sometimes it would be just a small repetition of words every so often, but sometimes it would be a full blown sever stutter where he couldn't even get out 2 words. Needless to say, those were very frustrating times for him and me. B"H, he was home with me all day, so it didn't really affect him socially at first, but when he started getting older and had little friends, he would get frustrated. B"H, he is a very friendly and social kid and he started teaching himself little tricks to get around the small stutters - he would whispers the word that got stuck, or he would sing it. But it would not help for the severe stutter days. When he was 3 I took him to speech therapy and they told me that there was nothing they can do for him at this age, but I should keep his environment calm and reduce stress. He was still home with me and had my attention all day and there was not much stress in his life at 3 years of age. I was very discouraged. There had to be something to help my son! Then i started thinking that maybe it could be a neurological problem. I started researching food and its effect on stuttering, and came across the FAILSAFE diet - Free of Additives, Low in Salicylates, Amines and Flavour Enhancers. It has changed our lives! B"H it has worked wonders! As long as my son does not eat anything with preservatives or additives, his speech is fluent. I cannot say that it is easy - he is 3 1/2 now - and it will only get harder when he goes to school, but it is training us all to eat healthier (which is something I should be doing anyway). As soon as he eats something he shouldn't, I can hear it in his speech. And the more bad stuff he eats, the worse his stuttering becomes. It usually takes a few days to clear his system. I hope this can help others like it helped us.
(18) T. S., March 12, 2015 4:15 AM
I've known Moshe and his wonderful family for years now. I've spoken with him many times. I've watched him teach. If I would have been asked to describe Moshe, I would have given a thousand descriptions of him before I would even remember that he stutters. My reaction to this article was "come to think of it, he does stutter". To me it's just another facet of his great personality. I can't identify with the struggle of stuttering, but I would think that if you or someone you know feels inhibited by it, hearing Moshe's story would inspire you and show you that stuttering shouldn't limit what you can accomplish as a people's person.
(17) Camille, March 11, 2015 5:10 AM
I, too, overcame stuttering.
I stuttered from the time I was in early elementary school. I was terrified when I was chosen to be one of three students to speak at my 8th grade commencement. To my astonishment, my speech was flawless! However, I continued to stutter in high school and, to a lesser extent, in college. While at college, I took speech courses and joined the theater group; and little by little, I overcame the problem. Later, as an adult, I joined Toastmasters, and eventually was the toastmaster at a conference attended by 300 people!!
For me, I believe the problem was primarily psychological. When I realized that people actually wanted to hear what I had to say, my stuttering decreased. I came to realize that, as a child, I didn't feel that anyone wanted to listen to me.
So, I think stuttering can be a physiological or psychological issue, or a combined issue. It's important to get a professional opinion--or two.
(16) Stacey Rosenblum, March 10, 2015 3:22 AM
inspiration!
Thank you for sharing your son's story. I too had a serious stutter as a child, but have learned techniques to control it as well. So much so that I have been able to hold down a job as a special education teacher for almost 15years sometimes teaching students with the same stutter I had at the same young age.
(15) Fred Fen, March 10, 2015 1:46 AM
Speech prosthesis for stuttering
Thank you for the interesting article but I totally disagree with your conclusions. I too was and am a severe stutterer. It started at age 4 with a tonsillectomy. Stuttering usually begins at an early age and is brought on by a severe event that is similar to a nervous breakdown. This severe event changes pathways to the brain, and one has a problem processing their own voice. It is definitely not psychological but it is physical and neurological problem.
Speech therapy is totally useless and I have never ever seen anyone helped by it. In fact it makes the problem worse. Much worse. This is from someone who had speech therapy from early childhood to early adulthood.
Psychological counseling might help if the counselor realizes we are dealing with a disability. Psychological counseling will not cure the physical disability but might help someone live with the disability of stuttering.
The only thing that will help is a speech prosthesis. If someone has bad eyesight, they wear a seeing prosthesis (eye glasses). If someone does not hear they wear a hearing prosthesis (hearing aid). Similarly if someone does not speak fluently because of stuttering, they have a speech prosthesis for that.
I wear a speech prosthesis known as the Edinburgh Masker. I have been using it for many years. It totally changed my life. Totally. Before the Masker I could not speak, had no friends,and had many problems.
After the Masker my life totally changed. I still stutter but to a much much lesser degree. I am an attorney and soon became a prosecutor. Then I went into private practice. Later I became a professor.
There are other stuttering prosthesis' out there and they can be found with a Google search. If you are discouraged by your stuttering, don't give up. If speech therapy has failed you, dont give up. If you have stuttered all of your life, dont give up. There is hope for a new brighter day.
