At around 10 pm we got the phone call that every parent dreads. I knew it was bad when I saw my wife's knees buckle and her hand grasped the wall for support. She handed me the phone.
"We think your son may have been involved in a traffic accident. We can't release any details until you identify him as your son. You should both come to the hospital immediately where a social worker will meet you. The situation is very serious."
As we made that incredibly long journey to the hospital, my wife and I held hands and cried. I warned her to prepare for the worse. I was quite convinced that our 21 year old son, Yaakov, was dead.
I can't imagine any other scenario where hearing that my child is undergoing emergency brain surgery would be a relief, but in this case it was. We were devastated, but there was hope.
For two more hours they refused to tell us anything until our son emerged from the first of his two skull surgeries of that endless night. They finally told us that Yaakov had been hit by a car on a major road while roller blading. He sustained a severe head injury as well as broken bones. They were working to relieve the pressure from bleeding and swelling in his brain.
Yaakov was just completing his army service. He had served as a combat soldier in the Nachal Charedi, an Orthodox unit in the IDF. When home, he loves going on long bike and roller blade rides around Jerusalem, discovering every nook and cranny of the beautiful city. He is a master roller blader and an avid athlete.
Related Article: Raising Yehuda
We asked the usual questions: "How bad is it? Will he live? If he lives, will there be permanent damage? Will he ever walk or talk again? Will he have the same personality?"
The answer to all these questions was the same: We don't know. And we won't know for a long time.
We felt like the car had ploughed into us.
The one thing they did know was that the first three days were critical for his survival. In those first 72 hours the brain continues to swell in reaction to the trauma, putting additional pressure on the brain which can lead to irreversible injury.
We still don't know what Yaakov's outcome will be.
Since then, my wife has hardly left his side. He lies in ICU in an induced coma to keep his brain pressure down, with a hundred pipes leading in and out of almost every part of his body.
We thank God that he has now passed the critical danger point and the pressure has begun to slowly go down. But our eyes still run a constant circular track, darting from the book of Psalms or Torah that we read to him, to his angelic quiet face (now growing a young man's fuzzy beard), to the menacing monitors constantly changing their frightening numbers.
We still don't know what Yaakov's outcome will be. We've learned that the brain is very unknown and the experts have no way to assess damage or repair. The body (read: God) does the work. Doctors merely create the environment to allow the body to repair itself. Until the body starts to do something like talking, no one can guess if it will. All they can tell us with any surety is that it will take a long period of patience and therapy.
I have never known such pain in my life. I didn't know this caliber of pain even existed. I've read about it, but it was tucked away in the realm of imagination, where it belonged. It had no part of my secure world.
Shock is a big part of it. Overnight I went from a "normal" family man with a busy professional life to a "father of a boy fighting for his life in ICU with possible permanent brain damage." We went far too quickly from being parents terrified by a child's high fever, to parents dancing for joy when our son moves his hand three inches, which thank God happened yesterday for the first time.
It takes time.
The anguish, fear, terror, sadness, guilt, anger rolled over me in colossal, confusing waves. Numbness would periodically make a merciful visit, an automated defensive response to prevent the approaching, seemingly inevitable shattering of my fragile being. I was defenseless against the onslaught. The mind struggled to sort out the feelings and make sense of the raging offensive unfolding inside me but it was in vain, like a traffic cop holding up his pathetic little hand as a 10-ton truck smashes into him.
Coming Together
The biggest surprise to us has been both the unimaginable outpouring of love and support --and just how much a difference it makes. Around the world people are praying and doing mitzvot and good deeds, beseeching God that Yaakov ben Esther should have a full and fast recovery. Thousands of emails, millions of prayers, groups getting together to complete the Book of Psalms, Torah classes, publications have been dedicated for his merit. It was as if a massive machine came together within hours, mobilizing thousands of disparate parts into an integrated international effort to storm the heavens for Yaakov's recovery, and to strengthen us in our desperation.
The biggest surprise to us has been both the unimaginable outpouring of love and support --and just how much a difference it makes.
People in Miami, New York, Costa Rica, Switzerland, and Mexico, Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, Australia and Toronto. A busload of widows prayed for him at the graves of the righteous in Israel. People I lost track of literally 20 years ago reconnected to express their solidarity. Religious and secular have joined together in a united prayer, tangibly (for me) climbing to the heavens. Friends kicked in to take over our busy household: transportation to schools, babysitting, food, shopping, laundry, cleaning, even stuff I never get around to doing. It has been an incredible whirlwind.
With everyone coming together to help, we’ve seen that the Jewish people truly are one unit. That was the prerequisite for receiving the Torah at Mount Sinai. Because unity is what allows miracles to happen.
