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Four Daily Moments to Connect to Your Spouse

Four Daily Moments to Connect to Your Spouse

Do this four times a day and see your marriage improve.


Some of the most effective actions you can take for improving your marriage are rather simple and if you commit to doing them on a regular basis, you will transform the mundane aspects of your relationship into opportunities to connect.

There are four critical moments of transition in the day which can be utilized to build a strong and lasting relationship: when you wake up, when you leave the house for work, when you return home from work, and when you go to bed. While this does not exempt you from connecting throughout the day, by fixing these four set connection times, it’s as if we’re connecting the whole day.

These transition times are crucial. When you wake up in the morning, you set the tone for the rest of the day. By beginning with emotional connection first thing in the morning, you start your day off on the right foot and set yourself up for more positive experiences with your spouse.

Leaving for work is a time when you will be separating from each other for the day. Connecting at that busy moment allows you to take your spouse with you, so to speak. Even if you are separated by distance, you will carry their support and love with you throughout the day.

When you return home from work is an opportunity to transition from a busy day and refocus on what’s most important, your family. Connecting with your spouse at that moment provides a refuge from the stress of the day.

Finally, when you go to sleep at night, you conclude the day on a positive note, setting up the following day for even more connection.

Finding these regular times to connect strengthens a relationship. It builds trust and helps you feel that you can rely on your spouse. What exactly do you do in these four critical moments? Share an affirmation or an appreciation. Look into each other’s eyes for 15 seconds. Give each other a hug. Talk to each other.

Discuss with each other what would make you both feel connected. You may need different things and that’s ok. Alternate or do both. It need not be time-consuming. Even 30 seconds of connection will do wonders for your relationship. It’s amazing how couples can live their lives without finding meaningful connection. When was the last time you looked into your partner’s eyes? Try it and see how it can melt away all of the distractions and take you back to a deep soul connection that you may not have felt for years. We are so distracted in our society with all of our gadgets. We are so busy checking our iPhones, looking at facebook or an email. When do we have time for each other?

Clear out all of the distractions and make the time to connect with your spouse. You’ll be amazed at how the most simple rituals will create the biggest changes in your marriage.

If your marriage requires more immediate assistance, download your two free sample chapters of Rabbi Slatkin’s new book, The Marriage Restoration Project- The Five-Step Action Plan for Saving Your Marriage.

January 4, 2014

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Visitor Comments: 7

(6) Miri, January 7, 2014 6:25 PM

so true

My husband and I were blessed with a special needs child early in our marriage. We were often disheartened at the constant advice to have "date night", or hearing about how a marriage would die if it was "about the kids" too much. We had no possibility of date night, since a private nurse (rather than a babysitter) costs far too much money to make a date worthwhile. Nearly all conversations revolved around our son for years. Nonetheless, we got through those difficult years from the advice in this article. You do not need time or money to strengthen your marriage. You can survive, even thrive for a season without couple time, if you connect like this. You have to remember that your spouse is your best friend. Ten years have passed, and we are one couple of very few who grew stronger, not weaker through those stressful first years with a special needs child. Don't underestimate the power of connection.

(5) Mary, January 7, 2014 12:25 AM


The rabbis ideas are excellent; that with a small time investment one can strenghten one's relationship with one one truly cares about.

Thank you.

(4) MORROW-FARRELL, January 5, 2014 9:48 PM


The eyes have it? Not always. My Hubby and I found this out when he lost his sight 7 years ago. We can no longer see one another the way we used to so we have had to find other ways to "look" at each other. Learning to connect all over again is very important no matter what may have come between you...for better for worse...this is for real.

(3) Leon Zacharowicz, January 5, 2014 7:43 PM

Simple, but sustainable?

The author provides 4 simple ideas, but are they sustainable? So many of us live so very hectic lives. Nevertheless, it's worth a try.

Another: try to have meals together, preferably involving whoever lives at home. There should be no excuse for anyone to slip out of the 10-20 minute dinner-time "get together."

(2) Anonymous, January 5, 2014 7:34 PM

Four Daily moments

It was great to read this type of advice written by a man for a change, because we need both perspectives. My husband and I are not very talkative people, so this approach will help us to connect when it matters most.
It also struck a cord because 2 decades ago I had a conversation with my sister without knowing that I was having the last conversation with her, before her accident. We should not take our time with loved ones for granted no matter how short the conversation is.
Thank you !

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