(14) Anonymous, March 9, 2015 9:59 AM
I too have a son
I too have a son who stutters, but is blessedly willing to speak. I read your article with great empathy. I am very grateful that my son was never teased or bullied by his friends and we found a wonderful speech therapist. Yet this is an area which most people take for granted which to him represents a constant struggle. As a mother, I watch his daily struggle with mixed emotions : pride in his efforts, worry for his future, and a hint of sadness for his trials. I pray for him daily. I too, have arrived at acceptance. I know he may never be totally fluent (though he can, with vigilant concentration.) I also know that it is ok if he is not. He is speaking in school, with his friends, and with strangers alike. It is not always a walk in the park. But it is possible to lead a full, rich, complete life. We can go on.
(13) Yoni, March 9, 2015 4:29 AM
Wow, Mo!! Amazing to see this. I remember you from my days our days in Derech together...
Keep up these incredible videos... What in inspiration..
(12) Dovid Baron, March 8, 2015 2:07 PM
How I Licked Stuttering
I also was a stuttering kid and teenager. Science and math whiz but little else. Then, in English class, I discover Willy Loman (Arthur Miller's "Death of a Salesman") I played Willy in our class's reading of this Pulitzer-winning play. I began a hobby of theatre, acting, and the stutter was gone. Where speech therapist languished, Arthur Miller won out (and so did I)!
BTW, major publishers advance-fund and develop their prospective works. However, the Kickstarter/Indiegogo model is the real future of democratic, people-oriented arts, etc.
(11) earl cherry, March 7, 2015 7:21 PM
Stuttering is not a crime!
I too had a problem with my speach from the age of 5-6. I went through all of the different types of programs to help me. Only Hypnosis at the age of 24, helped me to gain "control", over a life of shame,& heart ache.
(10) Em, March 7, 2015 10:40 AM
There is now speech therapy for young children that cures the stuttering although it doesnt work for everyone
(9) Jonathan, March 6, 2015 8:26 PM
I have stuttered my whole life.
From the time that I began to talk I stuttered.
I went to numerous speech therapists but that did not help.
As I grew up and became more confident in my life and myself my speech got better - and this CONFIDENCE in myself was the key to improving my speech - to such an extent that I worked in commerce and industry and taught (high school) and lectured (1st. & 2nd. year 'varsity students).
I am totally convinced that with sheer guts (and much suffering) I managed to overcome my stuttering by 95%. How? By consistently challenging myself that I would speak virtually normally. I am not "cured." I still stutter on occasions but have managed to "hide" it by mentally changing words when necessary - some words that I know may give me "trouble." I have read virtually every book on stuttering that I could get my hands on - and people recommend as many "cures." There is NO CURE for stuttering!! However, one can improve one's speecch to the point where nobody would knows that you stutter. I don't know how to advise other stutterers except to say that IT IS UP TO YOU to speak well. Sure, it's hard, sure it's embarrasing at times - but you can speak well. You must have the will to speak well and you must NEVER avoid words that you feel may give you trouble - just forget that thought and go for it. I am not saying that speech therapy will not help you - it may - but it does not help all stutterers. YOU can help yourself!!!! Set your mind to it and get out there and TALK - the more the better - and the harder the situation the better - because by doing this you will prove to yourself (and that's all that matters) that you can and will be able to speak. YOU CAN DO IT!!!! - and never forget this. Remind yourself time and again that you can speak well - do it every day - as many times as you can - and you will speak well. If I can, you can!!!! - it is hard, tough, soul-destroying - but never give up until you are happy by the way you speak.
(8) Sheila, March 6, 2015 4:08 PM
A family pattern
Our second son had a stutter...his Sunday School teacher was also a speech therapist . She talked to us one day saying that she observed our family interactions fir a while. The pattern she saw was that we were always in a hurry and often interrupted our young son finishing his sentences@for him. . And if we didn't ...his older brother did. She suggested that we slow down and listen to our son. Also we should kneel down to look him in the eyes and smile while he was talking...this assured him we were listening and approved of him. It took the pressure off him. It took only a few months before he stopped stuttering . We are so grateful to his teacher for bringing this to our attention and helping us understand our family pattern and its effect on our son.
(7) Noel Boyland, March 6, 2015 3:46 PM
Wonderful to See....and I'm Not Surprised
So many folks with stutters have become extremely successful and, like the author, some have suggested because of (not "in spite of") their stutter. Read Adam Grant's "Give and Take" and learn how others are much more willing to open up and truly listen to a stutterer -- admiring their courage and discipline. Just the opposite of a slick "fast talker"! Adam Grant gives the great example of a lawyer in court, defending a client. And no, it's not My Cousin Vinny!