During the first terrifying night, at 3:00 in the morning a friend showed up, somehow finding us in the bowels of the hospital near the surgical suites. His family had survived a major car accident which included many brain traumas and he came to reassure us that there was hope.
Don’t Blame, Don’t Complain
So what can you do to help?
It is a great merit for a sick person when others are inspired by him to improve their own lives.
Two of Yaakov's excellent character traits are worthy of all of us to emulate, and by doing so, he will God willing benefit as well.
First, no matter what happens to him in life, he never complains. For someone his age, he's had a relatively tough life. We never heard him grumble or whine; he stoically accepts his challenges and moves forward. His army buddies said that even during the most difficult tasks (like 60 km mountain marches wearing massive backpacks and heavy rifles), when everyone else was maxing out on kvetching, he would never join the party.
After receiving the Torah at Sinai, the Jewish people (unfortunately) do a fair bit of moaning as they wander through the desert. At first glance they look like real crybabies. But when you think about it, they were traveling in a hot, dry desert, faced with major problems like no water and no food! What do we expect them to do if not complain?
Rabbi Noah Weinberg, my rabbi, answered that they should have asked, "God, why aren’t you giving us water? We know You love us and we know You can give it to us easily, so what do You want us to learn or change? Please help us understand Your message." That's legitimate; complaining is not. We complain when we choose the comfort of suffering our lot rather than embracing the effort to try improve it.
We are asking everyone to try raise your sensitivities in these two areas: Don’t' blame and don't complain.
And Yaakov never blames. Believe me, he's had good cause. Blaming is a handy mechanism to remove any personal responsibility for one's fate. When we avoid blaming, we have to face our challenges head on, something human nature desires to avoid at all costs.
In Yaakov's merit, we are asking everyone to try raise your sensitivities in these two areas: DON'T BLAME AND DON'T COMPLAIN.
It’s also a practical way to prepare for Shavuot and reaccept the Torah. Blaming and complaining create negativity and drive people apart. Making the conscious effort during your day to eradicate them is a practical way to build unity in your home and workplace. We suggest you print signs for your home and office -- DON'T BLAME AND DON'T COMPLAIN – to serve as reminders to bite your tongue and start seeing things in a more constructive manner. It will certainly make your life better and hopefully Yaakov's as well, and for that we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Please pray for Yaakov ben Esther. For the latest updates on how he’s doing and to share your experiences in not blaming or complaining, visit www.yaakovbenesther.com
(82) Phyllis Cowen, September 11, 2011 3:58 PM
Our prayers for a complete recovery
We experienced this challenge last year with our daughter and can feel your pain, emotions and hope. I want you and your family to know, our entire family, and friends will be praying for Yaakov and a complete recovery. Our best from Phyllis & Arnold.
(81) Sharyn Fuchs, July 15, 2011 12:37 AM
Got a similar call
In May 2007 Sharyn and Art Fuchs went on Honest Reporting trip to Israel with Rabbi Shore. When our daughter Ilana was around 18ish we got a similar phone call. Just after a snowstorm she was driving to visit a friend when her car skidded on a patch of ice, went sailing across 3 lanes and crashed under a tractor trailer truck. Car was totalled. Had to dig Ilana out and medivac her to hospital. Hashem must have been watching. All she had were a bunch of bruises. You will be happy to know that Ilana and Daniel Ratner plus 4 children are totally committed to AISH in Rockville with Lori and Yaacov Palatnik. We pray for Yaakov's complete recovery.
(80) Alan Carpien, July 10, 2011 5:45 PM
Dear Esther and Ephraim -- We are praying for Ya'acov's complete recovery. The fact that I just noticed the stories about Ya'acov's accident shows that I do not put enough effort into keeping up with the very important work of Aish HaTorah and, especially, Honest Reporting, even after attending the mission several years ago. You and all of your colleagues at Aish and Honest Reporting are in our hearts and our prayers.
(79) Lisa Berger, July 8, 2011 2:28 AM
yaakov
Dear Esther and Ephraim, While I was in Potomac for a chassinah, I found out about Yaakov. I was shocked. I remember Yaakov as a little boy in Bobov Cheder, We are davening for his refuah shelayma. Love, Lisa and Mike Berger
(78) anon, July 3, 2011 3:48 PM
update ?
a complete refuah for yaakov ben esther. can someone update us-readers as to how he's doing ?