Also, check out National Stuttering Association. Super organization that provides incredible support to those who stutter. A very worthy organization -- http://www.westutter.org
(6) Sarah, March 6, 2015 3:03 PM
Nice advice to parents, here is some for the general public
As a person who stutters, I have heard some of the most ridiculous comments come from well meaning, considerate and educated people when they met me and I stuttered. "You forgot your name?" tops the list hands down. Looks of surprise when I informed them I was in graduate school (that was 10 years ago now...) - as if stutters couldn't be smart or educated. People trying to fill in my sentences for me - and never getting anywhere close to guessing what I was really trying to say! Please, just be patient. Try not to wince, it is so discouraging to the speaker who stutters who is already having difficulty speaking. "Is it just all in your head?" Well, that question is debated. But lets just say, no, it is in all of me - and besides, heads are pretty important too. Stuttering is real. No one is making it up. "Just relax" - we are trying to, but please don't say that, just wait patiently and project acceptance of us and interest in what we have to say. Looking forward to the book... Good Shabbos!
Anonymous, March 8, 2015 8:50 PM
Sarah, Thanks for your feedback. I completely relate to your frustration, as I too continue to have those experiences. As such, my book is intended to educate the general public on how to best communicate with someone while they stutter, using some of the relevant examples that you mentioned.
(5) Shlomo, March 6, 2015 10:57 AM
Singing can help
I dont pretend to be an "expert" - but I have heard that many stutterers - can be helped through learning how to sing - they can often sing without stuttering (its not quite the same brain process as speaking). So if you can encourage them to sing - even if only alone at home - it may be helpful. Then you start to sing your phrases to people (it sounds a bit funny but will allow a more fluid communication) ; and from there - with therapeutic help move on to "normal" speaking.
(4) EL, March 6, 2015 7:41 AM
Moshe Rebeinu
None less than Moshe Rebeinu was a stutterer; When G-d sent him to take the Jewish people out of Egypt, Moshe said, "but I am of heavy speech." According to Midrash, when he was a baby, Pharaoh's advisors warned Pharaoh about him, predicting he would bring the end to Egypt. They suggested a test--to give baby Moshe the choice of grabbing sparkly jewels or hot glowing coals. If he took the former, it would show he was destined to take over the royalty. Moshe, indeed, reached for the jewels; an angel re-directed his hand to the coals, which Moshe grabbed and put in his mouth--this giving him a speech impediment for the rest of his life.
When Moshe resisted G-d's calling to him, G-d responded, "Who is it that gives speech..."
Very inspiring story. I would say, even without a speech impediment, there are so many people who are so afraid to speak--whether before an audience, or even just in a one-to-one conversation. Moshe is indeed an inspiration.
Anonymous, March 8, 2015 8:45 PM
"Moshe"
Thank you for your kind comments. Indeed, the name correlation between Moshe Rabbeinu and me is rather interesting...
(3) Chava Willig Levy, March 4, 2015 7:54 PM
"Isn't what a man says more important than how long he takes to say it?"
Thank you for your thought-provoking essay. It reminded me of Derek Jacobi's riveting performance in "I, Claudius," and in particular the moment when he says to the Roman senators who doubt a stutterer could be an effective emperor, "It is true. I do have an im , im pediment. But, isn't what a man says more important than how long he takes t-, t-, to say it?"
Moshe, March 8, 2015 8:43 PM
You're right
Beautiful, wise words. Thanks for sharing. And I'll use this opportunity to thank you as well for your thought-provoking and inspiring articles. Keep on writing!
Chava Willig Levy, March 12, 2015 9:41 PM
Thanks for your kind words!
(2) scott, March 3, 2015 9:16 AM
My Buddy Bill
People dont seem to understand how devastating a stutter can be.
I had a friend in grad school named Bill. Smart guy. Good looking. Physically fit. He even boxed at Notre Dame-he was not passive nor a wimp. He was funny and loyal and an all around good guy. Had himself a CPA license and was a good accountant.
But his stutter irritated people. To the point where he couldn't get a good job-top firms wouldn't touch him. He couldn't get a date-women interpreted the stutter as weakness and didn't bother. When he lucked into a job or a girl it was short lived as sooner or later people making fun of his stutter would find a way to ostracize him and drive him away.
After a while he stopped trusting in life. He expected to be fired or dumped. He wasn't stupid...he was just looking at experience.
He'd call me-we ended up in different cities-and I'd tell him things would get better. One day I couldn't take his call. He had just been fired again by mean girls at the office who couldn't stand listening to him.
When I called back he wasn't around.
A week later I got a call from his wife (how he got a wife is an embarrassing story) who told me that she had returned from a visit to California to find bill dead in his bathroom. A gun in his hand. A bullet in his head. Five in the wall. The man waited for her to leave and then was so determined to kill himself that he did it even when it took six shots. Think about that. He was done with life. Because of a stutter.
Stuttering is no joke. Making fun of a stutter is no joke. Stuttering can be a fatal disorder.
I'm so happy for Moshe he has a community that supports him. I wish people had been there for Bill. People should talk about the Bills too.
Sharona, March 8, 2015 8:00 AM
You're right - people should talk about the Bills too.
(1) debbie berman, March 1, 2015 11:24 AM
beautiful words about a very special person. he continues to inspire those who are blessed to be around him.