Judith, July 7, 2011 1:20 PM
Same thing
I'd like to hear about his health. Best wishes
(77) The English Mishmeres of Bayit Vegan, June 13, 2011 7:49 AM
Don't blame, don't complain and don't speak loshon hora (evil talk)
We put your precious son's name on our shmiras haloshon-list for a refu'ah shleima umeheira, b'toch sh'ar cholei yisroel. Wishing you all the siyata dishmaya and strength needed and please G-d, we should hear your good tidings very soon.
(76) Anonymous, June 12, 2011 9:19 AM
Redemption
May you..., your entire family and your much loved son be granted and blessed with a full recovery..by The Almighty, Ha Shem!!
(75) Gary, June 11, 2011 10:10 PM
In my prayers
Your son and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
(74) Steve Jaffe, June 10, 2011 9:00 PM
Refuah Shleimah
Dear Rabbi Shore: I don't know if I've actually seen you since we were at Aish together WAY back. I was really shocked and saddened to read your article. May H' give your son Yaakov a refuah shleimah, and you, your wife, and your entire family the stamina to bear the weight in the mean time. Steve Jaffe
(73) MIchael, June 10, 2011 8:48 PM
Our thoughts and prayers are with you
Aish South Florida has you and Yaakov in mind. This week's Drasha will be said in the merit of a Refuah Shleima. We love you.
(72) Melissa Berg, June 10, 2011 11:23 AM
I will say Tehillim for him. May Yaacov ben Esther be granted a refuach Shelema!!!!
(71) David Handler, June 10, 2011 8:02 AM
May Hashem grant your son a full recovery and a long life
I added your son's name to my list of people for whom I pray during the amidah. I am fortunate to know of a similar situation of a severe head injury. I can tell you that it is a pleasure to see how David Feiglin is progressing. Although it takes a miracle, Israel is the land of miracles and your son sounds worthy of one. We are all with you. Be strong and brave. Refuah shelaima.
(70) Lisa, June 10, 2011 4:27 AM
Lets pray to our "Father" in heaven for a quick recovery!
Rabbi & Mrs. Shore......so many of us are davening for your precious son's recovery......we should all really live as tho each day is a gift...because it is!!! Refuah Shlayma!!
(69) Carlos Vega, June 9, 2011 8:43 PM
It is HES light at the end of the tunnel, always
I have been there also, my son was in coma for three months after his car accident and I will always remember that hot day of July, when all I want to do was rest for a long day at work...then the phone call... i leave in Dallas, he was in Mexico for vacations and traveling to Acapulco for hes 18 birthday surprise party. When fun times became a tragedy, my exwife was driving a minivan with mu son on the passenger front seat and his friend behind him and his friend girfriend on the other seat, and my daugther on the last seat. what a blessing for Jorge to be in coma after the accident, My dougther pass away and his friend to...my exwife and friend girfriend has some bruces and manor stuff comper to the others...but Jorge and US when for a period of time when we didn't know how its going to be the next hour or when he has to go thrue more surgeries how it's going to be the results...But with Hashem help and a lot of faith, no questioning just ttrusting HIM and HIS deliverance and mercy, today after almost six years latter Jorge is a handsom man full of life....One day after about two years from the accident, I ask Jorge if he cut remember anything from those days that he was in coma...and his replied was yes...I do remember your voice Dad in my ear praying for me... Hang on tied my friend, there its always HOPE IN HASHEM and HIS misterious ways...and how HE want our attention. May THE LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU all
(68) Moshe & Miriam Shorrick, June 9, 2011 7:35 PM
Refuah shleimah to Yaakov ben Esther
May Hashem grant a refuah shleimah to your precious son and strength to you, your wife and family.
(67) Brian Strelitz, June 9, 2011 7:28 PM
Ephraim and Esther I was in shock to read of the accident. Not having talked with you guys for all of these years - meaningless now, as it seems like yesterday. My prayers, thoughts, and best wishes go out for you. Brian Strelitz
(66) Vivienne Tankus, June 9, 2011 11:33 AM
wishing you koach
You don't know us. I was very moved by your article and am taking the liberty of writingto you.May Hakadosh Baruch Hu grant you strength and patience in this challenging time. May He grant a speedy and complete refuah shleymah to Yaakov. He sounds like a wonderful person. He surely inherited his good midot from you, his parents. Thinking of you and wishing you well, Vivienne & Gidon Tankus in Zichron Yaakov.
(65) Shari Wright Pilo, June 9, 2011 6:26 AM
Refuah Shlemah
Ephraim, Esther and the family - our prayers are with you and Yaakov Ben Esther. Refuah Shlemah.
(64) Sarah Hershenson, June 9, 2011 5:47 AM
Rafuah Shalemah to Yaakov ben Ester
I am praying for Yaakov's full and speedy recovery. I was 16 when I was in a car accident and suffered injuries such as your son. For six weeks I was in a coma, and my parents sat next to me and said Tehillim. I can imagine what you are going through. Today, I am sixty plus, I yhank God, and I pray that your son has a full and complete recovery. Shabbat Shalom, Sarah Hershenson
(63) rosemary, June 8, 2011 7:46 PM
may HASHEM grant YAAKOV BEN ESTHER a refuah shleimah
(62) annie smith, June 8, 2011 4:58 PM
yaakov
I pray for this lovely lad that everything will turn out alright.I also pray for his family that the Lord will strenghten them at this time.!!
(61) Anonymous, June 8, 2011 9:22 AM
What a beautiful post written from such tragic circumstances. You have really touched my heart. I send my love and prayers to you all. May God bless you.
(60) Josh Dill, June 7, 2011 7:20 PM
Rabbi Shore, May this Shavuos be a time of healing for Yaakov ben Esther. We are looking forward to hearing of his refuah sheleima and are praying with you for his full recovery! The Dills
(59) Udi Yehuda Zorani, June 7, 2011 3:03 PM
Yaakov and Israel
Esther and Ephraim Shore, when pure spirits like yours are pressed, it is to brighten them. It might be a cliché, but it is true that the darkest matter -- coal -- needs only pressure to turn into the brightest and toughest matter -- diamond. Please believe me that Yaakov is simply being like his ancestor, wrestling with angels. I suggest you call him Israel from now, for the exact same reason that our Biblical Yaakov became Israel. And like Yaakov, he is dreaming now, and is closer to Hashem than any of us will ever be. But you must feel the same as I do, that he will awake stronger in both body and spirit. Clear and strong like a diamond.
(58) Aish Mexico, June 7, 2011 2:50 AM
Refuah Shleima
Please recieve our love from Mexico, all the board of Aish Mexico is praying for a refuah shleima of Yaacob ben Esther and we have our hearts wide open to share and support you and your beloved wife in the way we can during these important moments.
(57) Menashe Kaltmann, June 6, 2011 11:35 PM
Refuah Shleima from Australia!
I am davening here in Melbourne Australia for a refuah shleima!
(56) caroline, June 6, 2011 10:14 PM
Quick recovery to Yakkov
Thanks so much for posting the article.it is an inspiration to me and many others.Being a mother you have taught me alot and may God bless you.its true whenever things dont turn up the way we want.we trnd to complain and even blame other than accept it has happened.The bible says rejoice in the lord always and again i say rejoice.let us praise God when things are good and even when things are not working on our side.May God remember Yakkov Ben Esther and know that weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.Let him know that his joy is coming in the morning.may yeshua bless you and give you the desires of your hearts.shalom
(55) Tammy Berman, June 6, 2011 6:03 PM
Aish Womens Mission 1999
That's when I met Esther. I called her Ima as she took care of a bus load of women whose every need was met. I can't tell you that I know what you are going through but I am in pain as well just knowing the pain you're in . Please, Hashem will give Yaakov a speedy and complete recovery. Thinking of you and sending love and prayers. Tammy
(54) Yosef ben Mendel ha Levi, June 6, 2011 5:45 PM
Refuah Shleimah
Rabbi and Rebbetzin Shore - Our deepest, heartfelt praryers go out to your son, Yaakov and your entire family. May Hashem grant him a speedy recovery and to you and your family, comfort and solace during this extremely difficult time.
(53) Rachel, June 6, 2011 5:21 PM
Brain injury survivor here
In my case, it was a hemorrhagic stroke -- no trauma, but a lot of the same brain issues nonetheless. So here's what I can tell you as some who's been there: 1. I had near-death experiences. These were very preciious. I am glad to be alive but I no longer fear going on. 2. Coma patients are aware of some things going on around them. Speak positively always. Reassure him that you are there, that you love him. If he has reason to be concerned about others (e.g. a sick family member, a friend also injured in the crash) and you can reassure him abou them, tell him how they are doing. If you cannot, don't talk about them unless he asks. 4. There is documentation that the ICU experience is traumatic. I remember vaguely being tied to a bed, having multiple different people around me, some of whom hurt me, being refused food, water. Of course I understand all this now (blood tests, IV nutrition and medication, keeping me from pulling machinery off myself, all by dedicated professionals.) but I can still touch that terror if I think about it. Have a family member there as much as possible (24 hours a day if people can take shifts) and keep reassuring him that he was in an accident, now he's safe in hospital. 3. Brain injury patients can continue to improve for months and years. I'm living proof. I will daven for Yaakov ben Esther. It is in the merit of all those who prayed for me that I am here to tell you my story.
(52) Miriam, June 6, 2011 4:51 PM
i put the sign on my fridge with your son's name
Refuah Shelaima
(51) Mordy M, June 6, 2011 4:23 PM
Refuah Shelema
Great article and very inspiring and truthful message! May we all merit to accept whatever happens to us lovingly and take responsibility for our actions. Blaming and complaining go hand in hand - when things don't go our way we often blame every person place or thing we can think of - EXCEPT OURSELVES. By doing this we victimize ourselves as helpless individuals who have no chance in fixing the situation. When we categorize ourselves as victims we are essentially minimizing our Emunah in Hashem by saying everything is product of fate - and I am simply a victim of an endless chain of external factors. When we live Total Faith in Hashem we realize that EVERYTHING that happens is for our benefit. Hashem sends us messages every second of everyday - these messages are meant to help us achieve our goals and become the very best version of ourselves. THANK YOU for reminding of this inspiring message. May Yakkov Ben Esther have a Complete and Speedy recovery!
(50) Anonymous, June 6, 2011 4:09 PM
Refua shelema
He is now in my and my family's prayer... May Hashem give you the strength to be able to take care of him, and May Hashem in his great mercy bring a refua shelema refuat hanefes urfuat haguf to Yaacov ben Esther. I'm looking forward to a day( very soon) to seeing an article by you or by him himself, about his miraculous recovery and him walking down the asile to his chupa. amen.
(49) Debbie and Nei Schwartz, June 6, 2011 3:38 PM
Our heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. With prayers for Yaakov's recovery, we will pass along this article, spreading the message of "don't blame or complain."
(48) Wolfgang, June 6, 2011 3:34 PM
Bets wishes from a mexican Catholic
Incredible story, very well written and with an amazing lesson. May Yaakov be G-d's messenger to teach us all through him and you a valuable lesson. I pray for him to recover fully and be testimony of G-d. I also pray for your inner strength, comfort and peace.
(47) Leah, June 6, 2011 3:18 PM
Greetings and Refuah shlemah from Washington DC
May Yaakov ben Esther experience a complete and speedy recovery. May God bless you all.
(46) John T. Reynolds, June 6, 2011 2:36 PM
I am a Christian and you are a Jew, our beliefs and theology may differ, but one thing I do know is that we serve a great G-d. I pray that your son will fully recover and, in the words of Psalm 20; "Then you will shout for joy at your victory and fly our flags in the name of our G-d. May God fulfill all your requests" Shalom.
(45) JACKIE, June 6, 2011 1:35 PM
FROM THE MIRACLE TO RECEIVE THE TORAH GOD PLEASE GIVE THE REFOUAH CHLEMA TO YAACOV AMEN
DEAR ESHTER AND FAMILY I HOPE HASHEM ANSWERS ALL THE PRAYERS FROM THE MANY PEOPLE PRAYING FOR YOUR SON INCLUDING MY OWN BH I WISH QUICKLY RECOVERY AND SOON YOU GIVE AS A GOOD NEWS AMEN HAG SAMEACH TO YOU AND AM ISRAEL. SORRY I JEWISH FRENCH IT IS HARD TO WRIGTH IN ENGLISH . KADOCH BAROUHOU VOUS PROTEGE AMEN THANK TO AISH COM. AND ALL THE RABANIMS
(44) Judith, June 6, 2011 12:31 PM
רפואה שלמה ליעקב בן אסתר
I add my name to all the wishes for a refuah shleimah to your brave son. Please G-d, speedy and complete recovery !!!!
(43) Anonymous, June 6, 2011 12:13 PM
Dear Shore Family, I am so sorry to hear about your son's terrible accident. Hashem performs miracles daily, I pray he performs a miracle for you, that your son has a FULL recovery, although it may be a rough road for awhile. Yaccov's body is young, healthy and strong, these are positives under the circumstances. Prayers from Miami.
(42) Andy, June 6, 2011 11:14 AM
My prayer for the recovery of Yaacov Ben Esther
May G-d grant your son Yaacov Ben Esther a Rafuah Shlaimah.May the positive changes made in the body of Klal Yisroel and among all others who have taken on the mission not to blame or complain over personal challenges be a positive force in his recovery.
(41) Esther Sarah Evans, June 6, 2011 4:47 AM
ב"ה b"H inyan: Refuah shlemah to Yaakov and Chag sameach to you all
b"H Shalom, Ephraim, Refuah shlemah to your Yaakov ben Esther, and may you and Esther and your whole Mishpachah be blessed with a Ness this Shavuos, for you (and your son through your recommendation) have already given us a big hunk of the Matan Torah. Kol tov. Chag Sameach. SheHaShem yishmor etkhem koolam beOfen miyuchad ubeAhavah gedolah. Be well, and take care. Esther Sarah and Halakha(my kitty)
(40) Trudy, June 6, 2011 4:04 AM
G-d bless him
I have 3 children and 7 grandchildren and I can't possibly imagine your pain. G-d bless you all. Have courage, faith and never , never give up hope. Our friends son fell out of a window while wrestling with his roommate in college. He was in a coma for 5 months, the doctors gave up but his Mom and Dad didn't. He is 44 today ,married with 2 children. As long as there is a possibility, believe in it.
(39) Pam leikin, June 6, 2011 3:31 AM
JWRP
Esther my prayers and thoughts are with you and will continue to be . I had the wonderful pleasure to meet you last summer on the womens mission. Know that your Cleveland sisters have you and your family in our hearts and minds. I have known of more than two miracles that had come from brain truma so please keep your faith. Fondly, Pam
(38) Anonymous, June 5, 2011 11:21 PM
Best wishes and prayers for a speedy recovery
I hope that Hashem answers your prayers and those of the many people praying for your son, including my own. Hashem has a plan for everything and everyone and loves every single Jew. I sincerely wish your son a speedy recovery and only the best for your family.
(37) Ronnee and Lloyd Alter, June 5, 2011 11:12 PM
our prayers are with you and the family at this difficult time
(36) Barry, June 5, 2011 10:48 PM
Everything is going to be fine - I'm going to pray for your family
My cousin also called Jacob was hit by a car doing 30 mph, and he had the exact same things. He made a full recovery, All these years later he is absolutley fine. I'm very pleased to hear that the swelling is going down. The first 48 hours is critical with this, once they've stabilised it they can concentrate on restoring function. We can thank G-d that we have the finest doctors in the world in Israel. You're in excellent hands. I'm going to pray for you and your family. G-d Bless you Rabbi Shore.
(35) Darlene Faulkner, June 5, 2011 10:16 PM
God Bless You and Your child
my daughter at 17 suffered a sever brain injury and at 28 she is still improving , so never never give up hope , its God will and in HIs time not ours , i 'll continue to pray for your son as well as my daughter , they told us to donate her organs and make funeral arrangements she would never survive and if she did she would be a complete vegetable . well 11 yrs later she is far from being a vegetable she works with me every day she answeres my phone at work and takes care of clients. so never give up hope . she wouldnt be here if i listened to the doctors . But i listend to god ,
(34) dale briggs, June 5, 2011 9:23 PM
gods blessings
i know what you are going threw but now God is in charge and he will see you threw this our prayers are with you and your family my god healed my broken heart many years ago and picked me up now i have a second chance of love
(33) pearl, June 5, 2011 8:39 PM
my son too has a brain injury
Of course I will pray for you and your son. Remember you have to keep your own strength up for a long time. It is 25 years, and I am so glad to have my son as part of my life, not the son that I had at his age of 16, but still a wonderful, kind thoughtful, young man. My heart goes out to you all.
(32) ruth housman, June 5, 2011 8:22 PM
Your wonderful son
I will keep your son's recovery in my heart and pray for him. Sometimes when we least expect it, something happens that overturns our world. In this case, I pray for a speedy recovery and the continuing blessings of friends and family, new family, too, from around the world.
(31) Anonymous, June 5, 2011 8:17 PM
Thank you
Thank you for this- I will take upon myself, bli neder, to improve in both areas and may it be a merit for Yaakov ben Esther. Our prayers are with you for a refuah sheleima.
(30) sylvia weissmann, June 5, 2011 7:45 PM
MAY YAACOV BEN ESTHER HAVE A COMPLETE REFUAH
I AM IN AMERICA AND HAVE GIVEN YAACOV'S NAME TO EVERYONE I KNOW HERE. MAY YOU AND YOUR FAMILY RECEIVE GOOD NEWS SOON.
(29) Janet Lesser, June 5, 2011 7:13 PM
Refuah Shlema
Ephraim and Esther May your son have a complete and speedy recovery. My heart and thoughts and hopes are with you and your entire extended family during this very difficult time.
(28) Anonymous, June 5, 2011 5:50 PM
Healing
I am praying for your son's healing and for God to touch his body in a miraculous way and for God to bless all of you.
(27) kakrenslater, June 5, 2011 5:37 PM
My heart feels your pain may Gd give you all strength and hope for Yaacov's recovery
Much love and strength to you all
(26) Toby Katz, June 5, 2011 5:13 PM
Refuah Sheleimah to your son
May Hashem send your son a complete and speedy refuah, and help and bless him and your whole family with everything you need until 120 years. Tomorrow B'N I will ask the ladies of my Chumash shiur to daven for Yaakov ben Esther.
(25) Anonymous, June 5, 2011 4:50 PM
MAY HASHEM GIVE HIM REFUAH SHELEMA
(24) Anonymous, June 5, 2011 4:29 PM
With prayers and hope
Rabbi Shore, I am keeping your son in my prayers for a Refuah Shleimah and I will be ever more alert about no complaining and no blaming, and also about notching up my love for our Klal and doing all the things Hashem wants from us. My heart goes out to you and your wife and family. May you feel embraced and supported by the outpouring of love you are receiving and may it give you the energy to endure the waiting as your son, with Hashem's help, heals.
(23) Betty Williams, June 5, 2011 4:21 PM
May God bless you and your son.
We will be praying for Yaakov and your family. We raise Yaakov to God to help him get better soon. May God be there with you to help you and Yaakov fight to come out of this... May God keep you close in his arms at this time and give you the strength to keep fighting and being there for him.
(22) Otis R. Needleman, June 5, 2011 4:19 PM
I can easily relate to what you are going through. My son is 24 and has had his share of injuries from skateboarding, etc. Luckily, so far nothing really major, for which i am grateful. Will keep your son in my prayers.
(21) Cliff Wachtel, June 5, 2011 4:16 PM
no words to offer other than prayers
that's it, I'm on it, Yaakov ben Esther.
(20) Esther, June 5, 2011 3:45 PM
Thank You For Sharing Your Pain and Your Hope
When we heard the news we were devastated for your beloved family and for a boy we saw grow up. Life changes in an instant. What could anyone say to you to help you deal with the pain. So we all just pray and hope that Hashem spares his life and hope that Yaakov will be able to lead a long, happy, and healthy life. You both are and have always been role models for everyone around you. Here you are again in the forefront when your lives should be so private. Thank you for giving us more to do. Don't Blame and Don't Complain - a good mantra. May Hashem bless you and Esther with patience and the emuna to get through this very hard test.
(19) Anonymous, June 5, 2011 3:26 PM
Our community, too, will daven
I met you very, very, very briefly on an elevator at David's Citadel hotel several years ago, and remembered your name and position. Though you are really a stranger to us, our hearts cry for this pain. We, too, are parents of young men and this, of course, would be our worst nightmare also. Ithaca, NY, will also daven for Yaakov ben Esther, may he have a refuah shlaymah, b'm'hayrah.
(18) Miriam Adahan, June 5, 2011 2:59 PM
daavening
I cried when I read your inspiring article. Don't blame, don't complain! Wonderful. Can I add another? Don't shame! Citicism is so deadly! May Hashem bless your son with a complete recovery. I will daaven for him! Please continue to write!
(17) Melanie Vliet, June 5, 2011 2:54 PM
Praying for You
I am a middle-aged law student in California. My heart breaks for you, and I shall pray for Yaakov and for the two of you suffering parents. I have a 23 year old son, so I can imagine to some extent your agony. One of his high school acquaintances was hit by a car in their senior year and spent months in a coma but has survived with a childlike joy and thankfulness to G-d that is beautiful and astounding. He must walk with a leg brace and will probably never be quite the same as before the accident, but I suspect that he may be an even better person than he was. Do not lose hope; G-d's perfect will will be accomplished in Jaakov ben Esther.
(16) Yael Mermelstein, June 5, 2011 2:46 PM
Thinking of Yaakov
We are davening for Yaakov and thinking of him. We did hafrashas challah in his zchus and last night Yehuda and I officially opened two small gemach's as a zchus for Yaakov ben Esther's recovery. Everyone in Beitar is thinking about Yaakov and about your family.
(15) Anonymous, June 5, 2011 2:40 PM
refua shleima...
may yaakov ben esther have a complete refuat hanegesh v'haguf b'toch shar cholei israel.
(14) Divora Stern, June 5, 2011 2:32 PM
take it up a notch- Be grateful & be loving
why not uplift vs merely the negatives = do not blame/complain. Be grateful, be loving & pray, for Yaakov and everyone in pain.
(13) Rebecca, June 5, 2011 2:29 PM
Refuah Shlema for your son Yaakov ben Esther. And, thank you, for the message- you have renewed my intention to NOT BLAME and NOT COMPLAIN. Hashem's hand is in all things.
(12) Ronda Robinson, June 5, 2011 2:24 PM
Praying for you all
Ephraim, Keeping Yaakov and your family in my prayers. He sounds so special. Thank you for the courageous article.
(11) Betty Moses, June 5, 2011 2:17 PM
Only Ha Shem knows why things happen. All we can do is pray for understanding.May Yaakov be under the wings of Ha Shem who will bring him through this rough time and may you all sit together as a family once again with thanks ,love and prayer.
(10) Alan cohen, June 5, 2011 2:13 PM
Yaakov ben Esther has been in our prayers everyday
May the almighty grant him a complete recovery. In his merit we are working on ourselves and we will daily remember: DON'T BLAME AND DON'T COMPLAIN.
(9) Sara Ben-Zakai, June 5, 2011 2:03 PM
Refuah Shlema
I have added your son to my daily "refuah shlema" list and will say tehillim in his merit. May HaShem give you all the strength you need to deal with everything.
(8) Yana Glikin, June 5, 2011 2:00 PM
Refuah Shleimah
Refuah Shleiman to Yaakov ben Esther.
(7) Sarah L, June 5, 2011 1:50 PM
Refua Sheleima. Our hearts are with you all.
Thank you for reaching back out to us, to let us know how you are doing, and let us share in tefillos and teshuva in Yaakov's merit.
(6) Avraham (Toronto), June 5, 2011 1:47 PM
Refuah
My tefillos are with you and your son. May Yaakov ben Esther have a refuah shelaima, and may you find comfort and support from your community and brethren.
(5) Anonymous, June 5, 2011 12:55 PM
Beautiful
Thank you so much for the inspiration! I will join the Tehilim saying ASAP. May you be blessed with Nachat fromm Yaakov and the rest of your children! Amen
(4) Ken Spiro, June 5, 2011 10:40 AM
Refuah Shleimah
May Yaakov ben Esther have a speedy and complete recovery!
(3) Anonymous, June 5, 2011 10:31 AM
May Yaakov ben Esther have a refuah shelama
(2) Al Bruhn, June 5, 2011 9:51 AM
Belief & Hope
Two words - belief & hope - is what it's all about in life. July 15, 2010 is a day to remember for my family & I. I collapsed on a treadmill @ a NY fitness club w/my trainer on another treadmill who caught me to avoid serious head injuries, but my heart stopped and I was technically & medically dead. CPR restarted my heart, but I was kept in a coma for next day while medical personnel at Westchester Medical Center in Vahalla, NY assessed my condition. I was given open heart surgery and triple by-pass and today I am back to normal training and succeeding in life. My mother Irma Kessler & wife Nancy Bruhn stood by during this ordeal and were surprised at the outcome. Heart specialist told me if I had not trained as hard as I did in MMA, I would have died. As a person of jewish background by blood, I'm relieved to know that there's a god who watches over us all the time and provides the lessons we need to learn and find our path in life to the other side.
(1) Beverly Kurtin, June 5, 2011 9:11 AM
You will never walk, talk or work again.
January 1, 1995. Sixty minutes is on a commercial break and suddenly the right side of my face went numb. Almost as suddenly it went back to being normal. A TIA? (sometimes called a mini stroke). A minute later the right side of my face went numb again and stayed numb, Simultaneously, I had the worst headache I'd ever had. Quickly, I dialed 911 and reported that I was having a stroke. The operator asked how I knew I was having a stroke. I tried to answer but all I could do was garble. She told me that a mobile ICU was on its way. I had had a carotid endarterectomy, a surgery in which plaque is scraped out of the carotid artery a few days before. The raced me to the hospital and the nurse on duty refused to believe I had had a stroke, she kept asking over and over again, how much has she had to drink. New Years Day, she assumed I was just drunk. Then I had my first grand mal seizure; I thought I was dying. I tried to think Shema Yisral and then blackness and silence. I thought I had died. I woke up! The pain was incredible, they were using fresh blood and frozen plasma to stop the bleeding inside my skull. An blood vessel had burst. A doctor came into the room and pronounced that I had suffered a massive stroke, the damage was very large and because of that I would never walk, talk or work again. I was a Microsoft engineer at the time and couldn't wait to get back to work. I was not expected to live, so I got no therapy whatsoever. Six months later I returned to work. I had some brain damage and it was troublesome to walk and I had taught myself to talk again. A year later I couldn't speak above a whisper. I had succumbed to a form of Dystonia, One of the medicines I was on had some serious side effects, and I got spasmodic dysphonia. The most important thing is that Hashem has blessed me as he has all the nation of Israel. I will be praying for your son and I am expecting to read of his total recovery. Hashem is good.